A/N: Sorry I haven't been able to update for a while. My hard drive died, and I had to rewrite this from the beginning... stupid computer. Anyway, I don't think I've said it recently, but a huge THANK YOU to everyone who reviews. Those reviews are awesome and help me keep going with the story. Oh, and happy Valentine's Day. Even though by the time most of you read this it won't be...

She leads me inside the house, into its relative warmth. I see the smile on her face as our hands dangle together. A smile that livens her eyes and scrunches her nose. A smile that it most often found on the face of a child running toward a parent returning from a trip. A smile of innocence.

Luke and Mitch peer around the corner, trying not to be spotted, but failing miserably. I don't mind. I beyond minding who sees me now. Because I'm who I am, and I will let the world know. I'm done hiding.

But I'm not done crying.

I don't always cry because I'm sad; sometimes I cry just to deal with things. I've never been much of a talker. I've always been a crier. Always. And now, as I cry into Ashley's shoulder while she leads me up the stairs, this is the best cry I've ever had.

She lets go of my hand at the top of the steps and rushes off into what I presume is her room. I'm left in the tiny hallway, my tears stopping little by little. I look around at Luke and Mitch's house; Mitch must make a lot of money, because I know a college student like Luke couldn't afford any kind of house, even if it is more of a stand-alone row room than a traditional house.

I put my arms around myself, not only to shield myself from the coldness of my wet clothes, but also for comfort. I haven't really had time to process what I'd just done, with Ashley and with my mom. Part of me wants to start processing right here in the hallway, right now, my hair leaving water marks over the hardwood floor. But the more rational part of me knows that I need to wait for Ashley to come back before I should try to process anything. And for once I listen to the rational part of me.

Ashley comes back a couple of seconds later holding a bundle of clothes wrapped in her arms and staring timidly at the floor. "I got you some of my clothes to change into, if you want? 'Cause we could always go back to Clay's if you need to. We don't have to stay here."

"It's okay. I wouldn't want anyone out in that rain right now."

I think I've said the complete wrong thing, because the next second she snatches the clothes away with a huge smile on her face and runs into her bedroom, presumably throwing them messily on the floor. She grabs my hand and pulls me along with her downstairs. I don't protest because I'm finally listening to the part of me telling what I want, not the part telling me what I shouldn't.

Luke and Mitch are still in the kitchen quietly preparing dinner. They whisper to each other, probably about us.

"You two are such gossips," Ashley informs them.

"But you two sure are something to gossip about," Mitch jokes.

"Pssh," she shoots back. "You only wish you were as cool as us."

"Oh, yeah," Mitch swoons. "I only wish I had an adorable girlfriend who had me totally whipped." He emphasizes his point by flicking his wrist and making a whipping noise.

Ashley rolls her eyes. "Please. She hasn't got me totally whipped."

Mitch raises his eyebrows. "Oh?"

"Nope. I choose to be totally whipped." She laughs at him and his stunned face. I guess Ashley wins that round.

She leads me out the door and into the backyard, which is more of a hill than a yard. And predictably, it's muddy from the rain. Ashley smirks at me, and I'm getting more than a little worried. I'm trying hard to trust. It works so much easier when it's her I have to trust.

But that doesn't mean I'm not curious. "Ashley... what are we doing out here?" Not that I don't appreciate her wet T-shirt, but I'm sure I could appreciate it from under a warm comfortable umbrella.

"We've been spending all this time reliving your glorious childhood, I thought I'd share a little of mine with you," she says.

I gave her a look. "What do you mean?" I'm skeptical about this, but I try not to show it. Because I know most of her childhood was spent alone in her house or partying wildly.

She notices my hesitation. "Don't worry; it's not some weird drinking game or kinky sex thing. I did have bits and pieces of a perfect childhood. When I was really little. Like before my mom walked out on us." She takes a deep breath and continued. "My mom's parents had a house in a ranch in Montana. When I was a toddler, we went there all the time. Every Christmas and Thanksgiving we'd meet all the cousins there. And in the spring months, it would always rain. Instead of being stuck inside all day, we decided to go out and play. We were fighting and playing and stuff and then we all pushed my cousin Joey down a hill because he was being so annoying." She laughs bitterly at that. Like she's remembering something she almost wants to forget. "The hill was totally muddy, and it just looked like sledding, but on mud. So we all started doing it. We all rolled down that hill, and we got back inside and nearly got slapped for ruining our clothes." She laughs again, but not as bitterly this time. And then her expression changes. She's fun and playful and happy again. Sometimes I think she's bipolar. "So I want to go mud sledding with you, right here."

I look automatically down at my clothes. Apprehensively. "I don't know. I kind of like these clothes."

Ashley laughs at me. "Oh, Spencer, you're so naïve sometimes." She leans over and whispers in my ear, "There's no rule that says you have to wear clothes." I feel myself blushing and find myself blubbering as she still lingers next to me. Then again she chuckles. "Relax; keep your pants on. That is..." She waggles her eyebrows seductively at me. "If you want to."

I can't help but feel my problems fade away at the sight of her pretending to be something of a very promiscuous slut. "You are so gonna get it!" I start to chase after her.

"Is that a promise?" she squeals as she turns and runs for the top of the hill. I'm close behind her, because of my head start. Giggling furiously, she gets to the top and stumbles over her own feet. I try to skid to a stop but slip in the mud and fall right on my butt. We're laughing at it, though. We're laughing, and I feel good. More importantly, I let myself feel good.

