Disclaimer: Crime doesn't pay . . . if you're not good at it. It can pay quite well if you are.

Dark Marks be Useful

"Office supplies?" Hermione asked. "You're stealing office supplies?"

"You said all the computers were to old to bother with," Harry tried to defend himself. "Besides, we've got these bags so we can take whatever we want."

"You do know that old or not, computers have a lot of gold in them."

"So you're telling me that we should steal the computers?"

"Watch," Hermione huffed. "First we look under the desk and what do we have here? A password and user name."

"I see."

"We log on and… wow, Vernon has been a very bad boy. He's been diverting small amounts of money away from the company and into his account."

"Really?"

"Yep, fractions of cents from every transaction." Hermione explained. "And he also made the mistake of leaving his banking information in here."

"Whatever are we to do?"

"I believe that draining the company accounts into Vernon's is the only thing to do… and of course the only thing to do then is to drain Vernon's accounts into that private account in Dubai."

"Not Lichtenstein?" Harry asked. "I'd really rather it go to Lichtenstein."

"Fine," Hermione agreed. "I'll transfer it out of our account in Dubai later and close it."

"It's not that I don't like Dubai you understand," Harry defended himself. "It's just… well, it's hot there."

"They do have a thing called Air Conditioning you know," Hermione muttered.

"I don't care."

"Well… I guess the important thing is that we robbed Grunnings and framed Vernon."

"Not to mention robbing Vernon and framing Vernon," Harry pointed out.

"But before we go," Hermione said. "Accio Gold."

"Wonder what they'll make of that?" Harry said with a smile. At their feet was a rather large pile of scrap gold and in front of them were several wrecked computers.

"Who cares," Hermione replied. "Let's get out of here."

IIIIIIIIII

"Have you seen Elizabeth, Gretchen?"

"Not for a while. Is there anything I can do... for you?"

"Well, It's this cape she designed. It feels a bit awkward around the shoulders and neck, and I'm not sure if it doesn't fit quite right, or if I'm wearing it wrong, or if it's just that I'm not used to being without a shirt."

"You could summon her, you know."

"How do you think I should do that?"

"Come here and look closely at my dark mark, my proof of loyalty to you, then picture Elizabeth in your mind and that you want to see her here while you touch the mark on my bare thigh."

Gretchen shivered as she felt her master's touch, she hadn't ruled out the possibility of being number one in the dark harem, or at the very least she was going to make damn sure she didn't slip to number three.

When Ron's magic went into the mark, an interesting thing happened. Something that showed one of the fundamental differences between their styles of evil… uh evilness. When Voldemort used his dark mark to summon someone, he revelled in the idea of them submitting to him and suffering pain just to show that they were still his slaves. When Ron had his nose nearly touching her privates, and thought about Wanting Elizabeth to join them, pain was the last thing on his mind. Scent is an excellent aid in recalling memories, and can be a behavioural modifier at times.

Between the image in front of him and the image in his mind of Elizabeth, the sensation he forced through Gretchen to share with Elizabeth was quite different. Gretchen cried out in pleasure and collapsed onto a convenient fainting couch. "Thank you, Master," the girl moaned.

After a few moments, a blushing Elizabeth walked into the room. "Master, why did you send me that sensation?"

"I was hoping you'd come."

"Oh, yes. I most certainly did."

Ron blushed, and clarified, "I meant I was hoping you'd come here."

Elizabeth reached behind her for the clasp to the skull bra, inadvertently thrusting her chest forward, "Gladly, but please be gentle with me, I'm still quite sensitive after the last one."

"That's not what… to hell with it, we can deal with that later."

IIIIIIIIII

"Evil walks among us," the man began. "Not in the form of Dark Lord what's his name, all he can do is ruin our bodies. The Dark Wizard Jeremy can ruin our purity, he can make us do… things."

"Shut up," one of the crowd yelled back.

"I see that he's gotten to you," the man said sadly. "But he hasn't gotten to the rest of us."

"You say it brother," Dean yelled. "Spread the word so we don't have to spread… oh god." A wide circle opened up around the vomiting boy and everyone did their best to ignore him.

IIIIIIIIII

Ginny growled in frustration, not let her join will they? And what a stupid reason to turn her application down. I mean, it wasn't her fault that her family was friendly with Harry 'I stomp Dark Lords for fun' Potter. And it was possible that Harry would have been good enough to put off defeating the Dark Wizard Jeremy until after she'd had a chance to find out how and where he got the Weasley family spells.

"The Dark Wizard Jeremy will pay," Ginny screamed. "HE WILL PAY."

"Don't scream in the house," Molly yelled up to her.

"Sorry mum," Ginny replied.

IIIIIIIIII

"Look," the man began. "I'm not saying that Albus is a mincing, boy hungry, paedophile, I'm just saying that his interest in Harry Potter goes a bit out of bounds sometimes."

