Chapter Four

I gotta' say, life with Bilbo Baggins was pretty cool. I'd probably rank it better than life with Sauron, but not quite as well as with Isildur. If you have to ask if it was better than with Smollum, you should probably go back and read the last chapter seven or eight more times.

The Shire was a nice place, if a tad dull. But it sure beat the lake, I can tell you that. Bilbo was a tad…weird, but he certainly beat the crud out of Smollum. So all in all, it was positively…average.

That is, until Bilbo's birthday came around.

The dude was turning one-hundred eleven, and I was prepared for a fun night of beer, dancing, beer, pipe weed, and beer. Before the festivities, Bilbo apparently decided, right out of the blue, to write a book.

Seriously, he just woke up and went "You know, little Ring, I think I'll write a book." Didn't I tell you that guy was a little strange? Ah well, to each his own.

He didn't get all that far in his literature though. Not even up to chapter one in fact, 'cause some relatives decided they wanted to be a pain in the rear. I guess Bilbo was too lazy to get out of his chair, because he started yelling for Frodo to get the door.

Have I explained Frodo? Maybe not, so here goes. Frodo was Bilbo's nephew, who came to live with him after his parents drowned.

It is my personal opinion that nothing good ever comes out of fishing. I mean think about it; it caused the death of Smollum's 'buddy', caused the worst years of my life to occur, and caused the deaths of Frodo's folks. And for what? The possibility of a seafood dinner. Gimme' a break!

Anyhow, that's Frodo. Nice kid, I suppose. Again……average. Nothing special about him.

A little while after Bilbo beat the relatives away with a stick-now that was interesting-there came another knock at the door. "No thank you!" He yelled. "We don't want any more visitors, well wishers, or distant relations!"

"And what about very old friends?" A cheerful voice answered.

Hey, hold the phone! I thought excitedly, not bothering to wonder what in the Valar's name was a phone. That guy sounds like…

"Gandalf?!?" Bilbo exclaimed as he opened the door.

Hey man! I greeted happily. Nice to see ya' again old buddy! Still wearing the hat I see. I keep telling you, the hat is not good for your ima-

But alas, I was interrupted by the chummy hugging and such between Bilbo and Gandalf. Blast my ring-ness!!

We all came inside, and Bilbo started scurrying around for something for Gandalf to munch on. I offered helpful little bits of advice.

Cheese?!? No way you idiot! He's your best friend who you haven't seen in years and you're gonna' give him CHEESE?!? Hmmmm, Sponge Cake huh? You sure you have nothing better than Sponge Cake? I mean, the dude's a freakin' Maiar, he's probably used to rare delicacies…You know what, sure, give him the Sponge Cake.

Unfortunately, my smart thinking was all for naught, as Gandalf said all he wanted was tea. Go figure.

They began to chat. And lemme' tell ya', when you get two old friends together who's last meeting involved dragon slaying, some interesting chatting is bound to occur. And it did, 'cause it was all about 'the trip'.

Have I explained the trip? No? Seriously? You'd think I wouldn't overlook something like that. Anywho, Bilbo was preparing to leave the Shire for good. Evidently, he was sick of the place. Understandable, nothing much really happened around there.

And according to big G, Frodo suspected something. It was pretty hard not to I guess, being that Bilbo had been acting pretty weird-well, weirder than normal anyway-lately.

I was looking forward to it, really. I hadn't had much excitement in my life since good ol' Isildur kicked the bucket. And no, life with Smollum wasn't excitement. It was torture. Two completely different things.

It was a few hours later, and night had fallen. Very peaceful setting, party lights down below, Bilbo and Gandalf sitting and doing tricks with their pipes. You'd be surprised at what those two can pull off with a couple of good pipes. Especially Gandalf. I once saw him blow out an image of an entire Ringling Brothers circus, complete with a cave troll tamer. I kid you not.

Bilbo smiled as he smoked. "Gandalf, old friend," He said, "This will be a night to remember."

And it was. It really was.