A/N: Hey guys, sorry for the long wait, but Life kinda got to me, ya know? It would be so much easier if i lived in the KH world, where I wouldn't have to learn math, I mean, sure, I could kill the Heartless with quadratic equations a.k.a. darkness' true essence, or I could just bash its brains out with a metal keyblade. Right, sorry, rambling. I've been sick a lot lately, and had musical auditions today (made it past the third call back! One more left to do...). So, yeah. I love the flashback on this one, it's sweet, but the rest of it is...o.o... Too much angst. I'm trying, y'all, it'll get better. Hopefully. Possibly. Yeah I think I'll stop there...
Rightio! On with the show! I hope you enjoy!
Alerts:
Hinna, Night Sapphire, The Mad Empty Shell, TheOptimisticPessimist, evil alien chickens, paupu fruits rox, orange.tictacs, xdearest mistake, AnimePenguin
Reviewers:
.my.melancholy.angel., orange.tictacs, AnimePenguin,
Woot! Thanks! I love you all!
Disclaimer: Axel, Roxas, Xigbar, Zexion, Demyx, Vexen (Woah a lot of 'em this time) and other Kingdom Hearts related characters belong to their respectful owners, Square Enix and Disney, of which I am neither.
Warning: Angst. More cussing. Angst. Violence. Angst. Horrible writing. Heh. Did I mention angst?
And then, the unthinkable happened...
-Chapter Four: Midnight Sky
The narrator would like to note that this happens the day Roxas leaves Axel's apartment
A frail individual shuffled along a crooked sidewalk, broken and flashing streetlights barely illuminating the way. He skirted around a pool of cracked glass, beer bottles littered randomly across the accompanying unkempt yard. Tucking his head down a little more, he kept his eyes on the path, knowing that the only way out was to face the very fears he had been running from.
R . o . x a . s
It was a bleak autumn day, the crisp wind whistling through empty streets, twisting into small dust devils as it made its jaunty way across the world. It was that time of year when the days were slowly shortening, the nights becoming longer as the air became cooler, the wintry escapades gradually stripping the almost barren trees of their remaining leaves.
It was through this realm of changing seasons that I walked, a bit of both fall and winter present in my surroundings. Dragging my feet, I finally returned to the one place I hated most. Past the bent mailbox, over the chipped walkway, in the overgrown grass, to grandmother's house we go, yeah? Except this time, there really was a wolf at the end of the trail. I reached the splintering piece of wood that served as a door and lightly touched the dirt covered handle, twisting it slowly and slipping in. My feet padded on the worn carpet, coming to a stop at the end of the hall, where a small table with a picture on it sat silently in wait.
"I'm home, mum," I said in a soft voice, my eyes travelling across the old black and white snapshot. In it was a tall woman with golden hair, a childish face, and jovial blue eyes that twinkled at me from under long lashes. She had died when I was three, leaving me at an orphanage for seven years, as she didn't trust my father to be able to 'care for me'. When I was nine, my father took me from the orphanage to come live with him after a successful (and fraudulent) legal battle. I, personally, think it was for the childcare money.
"Roxas?" A voice rasped from somewhere to my left. I winced, and walked through a doorway, bowing my head respectfully.
"Yes, Ansem, sir?" I said, folding my hands behind my back, waiting to see if he had noticed my absence yesterday. The blonde haired man staggered up, leaving a sunken spot on the couch where he had been sitting.
"Guess what," he started out calmly enough. "Guess what." I knew it was just the beginning. He was like a spring all wound up; small in the amount of space it took up, but filled with energy just waiting to be released with one accidental trip of a wire.
"I came home today, yes, here, the very home I provided for you, and you…well, you weren't here, were you? And neither was dinner. So where is it? Cause it most certainly isn't on the table where it's supposed to be, bitch! I came home after slaving all day to feed you, and where's my reward for working my ass off to make you happy? What do I get for trying to help you?" He shouted, spittle flying.
"I don't know, sir," I said quietly, waiting for the explosion. Anything I said would trip his spring, so I might as well get it over with.
"Disrespect!" My sorry excuse for a parental figure roared, his eyes bloodshot and the pupils contracted, staring at me with alcohol-induced rage. "That's all I ever get! Who works all day? Me. Who pays the bills? Me. Who only asks a few things of you? Me. And then you have the nerve to run away from all my kindness? What'd you do? Forget to come home? Forget to make dinner? So many other things you've forgotten, I guess I shouldn't be surprised! Well, forget this!" By then he had managed to drag himself to where I stood, towering over me. I knew what was coming, and barely winced as his backhand smacked across the left side of my face.
