I remember the church being cold that night, a drafty winter chill lingering in the air as people opened and closed the front door. Standing solemnly in the foyer, I gripped my chilled fingers tightly together waiting to start the rehearsal. Madison's eyes followed me as I paced the nervous pace of a bride getting married in the morning.
"Tammy, I really don't think it was her." She whispered, stepping a foot closer so no one else could hear our conversation.
"I don't want to talk about it anymore." I mumbled, slumping against the cold front window sill of the empty church and staring out on the white covered earth. I sighed, tracing the footprints in the snow. I could feel the tears, hot and wet, just waiting to fall from my glistening eyes.
"I should probably just accept the fact that no one wants me and Fulton to get married." The door to the main room opened and Eve stood in the bright light pouring from the room, looking over the wedding party with a warm smile resonating from her otherwise, emotionless face.
"Okay, everyone ready to do this?" She asked, moving her eyes from person to person to look for any objections. I moved back to my place at the back of the line, my Father coming to stand at my side.
"Is everything alright, sweetie?" My Father's eyes wondered. I turned my head down towards the ugly brown rug used to line the floors. My eyes searched for a lie to tell him but looking back at his heartfelt eyes, my lips wouldn't move to let it out.
"No, everything's fine." I tried to smile, hoping he bought the fake expression on my face. His eyes again searched mine for a moment before he smiled, pulling my small frame against his in a tight hug.
"I love you, Tammy. You're always going to be my little girl." He whispered into my soft blonde hair.
"I love you too, Dad." The words passed my lips but my mind remained elsewhere. I had no dress to get married in. My fairytale wedding was just that, a fairytale, never to happen but in my dreams. I felt a single tear escape my eye down my pale cheek. I brushed it away quickly before anyone could notice. Madison's gaze followed me as the pretend ceremony began. My eyes left her and instead watched the first flower girls begin through the open door towards the front of the church. Dressed in little jeans and t-shirts, they swung their little baskets around in the air until Melissa stopped them and showed them how to walk down the aisle. Fulton and I would never have kids; a family of our own just wasn't in the plan for us, just like this wedding would never happen. I felt my bottom lip shake before I gripped my lips tightly together against my teeth. I could do this. I could tell all of them to go to hell and marry the man I loved. Finally stepping out into the church behind my bridesmaids, I felt my heart skip a beat. There he was, the man of my dreams. I couldn't help the smile that formed on my face as we approached the altar. Fulton held out his hand to me and took it into his bigger palm with a strong grip.
"Remember, this is just practice." He mumbled with a slight laugh.
"I know." I mumbled back. We stopped in front of the Pastor. He smiled expectantly at us; he'd been the Pastor at the town's church for many years and knew both of us since we were kids.
"Well, it's about time I saw you two standing in front of me." He laughed lightly. I smiled again, glancing down at the floor in front of the altar.
"Well, shall we begin the walk through?" He asked opening his book in front of us.
The rehearsal went well; everyone knew their places and the Pastor ran through everything we needed to know for the morning. Before I knew it, we were back at the house to celebrate with a dinner and everyone we knew. The house was bustling with people as I weaved my way through them to find my future husband.
"Hey, Tammy…" I smiled, nodding to people as I passed to spot Fulton in the sea of people. The buffet idea was actually going quite well, even though I hadn't managed to get to the food yet myself.
"You look beautiful…" I heard someone remark to me as they passed, I smiled graciously and continued to search for Fulton. My eyes finally stopped half way across the dining room and one hysterical laugh later on his strong form standing in the middle of two laughing women, one being Eve and the other being our perpetually loud wedding planner. Weaving my way through the crowd I came up behind Eve just as she turned to grab a cup of punch from the table behind us.
"Ful..." The words didn't make it out of my mouth before Eve's elbow collided with my face and her plate landed on my chest.
"Oh, god, Tammy... I'm so sorry!" She remarked horrified at the mistake that had just occurred. I gripped my face where she had elbowed me and felt all the blood rush to the spot, I would have a bruise, no doubt about it.
