(A/N: It's the chapter you've all been waiting for. Well, one of the chapters you've been waiting for. One of my friends gave me the translations to the song in this chapter. I'm not sure if they're correct, but I'm using them anyway. Enjoy.)
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Chapter 13: Rin's Song
Sesshomaru had to get away. Had he stayed in Kagura's presence any longer he would have taken her right then and there, regardless if Rin, Kohaku, Jaken, and Ah-Un being present.
Sesshomaru shook his head. He couldn't take this anymore. He was going out of his mind. He admitted that there was definitely something going on between Kagura and him that was more than just lust. Ok, much more than lust, but he refused to believe that it was love. He had decided long ago that he would never allow himself to love.
'But it's too late, and you know it.' Said a small voice in the back of his head.
Sesshomaru's nails dug into his palm as he tried to control his frustration. It was not love. It was not love! He was not capable of love… Was he?
'No, this Sesshomaru does not love.'
And yet he couldn't help but feel like he was lying to himself. If he didn't love, why did he feel like he did? Why was he willing to risk his life for his companions, Rin and Kagura especially. Why did he feel like he couldn't be complete without them?
He decided to think this through one step at a time, starting with Rin. Ok, he did care for her, that much he was sure of, though he refused to use the word love… for now. She was like a daughter to him. It was strange how she had unexpectedly just dropped into his life. Being the Lord of the Western Lands, he knew that one day he would need an heir. Since Rin was human, she couldn't possibly take over, due to her short life span. He would need to find a mate and have a true heir someday.
Which brought his thoughts back to Kagura. Truth be told, he had never considered having a mate. Technically, one wasn't needed for him to have an heir; after all, his father hadn't been mated to his mother, yet it had been him and not Inuyasha that had inherited the Western Lands. He could just find a powerful demoness who would want her child to one day be the Lord or Lady of the Western Lands. That way he wouldn't need to eternally bond himself to someone. Sesshomaru had always seen this as something he had to do, rather than something he wanted to do, but now he was having second thoughts. He was actually considering having a mate.
'No, I don't love!'
Yet his mind returned back to the kiss he and Kagura had shared. Damn it, that foolish move had been his undoing. At first he had merely been trying to prove that he wasn't afraid to love, but then his emotions and desire had taken over, and he ended up revealing a part of himself that he had been hiding from everyone, even himself.
'Why?' he shouted in his head, though his outward appearance made him appear calm. 'Why am I feeling this way? Love is a weakness!'
If he were smart, he would kill Kagura and Rin so his emotions wouldn't bother him. That would be the smart thing to do, remove any distractions. But he would never be able to harm them. He would rather die than see them hurt.
Sesshomaru froze as those last few thoughts flew through his mind. But as hard as he tried, he couldn't deny the fact that it was true. Damn it, this was why he saw love as a weakness. He would die for them. That was weakness.
Sesshomaru growled in anger and punched a nearby tree, completely snapping it in half and knocking the roots clear out of the ground. He hadn't wanted this, but he couldn't deny the truth, not anymore. He thought he was incapable of love, but he was wrong. He finally admitted it to himself. Sesshomaru, the Lord of the Western Lands, loved Rin like a daughter. Sesshomaru, the Lord of the Western Lands was in love with Kagura.
'I didn't want this, but it has happened.'
Yes, it had really happened. He had unwillingly fallen in love. And the thing that really confused him was that he liked it. How could something that felt like a weakness feel so good, make him feel so alive? He knew that he would never let this feeling go, nor would he ever let go of the ones that brought on this feeling. But right now he was just frustrated that he had allowed his emotions to beat him. He felt like killing something, anything. He just needed something to take his frustration out on.
Apparently his angry outburst had caught the attention of someone else in the forest, because a few moments later a large bear-demon came storming over to Sesshomaru, wondering why a tree had just snapped in half.
"Hey, what are you doing in my forest?" the demon demanded.
