AN/ Sorry, I've been having trouble writing lately and this is the best I could do.

Written to: Nelly's "Say Now"

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A Thousand Little Deaths

No Escape

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He couldn't remember how many years it had been since she had last visited him. A decade, perhaps two. It seemed like an eternity since he'd seen her face and felt her skin flush beneath his fingertips.

His pack had prospered and grown stronger over the years. They were gaining power and respect. They were doing well. His miko was not.

Rumors were circulating of the wandering miko in green. A few generations ago, she had been known to the humans all across the land as the Great Guardian of the Shikon no Tama. But now, the humans were becoming industrialized. They were forgetting their heritage and their forebears.

Four days ago she had stumbled into his den in a daze. He'd smelled her coming miles away, but could not run to her as he had wanted to so badly lest he raise suspicions among his pack.

The pungent stench of alcohol clung to her and tear tracks stained her face. She was pallid, thin, and spectral. "Kouga-kun!" she had choked as she fell into his arms. She sobbed into his chest armor and all he could do was stroke her tangled hair comfortingly, looking back at his mate in apprehension.

"They killed her, Kouga-kun." And she looked up at him with sad, lost eyes. He had never felt so misplaced. He had comforted her as best he could, all the while feeling the heated glare of Ayame on his back.

A warm summer breeze lifted the flat, lackluster locks of ebon from her shoulders, billowing through the sullied white sleeves of her kimono. Kouga had taken away her bottle and the last bit of alcohol had worked itself out of her system.

And now she just sat on this cliff outside the wolf's den, pondering the gaping hole in her heart where her companion Akika had once lived. Why did she let it get this far? She knew this would happen, had told herself time and again. And now…

What was left?

The tinkling laughter of children drifted from the entrance of the cave as the youngest of the eastern wolf clan rose from their sleep and began to stir. She heard the approaching footsteps and the growing voices of the children. Turning slightly, she was mildly surprised to see the leader of this clan take a seat beside her, letting his long, tanned legs dangle over the edge next to hers.

For a long time, there was only the sound of the children and their games. Then…

"What now?"

For the longest time, she could not remember his voice. But, to hear it now… Oh, how it hurt.

Tears stung her eyes again, and she turned her face away from his, into the wind. He'd seen enough of her weakness. "I don't know. For a while, it was… it was almost okay."

He said nothing. What was there to say?

He watched her in silence for a while, her hair rising on the wind to obscure her features from him.

"Miko-sama!" they heard one of the children call from behind them. They both turned to see a little red-haired girl running towards them with a handful of colorful seashells. When she neared, Kagome could clearly see the resemblance to her mother, Ayame. The little cub had her hair, her brilliant blue eyes. But, her confident grin, Kagome thought fondly, was definitely from her father.

"Miko-sama, Taa-chan and I found these on the beach. I wanted to give them to you!" the little girl told her, holding out the assortment of shells to the older woman with a sweet smile.

Kagome smiled a bitter smile and accepted the offering. "Thank you Ao-chan. They are very beautiful."

The girl flashed her a grin, one that reminded her so much of the man sitting beside her, and ran off back to the other children. Kagome carefully laid the shells beside her and once again looked out into the forest below her.

'This is so wrong. I shouldn't be here. Ayame, she has been so kind to me. But… my God, what am I doing here?' She was living amongst the family of her former lover. His mate was serving her tea, his children were bringing her gifts. And he… he was acting as though nothing had ever happened. Nothing had ever happened between them.

She spoke to him softly. "I'll live forever, you know."

He turned his head and his bright blue eyes alighted on her. "You've told me."

At this a bitter laugh escaped her and he almost flinched at the sound of it. How she had changed. "This damned jewel took everything from me. It took me friends, my family, my home, my life, and now it even denies me death. What is there left in this world for me?"

He could hear the desperation in her voice, the torment in her heart. Worriedly, he slid his hand across the short distance between them and wrapped his fingers around her thin wrist. She was in obvious turmoil and… well, it was an awfully long way down.

"That's not true, Kagome, and I think you know that. Please, stay here with us."

She lowered her troubled eyes to their joined hands and smiled cynically. "I don't think you understand, Kouga-kun." And quicker than he could react she pushed herself from the ledge, breaking his tenuous grasp, and plummeted two hundred meters to the rocky earth below.

Through the horrified screams of the children he could barely hear the sickly crunch of bones as her body impacted with the ground. "Kagome!" he yelled futilely and jumped down after her.

In moments he was beside her broken body and was horrified to find her arm twisted in an unnatural angle up over her broken neck and several bones in her legs protruding out through her shins and knees, oozing crimson liquid that dazzled in the morning sun.

He approached her cautiously, afraid to reach out and touch her, but suddenly a radiant pink light surrounded her body and when it faded she was lying there, eyes fluttering about her in disappointment.

Kouga gulped and took a step back. "What…?"

Her sad gray eyes found his. "Do you see now?"

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