Disclaimer: I own nothing

Warnings: Slash.

A/N: edited

The next morning, Pete woke up with a terrible headache. He could feel that his eyes were still slightly sore from crying. At first, he couldn't remember why he had been crying, but then it rushed back to him. Matt. He had acted like a brat, he had ruined everything. Now Matt would already be in America.

He wondered slightly what Matt was doing right now, if he was fine. Maybe he had met a nice girl in the bus. He would chat with her, exchange numbers…none of my business. Maybe it was better like this. For everyone. Even if Matt hadn't left, Pete would still have his feelings for him. This couldn't work out. Matt might like him as a friend, but only as a friend.

It was the best thing that could have happened.

He should forget him. Matt would study and become a damn fine journalist.

Oh yes. He had almost forgotten. Matt would be a journalist soon. He would travel the world, tell people about starving children, terrorists, criminals. Criminals like me.

He would lead a nice, peaceful life with a loving wife and many children. Nothing I could give him.

Pete would stay here, lead the GSE, and then…Yeah, what then? Loving wife, nice children? Not for you, a mean little voice at the back of his head whispered. But it was true. He couldn't imagine himself with a woman. Not anymore. Thanks, Matt.

It doesn't matter. He told himself. He would get over it, eventually. He didn't need a partner. He had never really had a long-time relationship, only flings, girls he would forget as soon as they had left his flat. With Matt, it would have worked. There it was again, the mean little voice, telling him what he had done wrong. No.

Even if everything had worked out, there were still the others from the GSE. He knew Steve and Shannon wouldn't mind, but the boys from the GSE? They would hate him. He knew what they had done to this gay couple who had come to the pub once. They would do the same thing to Matt and him.

He stared at the ceiling. Even if it was the best like this, the knowledge didn't lessen the pain. He had hurt Matt. Because Matt cared. Even if he didn't love him, he definitely cared. If Steve or Shannon knew how he had acted, they would be mad at him.

Maybe he should apologize.

The door opened and a nurse entered. She carried a tray with food and Orange juice. "How are we doing today, Mr. Dunham? Does anything hurt?" Yes. "No, everything's fine. When will I be able to leave?" "Oh, I don't know. You'll have to ask the doctor. He will come by at lunchtime. Oh, and you've got a visitor. Pete frowned. It would most likely be Bovver, unnerving him with his whining. When the door opened, he was surprised to find Shannon standing there. She looked angry. Shit. But then her face smoothed, leaving place for a small smile. "Hey Pete. How are you?" She asked in a soft voice. "Fine. How's Steve?" "He's doing well. He still isn't able to speak properly, but he's glad you're ok. Thanks for saving Matt and me." She paused and her smile vanished.

"There's what I wanted to talk about. You know, it was really stupid of you to risk your life for us. Steve was extremely upset. We all were. You know, Matt was going mad with guilt, thinking you were dead. And there is another thing that I wonder about. When he came home the day before yesterday, he was really happy. But when I drove him to the airport, he looked like he was about to cry." Shannon's frown had deepened and now she was nearly scowling at him. "He was so sure that he would resume his studies, so happy. But when he came out of the hospital, he was..."She travelled off." Pete cringed inwardly with guilt. But he wouldn't talk to Shannon about Matt. "You don't know what happened, do you?" Shannon asked.

Pete didn't answer. But Shannon seemed to already know. "I don't know what you did exactly, but I can think of it. I'll leave you his number. I'm sure you want to apologize." Pete stared at her in surprise. Shannon gave a little smile. "Steve also never says something when he knows he's done something wrong. And you have the same expression like him. I rely on you to call Matt." She left the room, leaving an extremely dumbfounded Pete behind.

At lunchtime, the doctor arrived. After he had examined Pete thoroughly, he declared him healthy enough to leave the hospital. "I am impressed, Mr. Dunham.", he said, "You have recovered perfectly well." Pete merely nodded and started to gather the few belongings that lay around in his room. "I want you to come back tomorrow for another short examination. And don't strain yourself. Your health condition might be fine at the moment, but it will change quickly if you don't pay attention." Pete shrugged and left. He stopped by short at Steve's room, leaving him a note, as he was fast asleep.

Outside, he decided to walk home, planning to buy something to eat. Arriving at home, he put the food in the microwave and changed. When he put off his Jeans, a small piece of paper fluttered out of the back pocket. Matt's number. He picked the paper up, staring at it. He then decided to eat first.

He couldn't really enjoy his meal, as his thoughts always drifted off to a certain dark haired Yank. When he had finished eating, he stood up and put the plates in the dishwasher, still wondering if, and if yes, when he should call Matt. Deciding that he wouldn't be able to sleep if he didn't, he picked up his phone and started to type the number.

But suddenly he hesitated. What if he was asleep now? What time was it in the USA by now anyway? Or what if he had an assignment with the Harvard people right now? What if he…is with a girl? Pete laughed unhappily. He, Pete Dunham, who never failed to break one blokes nose, kick his balls, knock him out, he, who never hesitated, was afraid to call someone? Pussy. When had that happened? When had he begun to think about someone else than himself? He looked at his watch. 3 pm. Then it must be…10 am in New York by now. Or is it 5 hours later? Is it even 5 hours? Pete growled in frustration.

He was starting to act exactly like Matt. He took a deep breath. It was only an apology-not a love declaration. Pete grinned. Then he typed the last few numbers and pressed the phone to his ear.

After some time, he heard the answering tone. At least it's not switched off. After what seemed to be an eternity, someone finally responded.