Sesshomaru smirked slightly. 'Hello something.'
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Kagura couldn't hide her smirk when Sesshomaru came back. Although he still had on his emotionless mask, she knew that he was frustrated. She was getting very good at seeing through his little act, though she wasn't as good as Rin… yet.
"Back so soon, Sesshy?" she teased.
Sesshomaru glared at her. "Do not call me that."
Kagura snickered. "Whatever you say, Fluffy."
"Kagura." He growled in warning.
"What's wrong with Fluffy?"
'She got that name from Rin.' Thought Sesshomaru in annoyance. "This Sesshomaru does not wish to be referred to by such a name."
"'This Sesshomaru' needs to lighten up." Kagura insisted. "Stop being so serious all the time."
Sesshomaru wasn't in the mood for this. He was mentally exhausted from arguing with himself. "I do not wish to be disturbed now." He said, walking under the shade of a tree and leaning against it.
Kagura shrugged. "Whatever you say, your majesty."
There was something different about Sesshomaru. He seemed to have accepted something. Had something she had said gotten through to him? She hoped so. She was eager to feel his lips against hers again… and hopefully something a bit more.
'You've got a dirty mind, Kagura.' She thought to herself. 'But you can't help it that you're in love. If only he would feel about me the way I feel about him.'
She looked over at Rin, who was chasing Kohaku. 'But Rin believes that he loves me. How I wish that were true. That demon has stolen my heart.' She laughed at the irony. 'I finally get my heart back just to have it stolen again.'
That wasn't exactly true though. She'd feelings for Sesshomaru for a long time. It was strange how it happened. At first she had admired his strength and had simply planned to use him to kill Naraku, but somewhere along the line she had fallen in love with him.
'Why must my life be so damn difficult?'
"Lady Kagura, are you ok?" asked Rin. "You look like there's something wrong."
Kagura just smiled and shook her head. "I'm fine, just thinking."
Rin smiled. "About Lord Sesshomaru?"
Kagura snickered. "You don't miss a beat, do you?"
Rin giggled. "You and Lord Sesshomaru would be perfect together. Rin can't wait until you two get married."
Kagura blushed and shooed the girl away. "Go play with your own boyfriend."
"Ok!"
Kagura watched her run off again. She wondered what it was like to be a child. Kagura had the misfortune of being born at the age of 17. She would never know the joys of being a child.
Frowning, she cursed Naraku's name again. He didn't care about her when he gave her life. She was just a pawn. He never gave her anything but pain. Kagura was so happy to be away from him. Well, she wasn't completely away from him, and wouldn't be until he was dead. True, she may be free from being his slave, but Naraku would want revenge on her and Kohaku for stealing Akago. It wouldn't truly be over until he was dead.
'Don't think about that bastard now!' she scolded herself. 'Just focus on the here and now.' She glanced at Sesshomaru. 'And the one you want to be with.'
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Rin couldn't get to sleep. She was feeling restless. It was strange, she wasn't normally one to worry. She had two days left to confess her feelings to Kohaku before the week was up. She wondered what Sesshomaru would say or do if she didn't confess by then. Probably nothing, but she had made a deal, and she was going to stick to it.
'Besides, Rin wants to tell him.' She thought, glancing at the sleeping Kohaku and blushing. 'Perhaps a walk will clear Rin's head.' She walked over to Jaken and gently poked him awake. "Master Jaken, Rin is going for a walk. She won't go far. Is that ok?"
Jaken, still half asleep, just rolled over and mumbled, "Sure, whatever."
"Thank you. Rin will be back soon."
"Yes, that's nice."
Not even thinking about the dangers she could run into, Rin wonder away from the others. She just needed some time to think. She eventually came to a cliff that had a fabulous view of the forest. Rin sat down with her legs hanging over the side and just enjoyed the sight before her.
"Wow, the forest is beautiful!" she said. "Rin could sit here forever." She frowned. "Rin just wishes Kohaku was here with her."
