Yay! My longest chapter yet! Even though I think this one is kind of pointless and long and you guys will go like, 'Nooooo!!!' at the end of it, I still hope you all like it! Tried to limit spelling errors. (Used spell check.

Disclaimer: If I had one wish, it would be to own Tsubasa.

Yep, I put Chii in this one. Sorry! It's not a love thing!!! I just really need her character! Please forgive me!! The name was basically just something that was made up, cuz I was too lazy to make up a real chapter title. Sorry!

Iku-chan

PS: I took a test that said it would find out what DNAngel boyfriend I would get… and I got Krad!!! I thought I would get Satoshi or something… but I got Krad! It said that he was a control freak and wasn't very emotional. I still can't believe I got him… hahaha…

After It All

Chapter Five: Sleep

Fai couldn't remember the last time he felt like this. Like this…. Loved, cherished, the feel of being needed. With Ashura it was… Well, Ashura thought of love as something very physical, painful, and it wasn't like what Kurogane was doing to Fai at all.

Ashura would take out everything on Fai, no matter if Fai did anything or not. Sometimes Fai would have to lie to the doctors when he coughed up blood from Ashura's constant abuse. But that was before everyone was gone. At the end… it got really bad. Fai would feel faint often and pass out from all of the blood loss, and Ashura was rarely gentle with him, like he did sometimes when he wasn't mad.

Fai thought of it as a miracle when the feathers fell from the sky when he was huddled outside hiding from Ashura. It had given him hope, and now here he was, wrapped in another man's arms, asking him if he loved him. Love? But what was love worth after all Fai had been through? What was love after all the lies Fai had been told, all the lies Fai himself had told? After all, whoever involved Fai in their lives tended to live and die horribly.

But Kurogane wasn't speaking to him. He was looking down at him in a daze, almost looking as if he was still half-asleep. Fai took a deep breath and wrenched himself from Kurogane's warm hold on him. He looked away.

"I'm going to go make breakfast," said Fai, even though he couldn't possibly eat anything.

He entered the kitchen tucking a strand of hair behind his pale ear and plastered his fake smile onto his face. Mokona greeted him, its face covered in flour.

"'Morning, Fai!" said Mokona happily, wiping the flour off his eyelid with his paw. "Mokona and Syaoran are making muffins, want to help?"

Syaoran was standing beside Mokona, whisking the mixture in a large bowl. Fai tensed seeing him. He could sense the magic that radiated from him. Fai knew if he tried to fight Syaoran, tried to get his eye back, he would never win. They were equally matched, and the only reason Syaoran didn't take his other eye is because of Kurogane.

But what could Kurogane do if he was up against magic? Especially magic so strong as Fai's. He would stand no chance and then… But could they really get rid of Syaoran? Because if anything happened to Syaoran, or Fai, or Kurogane, or Mokona, they were all doomed. If Syaoran dies, Fai dies. If Fai dies, Kurogane dies. If Kurogane dies, the whole thing would have just been useless.

Does that mean I'm needed? Needed? Was anyone really needed in the whole scheme of the world? Of course, everyone yearns to be needed. To be cherished and cared for and loved. Those who aren't end up like Fai. Lonely and lying and sad. Fai found it hard to smile when he saw Mokona.

"I think I just need some time outside, Mokona," said Fai, smiling and waving his hand. "I'll be back to help with lunch."

Fai turned and walked out the kitchen and to the front door. Truthfully, he didn't want to be near Syaoran when he still held the power. He knew he could burst out into his other self at any minute. The cold air rushed to meet him and he looked around. The roads had snow covering them and Fai relished the feel of the snow crushing underneath his feet.

There were few people out; most of them all huddled beneath hooded and furred coats. Fai relished the feel of the cold air on his face, reminding him of his days in Celes. He sighed, looking down at his own coat. It was white like the one he used to own, but the markings were gone. He walked down the street to the park, each step making the snow crunch a little too loud for Fai's liking.

There was no one out, so Fai was alone leaning over the rail above the frozen lake alone. He watched as each of his small breaths made a puff of white air in front of his face and rested his chin on his hand. He looked down as he remembered a day similar to this one. The day he found the feathers.

A twenty-year-old Fai huddled behind the tower walls, his face in his hands. His face was wet with tears and his face was flushed. He hugged his coat close to him and winced at the pain. This was going too far. Ashura had used a knife this time, threatening to slit his throat if he didn't cooperate. And after Fai had pushed him away, Ashura had used the knife.

