Disclaimer: When giving a Tentacle Monster instructions, be VERY specific.

Calling in the Favor

"So how's the tentacle monster doing?" Madame Bones asked with a smile. She really didn't expect the operation to produce anything useful to the war effort. But as it served the purpose of getting two of her peop… that's one of her people and her tentacle monster relatively safe while they dealt with their personal issues, so she counted it a success. They were in a profession where a moment's distraction could prove to be deadly.

"He brought in more arms," Tonks replied with a wrinkled nose.

"Thought you told him to bring in more then just the arms?"

"I told him to bring in more then just the arm with the dark mark," Bob explained. "Should have been more specific, he delivered both arms. I think he's got it now though."

"He also kept a record of the statements they made when he was arresting them," Tonks added. She may not have been too thrilled by the partner she'd been assigned, but she'd be dammed if she didn't uphold the code. Partners always looked out for each other, you may hate your partner, you may not want anything to do with them, but you always stuck together. "Though I don't think it'll be very helpful."

"Let's have it," Bones sighed.

"Arg, no, my arms, gurgle, fook, harder, that's not supposed to bend like that, and aieeeeeeee."

"I see… pass on my congratulations for a job well done and stress that I'd like a prisoner every now and again."

"Yes, Madame Bones," Tonks and Bob chorused.

IIIIIIIIII

"Master, you didn't invite any Death Eaters over for tea or anything did you?" Elizabeth asked cautiously.

"No," Ron replied. "Why?"

"Because we found some Death Eater masks, robes, and oddly enough assless chaps in the dungeons when we were visiting the tentacle monster."

"And the tentacle monster mentioned that a group of them came in the other day," Gretchen added. "There were no survivors."

"Wait… visiting the tentacle monster?"

"It gets lonely," Elizabeth explained.

"And needs help with its love life," Gretchen agreed. "Some of the girls were talking and we were sort of hoping that you could make it an honorary follower."

"Or maybe our mascot," Elizabeth agreed.

"Fine," Ron agreed with a shrug. He'd never understand girls. "Back to the Death Losers."

"Probably a team sent here to assassinate you," Elizabeth said easily.

"Idiots, they could never stand up to Master's power."

"True, but it's not something we can just ignore." Elizabeth said with a giggle. "We have to respond in some way."

"We'd probably better." Ron gave an annoyed sigh. "If we do nothing, he'll keep sending squads until one of them succeeds."

"Or worse," Gretchen said with a horrified look. "If they got up here and tracked on our carpets."

"Or bled to death on our drapes," Elizabeth said with a matching look of horror.

"Right you are girls, but I don't have any plans for attacking Voldemort." Ron said seriously. He didn't want any of his followers to take it upon themselves to do this for him. "I don't want to turn us into a military group. And I really want to avoid creating a situation where one of you girls could be killed by a lucky Death Eater."

"We're really that important to you, Master?" Elizabeth asked softly.

"You think we're too valuable to casually throw away?" Gretchen asked hopefully.

"Of course you are," Ron said hotly. "What gave you the idea that it was otherwise?"

"Oh, Master," the two cried as they threw themselves into his arms. "Hold us."

"You're crying," Ron said in a panicked voice. "What made you cry? Are you alright?"

"You said we were important to you."

"And that you wouldn't throw us away."

"No Dark Lord in history has ever cared about his minions as much as you do master," Elizabeth explained.

"They all cared about themselves first and their followers as only a means to an end," Gretchen added. "Useful means that got rewarded if they did well, but means just the same."

"We love you, Master," Elizabeth said.

"From now until the end of time," Gretchen agreed. "Forever yours."

IIIIIIIIII

"Ok," Luna whispered to Tonks. "As you should remember, I have a rather large collection of Harry and Hermione erotica."

"You do?" Tonks asked in shock. "Where'd you get that?"

"So I was hit with some sort of memory charm in the future?" Luna said sympathetically. "Don't worry, I'll help me work through it and regain our memories."

"I know I've told you before so I'll tell you again," Tonks said in exasperation. "I'm not you from the future."

"I'm sure you didn't tell me that," Luna said. "But I understand that I can't trust myself, good thinking."

"Just… we'll talk about it later."

"Ok," Luna agreed.

"Now about that erotica…"

"This picture is my favourite," Luna said as she handed over a picture.

"Wow," Tonks said with a smile. "Those are some kinky outfits, almost look like what the Fox and the Hound wear, too."

"Don't they?"

IIIIIIIIII

"So what how do you plan to retaliate against Voldiwarts master?" Elizabeth asked as she snuggled up to Ron.

"I'm not sure," Ron admitted. "The problem is to find a way to reply in a way that makes my displeasure clear and to avoid putting you girls in any risk."