"C'mon!" she urges, and, with no warning, grasps my hand and we slide down the tiny hill in a tangle of mud-stained limbs. The plummet makes me laugh again. And not the kind of laugh that you utter after hearing a funny joke or seeing prat falls. It's the kind of laughter children use at the playground. The innocent laughter.

I hit the ground, feeling mud get in every little place it can. I spit some out of my mouth, but I'm still laughing. So is she as she screams and backs away when the mud comes flying out. We're so much like children on this day, but something more than that. Something bigger.

And so we go. Over and over again, we climb that hill and slide down it, creating rivets in it, which Luke and Mitch probably won't be too pleased about. But then again, they probably won't be too pleased about the ditch forming at the bottom, either.

Little by little, I'm letting go. I'm letting go of the fears that I've allowed to dominate my life for so long. I'm letting them go as I hold onto Ashley's hand. I'm letting them go as we roll down squishy hills and throw mud balls at each other. I letting them go as she sneaks a kiss.

Despite the layers of goo covering our faces, our arms, our clothes, our bodies, I never want to stop this feeling. What begins as an innocent peck turns into something deeper, more meaningful. It turns into the kind of kiss that makes your knees buckle. And your spine tingle and your voice sigh. And your body fall into the other person's arms while they squeeze you so tightly you think you might lose the ability to breath, but it's all worth it because you can feel every little part of them pressing against you, telling you that the arms that surround you, the lips that kiss yours, the body that controls your every emotion, are never going to leave you.

Our foreheads rest together in the rainy downfall, the mud sticking us even closer together like a form of glue. No words are spoken because no words are needed. It's as simple as that. She grins widely at me and I offer a small, shy smile in return.

And then, just like that in the middle of the storm, Ashley sweeps me up into a dance. There's no music, but she twirls me around with dips and spins and I tend to get the idea that my brain just might explode from all the happiness it's receiving at this very moment. It hasn't received anything remotely close to this happiness, this bliss, in five years.

I've never really danced before. I've always been too afraid; I've never really liked it. But when it's Ashley who's holding my hand, Ashley who's leading me... it doesn't seem so scary after all. As we go, she talks to me about all the dances she's tried to learn- the tango, the waltz, the rhumba- but she never managed to get a hold on any of them. She says the way they made her move her body just felt unnatural. The next thing Ashley says is that dancing in the rain with me is the most natural feeling in the world.

We break up the dancing party and head back into the house as quietly as possible so as not to alert Luke and Mitch to our rather dirty bodies.

Unfortunately, Mitch spots us immediately. "Hey!" He eyes for a second and then starts yelling again. "You are going to ruin everything! All this furniture and, and, and the towels! We'll never be able to use them again! And-" But Luke cuts him off with a rough kiss and then gives us a thumbs up sign.

We sneak up the stairs, giggling all the way like two small children successfully avoiding punishment. Ashley scampers down the hall on tip-toes, her shoes off so as not to track mud everywhere. She tosses me the clothes she'd found earlier and says, "Quick! Change in the bathroom; I'll change in the boys'."

"Be careful," I warn. "Mitch'll have a fit if you destroy his towels."

"I bet they're Martha Stewart towels," she laughs and disappears into their bedroom. I shake my head at her and go into the bathroom in the hallway.

Once inside, I take off the disgustingly dirt-covered clothes and step into the tiny shower to get some of the mud that had seeped through my clothes off. I wash under a steady stream of warm water with a steady smile on my face. Looking back at the beginning of the day, I can't imagine how I ended up here, in Luke and Mitch's shower, after a mud fight and some making out with Ashley. Life is funny sometimes.

I dry my hair with one of the towels because there's no hairdryer, so it's still wet when I come out. I feel as though I've opened up a whole new me; a part I've never experienced before, not even with Elle.

Ashley is already back in the room, brushing her hair when I come in unceremoniously. She turns around, mid-brush, and just stares. At me. She's staring at me.

"What?" I know I'm blushing, and talk to cover that up. She drops the brush and walks over, moving a strand of my wet hair behind my ear. This only makes me blush even more.

"You." She kisses me lightly and then pulls me into a hug, her hand tangled in my hair, her other clutching my waist tightly. And I feel a single teardrop fall gently on my shoulder. I guess I've underestimated how much of a toll this trip has had on her.

"I'm not going anywhere this time, Ash," I tell her with absolute certainty. "I promise."

"I hope so," she replies. And I let her know that I'm not going anywhere. I kiss her full on the lips and she responds immediately. I can almost feel a raging river running through me, the heat of the moment only driving it more and more; the last ounce of my resistance fades away. The last ounce of my fear falls to the floor. The only thing left is the swirling of lips and arms and hands consuming so wholly, so rightly.

"Hey, lovebirds!" Mitch sing-songs from the door, perfectly aware of what he's interrupting. "Dinner time!"

Ashley stops reluctantly and then turns her attention to the boy in our doorway, attempting an innocent look. "You are so gonna get it!" She chases after him and he just laughs as he goes. Shaking my head, I follow them out, and for once in my life, there's a feeling of normalcy.

Later that night, we snuggle under Ashley's covers, watching the still-falling rain splash the window. I'm safely tucked under her right arm, my head resting on her chest.

"Hey, Spencer?"

"Yeah?"

"What's going to happen to us after Ohio?"

I scrunch up my face, thinking what a strange question that is. But for the second time today, I realize what I've put her through and how insecure I've made her. About me. About us. And for the second time today, I take the initiative. I kiss her on the cheek, lingering there a little longer than necessary. "Nothing. We'll still be like this; just like this."

And even in the darkness of night, I can see the adorable face I love so much cracking into a smile.