"Thanks Eve." I remarked, a small tight lipped smile beginning to form on my face. I could see Melissa over her shoulder, a grin beginning to form on her obnoxiously red painted lips.
"Tammy, let me help you…" Fulton said, coming around his Mother to stand at my side.
"No, it's okay…it's perfectly okay!" I said getting louder. Eve stopped trying to collect napkins from the table and looked up at me.
"Tammy, is everything okay?" She asked, trying to lean in so no one else would hear us. Melissa's face behind her finally revealed she was in on everything with Eve; she loved every minute of embarrassing me.
"No, Eve. No, everything is not okay!" My voice was so loud that everyone stopped what they had been doing to look at the confrontation between daughter in law and mother in law. My face began to heat up with anger; I could feel it getting redder by the minute.
"Tammy, maybe we should discuss this upstairs..." She suggested, moving to take my arm.
"No, let's discuss this right here!" My voice was still as loud as it could get. "Let's discuss you!" I finally yelled. Her eyes were in shock as everyone in the room started to murmur about the apparent showdown about to start.
"Tammy!" I heard Madison started from off to my side but I held my hand up in her direction.
"Stay out of this, Madison." I warned, never taking my eyes off Eve. "Eve, I've tried to be nice to you. I took care of you when you pretended to be sick, I endured all of the crap you gave me and still you don't think I'm good enough to marry your son?" I screamed at her.
"Tammy, of course I do..." She mumbled as I cut her off again,
"You really had me fooled, with your supportive act. What was that anyway, a ploy to get my guard down?" I yelled again. I thought Eve was going to start crying.
"Tammy, that's enough." I heard Fulton cut in next to me.
"No, Fulton that will never be enough. You have to idea what this woman has put me through these past few months."
"Tammy, I'm sorry…" Eve's weak voice could barely be heard.
"Eve, you dyed my hair green, you made me sick intentionally, you played on my emotions, you even tried to kill my best friend's baby…but I was willing to forgive you for all that. I was willing to start over again and forget all that ever happened! But you just couldn't let this wedding happen could you? You just couldn't let us be happy!" I shouted, feeling the tears of anger begin to flow down my redden cheeks.
"Tammy, I don't know what you're talking about!" She tried to stress.
"My dress, Eve; you ruined my dress. I have nothing to wear tomorrow because of you." I couldn't keep yelling my voice was going raspy and the tears were now coming in sobs.
"Tammy, I wouldn't..."
"Yeah, but you did!" I let one final yell out. "I'm sorry Fulton, I can't marry you." I mumbled, running from the room in defeat. Melissa's face lit up into a full blown smile.
"We did it, Eve." She mumbled, coming to stand next to the defeated woman.
"No, WE didn't do anything! You did this." Eve accused sternly before heading for the kitchen to get away from the wondering eyes. Fulton stood in the same spot for a long moment contemplating my words.
"Fulton..." Melissa started to step towards him.
"No, I'm not letting her do this." He mumbled, heading to the staircase where I had run.
I rushed to my room, the tears still falling freely from reddened wet eyes. A bang sounded as I slammed the door behind me in frustration, quickly throwing my suitcase from the closet onto the bed. I was so stupid to think this would work. Everyone was against it from the start, Eve hated me and now Fulton probably hated me after I cursed out his mother. My own parents hadn't wanted this wedding to happen. I began to throw every article of clothing I owned into the suitcase, I didn't care how they landed, just that they were in there. Quickly zipping the bag shut, I grabbed it off the bed and my keys from the dresser where I'd left them.
Just outside the door Fulton rushed to follow me and try to talk to me before I ran. He was going to try to stop me from leaving. Melissa followed closely behind, her voice as annoying as ever.
"Fulton, stop! You don't need to go after her! I mean did you see what she did to your Mother and she said she didn't want to marry you!" She said, completely confused on why he still wanted to stop me.