She blushed at the thought. She wondered how she was going to confess. She wished she could tell him here, over this beautiful view.
'Oh Kohaku, Rin loves you. She just wishes she could tell you.'
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Kohaku woke some time during the night. He immediately noticed that something was wrong. After a few seconds he realized that Rin was gone.
'Rin!'
He panicked. Where did she go? Did something happen to her? Did a demon get her?
'Calm down.' He told himself. 'If any demon had come anywhere near here, Sesshomaru would have known. Maybe Rin just went to find a late night snack, or perhaps she went to the bathroom. I wish she would have woken me up though.'
Deciding that it was better to be safe than sorry, he took up his sickle and went to look for her. It would have been easier to track her down if he had a demon's senses, but he was still able to pick up her trail; he was a demon slayer after all, so he knew how to track.
He followed her trail until he found something else to follow. It sounded like singing. It was definitely Rin's voice, but he had never heard her sing before. She had a good singing voice, and he followed it over to the cliff Rin was sitting on. He stopped here and just listened to her sing, not wanting to interrupt her.
"Pure has become impure. Impure has now become pure. Evil has now become good. Good has become evil. To live is to die. To die is to live. Saint Hakushin beneath the earth. Mount Hakuray will return to Hijiri."
Once her song was finished, almost as if she sensed he was there, Rin turned to Kohaku. She blushed when she saw him staring at her. "Oh, Kohaku, I thought you were sleeping." She said.
"I was." he said, approaching her. "But I woke up and saw that you were gone. I got worried, so I came looking for you."
"Oh, thank you for worrying about Rin, but Rin is fine."
He chuckled. "Yes, I can see that." He sat down next to her. "What was that song you were singing?"
Rin blushed again. "Oh, just a song Rin heard at Mount Hakuray."
Kohaku smiled. "I liked it. You have a lovely singing voice."
Rin giggled. "Thank you."
She was blushing again. Even in the dark, Kohaku noticed the color in her cheeks. "You don't have to be embarrassed." He told her. "I like listening to you sing."
"Really?"
"Yes, really. You should sing more often."
Rin frowned. "Master Jaken said that it's annoying when Rin sings."
Kohaku rolled his eyes. "Rin, everything is annoying to Jaken."
Rin laughed. "That's true. Master Jaken needs to have more fun. He's too grumpy. He needs a hug. Rin will go give him one!"
'I don't think that'll change his mood.' "Well at least wait until he wakes up, or else he'll be extra grumpy. Speaking of which, you should be asleep now too. Why are you out here by yourself?"
"Rin was just thinking."
"What were you thinking about?"
"Things."
"What kind of things?"
"Just things."
'We're not getting anywhere.' "Anything I can do to help?"
Rin giggled. 'Not unless you can help Rin tell you that she loves you.' "No, Rin can handle it. She just wanted some time to herself to think for a bit."
"Oh. Do you want me to leave?"
He began to get up. Rin grabbed his arm and pulled him back down. "No, Rin wants you to stay. Will you?"
He nodded. "Anything for you, Rin."
They were silent for a few moments before Rin spoke again. "Kohaku, what do you think of Rin?"
Kohaku didn't understand the question. "What do you mean?"
She shook her head. "Never mind, it's nothing." She looked back at the view of the forest. "It's so pretty here, isn't it Kohaku?"
He nodded again. "Yeah."
"Rin was just sitting here, looking at the view, and she suddenly felt like singing. That's kind of silly, isn't it?"
"Of course not. You should sing whenever you feel like it."
Rin smiled. "Do you want to hear Rin sing some more?"
He nodded. "I would like that very much."
"Ok then. Rin will sing for you." She looked back out over the cliff and began singing.
"Quietly awakening…
I always, always wish
that these fleeting thoughts
would reach you…
Unable to move forward across 'just a little more' distance.
The way I see before me is always blocked.
