Disclaimer: Hmmm, don't know if I should give the hint I thought about giving.

Fraternity

"Guys, I've looked at the Muggle and Magical world and I think we've found the solution to our dilemma."

"Tell us," the mob of former Death Eater recruits demanded.

"We start a Fraternity."

"Brotherhood?"

"Yep, it's a group of men devoted to beer and getting laid. We call each other brother or by our Fraternity names, I shall be… M'balz Es-Hari," he finished proudly.

"I'll be Graabir Boubbi.

"Haid D'Salaami."

"Shaif Hirboush."

"Hous Bin Pharteen, and my brother can be Ahi Bin Pharteen. My cousin can be Ou Bin Pharteen and his brother can bee Ee Bin Pharteen." One by one, the Dark Frat Boys or DFB assigned names to themselves.

"But what shall we call ourselves?" Graabir demanded.

"Well," M'balz began. "It's traditional to name ourselves after three Greek letters like… Kappa Kappa Kappa or Lambda Lambda Lambda or Kappa Lambda Pi or Pi Kappa Kappa or… "

"Iota Eta Pi," Shaif said slowly. "It's perfect."

"Mister uh… what do you call the leader?"

"Prime Minister or President or something."

"Why don't we have both?"

"Sure."

"Mister Prime Minister and President," Ee began again. "I propose that we drink beer until we vomit."

"All in favour?"

"BEER."

"Opposed."

"Whiskey," one Frat boy called.

"The beers have it," the President said. "You, as punishment. You have to chug that whole bottle."

"I'll do it Mister President."

"Chug chug chug… "

IIIIIIIIII

"Chief? Can I talk to you for a minute?"

Madam Bones, head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, looked at the pile of paperwork on her desk. Any excuse was a good one.

"Sure, Bob, but I can only give you a minute. What can I do for you?"

"It's about the tentacle monster…"

"Yes," Amelia said with concern. "I've been hearing rumours that he's been having some personal problems."

"That's true. He's tried the dating scene, but we think that maybe he needs to pull back from that for a while. We think he might be able to work out some of his problems with work."

"I'm not quite sure what you're suggesting. He's working now, right?"

"Yes, but he wants something a little more challenging. He wants to do some fieldwork. He'd like a chance to capture Death Eaters."

"He's a tentacle monster."

"Yes, but his hearts are in the right place. Just this morning he brought this in." He opened the sack he was carrying and showed her the gristly contents.

"That's a Death Eater all right. Where's the rest of him?"

"We haven't found it yet. We've emphasized that the next time he finds one to bring in more than just the arm with the dark mark."

"Let me think about this. And bring that to forensics. Maybe they can tell us who he captured. And give him my congratulations on it, too."

"Yes, Chief. Thanks."

IIIIIIIIII

"Mr. Potter, Ms. Po… Granger are either of you there?" McGonagall's voice asked from the fireplace.

"We're both here, Professor," Harry replied. "What can we do for you?"

"If it isn't too much trouble, I'd like to speak with you in person." Minerva sighed. "I guarantee that you will not be forced to stay and that you will be free to go if you so wish after speaking with me."

Harry and Hermione shared a glance before giving a slow nod.

"We're coming through, Professor," Hermione said.

"Thank you."

Hermione went through the floo first and was able to catch Harry when he tumbled out a few minutes later.

"I suppose that you're both wondering what this is all about," Minerva said slowly.

"You might say that," Hermione agreed dryly.

"Are you aware of the situation with Snape?" Minerva asked

"Yes, I read about it in the Prophet, creepy business that," Harry said.

"I'm afraid it's even worse than they've reported, let's just say that Snape victimized Professor Dumbledore to get to you. Poor Albus has been subjected to lord knows what from that vile man," Minerva spat out.

"Oh my goodness," Hermione gasped.

"What can we do to help, Professor?" Harry asked.

"Well, unfortunately, the Headmaster is suffering a bit of a disconnect from reality over the whole affair. The board of governors has agreed to keep him on as a figurehead while I assume most of his duties running the school. His position as head of the Wizengamot is largely ceremonial, and Madams Longbottom, Bones, and Marchbanks, have agreed to help out there. What we need is a bit of a project that we can put Albus on that will keep him occupied and feeling useful, without any real strain, and that keeps him out of trouble as it were," Minerva said.

"Okay, I can understand that, but how can we help?" Hermione queried.

"Well a rather unorthodox idea has been suggested, but we'll need Mr. Potter to sell it to the Headmaster." Minerva replied hesitantly.

"Oh, and what's that?" Harry asked with a feeling of dread.

"We intend to suggest that Voldemort is diabetic, and allergic to citrus, making lemon drops a viable weapon against him, and we need Albus to sample every different kind of lemon drop in the world, perhaps even do an alchemical breakdown on them, to find the most effective one," Minerva stated.

Harry and Hermione just stared at her with their mouths hanging open.

IIIIIIIIII

"I had a lovely time, Cissy," Remus said with a smile. "We really must do this again some time."

"How about tomorrow?" Narcissa asked. Her heart felt like it was going to burst as she waited for his answer.

