Chapter 18 - My Other People

Zadie felt stiff, like she had fallen into quicksand. This wasn't what she had expected when she would for the first time be looking at her father, actually knowing it was him. At their first encounter she hadn't known it was him and he hadn't known who she was either. To Zadie those few minutes didn't count. This was their beginning.

Truth told when she would see her father for the first time (knowing) she had expected a cry of happiness from her side, running towards him. She had expected anything but what she did now. Everything but this.

She could feel a tear rolling quietly down her face as she took a few steps closer to the man still dresses in the indigo blue scrubs. As she came closer she saw the deep blue eyes and he smiled. She recognized them both reflecting in whatever mirror or glass window she passed, even in the water surface when she filled the bathtub sometimes they reflected back on her.

"Derek, what the hell…" Zadie could hear Addison exclaim. "You have to explain this!"

Derek took a step towards Zadie, but felt a hand pull him back.

"Derek!?"

"Not now Addie!" he said and wrestled out of his wife's firm grip, making his way towards his daughter.

A smiled silently entered Zadie's Derek approached her. She closed her eyes for a split second mentally shaking of the tiredness in her body.

"Hi…" he said and smiled slightly, not so fast forward like the dads TV and so on, when seeing their daughter for the first time ever.

Zadie had watched those things many times; the box-office successes and the best-selling books. She didn't like them and hate was a strong word. Though somewhere around there was her liking, because it didn't look real; it wasn't realistic that 10 minutes after seeing the face of your dad for the first time to call him dad. And now she proved it all wrong, because it obviously isn't s in the movies. Nothing is, not in the real world anyways.

But one of the things they always ask themselves, the daughters, in the movies: will he stay; will he stick around? Will it change? She had exited the exam rooms in belief that he wouldn't care. Obviously he did care. He had practically told his wife to shut up, because that was what not now really meant. Zadie had heard it too many ties to know otherwise.

Her mother sometimes used it in tries to go with the American housewife-language. Though it almost always ended up with the truth; shut up. Zadie never took any harm when her mother said that. Mostly she laughed at it because as well as not now didn't fit Meredith, neither did shut up. Plus her mother always felt very badly about saying stuff like that and always apologized gain and again and again until Zadie had to tell her to shut up.

Thinking of those things that her mother had said to her, Zadie couldn't help but wonder if he would say those things. Again came the thoughts of the change; if they would in the future have a relationship; if he'd act upon being dad.

Maybe their so called future would just involve this white hospital hallway and Zadie seeing the night skyline of Seattle as she's make her departure.

Zadie had the opportunity to walk away; to escape the possibility of getting hurt or whatever she'd get that wouldn't be good. She could turn around, but if that was what she wanted, why did she come in the first place? She knew she wasn't an avoider like her mother or someone who turns her back on whenever it goes rough making choices; obviously that was just what Derek had done. She also knew that there was this old line someone had said, probably a dusty, old man, but that wasn't the point.

Hearing the proverb in the back of her head she smiled at the dark haired man with the ocean eyes.

No pain, no gain…

"Hello…"

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Derek viewed the seemingly so familiar girl. That he hadn't gotten his facts together earlier when he had seen her was to him a mystery. But of course he hadn't gone to work thinking today he'd meet his daughter. Not in his wildest dreams. "So you know about the McDreamy thing..?" he cursed himself for saying such a bright thing.

"Ehm, yeah…" Zadie looked oddly at him. Of all things that possibly could come out that were the words. Thee exact words. Zadie thought perhaps he was shocked, and that was what she said. "You must be very shocked... Maybe you... I... should..." she took a step back like a frightened fox, continuing rambling stuff and fingering her own finger like she always did in awkward situations.

"I'm sorry, Zadie..." he shook his head, rubbing his forehead. "That was probably not the brightest thing to say..." he looked up and his hands quietly fell to the sides. "To be honest, I have no idea what to say..."

"Oh..." Zadie bit her lip. "Ehm, okay... I guess that's justified…" she smiled hesitatingly.

"Yeah, maybe, but soon enough I will know what to say, and when I do there will be so much to tell..." he smiled awkwardly and ran a hand through his hair. "Did that sound very weird? Cause I wasn't really sure what I was saying."

"It sounded very deep, Derek." she smiled, forgetting the pounding from inside her head and the weakness in her legs disappeared for a moment. "Are you a deep person?"

"No, not really..." he said, giving another smile at the same time scratching his head.

"My mother isn't very, and if you aren't..."

Derek looked back at Meredith who stood with tears in her eyes trying to shut out Addison's stone eyes. The red head quickly turned when Derek looked their way.

"Derek..." hissed Addison behind gritted teeth.

"Not now…"

"...then maybe there is a third guy..." he could hear Zadie continue. "...who's a rodeo clown in Texas, not that I think mom would ever visit the south or that he'd be very dee..."

Then a thud came and he turned around seeing Zadie collapsed by his feet.

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Meredith froze for a second as her daughter sailed down and hit the hard floor. She looked around and people rushed over to the petite figure on the ground, picturing Zadie. Beside her stood Addison with wide opened eyes trying to get the hang of what was happening. Meredith did too and ran over the mass of people around Zadie, feeling the panic hit her.

"Zadie..." she screamed as she threw herself by her daughter down on the floor. "Zadie... Zade? Sweet?" She turned to the people around her. "What happened?! Derek?!"

He turned around, facing Meredith with a calm face. "I don't know what it is, Mer..."

"Don't you 'Mer'!" Meredith opened her mouth again but closed when she looked at her daughter's face.

Zadie's eyes started to flutter under the closed eye lids and soon enough she opened them, deep blue looking at the ones around her. "Hi… okay… ehm, right…" she muttered with a questioning look upon her face. "What are you doing?"