"Matt Buckner" "Hi." "Who is there, please?" Matt's voice sounded distant. He is distant, idiot. Pete gulped. "It's Pete." "…" There was only silence. "Er…" Pete felt suddenly highly self-conscious. "I…""Who gave you my number?" Matt asked. I'm glad to hear from you too, mate. "Shannon. She…" "She told you to apologize, didn't she? It's ok, you don't have to. I'll just tell her you called. That's what you want, isn't it? So…" "Shut up, Matt" Pete grinned.

"I wanted to apologize myself. Really. I think I was quite…unfriendly last time we talked. I think it's great for you that you resume your studies." It's definitely easier to pretend on the phone. "I was only, er…surprised that you were leaving." Understatement of the month.

Matt remained silent. Pete felt awkward. "So, how is it going? Is your plan working? What is it, anyway? Matt? Are you still there?" "Sure." Pete felt stupid. He hated talking on the phone. "So. What is your plan, then?" "Oh, it's quite simple, actually. I threatened the guy who's fault it all was, recorded his confession, played it to the people in charge, and now I'm waiting for their reaction."

"You surely have learned a lot." Pete said. "I had a great teacher." Pete was glad that Matt couldn't see him, because he was blushing quite nicely by now.

"Listen, I think they've made their decision. I have to stop now." "Ok, then" "Bye" "Oh and Matt?", Pete added as an afterthought, "Tell me their decision, will you?" "Alright, Pete."

Pete was relieved. That had been easier than he had thought. It was great like this. They would remain friends, without the risk of him ruining their friendship by stupid actions such as trying to kiss Matt. He showered and went to bed.

The next morning, he slept in, then got up calmly, ate breakfast and decided to go to the Abbey in the afternoon. He wanted to see if the other guys from the GSE were alright, if anybody else had been hurt badly.

He talked to one of the guys and was happy to hear that no one else was hurt. He avoided Bovver and went to the hospital for the examination. On his way home, he met one of his former classmates and forgot the time.

He arrived at home late. Suddenly, he realized that Matt should have called him. He quickly checked his answering machine, but there were no new messages, except for one from Bovver, which he deleted without listening. He slumped into a nearby chair and buried his face in his hands. Maybe he could…No. If Matt didn't want to talk to him, fine. He had apologized. There was nothing else he could do. And no way he was calling him again.

He didn't know how much time he had spent staring at the phone, but when it rang, he startled violently. "Yes?" "Hey Pete, it's Matt." "Hi" "You won't believe it! They erased the conviction from my folder. So I'm able to resume my studies again. Isn't that great, Pete?" "Yes…", Pete croaked "Great. Great, indeed." It was suddenly hard to breathe. So it's definite. He won't come back. Somehow, he had still had the hope that Matt would come back, beyond all reason. "Pete? Is everything ok? "Yes, yes, fine. Everything's fine. I mean…great. Great it is. You'll resume your studies, wow. That's…" "…great, I know." Are you sure everything's all right?" Pete cringed. He couldn't stand it. The concern in the other's voice, his obliviousness, his own weakness. "Listen mate, It's quite late already. Buy yourself a nice bottle of beer and celebrate a bit, ok? I'll go to bed now." "Pete…" "Good night."

Pete slumped down right in his living room. The tears welled up inside him. He reached out and switched out the light. He knew that nobody was there who could see him cry, but nonetheless. Suddenly, the doorbell rang. He groaned. That was just what he needed. Not. Anyone of the other boys, wanting to drink something and beat up some harmless guy. Pete remained sitting on the floor, hoping that whoever was out there, would go away.

"Pete!" someone shouted outside. "I know you're there!" wait…someone? He definitely knew the voice. But it couldn't be…He stood up and opened the window. He looked down.

In front of the door, he stood. Pete rubbed his eyes, not believing what he saw. "Pete? Will you open up or should I stay here 'til tomorrow?" Matt shouted. Pete shook his head and retreated, opening the door. He couldn't believe it. How…?

Then there he was, in front of him and Pete just wanted to kiss him. Instead, he pulled Matt into a bone-crashing hug. "Asshole", he muttered in Matt's ear. Matt chuckled. Finally, Pete pulled back. "Why is your light off? Are you sleeping in jeans?" Suddenly Pete realized that his face must show that he had been crying. If Matt switched on the lights, he would…

Click

"Man, you look like shit. What has happened to you?" Matt looked at him, and there it was again. The bloody concern that made Pete's inside flutter and twist. He turned around. Suddenly, he felt that Matt was standing close to him. Too close. If he turned around now, he would be able to…no. Pete stopped his thoughts, before they could take dangerous paths.

He needed to say something, to break the awkward silence. "Why aren't you in Boston?" he asked? "Pity I'm not, huh?" Matt said, but he didn't sound hurt. "I said I would resume my studies, but I didn't say it was at Harvard. You know, I made up the plan quite some time ago and I had already sent my application letter to the London School of Journalism. They said that they would take me, but I had to send them my folder from Harvard. So, all I had to do was to erase the little flaw in my folder, and everything was perfectly fine."

Pete grinned. He couldn't stop it. He felt like dancing and singing and doing all kinds of embarrassing, girlish things. He still didn't turn around, afraid to show Matt his face, still slightly red (he assumed) from crying, plastered with a huge, foolish grin.

He felt Matt stepping even closer, now nearly touching Pete's shoulders. "You thought I would stay there, didn't you?" he asked. Pete didn't answer. "Matt chuckled softly and placed his head softly on Pete's shoulder. "You're extremely stupid sometimes, you know." He slid one arm around Pete's waist, pulling him closer. Pete leaned back into the embrace, enjoying the warm feeling of Matt's body behind him. Is this really happening?, he asked himself. He hoped so. Then he turned around. Their faces were now mere inches apart. He smiled, leaning closer to the smaller man. "That's how you love me." He whispered and pressed his lips against Matt's.