There was a scar on his neck and he already had lost quite a bit of blood. His body was littered with fresh bruises and it hurt to even sit there. His stomach was aching and he knew that Ashura would find him at any minute. Then he would be hurt even more. He moaned and slid so he was lying down; looking up at the cloudy sky, letting the cold air beat down on his face.

"I wish I could die…" said Fai, rubbing his eyes clear of tears.

But, of course, he couldn't die. It was not his time, and with his magic he couldn't kill himself. Fai closed his eyes, praying that someday he would get out of this place, praying that someday he would be reunited with Yuui… And Ashura would go back to being the old Ashura.

The old Ashura, who cared for Fai, and got him out of that sinner's place. The old Ashura, who was always gentle, and ruled this country. But the old Ashura was long gone. Now he had been replaced with a horrid murderer. Why? What could have made him so angry that he killed them all?

It was, just as he had said, Fai's fault. When Ashura had first started getting abusive, when the crops started to fail, and the people had started to fall ill, Ashura had started getting rough. And when Fai said he couldn't take it anymore, and said no when Ashura asked him if he loved him that was when it all went wrong.

He left at that moment, and the next day there were rumors of murder. It was in the fields, so it didn't affect anything much. There were rumors of a murderer lurking in the woods, and of course Fai had to ask for permission from Ashura to try to hunt down the murderer. He had barged into his room, face flushed, coat hung over him in a hurry, staff in hand.

He was leaning over a body, blood on his pale hands. He turned and smiled when Fai walked in. Fai stood mortified and Ashura had pinned him down on the floor with his bloody hands, throwing his staff to the side. Fai passed out at that instant and woke up later in his bed. By then, everyone was dead.

Fai looked up once more at the sky. But then, at that moment, Fai began to feel a strong magical presence around him. It's Ashura… Fai thought. But it wasn't. It was two small feathers, black markings covering them. Fai held out his hands and caught them. He held them to his chest, breathing in the aura. He really… He really felt as if he had hope right then.

"Yuui," said Fai, opening his palms so the feathers could float in the air. "These are for you. You won't be alone anymore."

Fai muttered something and closed his eyes. The feathers shined for a moment and then the shining light morphed into something human-like. Fai opened his eyes and stared at his creations with something like wonder and freight and awe

"Go to Yuui," he said to the shapes the feathers had become.

The shapes immediately disappeared and Fai bit his lip. Hope? Was that Fai was feeling? There would be hope, yes. Fai clenched his hands together and waited for Ashura. He could remember the spell he had taught him perfectly, and it would come in good use now.

Yes, sleep would be a good thing for the King…

Fai sighed and put his hands in his fur-lined pockets. I should be going back now… He thought, tucking a lock of hair behind his pale and cold ear. His blue eyes were half open and his eye was hurting more than usual. The cold weather reminded him of Celes, which only made him sadder.

He missed Yuui, he missed Chii, he missed the castle, and he missed so many other things… But…. What he missed the most was Ashura. He didn't really hate him. He couldn't, Ashura saved his life, his and Yuui's. Fai was a terrible liar anyways, even to himself. No matter how many times he told himself that he hated Ashura, in his heart he knew that he loved him.

As he started on his way home, a clear voice rung through his ears. He closed his eyes, straining to hear it better, knowing it was something important.

Fai? Fai, can you hear me? It was Chii's voice, a milky high-pitched voice. Yes. What is it Chii? They were speaking in their thoughts, because of their bond of creator and created. Her voice was flooded with hurt and worry. Something was wrong. Chii would never contact him like this if nothing was wrong. But something must have happened at the castle.

It's Ashura. Said Chii, her usually milky voice destroyed with fright and worry. H-He's woken up. I- She abruptly stopped; her voice cracking similar to radio fuzz, and then the there was silence. Fai's breathing was short and labored as he sank to the ground.

"No…" he said, burying his face in his hands.

Sorry for the boring chapter, and the long wait, but it had to be done (Well not the long wait, I was on vacation). You'll find out what Kurogane is doing in the next chapter. And where the feather is. And what will happen to Fai. (Lots in the next chapter) Please review! As always, telling me what characters you want to be put in is appreciated! Did you guys know this chapter has the most words out of all the chapters? (About 200 more!)

Oh yeah, if you guys were wondering, yes, Fai did lie to Kurogane when he told him that he killed Ashura. But you'll find out why in the next chapter. I also need 3 reviews to get chapter 6 out, everyone!