IV: The Village
General Corzon stood in the doorway a small, poorly furnished house, wondering what to do with the cowering family of voles in front of him. They didn't have anything shiny or interesting that he could take back to King Kirrent, they weren't very shiny or interesting themselves, and they didn't even have anything good to eat. Perhaps he could eat them, they looked slightly tasty.
As if reading the lizard's thoughts, the biggest vole exclaimed, "Please, don't eat us! Let us go! Please!"
Corzon looked at them blankly. Why shouldn't he eat them? They didn't have anything shiny or interesting to give him, and they—
Something caught Corzon's eye. It was a small glimmer on a table in an adjacent room. Completely forgetting the voles, he slowly approached it, his interest undivided. It was a small silver spoon next to a wooden bowl of soup. Corzon knocked the bowl of soup away, and it clattered to the ground with a splash.
Seizing the spoon, Corzon examined it closely. It was both shiny and interesting. What could this odd thing do? It was sort of like a handheld bowl.
"We have more of those!" shouted one of voles, "Much more! You can have them all, if you let us go!"
Corzon contemplated this for all of two seconds. Then he replied, "Where izz it? Tell me, and you go!" Very rapidly, the vole jumped to a cabinet and yanked out a drawer full of shiny silver objects. Many were like the one Corzon had in his hand, but there were others, too, ones with pointy ends and ones with jagged edges.
The lizard general took the drawer out of the vole's hand and spilt its contents all over the floor. He picked them up one by one, examined them, and then dropped them back onto the ground haphazardly. They were all equally shiny and interesting, and he was sure that King Kirrent would be greatly pleased.
Corzon was so engrossed in this examination that he didn't notice the voles swiftly depart. He wouldn't have cared if he did, however. They had given him the shiny and interesting objects.
After he had carefully looked over each object, he tossed them all into a fairly large bag that he held, where they joined the rest of the shiny and interesting objects Corzon had been given- An iron padlock, a couple of coins, and a small wooden statuette that wasn't shiny at all but loads interesting.
Making sure he didn't miss any of the shiny utensils, he marched out of the house, and motioned to two lizards with torches. Grinning maliciously, the two lizards set fire to the home. Within minutes it was engulfed in flame.
Corzon had come to the village like a plague. His forty lizards had all charged down from a hill, waving their claws and growling frantically. The villagers had been so scared that they had surrendered right then and there without a fight. Corzon then put them all back into their houses and had his soldiers guard them, while he got a good rest after all that fighting and thinking he had done.
Then he had gone house by house, scouring them for shiny and interesting objects, and then subsequently burning the house down once he was done. Sometimes, the occupants of the house were all too willing to give him anything shiny and interesting they had, and Corzon repaid them by granting them their freedom. Those that hadn't had anything, or those that had tried to hide their things, he had given them to his soldiers as a meal.
One by one, Corzon went to the houses, and one by one, they burnt to the ground. Now, only one house remained, that of a solitary old otter. Corzon past by the two guards and entered the hut casually, the shiny and interesting things in his bag tinkling as they struck each other.
"Who's there?!" demanded the old otter, who was rocking back and forth in a chair on the far end of the house, "I want to know what's going on! I've been stuck in this house for days now and I don't know why! Who's there? What do you want?"
"Ehh… I izz Corzon, yez. I izz here for zhiny and interezting thingz. Now, give zhiny and interezting thingz," Corzon shouted, looking over the house. There was a cupboard, a table, some chairs, and was that a giant fish?!
The old otter yelled something at him, but he didn't hear. The lizard moved slowly towards what had to be the greatest thing in all of ever, a gigantic fish that was mounted on a wall. It looked alive, but it was dead! And yet it hadn't rotted or anything! Corzon poked the fish, which seemed frozen in time. It sure wasn't shiny, but it was even more interesting than all the things in his bag combined!
"Ah, yeah, I caught that about ten seasons ago!" the old otter recanted proudly, "It was a great day, the sun all shining, and… Hey, whaddya you think you're doin'?"
Corzon had removed the stuffed fish from the wall and was shoving it into his bag, although it didn't quite fit. "Thiz izz mine, yez! Mine!"
"You brute! I'll teach you a lesson!" The old otter leapt from his rocking chair and, with unexpected agility, leapt forward and grabbed the trophy from Corzon's claws. The lizard general looked at the empty spot where the fish had been just a few seconds ago in disbelief. The bag fell to the floor, with a few silver utensils flying out.
Corzon turned to the old otter, furious. "That izz MINE!" he shouted, right in the otter's face. The elder recoiled as he was hit by a blast of putrid breath. Corzon then drew his long, curved sword, lifting it high above his head, ready to bring a swift end to the old otter.
The door to the house burst open, and a lizard named Rankeye came running in. "Corzon! Corzon! Corzon! It izz King Kirrent! He here to zee you!" shouted Rankeye frantically.
Corzon suddenly forgot all about the old otter and the fish. He pushed Rankeye to the side and hurried out, eager to show King Kirrent his bounty of shiny and interesting items. He didn't quite know why the king was there, but he didn't quite care.