Every time the days I want to see you but can't pile up,
My strong heartbeat turns into heartbreak.
If there is such a thing as 'eternity',
I want to believe, even if I have to take the long way.
Although I know that I've been hurt before because I'm clumsy
I won't stop; I won't give in to anyone.
I think of you
and that alone is enough
to make the tears start to flow now
I always, always wish
that these fleeting thoughts
would reach you…
Thinking of you made me cry, so my eyes
they were filled with tears, and all I've got,
is my will to be with you again.
I've known all too well about pretending to be strong.
But since then, my doubts have vanished.
There's definitely things I want to show you
and so many words I want to hear
I want to see all sides of you, when you laugh and cry
so I'll stop waiting
and seize my 'chance'.
I think of you
and that alone is enough
to make my heart grow stronger.
My distant voice can't reach you now, but so that someday
it definitely will…
Thinking of you made me cry, so many times
the only thing that made me strong was you,
and I have my will to be with you someday…
I wake from my sleep and face the day,
But I have the hope to reach you someday,
I cannot go on take other steps,
'cause my way's not easy to go.
No, even I do really wanna see you,
I need to take my time,
spend some days alone, being by myself, will be all I do.
If, doesn't exist an everlasting love, in which I could believe,
I got hurt because, I was very awkward
know it but I don't want no losing, no!
I think of you,
and I feel like that alone is enough
to make my heart grow stronger.
I always, always wish
that these fleeting thoughts
would reach you…
Thinking of you made me cry, so my eyes
they were filled with tears, and all I've got,
is my will to be with you again.
I felt like I was so independent, then I kept the words, and I want you to know,
you are the one who made me smile when it summed up, too, for a face.
I waste more time, then, go to take the chance to say these things to you,
when the day will come, I'll be strong enough
my quest for peace allowed,
no chance to sound.
I think of you
and that alone is enough
to make my heart grow stronger.
My distant voice can't reach you now, but so that someday
it definitely will…
Thinking of you made me cry, so many times
the only thing that made me strong was you,
and I have my will to be with you someday…
I think of you,
and I feel like that alone is enough
to make my heart grow stronger.
I always, always wish
that these fleeting thoughts
would reach you…
Thinking of you made me cry, so my eyes
they were filled with tears, and all I've got,
is my will to be with you again.
Believe. La la la la la la…
Believe. La la la la la la…
Believe. La la la la la la…"
Rin finished her song and turned to Kohaku with a look of longing in her eyes. She couldn't hold herself back any longer and she threw herself at the demon slayer, burrowing her face in his chest, nearly knocking them off the cliff in the process.
"Rin?" said Kohaku in surprise. He was confused by her behavior. This was so unlike her.
"That song was for you, Kohaku." She said. "Just for you."
Kohaku was confused. "Rin… what do you mean?"
Rin's grip on his shirt tightened as she looked up into his eyes. "Rin loves you, Kohaku. Rin really, really loves you."
Kohaku was taken aback. She loved him? Did he hear her right? Yes, he was sure he did. She didn't even need to tell him, her eyes said it all.
His mind was yelling at him to say something, anything. But all he could manage to say was her name again. "Rin…"
"It's true!" Rin cried, interrupting him. "Master Jaken says that Rin is too young to know what love is, but Rin knows, she knows! She may be young, but Rin loves you!"
She buried her face in his chest again as she hugged him. Kohaku hugged her back, stroking her hair as he tried to think of something to say. "Rin, I… you really mean that?"
She nodded. "Yes, Rin does." She looked back up at him. "Does Kohaku love Rin?"
Kohaku knew what she was talking about. She didn't mean that she loved him in a brotherly way or in a friendship way. She love loved him. And she wanted to know if he returned her feelings.
Suddenly he remembered what Sesshomaru had said to him about having his blessings. The demon lord had known of Rin's feelings back then. That was why he had been curious about how he felt about Rin, and why he gave him his blessings.
