Author's Note: I remember this chapter being longer. Oh, and Awsomewriter, Ballantyne was able to escape the Long Patrol because they let him go.
XXXVIII: The Return
As their six captors led Wemys and Davian back, completely abandoning Castle Regner (for seven of the eight creatures there, it would be the last time they ever saw the fortress), Wemys begun to cling to the hope that by the time they returned, Regner would have been wiped out by the Long Patrol. It was the only thing that could really save them, the stoat figured. And it wasn't too unlikely, either. They had been gone for almost a whole week; something had to have happened in that time. Regner couldn't just keep the hares at a stalemate forever.
Until they made it back to the beach, however, Wemys had to endure the casual, carefree chatter of Roth and Glasseye.
"Cripes!" exclaimed Roth as he accidentally stepped on a sharp rock. He began to hop around, holding his injured footpaw.
"Is that all ya ever say, 'cripes'?" asked Glasseye, "I'm tellin' ya, that's gonna be the last thing ya ever say! I can see it now: I once knew a ferret named Roth. Nice feller, too, until he said cripes one time too many an' Skrobb chopped him up inta itty bitty pieces!" Glasseye did a passable impression of Telson.
Skrobb, who was in slightly better humor after recapturing Davian and Wemys, said, "I like that one, actually!"
"Ah, I don't say cripes that much," Roth assured them, still hopping around, "My mate says I say it a lot, though."
"You have a mate?" Glasseye asked, looking a little skeptical.
"Yeah, back where we all came from," Roth replied, "A mate an' three younguns. I guess it was lucky that stupid fox didn't see 'em, or they'd be part o' this right now, too. Course, they're all prob'ly worried sick 'bout me, I know it. Prob'ly think I'm dead, also. Aye, it'll be a nice day when I can go home again."
Wemys attempted to block out what they were saying and looked over at Ballantyne, who had remained silent almost the whole trip, with a giddy expression frozen on his face as he walked along. It was as if he were lost in his own strange little world.
Davian had attempted to talk to Corzon and Darkscale, two old friends who had sold him out because they were more loyal to their new leader.
"Why izz you doing thiz?" Davian asked, "We muzt leave Regner, he izz bad, yez."
"It izz too late, Davian," Corzon replied, "Regner izz like King Kirrent. I muzt be in hiz favor!"
Wemys sighed, completely lost in the awkward logic of the lizards. Nothing any of them ever said made a single lick of sense, the stoat decided. They continued on, with Wemys trying to block out all of the noise surrounding him, because everything anybeast there said only seemed to depress him even more than he already was.
What a way to die, charging the Long Patrol. Wemys would never have expected his death to be like that. The members of his groups all seemed to by dying off in very lousy ways: burned to death in a flaming ship, randomly hit in the neck by an arrow, and now in a charge against the Long Patrol. How depressing. All of it was depressing. Why did Regner have to mess everything up? Why did all his friends have to be dead? Why had everything gone wrong? Why did it have to happen to him?
His whole life had been one lousy experience after another. His parents died, then his sister died, then his brother left, then all his friends died, and now here he was, with every step getting closer to his own pathetic death. Death, death, death, all of it. One death after another. How depressing.
And yet Roth and Glasseye kept up their humorous discussion, Davian and Corzon spoke of things that made absolutely no sense, and Ballantyne looked as if he were about ready to explode with utter joy. How could everything be so twisted? Why was everything so twisted?
Here he was, the angst-filled anti-hero, off to his depressing end. Curvetail had always liked to tell stories, but they always had depressing endings, with the main character getting killed and the villain winning. Wemys figured he had just stepped into one of those yarns. The stoat had nothing but self-pity for himself.
A few days of this passed by, with Wemys recycling the same angst over and over in his head all day long. Then, it ended, as the eight of them all stepped onto the beach, with Salamandastron snuggly in the distance. Wemys tossed around the thought that maybe Regner had gotten killed during the course of the week for a brief moment, then just threw it away. Wemys had never and would never be that lucky.
