Authors/Notes: I wanted to touch base on the game's suggestion-- Kaidan defaults for Ashley if your Ashley doesn't get with ManShepard or if your FemShepard actually goes for the Asari. I've always liked the 'choosing the victim at the end of Virmire,' so it's nice to see how Kaidan's and Ashley's psyche work toward the end. Shepard in this story is a ham, renegade and quite like the one you choose when he wants a threesome with Ashley and Liara. Or when FemShep gets Kaidan and Liara worked up, wanting both: Those options in the game always make me laugh.
Virmire section is something I always wanted to write: a point of view you really don't see when Shepard lets one of his/her team go with the salarian captain.
Part III: Virmire: Ashley
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Even the sky on Virmire looks like earth's sky. Billowing clouds seem to echo images in her eyes, remembrance of her days with her family and chatting about life in general. She holds her assault rifle against her chest, her breath is going in fast intervals. One. Two. Three. She pulls back, pushing her body as close as possible to the edge of the edifice--the jagged rough feel against her ignored as she breathes deep. The sound of whirling machines float in the air from a distance and her regiment---Salarians this time---have lessened in numbers. She has to push through. She needs, wants to help Shepard and Captain Kirahhe win this fight---she has to do this---for her lost platoon back in Eden Prime. For everyone. For herself. As the sole survivor of Eden Prime, she was blessed to have been brought aboard the Normandy by Anderson's request. This crucial moment brings her to the pinnacle of her use as a soldier and assigned leader.
Her voice is soft now, against the war of noise around her--even as the sky is silent and strong---she hushes a kind of prayer---it helps her get through, and while others use their inner strength to get by--she uses the strength of knowing her family is going to be safe. Her mother, her sisters, all believe in her. Ashley gives herself a split second before making the decision to get out into to open fire. "I love you," she whispers in the empty wind---as if it would carry the words to her family. She is betting that this will be her last mission and the sound of death's call seems to pull her to make her resolve stronger.
Ashley grits her teeth, looks over at her comrades: Salarians in beat up, torn armoured suits, their wounds healing up from the medigel she offered them. She is glad for the fact that her first aid had been maxed. She nods to them once--a signal that they're about to go from their hiding position and run through. There's the goal--the defense towers are filled with geth---and the krogans are coming as back up. That will be a difficulty. Captain Kirahhe's team had been demolished earlier, and she was feeling the weight upon her when one of the regiment's leaders radioed her, telling her that Kirahhe had just been hit by the marauding turrets aligned at the base of the building.
Hours ago, she was chosen by Shepard to join Kirahhe's band, and she never regretted it. Even as Shepard warned her--"No heroics!" her mind acquiesed, nodding firmly that no heroics could get her by this time. Eden Prime seemed a long time and fighting alongside her teammates, with the new threat---seemed like another person's dream. Her first armour had been cracked, shields were down to the very minimum and what little wounds she had, was tended to once she had boarded the Normandy. She'd bring her troops through---and her legs pushed away from the position she's been in, rushing headlong first--all shields powered up.
The sounds of her Assault rifle rippled through the defenses, not breaking one stride against the teeming shots. One by one, they're exploding as her pulse shots go in rapid succession, "go go go!" she screams, splashing through the ground, liquid--surrounding her armoured feet and sliding down like water off a duck's back. The noises behind her as the Salarians followed, as arranged by her to go in haphazard run-through, are steadfastly on her heels. Easier so that the geth wouldn't be able to shoot them down like sitting ducks.
Ashley's skill to get the job done is invaluable at this point, while some of her Salarian teams had been shot down from the hoardes of marauding geth, she was able to save a few on the way---getting in the front of the core of the fight---and taking the severe hits that managed to dent her given Colossus armour. Her free hand waved her team to get behind and sneak through the walkway--where the broken machines had been decimated and splattered among enemy lines. Her trusty assault rifle kept firing, glad that technology gave her the upper hand---but this proved too that what geth had, were in the same favour. Endless amount of fire-power shooting through the Virmire air---just like Earth---suspiciously like the sky above that is now filling with dissapearing smoke. A moment of clarity filled her---the sound of crackling and communication trying to access---and she is glad the rest of her team is making their way safely. They were the grunts of the job, to be in the heart: the fire-light and to distract Saren's enemy from Shepard's team.