"Melissa, this really isn't the time. I need to talk to Tammy, I know she didn't mean that downstairs." He said, turning to face her, anger written on his face for the hell this woman had put me through.
"Fulton, why do you love her so much? You're constantly fighting to stay together! Wouldn't it be easier to just give up?" She asked Fulton shook his head no.
"I love her. You will never understand because you only see what you want to see. The same goes for every one of them down there!" He raised his voice, feeling the heat of battle raise in his veins.
"Then make me understand! Because I still think we can make it! We're perfect for each other! We come from the same background! We grew up together. I understand you and your family will accept me."
"I don't love you Melissa. I never loved you!" He admitted as she looked at him dumbfounded.
"But all those dates…you used to kiss me…" Her eyes looked down at the floor in defeat.
"No...I always loved her." Fulton said pointing to the door that held the love of his life. "I'm not letting her walk out on me." He said moving to the door.
"Fulton!" She called out, grabbing his arm to turn him towards her. Before he could realise what had happened, she was pressing her cherry flavored lips to his in an aggressive manner.
I opened the door to retreat down the stairs and out the front door when I was met with the sight before me. Fulton and Melissa in a lip lock, right in my own hallway. I nearly dropped my suitcase, staring at the sight before me. Fulton's hands braced against her chest; he pushed her away. My eyes glazed over with tears again as Fulton realized I was there.
"Tammy!" I didn't even respond, pushing past him and heading down the stairs.
"Tammy!" Madison's voice followed me. I swung open the front door to the cold night air and continued to my car, opening the drivers door and throwing my bag in the backseat.
"Tammy!" Madison yelled again, running after me through the snow and jumping in next to me as quickly as a pregnant woman could. Fulton rushed out the door as I shut the door, locking it and starting the car. I pulled out of the drive before he could reach the car, leaving him out in the snow; his hands slumped against his body in defeat. Madison quickly buckled the seat belt over her overgrown stomach.
"Where are you going?" She asked, looking ahead of us.
"I don't know. Anywhere but here!" I yelled, tears streaming down my face.
Before I knew it, I was parked in my parents' driveway, My Father still hadn't returned home from the party but my Mother would be there. The walkway was clear, having been shoveled that morning and the walk seemed almost as long as the last time I had been here. Knocking on the door, I waited for a good five minutes before the lock sounded from the other side and my mother's pale face appeared in the doorway, a look of surprise on it.
"You were right! Is that what you wanted to hear?" I asked as her face softened. I felt the tears coming again and she embraced me, pulling me into the warm house from the cold night air.
"You were right; nobody wants this wedding to happen..." I cried into her shoulder, Madison shutting the door behind us.
My old room was cold that night with nothing but a bed and the few clothes that I had managed to stuff into my suitcase before running out the door. Wrapping a sweater around my shoulders, I stared out the window of the vacant room wondering what my life would become. Eve had made good on her promise, she had been right along. I wasn't good enough for Fulton, we just weren't meant to be no matter how much either one of us tried. I couldn't even make his mother like me. Hell, I couldn't even make dinner without burning it. I was a failure and I'd finally ruined any chance at marrying the only man I'd ever truly been in love with. A tear escaped my eyes, traveling down my cheek and I quickly wiped it away for fear of more to come. I couldn't cry; I'd done enough of that and this time it really was my fault. I needed to suck it up and get through tomorrow. Tomorrow was supposed to be my wedding day. A wedding I wanted so bad, that I had fought for years to get but maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Maybe we weren't supposed to be happy, the two of us married, in love, happy. He'd never take me back though. I had completely embarrassed myself and the public display I had with his Mother had shown the real me. Who could forgive that? Eve was right; Fulton would protect her till the day he died. He may have forgiven me for some things but this was the worse thing I'd ever done. Pulling my knees to my chest, I rested my head against them and let the air move from my lungs. A soft knock from my bedroom door made me realize I had began to cry. I quickly wiped the tears, sniffled a little and moved towards the door to open it.
Madison, Connie, and Julie stood outside the door looking in at me with worried eyes. No doubt I looked as horrible as I felt. I hadn't showered yet.