"I don't have anything else planned," Remus agreed. "Why don't we meet back here at say… seven?"

"Alright," Narcissa agreed. Then, giving into an impulse she'd been fighting since the first day on the train. She pulled the werewolf close and gave him a deep kiss. "See you then," she giggled.

Remus watched in shock as the platinum-headed woman skipped off, giddy as a schoolgirl.

"Yeah," he agreed dumbly. "See you then."

IIIIIIIIII

"Madam Bones! What are you doing about this Dark Wizard Jeremy?"

Amelia looked at Minister Fudge and resisted the urge to beat him with a stick.

"Let's see, we have a Dark Lord who is killing and terrorizing people, a pair of legendary criminals who are actually burglarizing people, campaign rallies that have to be policed, the Statute of Secrecy that needs to be upheld and a budget that you've cut regularly for the last fifteen years. I have to prioritize my resources, and the Dark Wizard Jeremy just doesn't rate. We have picked up some intelligence on him…"

"Well, I am ordering you to do something about him! Use what you've collected."

"But…"

"That is a direct order, Madam Bones." He tried to stomp out of the office without success. Bones snickered. That spell that muffled the sounds from the floor that was triggered to activate whenever he came in never ceased to amuse her.

She sighed. Well, she'd have to do something about the 'intelligence' she collected. She picked up the copy of yesterday's Prophet and looked at the circled paragraph.

"Available Immediately. Dank, stinking, dungeon. Sewer access. Inquire Dark Bunny Gretchen."

If they could impress on the tentacle monster that this was just an undercover, intelligence-gathering job, this might solve two problems at once.

IIIIIIIIII

"Good afternoon, Professor," Harry said as he entered the Hospital Wing.

"Harry," Dumbledore said in delight. "What brings you to Hogwarts?"

"I'm not sure if you'd heard, but I recently gave sanctuary to Narcissa Black formerly Malfoy and her son?"

"I had heard something along those lines," Dumbledore agreed. "And I'm proud of you for turning an enemy into a friend. Good work, Harry, very well done."

"Thank you, sir," Harry said modestly. "One of the unexpected benefits to it was the information I was able to gather on Voldemort. Now, Narcissa was never a Death Eater but she was married to one."

"And she heard things," Dumbledore finished with a smile. "What have you learned?"

"Based on information I got from Narcissa, some of Lucius' notes, and a few other sources. I've come to a rather… shocking conclusion. One so important that I set aside any reluctance I might have had in meeting with you to bring you this information," Harry finished dramatically. "Headmaster… there are two men that have the skills to properly exploit this information and of the two I believe that you are the only possible choice."

"What is it, Harry?" Dumbledore asked gravely.

"It appears that Voldemort may be a diabetic," Harry said slowly. "And that he might also be allergic to citrus."

"You think the power he knows not is… lemon drops?"

"I don't know," Harry admitted. "But I don't think we can afford to ignore it."

"You're right Harry, what do you wish me to do?"

"I need you sample every lemon drop in the world," Harry replied. "Flavour, texture, maybe even make alchemical examinations."

"I'll do it, Harry," Albus agreed. "Even if I have to give up sleep, I'll do it."

"I've spoken with McGonagall and the board of governors," Harry said, "and they've agreed to hire an assistant for the Deputy Headmistress to allow Professor McGonagall to assume some of your responsibilities, and the assistant to assume some of hers."

"Very good, Harry."

"I've also pulled a few strings to get some of your other responsibilities to be assumed by other people," Harry said. "That is… if you agree."

"Of course I agree," Dumbledore said proudly. "Harry… I'm sorry I treated you like a child. I can now see how wrong I've been, you've become a man and I didn't notice."

"Thank you, sir," Harry replied. "Now, if you'll excuse me…"

"Of course," Dumbledore agreed. "Be careful, Harry."

"You too, sir."

IIIIIIIIII

"So what do you wanna do?" Graabir asked.

"Why don't we go on a panty raid?" M'balz suggested. "That's where you rush into a building full of girls to steal their undergarments."

"Silky darlings for everyone."

"HORAH."

IIIIIIIIII

"He's looking better," Poppy said with a relieved smile. "And he hasn't even mentioned what… what happened."

"Good," Minerva let out a slow breath. "He listened to Mr. Potter then?"

"He did," Poppy agreed. "I think he's going to be ok, Minerva, I think everything is going to be ok."

"Let's hope so."

IIIIIIIIII

Tonks was intrigued. She was going undercover with a new partner.

"Wotcher, Bob."

"Hi, Tonks. Just got word of your new assignment. Congrats."

"Thanks. I was told to see you about my new partner. What's that all about?"

"Right this way," he said, pulling a piece of paper out of his pocket. "Here's the in," he said, handing her the ad from the Daily Prophet. "And here's your partner." He opened the door revealing the tentacle monster.

"Somebody is going to die," Tonks muttered.

IIIIIIIIII

The Dark Frat boy dashed into Daphne's room in search of silky darlings and ran into Neville's fist. Daphne and the shocked Dark Bunnies watched in shock as Neville grabbed the man with his left hand and pistoned his right into the man's face.