"I guess that makes sense."

"Just think it over."

"Look, we all want Harry to be safe. But… good afternoon, Headmaster."

"Aberforth, Hestia." Dumbledore greeted them. "Could the two of you do me a favour?"

"What is it, Albus?" Aberforth asked his brother.

"Could you go around and collect copies of every picture you could find of Harry?" Albus asked hopefully. "I know it's a long shot but maybe I can find some clue of his current whereabouts by studying them."

"Sure thing, Albus." Aberforth had to pinch himself to keep the grin from forming; his brother couldn't have said a better thing to further the prank if he'd tried. "Won't we, Hestia?"

"Yeah," the dazed woman agreed.

"Thank you both," Albus said with a smile. "Well, I must be off."

"Mincing, boy hungry, paedophile, huh?" Hestia asked after the Headmaster had left the room.

"So it seems," Aberforth agreed solemnly.

IIIIIIIIII

"How was your day, Neville?" Daphne asked as she came in.

"Same ol' same ol,'" Neville replied. "Yours?"

"The Dark Wizard Jeremy sent me back to London to observe Lucius Malfoy's trial," she replied. "Said he wanted to make sure the bastard got what he deserved and he also wanted a copy of my memories."

"Sounds like fun."

"It was," Daphne agreed. "Only…"

"Only what?"

"Only there was something… off about him," the girl mused. "He's a associate of my father's so I've had to spend a lot of time around him."

"Off how?"

"For one thing, he was sitting on a large rubber doughnut and kept wincing every time he had to move around," Daphne began. "For another… well, there was something strange about his eyes."

"Oh yeah, that's because he has no depth perception." Neville said proudly.

Daphne blinked. "Why does he have no depth perception, he has both… is he missing an eye?"

"That seems to be the common reason for having no depth perception." Neville agreed, if anything, looked a trifle smug.

"Hang on, how do you know this? Were you there or something?" Daphne demanded. She was coming to care deeply for her new boyfriend, but really, he could be quite vexing at times.

"There? My dear Miss Smalls, It was a week before the end of term, One of his friends, lets just say, one that I would dearly like to crush into a pulp with my bare hands, had just finished putting me under the Cruciatus. I had a broken nose and my wand had been snapped by Goyle Senior. Then I saw Malfoy about to kill a very close friend of mine. Since they thought I was useless, they weren't paying attention to me. End result, I tackled Malfoy away before he could curse and jammed my broken wand into his right eye. I'd imagine having a wand driven into your eye and some accidental magic channelled down it, would mean he cant get a proper replacement."

There was a pause and then Daphne favoured Neville with a soft smile. "I've got such a big strong boyfriend"

"That's so cute," Gretchen whispered from the hidden vantage point the other Dark Bunnies used to spy on the young couple.

"I know," Elizabeth agreed. "I wish Master would maim someone for me."

"If you want to show a girl you care, blind someone for her." Gretchen said with a nod. "Diamonds are forever but so is a crippling injury."

IIIIIIIIII

"Mincing, boy hungry, pedophile?"

"So it seems," Hestia agreed.

"I just can't see the Headmaster that way… Snape yes, but not the Headmaster."

"Maybe Snape is using the Headmaster to get Harry," Hestia suggested. "So that he can slake his unnatural lusts."

"Maybe, I still think… " She cut off when she noticed Snape approaching.

"Get those pictures yet?"

"Still working on it, Severus," she replied quickly.

"Well hurry up," Snape growled as he swept out of the room.

"See what I mean?" Her companion asked after Snape was gone.

"Yeah, I think that might be right." Hestia agreed. "Snape is using the Headmaster in his sick games… you don't think?"

"That he might be using the Headmaster in his sick games?"

"He is rather old and senile, he might not even realise what's happening."

"We can't keep this to ourselves."

IIIIIIIIII

"Good of you to come in on a weekend, Vernon."

"You only had to call, Sir," Vernon simpered.

"Seems there's been a break in," the boss continued. "For some reason they concentrated on office supplies… also smashed a lot of the electronic things."

"Dastardly bastards."

"Quite. The other thing the break in showed us was a nasty case of embezzlement."

"Really?" Vernon asked nervously.

"We never would have seen it if they hadn't made a mistake last night," the man continued. "For years, they've been taking little fractions of cents out of transactions and depositing it into their account. Last night they drained the company accounts."

"That's terrible."

"And it would have ruined the company if we hadn't had insurance for this sort of thing." The man waved to the guards. "Return the money and we won't press charges, you have two days."

"But I don't have any money," Vernon whined.

"We were able to track it from here into your personal account in Jersey, from there it went to Dubai… we're not sure what happened to it after that."

"But…"

"Escort him out, don't be gentle."

"Oof," Vernon almost threw up when one of the men punched him in the stomach.

"I don't think it's necessary to mention this but you're fired," the man said as Vernon was dragged out.