I calmly pressed my palm against my cheek to stop the stinging, and then let it fall. The man, if you could call him that, in front of me growled, angry at my lack of reaction. He slapped me twice more, knuckles grazing my cheekbone. It didn't matter. Not once did I cry out, not once did I let my stony exterior crack. Not once did I show him the hurt he caused, both by his hands and his words.
The next blow he landed drove me to my knees, the air rushing from my lungs as he pulled his fist back from my stomach. He kicked me in the side, once, twice, laughing again and again in a high-pitched, almost insane way as I fell to the dirty floor, unmoving. I didn't fight back, I never did. Fighting back only made things worse. Besides, I only had one year left. One year, and I'd be free. I could last that long, I knew I could. I knew I could.
"That'll teach you some respect, you lousy piece of shit. Maybe next time you'll be smart and save yourself the trouble of running. You always come back, anyway," he sneered, my eyes dull as I refused to look up. "You're nothing! You're nothing without me, you're worth nothing, you have nothing! You have no rights! Without me, you don't even have the right to be!"
I still didn't say anything, just stared at the ground through half lidded eyes as he left. I heard his footsteps die away as he entered the kitchen, and only limped to my room once I was sure he had settled. Two months ago he had broken down my door, so there was only a small, musty curtain as an obstacle. Here, at least, I was mildly safe. Well, as safe as I could get with a madman down the hall.
I collapsed on the green futon in the corner, face down in my pillow as I gasped for breath, determined not to cry as I hugged my pillow to my chest. After a few minutes, I sat up, finally under control. As I made to lay back down, I saw a small paper triangle sticking out from under the cover of my pillow. I gently tugged it free, smoothing out the yellowing edges with calloused fingers. It seemed so familiar, like a memory buried deep in the confines of my heart.
At the top of the parchment was a sloppily taped picture, depicting a young girl with blonde hair, eight at the most, who stood laughing while carrying a small brown-haired boy piggyback, other children playing in the background. Messy, crabby handwriting sprawled across the space below the picture. It was smudged in places, ripped in other, but the message was still legible:
Never forget all the times we shared,
All those instances you showed you cared,
Cared, yes, cared for me
When no one else would.
You wanted me to be all I could be,
Showed me just how far
I could reach,
Showed me the stars,
And how bright they shine,
Gave me a reason to see,
Without my eyes,
Spent effort and work and all of your time,
Being the bestest brother ever to me.
All my luv,
Your Sky
A dark splotch splashed on the old paper, followed by another, then three more. I raised a shaking hand to my face, pulling it away from my cheek slowly, frightened of what I might find. The fingers glistened as though I had dunked them in a lake on a midsummer day, wet with what I knew were tears. They always shine brighter than regular water, always, as though they are filled with the broken pieces of the heart of the owner.
I closed my eyes, unable to stand the sight of the letter anymore, the childhood dream, the broken promise, and remembered a time oh-so-long ago, with friends alive only in my memory.
.:-Flashback-:.
(A/N: The past is coming, the past is coming!!! You knew I'd have one sooner or later…)
"Roxy! Roxy!" A small brown and green blur tackled me to the ground, giving me no time to defend myself. Sighing, I picked myself up, helping my attacker to his feet and dusting the red dirt off us both.
"Sky! You have to be more careful! You could've hurt me, or worse, you could've hurt yourself! And why are you running so recklessly? It could've been someone else, or you could've missed, or..." I reprimanded him.
"My keeper showed me where you were. 'M sorry, big brother," he said, using his other term for me as he dug a hole in the ground with his foot, avoiding my eyes sheepishly.
"It's okay, just do better next time." I told him gently, using a soft tone to show him I didn't mean the sharpness in my voice, that I was just worried about him. "And why do you insist on calling me 'Roxy'?"
He grinned at me cheekily, glad to know I wasn't mad at him. He grabbed my hand and asked if we could sit down. I led him over to a bench, then told him to sit back on it, which he did. Sky was so trusting, I knew that trait will come back to haunt him one day…
"Because you call me Sky," he said, eyes focusing just to the left of my head.
"I call you Sky because you have eyes just as brilliant as the world above us, silly. But Roxy doesn't mean sky."
"Well, I call you Sky because it's fun, silly! Don't you do things just for fun, Roxy?" He looked back up at me, sucking on his thumb.
"Well, of course, Sky. It's kind of hard not to with you around." I told him.
"But you're always taking care of me! How can you have fun taking care of me?" He frowned, eyebrows tilted downward.
"Oh, I have fun, Sky! You're fun to be with, don't worry."
"I know, I know. But sometimes, you just seem so lonely." He turned around, eyes closed as he listened to everything around him.
"I'm lonely? How can you tell?"
