A/N: Okay, first thing I have to say is: I am truly deeply sorry for not updating in such (!!!!) a loooong time! I'm really sorry, because i've written chapters 22 and 23 but forgot to post them here (posted on a forum first), so i just wanted to apologize for that, and add that i'm gonna try to updtae more frequently. Though i have school now, but i'll try between homework and stuff... ah well, i shouldn't keep the chapters from you any time longer so, well here it is! and don't forget review, though i hardly deserve it!

Chapter 22 – Clicks of Manolos

Addison walked through the seemed to be empty hallway. She felt relieved to the fact that it was infact that, After what had happnened, the last thing she needed was a lot of people around her looking and whipering. Now was really not the time for that, it wasn't the time for anything. She had just what she thought at least, cause she wasn't sure yet, ended her marriage. Or Derek had... No, she had definitely ended it herself, because of those two lousy months 16 years ago. How could she let that happen? Addison didn't know, cause Derek was supposed to be the love of her life, and she his. That was the reason why she even came to Seattle in the first place. To get her husband. And she had thought she had gotten him back, but obviously she had been wrong, as about many other things. Like that she and Mark could make it as a couple those many years ago, that Derek and she had made it back on track... that Derek had let Meredith go.

Now it was obvious he hadn't, and it did certianly not help that he found out he had a daughter. But Addison couldn't dislike that girl, evne though she wasn't the mother of Zadie. Still it hurt, because of the fact that she always wanted kids. She wanted kids with Derek, but nothing ever happened. So then to get to know that her husband had gotten his wish granted without her wasn't exactly fun. More like heartbreaking or just, sad...

Stopping dead in her tracks, Addison looked up at the tiny sunken down figure at the far end of the corridor. At the moment that person was the last person she wanted to see. Infact, her strong urge to not talk to that person made her think that everyone would have been better. Addison even, whole heartedly, thought that one of the nurses would have been a more delightful face to see, even if her own state was what it was.

That meaning, Addison would rather have the nurses talking about her than seeing that person. Though, the nurses, and that meaning everyting from onkologhy to peeds, probably already knew about her and Derek,

Really, the bottom line was that Addison didn't want to talk to Meredith Grey.

Eredith sat still quietly at the end of the hall, still being the tiny figure. She had yet to see Addison and Addison knew she could easily jst walk away.

Bring on the nurses! Addison thought to herself, but still she couldn't stop looking at the woman sitting there against the wall with her hadns covering her face, which Addison suddenly noticed and she sighed.

The pope going out on the streets of Rome, handing out condoms was something that wpuld not happen, zero chance. And that was about the same chance that she'd walk over to Meredith. Yet that was what she found herself doing.

Wach step she took she looked around to see if someone else came around so that Addison could go back to what she had thought about that zero chance. No one came and Addison sighed heavily again loud enough for Meredith to hear and she looked up.

When meeting each other's eye, Addison stopped in her tracks. Her strong side had always bee to know what to say.

Now she didn´t.

"I knew you were coming..." Meredith said, trying to clear her throat from tears. "I head your shoes..."

Addison looked down on her feet and the Manolos they were pressed into for the days. Paying that much for a pair of shoes, the least they could do was to make them click-proof.

Meredith wiped away a few tears and looked up at Addison who stood a few feet away, hand on hip. "I'm sorry about you and Derek... It was not why I came here..."

Addison looked away. "Why're you crying? It's not me he wants anymore... He wants you..."

"I'm not sure I wanthim..." Meredith said and looked oddly at her, but with a bit of triumph. "If you're gonna good girl. I swear to god, now is not the time..."

"Meredith Grey does know how to throw her words around..." Addison crossed her arms, while Meredith glared at her. "Where's that cute daughet of yours? Spending quality time with her father? While you sit her sobbing, not knowing wheather you want Derek back. McDreamy Meredith! For god's sake! You've always wanted him, and he always wanted you. It didn't matter you moved to the other side of the country, you've tormented me anyway, just by existing, cause the man I love does not love med, or atleast not like he loves you." Addison waved a hand through the air and looked at Meredith whose face seemed tired and she shook her head, making the dark blonde hair swish past her face. "But I felt so guilty for the thing with Mark, which you obviously know about, so I settled with being the second love of Derek's life, cause you've been his first since the night he met you. You know maybe I should have stayed away from Derek, so that you two could have had your little happy ending with your lovely daughter, cause she really is lovely..."

Each time Addison mentioned Zadie, Meredith close her eyes in pain. She hadn't heard anything in a long time and sitting there being yelled at by her daughter's father's wife didn't exactly make things easier. Just thinking of the possibility that she could lose her daughter scared Meredith to death, cause Zadie was her eveything. To lose one's everything would make anybody scared to death.

Addison took a deep breath before continuing. "You know, just thinking of wat you have makes me sick, because what you have what I always wanted..." Addison stopped as Meredith opened her mouth.

"You really want what I have?" Meredith questioned sternly. "You really want what I have Addison? Really?"

Addison didn't say anything, but took a step back as the woman in front of her stoodup. Meredith was still the slightly petite and small framed woman sha had always been and the porclein doll face hadn't gone anywhere. She hadn't seemed to have changed. Addison hadn't either and despite the fact that her height had yet to fail her and she was almost 10 cm taller than Meredith without the Manolos; at some point Meredith almost scared Addison with the gray eyes.

"Because I doubt that... Do you have any idea what it took for me to get what I have; what you want? I moved away from everything I loved, I had to start all over again in a new city. I raised my daughter alone. I was the one who had to answer her when she asked where her dad was and why her friends had dads and not her. There was a long time when she hated her dad adng herself cause she thought her dad hated her. I told her her dad didn't hate her, but she wouldn't accept it for a long time, and then I hated mysef because I did that to my daughter.# Meredith said under her breath. "Is that really what you want?"

"You have a wonderful daughter who is sweet and kind and incredibly charming and cute. You're a mother and you have a family, maybe not the kind of one people expect but you have someone to love and who loves you unconditionally back." Addison gave out a weak but quite honest smile. "That's all I ever wanted."

"Well, my daughter maybe sweet and charming and cute, but it hardly matters does it, if she never wakes up again." Meredith said behind gritted teeth and Addison stared at her. "What I have now is a daughter who might not wake up to see another day. I might not get to see her eyes again or hear her voice. There's a possibility that Zadie will never get to know her father, I might lose my daughter, so please Addison Don't say that I have what you want cause I don't..."

Addison opened her mouth, but closed it again not knowing what to say.

Izzie looked at Derek as her took of his scrub cap and ran a hand thorugh his dark brown curls.

"Do you want me to, or...?" she said carefully and serched in his face for the answer.

Derek turned his head towards Izzie with a tired look in his face and hi stopped on the spot. "I'll tell her..." he looked down. "I think she wants to hear it from me... I think..."

"Yeah, okay..." Izzie nodded and swallowed. "I'll go get the others... She'll need them too..."

"Yeah, yeah do that..." Derek nodded, rubbing his face. "That'll be good..."

Derek sighed heavily as Izzie left him and ran another hand through his hair, soinning around in helpness.

And then it all broke. Every barrier of emotions broke and everything just rushed out and her started to cry. People passing him looked oddly at him but Derek didn't care, he couldn't help it. He just cried.