Author's Note: This is one of my personal favorite chapters in the story, for a myriad of reasons. Mayhaps not the best written, but I had fun writing it. I'm a big fan of the crappy, low-budget Slasher Horror Films that premiere on the SciFi Channel every Saturday, so I make a brief nod to that in a scene with a couple of minor characters.
Oh, and Ballantyne gets pwnt. That's always fun.
XXII: The Assassination
Ballantyne frowned. His plan had not gone as planned. The entirety of the Long Patrol was supposed to have gone after Golding, not just a small portion. The badger lord hadn't even left. Quickly, he racked his brain to think up some sort of plan that could override this problem.
"Stupid Golding!" Regner snarled, kicking some sand, "Why'd he have to run away? I was gonna enjoy watching him die." At least, Ballantyne thought to himself, the warlord hadn't begun to get angry because the plan was falling apart.
"So… Whadda we do now?" asked Taroll, "Didn't yew say that Deathblaze was gonna do sumthin' now or sumthin' like that?" Ballantyne shot him a glare for bringing the situation up.
Regner suddenly turned around. "Yeah, you said that all of the Long Patrol would be gone right now! That couldn't have been all of them! Maybe a good portion of them, but not all of them!"
"That is merely a minor inconvenience," Ballantyne held up his paws and stepped back, "I am absolutely sure that I can come up with a solution that will rectify this situation in not time at all."
"I don't see wot the problem is," shrugged Sawdirge, "Why don't we jus' attack 'em now, while their forces are split up an' all?" There was a murmur of agreement from the others, Regner included.
"Because!" Ballantyne shouted, "Because… the badger! We cannot just attack them while they have that gigantic monstrosity on their side! Not even Sir Deathblaze could match that brute in a fair duel! We would be slaughtered! Destroyed! Annihilated! There would be nothing left of us after we were foolish enough to fight that beast."
Regner was annoyed. If they had gone all this way just to be turned back now because of one defect in Ballantyne's plan, he would be furious to no end. At least he wouldn't have to worry about Golding if he ever went back, though… But, no. He couldn't turn back. He wouldn't turn back. Ballantyne better come up with a plan, and he better come up with it quickly.
Oddly enough, it wasn't Ballantyne who came up with the plan. It was the fox Alsten. "Wait, ya said there ain't no way ta kill this badger in a fair fight… How 'bout an unfair one? I say we sneak inta that mountain an' kill the stripedog while he's sleeping! Wot do they call it? An annassation or sumthin'!"
"An assassination…" Regner repeated correctly, pondering this. "That's… a great idea. Why didn't you come up with that, Ballantyne?" The weasel glanced over at his tactician, who seemed to be roasting in his own juices. Yes, why hadn't he? It had been so painfully obvious.
"Well," Ballantyne was quick to interject, "How do you suppose we breach the mountain's defenses by ourselves? The six of us could not possibly evade the amount of guards they most surely must have."
"Nah, there ain't too many of 'em," Sawdirge pointed out, "When I ran up there, I only saw two guards at the door, nuttin' else. Course, I dunno how many guards they got inside, but…"
"Exactly!" exclaimed Ballantyne, "They probably have a multitude of guards in the interior of the mountain, to compensate for the dismal amount on the exterior! We are simply six creatures, none of which versed in the ways of the assassin! We cannot hope to utilize stealth and efficiency in the ways that would be required of us!"
"I can't be too hard," Regner remarked, "Just hide in some shadows and stuff. Now, how long until nightfall, Ballantyne? Can't be too long, the sun's setting right now." The weasel looked at the horizon.
"A half hour," Ballantyne muttered. How could Regner even consider a plan that he, the head tactician, did not conceive, but opposed? He was supposed to be Regner's tactician, not this… fox! Regner didn't even trust foxes!
"Good, because I'd prefer we did it before those hares got back. I guess it's a good thing Golding ran away from them, after all," Regner announced, "Now, one of us probably will have to tell Deathblaze, right?"
"No," murmured Ballantyne, "He knows to wait for my signal."
---
Deathblaze was crouched down, as if he were about to run a race. As soon as he received the signal from Ballantyne, he would charge straight at the mountain, along with all the other vermin behind him. He was motionless, rarely even blinking. He stayed that way as night enveloped the sky. The other vermin, however, were not so prepared. Golding's five captains were gathered around a fire. They had all seen what had happened to their leader.
"I say we gotta avenge Golding," Hairmold whispered, even though he was far out of earshot from Deathblaze, "That stupid stoat's completely frozen up there, not movin' an inch. I say we sneak up behind him and git him in the back." He pulled out a small dagger and held it out.
"Ha, have fun with that," Amora said casually, "I ain't gonna go anywhere near that creep. Yew ever see wot he did to Golding's father? It weren't very pretty, I can tell ya that."
