Au note: Alright already. Limericks from Bobby. You wouldn't quit nagging and THIS is what you get!!

And for those of you unfamiliar with French, the letter p in "de trop" is silent so that "trop" rhymes with go. "de trop" means superfluous or excessive.

Disclaimers: Dick Wolf's characters are much better behaved than mine.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To: stopthevoicesinmyhead@carmelridge.com

From: bobbygoren@mcs.com

Dear Mom,

As you suggested -

While my lunch is digested

Although we speak every day

And so I've not much to say

Here's the e-mail that you requested!

First I really must thank

You to not call Lola "That Skank"

So I contracted cat scratch fever

That was no reason to leave her

The sex was worth it; if I'm being quite frank

I promise next time I see

"The World's Worst S.O.B."

I'll mention to Dad

You're the best he's ever had

But you know that he'll just disagree.

You like to take chances

With the family finances

But 'til you learn not to blush

When holding a flush

Quit playin' poker and start readin' romances

I don't care WHAT symptoms you've got!

I'm not bringing you POT!

For Pete's sakes - I'm a cop!

The nagging's just got to stop!

I'd lose my job if I ever got caught!

Though he's a star on tv

If you met him you'd see

He's not nearly as good-looking

And you wouldn't like his cooking

D'Onofrio can't hold a candle to me!

Yes my partner's quite cute

And witty to boot

But I can definitely say

She doesn't see me that way

I fear she may be too astute.

At work I like to disarm,

Disconcert and alarm

Alex thinks I'm abusing

The tactics I'm using

She doesn't see it's all part of my charm!

I know you're counting on me

To put grandkids on your knee

But Mom with this job

Girls won't marry your Bob

At least not that I can foresee.

Remember Dad's ex-wife Rikki

Who gave me the hickey

When I was nineteen?

Well I've recently seen

Her down by the pier doin' quickies.

The new sweater is great!

No, I'm not losing weight.

If you knit them too tight

I'm afraid you'll incite

Detective Stabler to ask me out on a date.

Mom, you're making me blush

Telling me 'bout your crush

He'd think you were dotty

To call him a hottie

Captain Deakins doesn't go for that mush.

Since you made that big scene

I've been avoiding Colleen

She was less than impressed

When you ripped off her dress

You've GOT to stop drinking caffeine.

And your floor mate, Mrs. Mudd

Her nails draw blood

It's only knowing she's manic

That keeps me from panic

When she keeps asking me to prove I'm a stud!

Mom, please don't lobby

On behalf of 'your' Bobby

You don't need to horde

Any more bungee cord

I really don't need a new hobby!

While I don't mean to be rude,

PLEASE quit sendin' food

And Mom - this will come as a blow-

The blue silk jammies are de trop

Since leaving home I always sleep in the nude.

You spend too much of your day

Buying gifts on e-bay

We may have to edit

The extent of your credit

There's nothing more I can say.

I could be more verbose

If I wrote you in prose

But there's this lunatic daf9

Who INSISTS that I rhyme

I'd enjoy seein' HER decompose!