Even as she felt she is the last to get past through the darkened pathway--and into the open avenue where the geth were waiting with big guns---she is being blasted through by charging krogan, hidden until he took the time to take the female human: set to kill. She stands her ground as he hit her hard---the damage is minimal--but being blocked by this fierce enemy is going to be difficult, because she needs to get by. And she tries to use her assault training--hit him back with the same vigour, her melee' attack at max---the enemy returns her assault---turns on his immunity and they're both charged up with a warring that would soon end one of them dead. It didn't last long: One of her team, a frail looking salarian turned back to help. He had blasted the krogan in the air with a biotic attack and sent him spiralling in the air. Ashley immediately blasted her enemy in quick succession until all the health, including his immunity dimmed to null.
She turns quickly, her breath is still coming fast, "thanks!" she nods, and the salarian nods back--but they don't have time for pleasantries. So they're running, side by side to join with the rest.
Part IV: the bomb
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"Get your ass back over here, Williams! Get to the rendezvous point NOW!" Shepard yells, his eyes on Kaidan's worrisome face.
"Negative! There's just too many of them! Set the bomb and get Alenko out, sir!" Ashley retorts back, the noise of fire power and screams mingle with the rest of the static.
"It's okay, commander." Kaidan says to Shepard, smiling faintly. "I'll take care of the nuke while you go and get Williams."
Shepard nods, his heart despite the odds--beats fast beneath his chest, he can't allow any of his team to die under his command.
When Shepard motions his team: Liara and Garrus, they are met with geth snipers and geth ghosts at the next path. Liara charges quick---and the enemies are flying up in the air like floating paper---while Garrus adjusts his sniper to shoot. There's a krogan at the far end waiting for the three and they prepare to shoot simultaneously---Liara is running from behind---her armour isn't as protective as the others but she need not be any closer. Her biotics alone manage to pull and tear at the coming assault from a great distance.
As they approach the top of the landing---a large ship--geth reinforcements are making their way to Kaidan's location.
Ashley's voice is in a panic--she radios Kaidan through the comm and warns him, "L.T, heads up! Geth reinforcements coming your way!" and her comm cuts her off, as the sounds of blasting grenades penetrate the air.
Shepard stops, pauses before the long skywalk, his hands gripping at his sides, and he hears the lieutenant, "Commander, i'm setting the nuke. Go get Williams and get out of here!"
"What the hell do you think you're doing, Alenko??" Shepard is livid, barks out the reply, his body is tense. He can't ever explain how it is to lose two important people in his life, under his command.
Even as Liara stands behind Shepard, she moves not an inch to console him. She does not dare, for this seemed to crackle in the air--worse than the time she was facing geth through the veil when she was soaked through with prothean discovery. Even Garrus just seems to sit back, ready for orders---the two don't seem to have any emotional investment with either party. They've been brought to the Normandy to fight alongside Shepard---but they don't voice any emotional output. The humans would decide this on their own. Lives are and have always been at stake.
They only hear the sounds of a quick argument---didn't last very long---because Alenko's arguing to get Williams. Liara faintly recognizes the plea there--because he actually wants to die---he actually wants Williams to be saved. Though, to Liara it is the sound of Ashley's voice that surprises her. Ashley is eager to die as well--even more so---and the panic there evident as she pleads with the commander to leave her and get Alenko. There is simply not enough time to get both.
Liara doesn't feel a thing. She won't grieve for both parties, and even if Ashley were chosen---she need not worry. Shepard chose her. She would be joined with Shepard soon. While these two, their lives hang precariously on a thin line. Liara heaved a sigh for herself, glad to be not part of this.
It was even surprising that Shepard told Williams to radio Joker. Liara isn't sure what to think of this. She had thought for certain that Shepard would choose Alenko to survive. His biotics weren't as superior as hers, but he is the higher rank. What would Shepard need of Williams when there is already a fighter in the midst? A krogan who joins up with the team, and once--not long ago--was a mercenary. But then, she reasoned in her mind that she is too a biotic, and there would be no need of an extra biotic. The moment was hanging and she looks over at Shepard who is already running towards the direction where Ashley would be---she would be with the other salarians---fighting a hoarde of stampeding synthetics.
.
Part V: the Circle
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There are tears at the corners of her eyes. Ashley is beside herself, but she tries valiantly to hold herself up, "why...why? You should have left me there...I told you to leave me, to save Kaidan."
"I couldn't. There was no time to save you both." Shepard says, the expression on his face truly in a mask of stone grief, and he's leaning forward---harsh lines seem to etch deeply.
"But he died because of me.." she tells him, and she reaches over to wipe the tear that threatens.
