A/N: Sorry it took so long. It's been a busy week. Hope this is good, I'm a bit shaky on the ending. I don't if I'll be able to do any more this weekend; I'm gonna be busy with volunteering and an essay. But I swear I'll try :)
The next morning, I'm up and ready to do something. I'm sick of being stuck around here in Clay's house, confused and scared of myself. I want to do something.
I mope around the house all morning, bored, because Ashley woke up early and went to buy some groceries with Clay, Chelsea, and Chris. It's a Saturday, and apparently it's their Saturday morning routine. I'm left with a big empty place in my heart when I think of what I would usually be waking up to on Saturday mornings. I miss Friday nights and Saturday mornings in L.A.
I bring the idea of doing something today up to Ashley over lunch after we've all helped put away the groceries. She muses on it for a second or two, and then her face lights up. "What about that lake? The one by all those houses? There was a sign that said 'Public Beach Access.' What about that, Spencer?"
Clay and I both exchange brief glances. That lake is the lake by my parents' house, the house they still live in. If they see me, well... I'm not ready for that yet.
"Think on that for a second," Ashley says. "I gotta pee." She gets up and smiles, dashing off to the bathroom.
"They're not home," Clay tells me. "They went on vacation to Italy just a few days before you came. They won't be back for about another week. You're safe."
Chelsea just sits silently and feeds Chris, who is also, through some miracle, intently watching our conversation. Quietly.
It feels a little weird, knowing that my parents would travel overseas and not even bother to tell me. I mean, I know that I haven't spoken to them in years, and that part of that is my fault, but it's just weird. "And Glen and Elle?"
Clay thinks on this for a moment. "They're here, in Harbor Hills, but they never really go out anywhere. I've never seem them at the lake."
"You're sure that we won't meet any of them down there?" I ask, my voice laced with worry.
"About 90 sure," he says.
Ashley comes back in. "Made a decision?"
"Yeah." I smile at her.
"And?"
"Let's go to the lake." She laughs at me as I stand up, going back up to the bedroom. We find our bathing suits and she begins to change. I'm suddenly uncomfortable in this situation, though we've done it before.
"I have to go to the bathroom," I say.
She stands there in her bra and shrugs at me. I'm trying to force myself to look away, but it's not working. I scamper out of the room, clothes in hand. I try to imagine the look on her face at that moment, but I don't want to imagine her in her bra again, because that would lead to a bad place. Or a good place. I'm not really sure which.
I shake these thoughts out of my head as I pull on a bikini and then a cover up. I walk back into the room after standing outside for about five minutes just so I'm sure that she'll be fully clothed. My patience is rewarded as when I get in there, she's wearing shorts and a tank-top, fiddling around for some shoes.
I take in a deep breath so she knows that I'm in there. She doesn't really acknowledge my presence, probably because she's mumbling to herself about her lost shoes. Which is really adorable. Stop it, Spencer! You can't get involved with her. Just because you both like each other, doesn't mean there should be a relationship. But even as I say that in my head, I realize how ridiculous it sounds.
"Found 'em!" Ashley announces, triumphantly holding up a pair of yellow flip-flops. "Ready?"
"Let me grab some shoes and towels and sunscreen- which I see you forgot to pack," I say, lightly reprimanding her.
She shrugs and smiles at me. "Those things are optional." I shake my head and gather up enough of each of the necessities for both us. We head out to the car where she graciously offers to throw our junk in the back of the car.
"So, you're gonna have to tell me how to get there, 'cause I kinda forgot," she says sheepishly. I smirk at her and contemplate asking her if I can drive, but realize that she'll never relinquish the wheel. She's like that.
"I'll guide you." And I do. We get there with almost no trouble, except for when Ashley gets distracted by a cat chasing a butterfly and misses a turn.
At the small beach, there are only a few people there. It's all little kids with their mommies and daddies, plus two guys about our age. Ashley tries to set up as far away as possible from everyone so that we can just relax; she selects a spot at the very end of the beach where there's nothing but sand and grasses.
The first thing Ashley does is pull off both her top and shorts so that she is only in her bikini. Gulp. She spreads out both the towels and lays down on hers, which is, appropriately, a rainbow Mine is a Disney princess collage. And just in case you were wondering, these are towels we found in Clay's house. I can understand the rainbow towel, because who doesn't like rainbows, but I don't quite get the princesses.
Ashley is ignoring pretty much everything right now, including me. Eyes closed, arms folded behind her head, serene smile on her face. She just looks so relaxed and content, and I can't think of a time I've seen her like this before. Well, maybe on Saturday mornings. But right now, it's two o' clock on a Saturday afternoon. There's no routine, but maybe that's what this trip to Ohio was about. Breaking the routine. Because the routine is safe and comforting, and if you ever really want to accomplish anything, you have to break out of the routine.
"You like swimming?" she asks casually, eyes still closed.