"Are you okay, babe?" Meredith said and pushed away a strand of hair that had fallen into her face, then doing the same on her daughter. "You fainted… Don't you remember?"

"All I remember is talking about some rodeo clown down south which by the way wasn't very fun." Zadie sat up all too fast she discovered but didn't winch. "I'm fine…"

"Are you really sure?" Meredith asked. She knew her daughter wasn't the kind of person who complained, even if she wanted too or if it was granted. She didn't really know where that behaviour came from. Maybe it was those times Zadie had found her crying, because then Meredith had told her everything was fine when it wasn't. Maybe that was it, but she wanted to believe that Zadie's soccer coach was the answer behind it all. Seven years of 'Fight, win, show no pain!' before every game might do that to you.

"Mom, I'm fine… Seriously!" Zadie sighed and stood up, legs failing her underneath.

"Seriously you're not." Derek stated and stood up and scooped her up in his arms, carrying her over to a bed lined up against the wall. She wasn't at all heavy. Though, with that frame he hadn't expected her to be. "Are you sure you don't have a head ache?"

Zadie glared at him slightly, rolling her eyes in the most teenaged way. "I've told yo-"

"Zadie?" George cut, crossing his arms over his chest. "Are you really sure that's what you want to say? Because I will tell your," he pause looking down on his feet. "ehm, mother if you don't."

Meredith looked at George who turned away, looking everywhere but at her. She couldn't blame him, but eventually he would have to talk to her and he probably knew that too. She turned back to Zadie who raised her eyebrows in a challenging way.

"What?!"

"Have I missed something here or what?" Meredith asked.

"I fell down the stair… No big deal…" Zadie tried soothingly as her mother looked at her in great disbelief. "Mom, seriously…"

"But you do have a head ache?" Derek asked and raised his eyebrows, moving his finger form side to side for Zadie to follow and pulled up his light pen from his pocket and shone it in Zadie's eyes. "Okay… And seriously is not that convincing..."

"Seriously?" a bunch of people exclaimed and looked at the neurosurgeon who made a face of foolishness pointed directly to his co-workers who had obviously agreed with Zadie.

Zadie sighed and confessed, biting her lip. "Okay, I do…"

"Ehm, I know I'm no brain specialist but she's been squinting her eyes and she couldn't hold her balance very well." Alex said and scratched his head. "That can't be that good, right?"

"Sure, spill my medical background like today's gossip… Sure fine…" Zadie whispered though her teeth and Alex shrugged his shoulders.

"Of course it isn't good, Alex!" a female voice said and Christina glared at Alex with stern eyes.

Meredith glanced over at Christina who froze mid-sentence when she caught the gray eyes looking at her.

"Ehm, I… I have a surgery… soon…" she said and hurried off.

"Christina!" Preston exclaimed and looked at Meredith with apologetic eyes, who shook her head.

"It's okay, Burke…"

"No, it's not…" he said and followed her, disappearing around the corner.

Meredith rubbed her for head, turning to Zadie. "Was it a hard fall?" she glanced at Derek. "Do we need to get an MRI?"

"She fell down some stairs…" a strong yet careful voice confirmed and Meredith turned eye to eye with Miranda Bailey who looked like she always had, but a bit of guilt had been added to the usually hard exterior. "But she hit her head pretty hard…"

"So, I think we should get an MRI," Derek said as Zadie glared at him. "Just in case, because I should have done it before."

"Why expose me to unnecessary radiation when I'm fine? Seriously…"

"Didn't you just say you had a head ache?"

Meredith recognized the voice as Izzie's cheerful one, and looked over at the blond who had her eyes fixed on Zadie, but soon enough she turned to look back at Meredith.

Izzie looked at Meredith, and saw the same Meredith that she had seen fifteen years ago. She looked just fine, a little weary but that's to be expected giving birth a daughter at the same time being an intern, and then raise her all through residency, basically on her own. Izzie probably looked weary herself after having twin daughters, who had had inherited the bad ass gene from their father. Looking at Meredith she didn't feel any of that anger she had in waves felt rushing over her. No all that was gone, in some way it had just disappeared. As she had said to Christina before; people change.

And she smiled and raised her hand, doing a quick wave.

Meredith felt little piece of the lump in her heart that had formed in the years disappear. Izzie waved, and it was so nice to see her bright smiled again. Before she left Seattle, it was always so nice to enter the kitchen, seeing Izzie there; apron-dressed whipping up a batch of muffins or cupcakes or whatever that they had ingredients home for.

"A little head ache hasn't killed anyone…" Zadie rolled her eyes. "Seriously…"

"Actually…" Alex started, but he stopped as George glared at him and Izzie smacked him on his arm. "What?"

"What are you doing?"

"Well, since the kid hasn't had such a bright start with honesty, I might as well introduce her…"

Both George and Izzie sighed. "Don't…"

"Whatever…"

"Zadie," Meredith started and looked into the deep blue. "What is it with you and the I'm-all-fine-campaign? It's okay to be not okay you know… Beside I don't think you're all fine."

Zadie looked down. "I don't know… It's just that, we say stuff not to worry other people and you are my other people. I don't want to burden you with a little silly head ache…" Zadie felt a tear in the corner of her eye and quickly wiped it away. "Seriously…"

"Stop say seriously, Zade… He's right you know," Meredith smiled, motioning Derek. "It doesn't sound very convincing…"

"You say seriously 100 times a day, and you're a neurosurgeon, literally holding people's lives in your hands." Zadie crossed her arms and pursed her mouth. "Don't tell me to not say seriously."

"MRI it's…" Meredith smiled and kissed her daughter on her forehead. "You're not 18 yet…"

"Sadly…" Zadie sighed and stood up.