I was, actually, wondering this. Sky, or Sora, as everyone else called him, had been blind for almost his whole life, starting with an accident at the hospital. His parents died shortly after he was born, leaving him with us, the Safe Place for Abandoned and Rescued Kids, or SPARK, where he would always liven up our day with his immediate trust, sunny smiles, and optimism. Sky was an amazing person, and I hated that he was stuck here when he could truly be someone out there.
"Sight is not only for the outside things. There are many more important things I don't need eyes to see, like you. You're always kind to the smaller kids, including me, and you stand up for others when they're getting bullied. You care about people, even if you don't show it, and though you don't like letting people in, you're a fierce protector of those who can get close to you. I know these things just by listening, and feeling, and right now, you seem lonely."
I sighed. Sometimes it was as though he was ancient, possessing wisdom far beyond his age of five years, and at those times he always seemed so much more mature than he had any right to be.
"It's alright, Sky. Stop worrying about it. Now c'mon, I'll push you on the swings!" And just like that, he was a cute five-year old boy, holding my hand as he chattered endlessly about the very swings we were going to. It was like nothing could go wrong.
-Two months later-
I woke up cold. It was the first thing I noticed- the lack of warmth. I was so used to waking up to someone jumping on the bed, poking me with a short, pudgy finger, or a pair of sky blue eyes shoved in my face, it was a surprise not to be surprised. Passing a hand across my face to block out the sun, I squinted at the bunk bed across from where I lay, mumbling out a 'good morning'. When there was no reply, I struggled into a sitting position, yawning.
"Sky? You up?" I glanced around, finally realizing that the room was empty, the bed where Sky slept stripped of sheets, the small bedside table barren of belongings. "Sky?!" I half shouted, panic coming over me in waves. Sky never went anywhere without someone; he always woke me up before he left. Sky was afraid of being alone.
"Sky!" Hastily pulling on a pair of shorts, I hobbled through the door, racing to find my adoptive little brother. I heard a shout coming from the front yard, and turned that way.
"Roxas? Big brother!"
I tore through the front door, running desperately forward, catching the sight of Sky being led away by two adults in suits.
"Sky!" I shouted again, foggy brain trying to figure out why he was being taken away. I didn't know what was happening, didn't know where Sky or I was going, and I didn't care. The only thing I cared about now was Sky- I wanted to protect him, save him from the cold, judging world, and the only thing I knew for certain was that I couldn't do that if he was gone.
I could see him turn, neck craning to look at me, trying to wrench himself from the grip of his captors, try and fight back, however useless it was. Sky wasn't a fighter- he wouldn't be able to do it. By now the two people had noticed my yelling, and were exchanging shocked and worried glances. Their gaze shifted to something behind me, and I chanced a look over my shoulder to see Miss Aerith, the orphanage mother, running through the door. When I looked back ahead, ignoring her, I saw that Sky had almost passed the chain link fence that separated the orphanage from the rest of the world.
Suddenly I tripped; the hard, unforgiving ground rushed up as my knees hit the dusty red surface, my hands scraping against the rocks. It didn't matter, not now, there was no time. I pushed myself up, barely catching a glimpse of frightened blue eyes before they disappeared, possibly forever. The gate shut behind him, and I thudded into it a split second too late. My fingers twisted in the cold metal, salty tears making crooked tracks across my face as I collapsed against the gate, sobs wracking my body.
I barely felt the warm arms wrapped around me, saw nothing but a few blurry images through my cracked lids, scarcely heard Miss Aerith's soft voice whispering comforting words in my ear; it was all closed off to me.
"It's alright now…better place…blind…shhh, dear…they…help see…do…understand? He... better off... Have…let go."
I only heard snatches of what was being said, the roaring in my ears drowned out all other sound. All I knew was that Sky was gone, someone had taken him, and I could do nothing about it. I saw it now, where I had never seen it before. Sky…was my light. He was the one that helped me through everything, whether he knew it or not. I nurtured that light, helped him grow, and protected him from people like me, who grew in the darkness. And now, all that was left for me was to go back, now that there was no one to keep me from slipping away.
I opened my eyes, not even realizing I had closed them, to stare into the sympathetic green orbs of Miss Aerith.
"He's…gone," I managed to croak. I don't know what I was expecting. Did I imagine that Miss Aerith would tell me no, to say he was coming back, to say he was just gone for a little while, to tell me that, above all, I would be able to see him again?
Miss Aerith's face sunk, and my hopes fled as she pulled me into a hug once more.
"Oh, sweetling. Yes, I'm afraid so, dear. His home is no longer with us."
It was the final straw for me, my breaking point, the last thing I could stand to hear. I would've preferred a lie over this truth, preferred to be kept in the dark just awhile longer, be given hope where there was none.