But then what Rin had told him about Jaken saying that they were too young came to him. Perhaps they were young, but so what? That didn't change the way he felt. And he did return her feelings, in the same way. Ages be damned, he loved her.
He looked into her hopeful eyes and smiled. "Yes, I do."
Rin's face lit up with joy as she hugged him tightly. "Yay! You've made Rin so happy! Rin loves you! Rin loves you! Rin loves you!"
She nearly knocked them over the cliff again. "Whoa, Rin, maybe we should move away from this cliff before we fall off."
Rin nodded, but refused to let go. Kohaku had to pull them both up to their feet as he tried to keep his balance. It didn't look like Rin was going to let go any time soon. He didn't mind though.
Suddenly a thought struck him. "Rin, is this why you were out here thinking?"
Rin nodded. "Yes, Rin wanted to tell you, but she was nervous."
Kohaku chuckled. "Well, you were bravery than me, confessing first." He frowned. "Although, I don't deserve to be loved by you."
Rin just hugged him tighter. "No, Kohaku, no blaming yourself anymore. Rin loves you, and that's that. Ok?"
Kohaku sighed and smiled. "Ok, anything for you."
Rin loosened her grip, but still kept a tight hold on him. "Kohaku, my Kohaku." She looked up at him hopefully. "When we grow up, can we get married?"
Kohaku stopped walking and looked at her in surprise. "Rin, we're a little young to think about that."
"So, Rin still loves you and wants to marry you. Would you marry Rin?"
Kohaku considered it. He could easily see himself spending the rest of his life with Rin, having a family with her. But still, they were just kids. But truth be told, he would like to marry Rin when they grew up. After all, people that were younger than them have been betrothed, and not always because they loved each other.
"Sure Rin, when we grow up, we'll get married." He said, although he still planned on officially asking her when they were the proper age.
"Promise?"
"I promise."
"YAY! Rin loves you so much! Rin is so very happy!"
Kohaku winced as she shouted her joy. "Rin, I'm glad you're happy, so am I, but you don't want to attract any demons, do you?" he asked seriously, though he was grinning.
"You'll protect me, won't you?"
He nodded. "With my life."
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Unbeknownst to the two of them, they were being watched. Up in the sky, on Kagura's giant feather, was Sesshomaru and the wind-demon herself.
"Well now, isn't that cute?" said Kagura. "They really do make an adorable couple." She looked at Sesshomaru and smirked. "Just think, in a few years you'll be walking her down the aisle."
Sesshomaru growled. "I would prefer not to think about that now. I gave them my blessings, but I will not think of a wedding yet."
Kagura chuckled. "Oh please, just look at them. If that isn't the perfect couple, I don't know what is." She grinned mischievously. "And think about how they'll be in a few years, when 'other' feelings start affecting them." She openly laughed now. "You'll be a grandpa in about 10 years."
Sesshomaru growled, but didn't say anything.
(A/N: Wasn't that sweet? Don't worry, they're not really engaged, they just agreed to get married when they grow up. You see that kind of thing in anime all the time. I hope you liked Rin's confession. I think it worked out well. I thought 'My Will' was the perfect song for them, and not just because it's my favorite Inuyasha song. For those of you that don't know, 'My Will' was the first ending theme on the show. It's supposed to be the full version of the song, but I'm not sure if the lyrics are right. Ah, whatever. Anyway, now I'm going to focus on Sesshomaru and Kagura, though there will still be romance between Rin and Kohaku, but now that they're out of the way, Sesshomaru can focus on his own feelings, though he did that quite a bit in this chapter. See ya next time.)
Preview for next chapter: Now that Rin and Kohaku have confessed their feelings, things progress nicely for them, but Rin has more questions about relationships. And just to put more pressure on Sesshomaru, mating season begins, increasing his desires, but the season brings out the desires of all the demons, and Kagura has a run in with another male demon.