"Well enough, I guess," I answer, forcing down the memories of the warm summer days I used to spend here as a kid. I can't let my family get into my thoughts when they're already so jumbled with thoughts of Elle and Ashley; I'm just not ready for that yet.
She props herself up on her elbows and gives me a sly smile. "Then you better start getting undressed."
"Undressed? What are you- hey!" She lifts me up and rips off my shorts and shirt in about half a second before we both tumble into the peaceful lake, which isn't so peaceful anymore because of our shouts. The families give us funny looks, but we don't care.
I try to leave the water, because it's almost freezing, but Ashley ropes me around the waist and pulls me close to her. "You're not going anywhere," she whispers into my ear, and it comes out a lot more sexual than she intended it to be, and all of a sudden, there shivers running up and down my body. I try to suppress the feelings, but it's hard. And scary.
Ashley seems to sense this, because she loosens her hold on me so it's more of a light hug. "You sure you like swimming?"
"Uh-huh." I find that I can barely talk. I breathe in everything about her, this moment in the lake being far more intimate than any moment we've had yet so far. She senses it, too, I can tell, because she gently rocks back and forth in the water, taking me with her. Then, very quickly, she goes back to her usual playful manner.
"Hey, you wanna play Marco Polo?"
After like four hours hanging around, napping, reading, talking, swimming, Ashley gets the brilliant idea that we should go to the local grocery store and get a picnic, and then come back here. The grocery store is fairly uneventful and after some minor squabbles we decide on turkey sandwiches, some Scooby Snax because Ashley thought they looked cool, grapes, and two cupcakes. With a couple of cans of Coke.
The grocery store took an hour, so by the time we get back it was around seven. Even then, if I remember correctly, the sun won't go down for another two hours. But there is a bit of a glow on the horizon, tinging the bottom bit of the sky a pink-ish color.
As we eat, I learn that I should never give Ashley grapes if I want to be done with food in less than an hour. Because she plays with them. She makes a whole freakin' circus out of them. She juggles them and makes me try and throw them into her mouth. She actually ponders on philosophical topics while looking at them.
"I wonder goes on in dogs' brains," she says as she stares intently at a grape. "I mean, they can't speak, so how do they associate something like, say, 'hungry' to the feeling? Do their brains actually talk to them like ours do?" She looks at me like she expects me to answer. I really have no answer because, oddly, that's an interesting point.
"You think too much," I respond. "We're just gonna have to keep you off these grapes. They're doing funny things to your head."
She laughs and puts the plate down. "We should probably head home." She starts gathering things up and then says, "Ooh! When it gets dark, we can go out in Clay's backyard and look at the stars!" She blushes. "I've never really seen stars before. You can't see them in L.A. I'd like to see them, for once in my life."
I find myself smiling, and I can't exactly help it. "I think that's do-able."
We drive home and find Clay and Chelsea on the couch watching th first "Pirates of the Caribbean." Ashley gleefully states that she loves this movie, and as soon as we stick the plates away and get rid of our trash, we join Clay and Chelsea on the floor.
"Did you two have a fun day?" Chelsea asks.
Ashley nods. "Oh yeah. We did the usual beach thing, and then we went to the store and got ourselves a picnic."
"Sounds fun," Chelsea comments, looking at us in this weird kind of way. I ignore it and go back to the movie.
We sit through an hour and a half of Jack Sparrow's swashbuckling before Ashley tells me that it's dark enough to see the stars.
"Stars?" Clay asks in this tone that implies he doesn't want to pry into our business, but is doing the polite thing and asking us about it anyway.
"You really can't see stars in L.A.," Ashley explains. "So I thought I'd see them here."
I grab a blanket from upstairs as well as our sweatshirts, since it can sometimes get kind of chilly out there.
Twenty minutes later, I've named all the constellations I know and we've made up some names with strange myths behind them for the ones we don't know.
We're sitting up comfortably; Ashley's propped up on her hands and I'm hugging my knees close my chest. I scoot closer to Ashley so that I'm leaning against her.
She notices me brushing up against her and smiles warmly. "Cold?"
I shake my head. "Not really."
She reaches out and puts her hand on my cheek, directing my attention away from the sky and onto her. I look right into her eyes, and can see that she's going to kiss me. And now there's nothing stopping me- no Clay, no Luke, no phone calls, no people. The only thing stopping me is me and my fears.
She moves closer, leans in.
I try to pull away, but her hand stays on my cheek. I feel it there, warm and safe, spreading an intoxicating sensation throughout my body. I hold onto the feeling for a second longer, closing my eyes and letting the tears fall carefully. "I'm sorry. I can't. I'm scared." Scared of what could happen, what has happened.
But she refuses to give up. "Don't be. Don't even think. Just... let go." And I'm trembling under her touch, but in a good way. She moves in and lightly presses her lips to mine, causing me to remember what I've been missing. But she also brings something new, a feeling from the pit of my stomach sending butterflies throughout my entire body as I feel like I'm falling deeper and deeper under her beautiful spell.
And in that short, brief moment, I'm alive again.