King Kirrent and Kalzmar were standing just outside the door. Corzon walked right up to them, and thrust his bag into their faces. "Lookit, King Kirrent! I haz many zhiny and interezting thingz for you, yez!" Corzon exclaimed eagerly, absolutely beaming. King Kirrent, however, did not have such a joyous expression on his face.
Kalzmar grabbed the bag and emptied its contents out on the ground. King Kirrent eyed them briefly, then shouted, "This is it?! Where's the village?! All I see is this one house and a lot of burnt wood!! Did I tell you to burn down the village? Did I?!" King Kirrent picked up the wooden statuette and heaved it as far as he could throw. It ended up landing a patch of mud.
Corzon was crestfallen. "But… but… but… I haz zhiny and interezting thingz for you!!" he threw out in his defense.
Suddenly, it all made sense for King Kirrent. Of course Corzon had only gone for the shiny and interesting things- Corzon had been his head general when it came to ransacking the merchants' things. All he had ever had to do was pick out the choice items and burn the rest. It was no wonder why he had also done the same here.
Nevertheless, King Kirrent was still angry. He had been hoping for a nice, warm bed to spend the night in, after a few seasons of sleeping in a dusty old hammock in his cold tent. Why did Corzon have to be so stupid? Kalzmar and Davian would have known what to do. At least they could handle simple tasks. Corzon, however… King Kirrent was surprised that he hadn't accidentally made an end to himself by eating a bone or something. And he didn't even want to know how it had taken Corzon nearly a whole week just to burn down a small village.
"Gaah… I need to rest," King Kirrent sighed miserably, "Kalzmar, organize the troops. We're gonna try to meet up with Davian now, although I don't know how we're supposed to get to that red fort from here. Corzon… Just don't mess anything up. Make sure I am not disturbed. Oh, and don't do anything ever again unless I specifically tell you to."
As King Kirrent walked by him, Corzon let out a sob. The searat merely shook his head in disgust. He opened the door to the last remaining house of the village, prepared for a well-deserved nap. He didn't expect to get it so soon. The old otter leapt out of his house as soon as the door opened, smacking King Kirrent upside the head with an iron frying pan. The rat fell like a log, unconscious.
Kalzmar and Corzon watched in interest as the old otter made his escape, lugging along a pack filled with all sorts of things, last of which being the stuffed fish. Neither made any effort to stop him. After all, King Kirrent had not made the order to.
---
Expectedly, King Kirrent woke with an extremely bad temper and a throbbing head. At least somebeast had been nice enough to put him in the bed of the old otter's house. Maybe that somebeast would get a promotion, King Kirrent thought to himself.
The rat king got up, and then nearly petrified in fright. Corzon was standing right over him, his sword drawn and above his head. He was going to be assassinated! Corzon brought down the curved blade, and King Kirrent braced himself for the worst.
Nothing happened, however. Corzon simply put the sword back in its sheath. King Kirrent suddenly realized that Corzon had not been there to assassinate him, but in fact had been saluting him with his sword. As for the standing directly over him, it just seemed like something Corzon would do.
"King Kirrent!" Corzon exclaimed, "All troopz ready for orderz!"
"Get back!" King Kirrent shouted, "You're crowding me! It's uncomfortable!" Swiftly, Corzon jumped backwards. King Kirrent frowned. It seemed as if Corzon had sought to make amends by being right there for his king, but, like usual, had just bungled things up.
King Kirrent got up, and put on his long robe, paying Corzon no heed. He didn't want to talk with such incompetent soldiers. He quickly exited the house, with Corzon right behind him.
All fifty or so lizards were lined up in some sort of formation outside, with Kalzmar at the head of them. Apparently, they had really wanted to impress their king. Either way, though, their formation wasn't like any the rat had ever seen before. "Good job, Kalzmar," King Kirrent announced idly, "I can count on you, I see."
Kalzmar did not change in the slightest, although King Kirrent believed that Corzon had made some sort of reaction behind him.
"Now, since some idiot general burnt this village to the ground, we're gonna have to meet up with General Davian, who is checkin' out some red fort. Of course, I don't know how to get there."
Somewhere in the back of the formation, a lizard shouted, "I know! I know! I went there firzt!" The lizard pushed his way through the group until he was right in front of King Kirrent.
The rat recognized him immediately- it was the scout who had initially reported back with news of the red fort. Oddly enough, this just made the king angrier. Hadn't anybeast thought that maybe this lizard should have gone with Davian, not Corzon? Of course not, that was far beyond the levels of reasoning that the lizards could achieve. King Kirrent bet that the scout who had reported back with the news of the village had gone with Davian. In this crazy, messed-up world of idiocy, it made perfect sense.
King Kirrent said none of this, however. While Corzon had been an idiot by taking this particular lizard with him, it was of great benefit now.
"You were, eh?" King Kirrent said to the one lizard but announced to all, "Now, lizard, what's yer name?"
"Uh…" the lizard paused, as if he couldn't remember his own name (which wasn't a good sign, King Kirrent mused to himself bitterly), "My name izz Zalazz! Zalazz!" The lizard repeated it twice, for some reason King Kirrent had no idea of.
"Zalazz, eh? Well, Zalazz, then you'll just lead the way, right?" King Kirrent asked. Zalazz nodded spastically.
King Kirrent's luck finally seemed to be turning around. He just hoped that Davian had been able to conquer the red fort.