IIIIIIIIII

Macnair came in to the small room hefting his huge axe. The little man sitting at the desk looked up with an annoyed expression.

"What the hell is going on around here, Pettigrew?" the former executioner, now Death Eater, bellowed. "What kind of people did you let in from that last bunch of recruits? Do you know what that skinny guy wanted to do to me? And me to do back?"

Wormtail stood up slowly, his eyes simmering in anger as all five feet five inches of him stood behind the cluttered desk. "Do you have any idea what it takes to run a Legion of Doom for a Dark Lord? It's not all torture and mayhem, and here we go collecting heads in May, la-de-da! It takes organization! It takes money! It takes paperwork!

"Since Lucius got arrested, Our Lord has assigned me to this job, and do you have any idea what a mess that man left? Sure he's good at smoozing Fudge; but can he file a receipt? I've got Veritaserum receipts in files labelled 'Potions,' 'Truth,' "Embarrassment", and 'Etc.' Those nice shiny dungeons you like so much? We've got contractors whose bills have been ignored so long we've got bill collectors calling! He couldn't be bothered with taking care of the contractors, not Mr. Shiny Hair! Now we have to Obliviate both the contractors and the bill collectors! And do I have any extra resources? No!"

"I just…"

"And this!" He held up a piece of paper, angrily. "Do you know what this is? Do you have any idea what this is?" Macnair backed away as the volume increased. "Why the hell do we have haemorrhoid medicine being delivered by the truck full?"

Macnair, realizing the little man wasn't actually seeing him, slipped out of the room. Fifteen minutes later, while making his way past the door heading to the new dungeons, he could still hear ranting. Behind him he also heard that new recruit, and picked up the pace in case he was spotted.

"And look at this water bill! Ever since that group got back from Romania they've been taking three loosing showers a day, at least! They never showered before!"

Macnair suddenly heard footsteps and the voice of the new recruit. He ran towards the dungeons hoping he wasn't spotted.

IIIIIIIIII

Fudge shuddered as the noise of the crowd came through the open window. "Fred, Fred, he's our man, Fudge belongs in Azkaban."

"Can't you shut them up?" he screamed at Madame Bones.

"Don't have enough men," Bones replied with an unconcerned shrug. "Besides, they're not hurting anyone."

"Fred, Fred, he's no Dope, Fudge belongs on the end of a rope."

"Not hurting anyone?" Fudge asked incredulously. "Listen to what they're saying."

"As long as they're saying it, they aren't doing it."

"But…"

"Of course, if you'd like to double my budget, I might be able to do something."

"Anything," Fudge agreed. "Just do something."

"As soon as the signed paper is on my desk."

"Fine."

"Good day then, Minister," Amelia said as she walked out of the room to tell the off duty Aurors chanting outside that Fudge had approved their bonuses, raises, and as much overtime as they'd like.

AN: The ongoing list of people that contributed to this fic without whom, it would not have been nearly as good… one might go so far as to say it would be quite bad: Ed Becerra, ausfinbar, David Wangen, neil.reynolds, dogbertcarroll, hattenjc, the caitiff, AlanP, Lone Wolf, meteoricshipyards, and everyone else on my yahoo group. They gave me scenes, ideas, and all sorts of other things. Tell me if I missed you so I can add to this list.

Omake by hattenjc…

Flash back flash back…

Jidella smiled "Ooo, Grindelwald you are so romantic. Cut of his

legs.."

Grindelwald grinned a roguish smile "Of course my dear.. Now sit still Mr Moody…"

Two Omake by Andrew Joshua Talon

Omake 1:

"Gah! You'd think she could have at least given me pants!" Neville, aka "Peter North", groaned as he looked over his costume. Daphne grinned and grabbed one of his exposed cheeks.

"I don't see a problem with it," she purred.

"Pants are for the weak, right Lord Jeremy?" Declared Elizabeth. Ron smirked.

"Damn right!"

Omake 2:

Draco was having a bad day. First, his family gets robbed, then his domineering mother makes him pay respect to Potter and his Mudblood whore, and NOW he couldn't become a Deatheater!

What was the world coming do if a young teenaged wizard couldn't join a genocidal crusade?

Looking through the Daily Prophet, he frowned at the recent exploits of the Dark Lord Jeremy. He rubbed his pointed chin.

'Hm... I could still help the Dark Lord's cause... I know! I can pull a Snape! Join the Dark Lord Jeremy and spy on him for the true Dark Lord! Draco, you're a genius!'

"Of course I am," he said arrogantly outloud, just because he could.

"Mum, Aunt Bella, I'm going to join the Dark Lord Jeremy! If I don't return, avenge my death!" He called as he went out. Narcissa sighed.

"Always knew he'd turn out to be a poofter," Bellatrix giggled, hugging Mr. Poki to her chest.

"Like father, like son I suppose," Narcissa harrumphed.