"Wait," Grabbir tried to protest that it was all a mistake and to politely ask that Neville stop pummelling him. What came out was. "Wgurgle."

"Let me explain something to you," Neville said calmly. "She's the first girl I've ever really liked and I don't appreciate you trying to invade her personal space like that." Or at least, that's what it sounded like in his mind. Everyone else heard something along the lines of. "ROAR."

"Let's get out of here," M'balz screamed. The Dark Frat Boys grabbed their wounded and quickly left the area.

Neville growled at the fleeing frat boys that had attempted to steal his girlfriend's corset and Daphne seemed to be mulling something over as she looked at him.

"I was so scared," she finally squealed as she threw herself into Neville's arms. "Hold me."

"It's ok, Daphne."

"I think I'm going to need more comforting then that," Daphne said with a fake sob. "Let's go somewhere private."

"Come on." Neville lifted the poor girl up and carried her out of the room.

"Hmmmm," Gretchen and Elizabeth shared a calculating look. "Oh Master, we were so scared," they cried as they tackled Ron. "Comfort us."

AN: The ongoing list of people that contributed to this fic without whom, it would not have been nearly as good . . . one might go so far as to say it would be quite bad: Ed Becerra, ausfinbar, David Wangen, neil.reynolds, dogbertcarroll, hattenjc, the caitiff, AlanP, Lone Wolf, meteoricshipyards, Shawn Pickett, Morris Rague, luinlothana, Treck, Drake, Marneus Calgar, Goblin214, Chris LeBron, and everyone else on my yahoo group. They gave me scenes, ideas, and all sorts of other things. Tell me if I missed you so I can add to this list.

A bit more of what's happening with Remus and Narcissa's relationship by Andrew Joshua Talon

Omake 6

"DATING?!" Draco squeaked. Narcissa nodded, happily humming as she finished putting on her dress and jewelery.

"Yes. He's a very nice old friend of mine."

"But-But what about Father?! How can you just-just abandon him?" Draco squawked, pale face turning red. Narcissa sighed.

"Draco, we've been over this. I was in a loveless marriage with a hateful, racist man who tried to turn you into his clone. And has apparently largely succeeded. The Dark Lord's ideals are going nowhere fast, I'm sick of the bloodline purity nonsense, and bottom line, I'm lonely. I want actual love in a relationship, not obligation and disdain." Narcissa managed a fond smile at her gaping son, and patted his head.

"Someday, you will understand Draco. I promise." She walked out the door of the room. Draco grumbled.

"But dating a WEREWOLF?!"

"I have it on good authority they have superhuman stamina," Narcissa called back. Draco blanched.

"MUM!"

Omake 7 (If it's not 7 please correct):

Andromeda was very surprised to see her nephew appear in the floo, looking down at his feet.

"Um... Aunt Andromeda... Can I... Talk?" He said awkwardly. The eldest Black sister mentally shrugged, led him into her kitchen, and served him some hot chocolate. Draco almost turned up his nose at the Muggle drink, but he was so lost at this point he didn't refuse it.

"Mum's... Dating someone else... And Father's not around," he began slowly. Andromeda smiled happily, but schooled her face back to 'sympathetic understanding' when the blond boy raised his head.

"That can be difficult, I imagine," she said. Draco snorted.

"You have no idea! And she's dating a-a WEREWOLF! Father always said they were lower than dirt! Subhuman! And she's DATING one?!"

Andromeda shrugged.

"Well, they do have superhuman stam-"

"AUNTIE! I KNOW THAT! DON'T REPEAT IT!"

"Okay, okay, sorry!" Andromeda soothed. "Look Draco; like it or not, your mum is an adult and capable of making her own decisions. And if she wants to date a werewolf, you should support her. After all, what if he breaks her heart? Or mistreats her?"

A somewhat foreign feeling began to grow in Draco's chest. A need... To protect someone. To fight and possibly kill, not for a Dark Lord's ambitions, but for someone he loved.

Draco nodded, a dark smile on his face.

"Yes... If he breaks her heart... I'll break his face!" He cackled. Andromeda sighed. It was probably the best she could hope for.

Omake 8 (If it's not 8 please correct):

"Remus, Draco, why don't you to get acquainted while I have the kitchen staff prepare us some drinks?" Narcissa said, smiling at both Draco and Remus. Remus smiled, a bit nervously, while Draco grinned in a malicious way. Narcissa raised an eyebrow, but was sure Remus could take care of himself, and so she turned and walked into the kitchen.

The two men began to glare at eachother.

"Enjoying my mother, beast?" Draco sneered. Remus sighed and prayed for strength.

"Draco, I know you may have trouble understanding this, but I do care deeply for your mother. We were friends once, and I want to be friends again."

"Just so you can get into her dress, is that it?" Draco growled. Remus growled back, secretly impressed that Draco wasn't cowering as he'd originally thought he would.

"No Draco. I care for her. Which seems to have at last given us something in common," Remus observed mildly. Draco glowered a bit harder.

"If Mum hadn't removed all the silver from this room you'd be dead," he growled. "Keep that in mind, werewolf."

'Oh, this is going to be a fun dinner,' Remus thought with a sigh.