"N-No!" I shouted, jolting to my feet, feeling my legs shake under the sudden pressure. "No, you're wrong! You're all wrong! He'll be back…I know he will!" I raced back off to the orchard behind the main building, legs moving faster than they ever had before, filled with some insane energy, just trying to run, run far away, as if I could leave all of my problems behind with the simple act. As if by brute force, sheer will, and false hope I could somehow bring Sky back to me.
After a short time, I crumbled, knees buckling as sweat ran down my face to mingle with my tears, face red with exertion. I sat back in the gnarled roots of an apple tree, glancing up to see dappled sunlight shining through gaps in the upper foliage. I sat back weakly, remembering a time when Sky and I would sit in these same trees, laughing and carefree. And the worst part was, I knew he was gone. I knew I couldn't get him back. I had given up hope. I made a promise then to never let anyone get close to me- friends were too easy to lose.
Sky was gone. And, I think, a piece of my heart was, too.
.:/End Flashback\:.
I dropped the note with trembling fingers, remembering I had found it beneath my pillow when I had finally crawled back into my room, almost unable to stand the sight of the empty bed across from mine.
I closed my eyes, trying in vain to stem the flow of tears brought on by the note, but it was no use. I hadn't cried in so long… For the past five or so years, I had kept everything bottled up. Emotions were weakness, and with weakness came pain. I couldn't stand any more hurt, so I put my heart on lockdown, turned it to stone, just so no emotion, no feelings, no nothing could get through. And now…my wall was crumbling, my dam busting, and all of my pent-up tears came pouring out.
Everything- remembering Sora, Aiden, my father- it was too much, the stress was too much, the darkness… there was too much of it. I was falling, falling, spiraling down into the blackness that waiting so eagerly for my approach, cold tendrils consuming my heart, diminishing my light, life rotting away in the absence of hope.
Through the cold bars of my prison, I felt a slight tingling in my feet and hands, as though the circulation had cut off. The sensation slowly progressed toward my chest area, eating its way through my body to its core. The tingling turned into needles, invisible, sharp points driving in and out of my skin. I cried out in shock, my eyes widening as the feeling reached my abdomen. I stumbled away from my futon as the pain intensified, every nerve on fire.
I crashed through the door and struggled out into the street, knowing that if the pain continued I would draw the attention of my father, something definitely not wanted. I could barely walk as the needles turned to knives, slicing through my skin, but when I looked, I could not find any wound, no blood rolling down my arm, no outward signs of anything that might be causing the pain.
And then, with a great shudder, my legs buckled as the pain increased ten fold, shooting through my legs, up through my stomach, resounding and echoing in upon itself through my head. A migraine level headache came on as my vision blurred with the pain; every inch of me throbbing with the sheer agony that lanced through my body.
"Stop!" I screamed, bending over as all of my muscles locked in place. I dropped, wrapping my shaking arms around my knees, trying to ball myself up. "Stop, stop stop stop it! Just make it STOP!" I rocked back and forth in my ball, my voice hoarse from screaming so much.
Tears streamed down my face as I waited for something, anything, to come and take the pain away, even though, in the back of my mind, I knew no one would come. Far worse screams and far worse things had happened on this road, and even for those, no kindness was shown, no helping hand given. Stabs of pain erupted in my chest as the feeling finally reached my heart. I screamed again, a high pitched keening that seemed to go on forever.
"Just make the pain go away," I gasped out, eyes wide and almost rolling. Without knowing it, with this sentence, this plea, I was no longer just addressing this pain, but the world's. Life's. More specifically, mine. I would have given anything, anything at all to be rid of it. Even death sounded better, better than this endless torture of fire and steel, of abuse and loss. I wanted to get away, to be anywhere but here, to be anyone but me. I just wanted… to be safe. Secure. Loved.
As the pain finally became too much to stand, as functions began shutting down and darkness began engulfing the edges of my vision, I didn't realize that I was buying security with something I never really thought about: Freedom.
And then, no one guessed it, but...
End Note: Gah. Angst. Lot's. And Sora! Whee, I love Sora. He'll come back into the story much, much, muchhhhh later, with his 'best' friend, Riku, just in case you wanted to know. And, about the Ansem thing...yeah. First of all, I needed a blonde character. Roxas blonde, Roxas's father blonde too? Trying to fit everything in with genetics, and I really, really couldn't see a drunk Cloud. Oh, and... I hate Ansem. Seriously. He killed them all. And ruined Roxas's life. And took him away from Axel. So, yes, he's OOC, but I had to make him a bad guy! Had to!
Heh, right, well, I hope enjoyed it, please, please, please review. Please. Yeah, I'm reduced to begging. -pokes it- See? Yeah... Well, thanks for reading!
Love,
Misfit