"Tam…" Connie started as I pushed back my hair spray ridden hair and opened the door farther to let them in. They followed me into the darkened room and sat down where they could to stare at me. I felt like the freak on display at the circus, the way they were staring at me. Connie shifted nervously on my bed while Madison sat on the floor, her overgrown stomach making it hard for her to sit and Julie sat in the chair at my desk. Everything seemed so empty from the move, I turned to stare out the window rather than at them.
"Tammy, you haven't talked to anyone since we got here. Fulton was here…" His name brought my attention back to Madison who was talking.
"What did he want?" I asked, trying to act like I didn't really care. Madison moved with a little effort to my side.
"Tammy. He's really sorry. It was Melissa…." I turned quickly from her explanation.
"I don't want to hear it." My eyes were cold, fixated on the tree moving slowly in the wind just outside the window.
"Tammy, he wants to talk to you. He's really upset." I shook my head no.
"No, this is done. I can't do this anymore. I won't…I'm so tired of fighting." My head felt sore just talking about it. I sniffled a bit, bringing my hand to my forehead. "He must be so mad at me."
"No," Madison's voice broke in. "No, he loves you. He wants to marry you."
"How can he still love me? I caused a scene at our wedding rehearsal. I should have dumped the punch bowl on Melissa while I was at it." I chuckled a little, finding a little bit of humor in the situation.
"She would have deserved it." Madison snickered a little as Julie and Connie looked down.
"It doesn't excuse my actions." I raised my voice. The room was silent for a good 5 minutes before Julie spoke.
"Tammy, if you love him still and he loves you….look, just talk to him." I sighed,
"Okay, enough advice! I need to get some sleep." I said standing from my seat.
"It's only 9 o'clock." Madison protested as I helped her off the hard wooden floor.
"My head is killing me." I justified. They left the darken room in protest, closing the door behind them. I sunk into my old bed and began to cry. Why did this all have to happen? I didn't mean to piss off Eve. I should never have agreed that it wouldn't bother me to have Melissa as our wedding planner. I could feel my eyelids begin to get heavy and sleep take over. The worries of the following day filled my head.
There was another soft knock on the door and I groaned,
"I told you to go away." I sobbed into my pillow with disdain.
"Sorry…I just wanted to talk to you for a minute." Portman's voice filled the air. I sat up looking at the man standing in my doorway, his face looking worn and tired.
"Come in." I mumbled, moving so he could sit on the end of the small bed.
"Tammy, I know you don't want anymore advice, so I'm not here to give you any but I just wanted to tell you how I first met Fulton." He mumbled.
"I know; it was the Junior Goodwill Games…" I mumbled, wiping my face of tears.
"Yeah, but when we first met, we didn't get along at all." He mumbled. I turned my face to him in surprise.
"I didn't know that…" He smiled softly.
"Yeah, it was the first night we were rooming together in California. He got up in the middle of the night and snuck out of the dorms." Portman laughed to himself. "You know, me being the trouble maker I am, I followed him." My eyes were a little intrigued.
"He went through the city trying to find someone who knew where your school was… I finally caught up with him and we found a phone booth to look it up." He smiled again to himself; I tucked my knees under me to sit up straighter on the soft mattress.
"We sat outside your school the rest of the night, just talking about how much he loved you. He wanted to run in and find you and run off with you." Portman explained, "But in the end he told himself you were better off where you were and that he wasn't good enough for you anyway."
"He knows that not true, I probably would have gone with him…" I mumbled more to myself that him.
"Yeah, and he knew that but he didn't want to take away your dream…Tammy, talk to him, you're his dream." He mumbled before getting up from the bed and moving to the door.
"Portman…" I called out as he opened the door. He turned slightly, "She loves you, ask her to marry you again, she'll say yes." I mumbled. He nodded slightly, that signature smirk playing on his lips before he shut the door again. I laid my head back down on the soft pillow and let me eyes shut, I didn't know what to do.
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