These thoughts were confirmed as the first creatures who greeted them, standing proudly at the top of a sand dune, were Lord Regner himself and his two captains.
---
In all actuality, absolutely nothing changed in the week while Wemys and Davian were gone. Not one thing. The hares hadn't even tried another attempt to rescue their colonel, and Regner hadn't tried anything until Skrobb returned, either empty-pawed or with Wemys. There were a few times where he thought that maybe the rat had been killed when hunting after his soon-to-be prisoners, and he almost initiated his plan to draw out the Long Patrol. Now, he was very, very glad he hadn't.
He had been sitting down, lazily looking over into space, pondering what he should do next. Caldwell, having been knocked senseless again after his latest torture session, lay unmoving beside him. A sudden thought popped into the weasel's head and he spat on the unconscious hare, just as Caldwell had done to him. He gave out a light chuckle, although there was no humor in it. Regner had found himself very humorless as of late. More and more he just wanted to slaughter his entire band for their inability to perform like his old horde had been able to.
He'd just have to kill them all after he captured Salamandastron. Maybe he'd keep a handful (maybe), like Telson and Reiss, but the rest he'd just drop in the sea or something. Then he'd spread the word: Lord Regner the Magnificent was back and better than ever! Join his horde!
"'Ey, Regner!" shouted Reiss from the top of a dune, "Skrobb an' the others are back, an' they caught those two that ran away! There's some others with 'em, too! Two more lizards an' some ferret dressed all fancily!"
Regner shot to his feet. Had he just heard Reiss correctly? A ferret dressed all fancily? That could only be… No, it had to be somebeast else…
"Y'know, I once knew a ferret who dressed all fancily," announced Telson, who had been standing nearby, "Nice feller, too. He had a fancy name, too. It was like Ballytoad or sumthin' like that… Can't quite remember it off the top o' my head… I saw him traveling around, couldn't be very old at all, but he was dressed in all these fancy clothes, an' I gave him a bit o' food…"
Regner didn't even bother to cut off Telson, as he didn't really hear a word the ferret said. He began slowly walking up the hill where Reiss was standing, completely unaware that Telson was following him every step of the way, relating (or trying to, at least) his tale that, for once, didn't end with a macabre decapitation or other kind of bizarre, unnatural death.
The weasel climbed to the top of the dune and looked to where Reiss was pointing. Sure enough, that was Ballantyne, right down to the polished monocle that gleamed in the sunlight. Of course, the tactician had a giddy grin on his face, which Regner found something not like Ballantyne at all, but there was no mistaking the fancy clothing and unnecessary cane.
The ferret began to briskly stroll towards them, breaking ahead of the rest of the group, the giddy smile still on his face. "Lord Regner!" he exclaimed as he got about halfway there, "I was certain that you had been killed by that brutish badger!"
Regner smiled. "I thought those hares executed you! Oh, and showing emotion doesn't really suit you, y'know! You were better off when you just had that stone cold expression on your face!"
Reiss and Telson exchanged glances. They had never seen Regner like this, either. It seemed that their leader had all sorts of surprises up his very large sleeves.
Ballantyne was at the base of the dune now, and slowly making his way up. "No, the hares let us all go, for some reason. I think it was because their leader was completely insane, the more that I think about it. Deathblaze survived as well, but he departed from Castle Regner a while ago, without any warning. I haven't seen him since."
"That's unfortunate," Regner replied, "But nothing too bad. When Deathblaze hears that I'm still alive, he'll be sure to return. Right now, though, I'm trying to finish off the Long Patrol once and for all. We're kind of at a standoff right now, but we captured their leader. Now that you're here, we're sure to be victorious."
"Uh, not ta interrupt or anythin'," interjected Reiss, "But could ya explain ta the rest of us who this feller is?"
"I am Ballantyne, Lord Regner's head tactician," the ferret explained, "I was the one who helped him rise to power in the first place."
"I know yew," Telson said, pointing, "I gave ya food once, remember?"
