~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Au note: Poughkeepsie is a small town not too far south of New York City, pronounced Poo- kip-sie. If there are any residents of that town reading this chapter, please don't take offense just because I appear to be denigrating Poughkeepsie. I would have used my own home town, but I couldn't make anything rhyme with Rochester.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To: stopthevoicesinmyhead@carmelridge.com

From: bobbygoren@mcs.com

Dear Mom,

Since the last time we spoke

Deakins told me a "joke"

About a flamboyant cop

Whose boss gave him the chop

I think HE thinks that I mean to provoke.

This week has been very hard

I lost my library card

To some doper cookin' crack

In his unventilated shack

Shack, perp and card wound up charred.

Do I make his job overly strenuous?

The evidence is really quite tenuous

But when I say I don't know

Why I irritate him so

Carver accuses me of being disingenuous.

Your doctors say they're displeased

At the notions you've seized

You've started raiding the fridge

And cheating at bridge

Your flirting won't keep them appeased!

I really don't think

Your meds allow you to drink

The nurses are givin' me static

So let's be pragmatic

And pour that champagne down the sink!

I know you're not to blame

For going insane

Even Dad understood

You did the best that you could

And aren't responsible for what you became.

I used to think you debonair

When you dressed with such care

But were you just feeding the illusion

You could tame the confusion

That you sensed would some day be there?

Still, if Dad had been the one

Whose mind came undone

Would YOU have stayed out so late

Come home reeking of your date

Or would you at least THOUGHT of your son?

My childhood left me ungrounded

And perpetually confounded

Though Dad kept on trying

I always KNEW he was lying

It's no surprise that I'm not so well-rounded!

Mom, I'm sometimes afraid

That my mind's a grenade

And one day down the road

It's just going to explode

And there'll be no one to come to my aid.

And if I were to marry

With the genes that I carry

Would someday MY son

Regret what I'd done

And pray for a parent less scary?

Cards on the table-

Am I growing unstable?

Are my antics amusing

Or cause for accusing

'Acting crazy' may be more than a label!

I fear I'm not being cheery

My mind is too weary

But enough of this drivel

A son shouldn't be uncivil -

I'll switch to a topic less dreary.

I really shouldn't speak

But I had a case just last week

The killer had no fear

Or so he made it appear

Now THAT guy was some kind of freak!

I dragged him to the brink

And I made that scum blink

He won't swagger again

Into THIS lion's den

You're right Mom - I should have been a shrink!

And then we found a dead stiff -

I like to give them a sniff

Eames has confessed

It leaves her distressed

When I've a cold, I make HER take a whiff!

Mom, next week my goal

Is to tumble Nicole

Yeah, I know she takes lives -

So I'll hide the sharp knives

But the passion's beyond my control!

When my beer makes me tipsy

I dream of being a gypsy

I'd be good at a scam

And if forced on the lam

Who'd look for a New Yorker in Poughkeepsie?

~~~~~~~~~~~

COMING SOON! Bobby complains to his mother about the LOCI writers. Unless of course they manage to pull off next week's episode without degenerating into total soap opera.