"Ash, when are you going to stop proving yourself because of your grandfather?" Shepard's harsh tone continues, "It was my decision. I don't like having any of my team die under me. You have to deal with it."
There's a pause, a moment in which Ashley, despite herself, is trying to find reason behind Kaidan's death, "Aye, aye, commander."
When Liara takes this time to ask about joining minds, Ashley leans back to think of Kaidan. And the tears are going to flood her, she knows this when she's alone in her bunk. There's pictures of Kaidan on her bunk's wall, a side area where she can privately remember his death.
As they were being dismissed, Ashley knows that the commander will come downstairs and ask about Kaidan. She knows she has to be strong, but how can she remain strong when someone she cares so deeply about died? That's what being a soldier has to be about, remaining steadfastly strong from the outside, no matter what. No matter what, Ashley, she tells herself. But she's trying to clean her weapons, wipe away the remaining grime that is Virmire's sand and grit clinging. Yet, all she can see is a haze of wet blurring images. She realizes that this is her salty tears trying to make itself a burden.
She sees the salarian team, and is very glad that they were able to get on board---what little of them survived. Ashley makes a nod to them, smiles and salutes their bravery. None of the others ever realizes the extent of their sacrifice. Not Garrus, not Wrex, nor Tali. Their objectives have already been filled, with Tali taking the geth information from Armstrong cluster, and wrex---who now has his armour---feels content enough. But she knows that their company with Shepard has been valuable throughout the months. This made Ashley see how working alongside everyone---pulling together in the most dire circumstance---allows them to back each other up. No matter they come from other occupations and having primary goals.
When she is alone in her bunk, she pulls out Kaidan's photo and her hand caresses the image of his face. "I'll miss you so much, Kaidan." Her voice, cracked, felt like a choking hold---and she's wondering how she'll be able to deal with this. She's dealt with deaths before, but it never gets any easier...the tears are blocking her vision, and she hears the sound of a tear drop make its way to the side of Kaidan's image. Ashley wipes it away quickly, stowing the photo thereafter beneath a safe hiding place.
Later, when Shepard took some time to finally see her while she is checking out her gear, he allows his eyes to look her over, "Williams, how are you dealing...?"
"I don't want to argue with you, sir, that you should have left me, but I respect any decision you make...I'll deal with it in my own time. But...how did you deal with yours?" She's asking this because Shepard had a past and she doesn't really want to intrude too much if it were a delicate matter.
"In time, I grieved."
"I guess, " she nods, "that's all we can do.."
"I told you I care for you, Ash. Remember? The last shore leave we took?" He leans over, his breath is in her ear, and he knows this isn't the time to remind her of the threesome. He may be a renegade through and through---but he's not that much of an ass.
"Aye, aye, commander." she says quietly, because that's all she can do.
He takes this as a sign that she wants to be dismissed, and he heaves a sigh. "All right. Dismissed, Chief."
There isn't anymore for him and Ashley. He should have realized that she couldn't---wouldn't want a threesome---even if the Asari is game, Ashley's pride just wouldn't allow it. It's just too damn bad. He would have loved a threesome with both girls. He isn't surprised that the Asari would have liked that too, because the doctor wants him badly, no matter what. Too bad that Ashley's dignity became much more of a burden than wanting him in bed.
Shepard allows himself another ragged sigh.
He decides that Shore Leave is the next agenda. He thinks that he'll take Liara and Ashley this time, and maybe stop by at the Flux.
She'll grieve in her own time, Shepard knows, because that's what he had to do. This is war, and some sacrifices had to be made. Hopefully now, Alenko's headaches would never bother him again.
----
Final: Shore Leave
Ashley didn't want to go, but she never showed it to anyone what she felt deep down. So she pulled on the shore leave clothes, discarded her helmet, waited for Shepard to motion her and whoever he wanted to go along.
How could she want to dance with anyone? She'll just sit by the window, by the lights, by the mingling customers who bustle in the Flux, and she'll watch Dr. T'Soni and Shepard dance by the volus. She'll remember Kaidan at his finest. She'll remember him because the soft smile she manages is the reminder that she had done successfully with L.T. He had smiled at their last dance together at Flux. And the last thought of him dancing in her mind is a pleasant sweet aftermath. He's not a bad dancer, she tells herself, the sad smile disappearing.
She thinks this has hit her harder than anything else, and while Shepard will continue with his quests, his conquest with the Asari and the fight to find Saren. She'll never forget Kaidan.
---the end.