"I do, in fact, Sir Telson," Ballantyne replied, still smiling, "It's nice to know that you have joined up with Lord Regner. He is a very successful warlord, destined to go down in history and be remembered by all."
---
"No blinking way," muttered Lieutenant Tabbins. That couldn't be… shouldn't be… But no, it most definitely was. Regner's little tactician had returned.
They had spent the entire week trying to figure out a plan to rescue Colonel Caldwell that would actually work. None of them had been able to think up anything other than charge the enemy head-on. Tabbins had been reluctant, thinking that Regner might perhaps be able to overpower them. They had equal numbers, and many of Regner's crew looked battle-ready. All he had with him were a few eager recruits. If Caldwell was there, he'd have no trouble charging; Caldwell was a very good leader on the battlefield, and he could get even the most clueless soldiers into the right positions and formations. Tabbins was only good at leading off the battlefield. He could spend hours and hours trying to drill a battle plan into his soldier's heads, only to have them completely muck it up at the first chance they had.
And now, Tabbins thought, they were doomed. Completely doomed. The only reason Regner hadn't attacked them was because he hadn't been able to come up with a good enough plan, just like them. But now that his genius tactician (the same tactician who had managed to get Lord Oxpaw and roughly a hundred or so Long Patrol hares killed and got closer to completely and ultimately conquering Salamandastron than any other warlord had done in the past, Tabbins reminded himself) was back, they had no hope. Tabbins was already beginning to get paranoid. What if they were already falling into his trap? What if, no matter what they did now, Regner would still win? What if the water they were drinking was poisoned?
Then Tabbins, as well as all the other hares in Salamandastron, got the luckiest break they ever would.
---
It had been Lersot's turn to spy on Regner's horde. He had kept to a distance, but he had still seen the eight newcomers as soon as they got onto the beach. Hastily, he ran back down the dune to where the other eight members of Conrad's crew were lounging about, ready to deliver what he thought was very good news.
"They're back!" the rat exclaimed eagerly, "Davian an' Wemys are back, alive too! An' that's not all! There are two other lizards, look jus' like Davian, with 'em!"
"Wot's so great 'bout that?" asked Garland, kicking some sand lazily, "They've all been captured, won't do us no good in the end. Unless we were ta break 'em all out or sumthin'…"
"They aren't tied up, though!" Lersot exclaimed, "Ya know wot that means?"
"Wot's it mean?" Rebule asked, waving around the hook Jeld had given him as a weapon, "Does it mean that Regner's givin' 'em a second chance?"
"No, ya idiot!" Curvetail shouted, jumping to his feet, "I see wot Lersot's talkin' 'bout. There are three lizards, right? An' since Davian's on our side, an' those lizards are with Davian, they're on our side too, right?"
"Uhh… Right?" replied Rebule.
"Of course it's right!" Curvetail snapped, "Now, don'tcha know anythin'? Those lizards don't need a weapon ta attack! Since they aren't tied up, if we were ta attack right now, they'd all be able ta fight too! Wemys wouldn't, but that's okay, since he's a lousy fighter anyways."
"Hey, he's right!" exclaimed Jeld, the coin still in his mouth, "This is great! We have two more tough, battle-hardened lizards that can fight with us!"
"Yeah, until Regner decides ta tie 'em up," Crowley added.
Everybeast looked at the magician silently for a few seconds. Then, Curvetail yelled, "We're jus' gonna hafta attack now, afore he does that! Everybeast, git yer weapons!! An' hurry up!!"
Second Note: Re-reading this chapter, I actually really like the characterization I put in here. Of course, the irony is that probably my best chapter of characterization comes right before the climax... And most of the characters I characterize die anyways. Yes, I promise you, Chapter 39 will NOT have a pacifist ending like Chapter 26. Most of the characters die, minor or otherwise. In fact... Of every single vermin character in the story right now (still including really minor ones), only six survive, with two having an ambiguous fate and one said to be dying. Considering that, by my memory, there are about twenty-five characters right now, that's a pretty high death toll.