"No, I didn't ever see wot happened to Golding's father," Hairmold snarled, "An' I don't care. He's got no guards, nobeast to watch his back. All it'll take is somebeast to sneak up on him all quiet-like and stab him right in the back."
"I'll betcha he has some sort of super-hearin'," Valla interjected, eyes wide.
"Oh, that's jus' silly," exclaimed her sister.
"No, it ain't! How do ya think he's such a good fighter?"
"Cuz he's strong, dimwit!"
"Oh, shut up, both of ya," Hairmold spat, "Yer actin' like babes. Now, I betcha these lizards here could take out ol' Deathblaze, can'tcha?" At the other side of the fire, Corzon and Kalzmar sat silently, shaking their heads. Hairmold rolled his eyes.
"If yer so tough, why don't yew go an' try to kill Deathblaze?" Amora said accusingly. Hairmold glared at her, but said nothing.
"Exactly," Valla added, "If it were as easy as yew claim it is, then there wouldn't be no problem with yew going an' killin' him."
"Uhh… What izz that?"
Kalzmar was pointing out of the trees, at the mountain. It was dark, and difficult to see, but six figures could be made out, moving slowly towards Salamandastron. Most of them were just blurred specks, but Regner's golden armor could be made out.
"Is it… Golding?" Hairmold asked, "He must have gotten away! But wot's he doin'?"
---
The figure was not Golding, however. It was Regner. Him and the other five were all stealthily moving towards the mountain, hiding behind dunes and keeping low to the ground. Ballantyne trailed in the back, still muttering about how bad the plan was and how Regner should have listened to him, not some random fox. None of the others paid him any heed, however.
There were still only two guards, standing at the doorway. They were looking for any sign of Colonel Caldwell and Lieutenant Tabbins, who had vanished along with twenty hares a half hour ago. However, they were not looking for a small group of vermin sneaking up on them, and that was a fatal mistake. Both fell, dead, as Levail and Taroll killed them at the exact same time.
"Good," Regner muttered, "Now, we need someone to stay out here and be a lookout, in case those hares come back. And not you, Ballantyne," he added angrily.
Taroll and his three friends all attempted to volunteer at the same time, none of them wanting to have to go inside a mountain full of hares. Levail was a little quicker than the rest. "I'll stay," he exclaimed in a hushed whisper.
The other five all slowly opened the front door a little bit. One by one, they slid in, and closed the door behind them silently. They were in a dismally lit main hall, perfectly obscured by shadows. There didn't appear to be any hares present.
"So far, so good," Regner whispered, "And you thought this would be a bad plan." He glanced over at Ballantyne.
Ballantyne was quick with a rebuttal. "Well, where are we supposed to go now? We have no clue where that brute of a badger could possibly be located. You see, we're going to have to wander around here, perhaps get lost, and be captured by those hares when we unwittingly bumble into them."
"Or," Alsten the fox pointed out, "We could split up an' all explore a different path. That way, one of us will find that stripedog and can tell the others."
Ballantyne frowned in frustration. "But… but…"
"That's another good idea," Regner smiled, "We'll go in groups. Ballantyne will go with me, you two stoats will go together, and the fox can go alone. You got that?"
"This is a bad idea," Ballantyne murmured under his breath, so that Regner would not hear. However, all the others agreed that it was a good idea, even Alsten, who had to explore the mountain alone.
There was no more speaking as the groups split up and went their own ways, with Ballantyne making unintelligible murmurs to himself.
---
Taroll and Sawdirge had gone together up some stairs. Taroll went in front, holding his spear tightly. Sawdirge hung in the back, his paws trembling uncontrollably. Maybe it hadn't been such a good idea, the two stoats both thought. But… it had seemed like a good idea at the time…
The two would have bolted right then and there if they knew what was watching them. There was a reason they hadn't seen a single hare guard inside; they had all been relieved by Lord Oxpaw. Infuriated by the actions of Colonel Caldwell and Lieutenant Tabbins, he had taken it upon himself to be the solitary guard for the night. None of the hares were sure how that would help the situation, but there was never any stopping Lord Oxpaw when he wanted to do something, which was exactly the reason why Tabbins and Caldwell had gone off on their own in the first place.
Sawdirge stepped on a creaky piece of wood, making a loud noise. Taroll immediately wheeled around, the butt of his spear striking a vase and knocking it to the floor in a crash. Both of them froze, not knowing what to do.
After about a minute, Sawdirge croaked, "Well… I guess… No guards heard that… or else…"
Suddenly, Taroll began chuckling at the whole situation. They had just been stunned into silence for a whole minute by a falling vase. Sawdirge, not knowing why Taroll was laughing, nervously joined in.
Then Sawdirge saw something that made him nearly die of fright. Approaching them was a large, black shadow, progressing down the hall way slowly. Taroll turned and saw it, too. He lifted up his spear, only to have both it and him sliced in half by a gigantic sword.
Sawdirge fell backwards, the upper half of Taroll's body landing right next to him, Taroll's eyes crystallized and his mouth agape.
Fumbling backwards, he cried, "P-p-please d-don't k-k-kill m-me! I'm o-only s-seventeen s-s-seasons old, I'm t-too y-y-young to d-die!"
The badger moved forward from the shadows, his eyes completely unsympathetic to Sawdirge's plight. However, the badger did not raise his sword again. Instead, he reached down, and grabbed Sawdirge by the neck with his gargantuan paw.
"What are you doing here?! Who is your leader?! Tell me, now!!" shouted Lord Oxpaw angrily, shaking the unfortunate stoat, much like how he shook Corzon a long time ago.
Sawdirge had no qualms about relating everything he knew to the giant badger. "I'm h-here w-w-w-with Regner! W-we're g-going t-t-to addinassinate you or s-s-sumthin' like that! P-p-p-please don't k-k-kill me!!"
Regner. Oxpaw's eyes burned with hate at the mention of the name. Regner had to be the most vile, wretched, utterly immoral creature in all of Mossflower, Oxpaw reasoned. He tightened his grip, nearly crushing Sawdirge. "Tell me where Regner is, now!"
---
Regner and Ballantyne were looking at some sort of giant anvil with wonder and awe when they heard the screams that Sawdirge made. Regner seemed mildly annoyed. "Ballantyne, go get those idiots to shut up, please. They're going to mess this whole thing up, I know it."
Still grumbling, Ballantyne began marching back pompously. He left the giant forge and got about halfway down some hallway before the fox Alsten dashed in.
"What, I inquire, are you—" began the ferret, but Alsten grabbed him and slammed him into the side of the wall, covering the tactician's mouth. Both of them stood there silently, obscured by the shadows, as the giant badger entered the hallway, Sawdirge in one paw and a gigantic sword in the other.
Unwittingly, Regner also stepped into the hallway, at the other side, perhaps to complain to Ballantyne for making even more noise. He froze for a minute, his giant axe falling to the ground with a loud clang. Lord Oxpaw smiled: he would finally be able to put an end to the miserable weasel once and for all.
The badger walked forward, Sawdirge still whimpering in one paw. "Hello, Regner the Magnificent," the badger lord spoke, "I see that we meet again."
Regner scooped up his axe. "Y-yes, I see…" he murmured weakly. Oxpaw walked forward slowly, not even noticing Ballantyne and Alsten. The only thing he saw was his enemy before him.
The weasel suddenly remembered what Ballantyne had said. "Not even Deathblaze could defeat him in a fair duel…" That was it! He would have to fight unfairly if he could even hope to survive this. But what could he do? How could he cheat the system?
An idea struck him. It was a long shot, but it could work…
Regner suddenly pointed at Ballantyne and Alsten and screamed, "Get him!!!" Lord Oxpaw span around to see what Regner was pointing at. Neither Ballantyne nor Alsten had any plans to "get" the badger, and Regner knew that.
The badger's huge sword suddenly swung forward. Ballantyne grabbed Alsten and pushed him forward. The fox was decapitated instantly.
Then, Regner did the only magnificent thing he ever did in his life. Mustering all of his strength, he hurled his gigantic battle axe forward at the badger while his back was turned. The large hunk of metal flew forward slowly and off-center, but it struck its target. Oxpaw span around just in time for the axe to imbed itself in his shoulder.
Oxpaw, however, was not going to let that deter him. He threw Sawdirge to the ground, knocking the stoat out cold, then charged forward, screaming like a banshee. Regner was almost paralyzed in fright, but he then realized he had one last chance.
Ballantyne had always advised the weasel to keep a second weapon on him at all times (a true warlord would never been seen with only one weapon, the ferret had reasoned), and Regner had followed that advice. Attached to his ankle was a small dagger. The weasel grabbed it out of its sheath. He had all of two seconds to throw it.
However, he was too close to miss. The dagger flew forward, striking the badger directly between the eyes. It sunk into Oxpaw's skull with a sickening (and yet, to Regner, all too satisfying) noise. Regner gloated triumphantly; he had just slain the badger lord of Salamandastron.
The triumph didn't last long, however. Regner suddenly noticed with horror that Lord Oxpaw was still running right at him. "How is that possi—" began the warlord. He was cut off as the gigantic badger smashed into him, and the two fell to the ground with a crash.
Ballantyne was the only creature still standing. He stepped over Alsten's disembodied head, drifted past Sawdirge's unconscious form, and prodded the fallen badger with his cane. Regner had vanished under the badger, no doubt flattened.
"Such a shame," whispered the ferret regretfully, "Poor old Regner, one of my few friends." He adjusted his monocle slightly. Then he remembered that he still had to give Deathblaze the signal. All the noise must have alerted the hares.
Swiftly, he departed, leaving the four bodies untouched in the hallway.