"Well, if we could plan an attack where we could strike from a distance, like we do when we attack Diagon Alley," Gretchen said as she snuggled up to his other side. "Then none of us would be injured."

"True," Ron agreed. "The problem is that the only locations I know that are Death Eater strongholds are mansions owned by Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle. Problem with them is that they're so well known that the Dark Wankers wouldn't risk anything important. If I know it then everyone knows it, the Aurors raid those places weekly and find nothing."

"I do know of one of their major training halls master," Elizabeth said brightly. "But it's under Fidelius so I can't tell you where it is."

"But I could theoretically follow you to find out roughly where it was couldn't I? Is the base surrounded by innocent people's houses, or is it surrounded by wilderness?"

"It's near a town, but it's surrounded by trees," Elizabeth replied.

"What are you planning, Master?" Gretchen asked.

"I'm thinking that I might ask some people outside of our group to quietly help," Ron replied absently. "I know some people who owe me a few favours, and a few more that would probably help if it would make Death Eaters miserable."

IIIIIIIIII

"Any ideas for the next job?" Hermione asked her friend.

"I was thinking that we could take a look at that building over there," Harry suggested with a wave. "The one with the crude don't notice me ward."

"And the obscene door knocker?" Hermione asked.

"That's the one," Harry confirmed.

"Who do you think it belongs to?"

"Who knows, we can find out when we get in." Harry gave an indifferent shrug. "For all we know it's been abandoned for years."

"Could be nice to have another hide out," Hermione mused.

"We can put something together later if this doesn't work out."

IIIIIIIIII

"I got a letter from Gretchen the other day," a woman that was presumably Gretchen's mother said.

"Oh?" One of her friends asked with a smile. "Didn't you say she joined the Dark Wizard Jeremy? How's she liking it?"

"She says that he cares about his followers," Gretchen's mother replied. "And that he doesn't blame them for his mistakes or use them as cannon fodder."

"You're kidding?"

"Nope, and that his rewards are more then generous."

"Does he at least use pain curses on them?"

"Spanking hex is the worst thing she mentioned," Gretchen's mum snorted. "And that he had Elizabeth do it the old fashion way on another occasion."

"How does he keep them in line?"

"Apparently he has some sort of super pleasure charm," Gretchen's mother replied. "Though she hasn't gone into too many details, she's said enough to make me sure that she dreads the day it gets withheld as a punishment."

"Addicting?"

"I don't think so, just really feels good."

"Hmmmm, you know. My daughter Sally is getting around the age I did when I joined the Dark Wizard Helmut."

"Gretchen can't say enough good things about the Dark Wizard Jeremy," Gretchen's mother said helpfully. "And she's number two in the dark harem, I can have her put in a good word for Sally if you want?"

"Please do."

IIIIIIIIII

"What can we do for you?"

"I need your help on a job," Ron replied.

"You were aware that you're dressed like the Dark Wizard Jeremy weren't you?" George asked.

"And that we're firmly on the side of the light."

"Despite what you may have heard about us."

"And that we're also good friends with Mister Harry 'I vanquished a Dark Lord at the age of one' Potter."

"I am the Dark Wizard Jeremy," Ron said. No way was he telling his brothers who he really was; they'd tease him for hours. "And I'm going up against Voldemort."

"Why didn't you say so?"

"Gonna blow up his headquarters then?"

"Or cause fire to shoot out his ass?"

"Roasting some poor Dork Eater's tongue in the process."

"Or other assorted body part."

"Nothing like that," Ron said quickly. "I just need you to cut off a few…"

"Arms?"

"Legs?"

"Uh… misc.?"

"Escape routes," Ron said firmly. "I think I've got a way to get some wards up around the area to prevent magical travel, but there are still brooms and feet to consider."

"We don't have anything to stop brooms at the moment."

"But we'll work on it."

"And think of something."

"If you swear a wizard's oath that you won't use it against us-"

"-or our family."

"Which includes Harry Potter-"

"-and several other light families."

"I swear on my magic that I won't use it to harm your family or Harry Potter and that I'll only use it against Death Eaters and maybe the Ministry… unless it would be funny, in which case you need to watch yourselves because you may get a talking butt or something."

"Talking butt?"

"Don't think we've ever done that?"

"Speaking Sphincter?"

"Rude Rectum?"

"We already used that one."

"Oh yeah, uh… Articulate Anus?"

"I'll contact you later," Ron said as he cut off the floo. "One down, two to go." Ron said as he changed. "Harry's Secret Spot."

"Who is… hello Ron, how'd you get this floo address?" Hermione asked as she answered the floo.

"Floo directory," Ron explained. "Gives the address for calls but doesn't give access for transport. And even if it did, I'd imagine that this fireplace is a bit more secure then normal.

"Harry might have put a few extra wards on it," Hermione allowed. "Is this a social call?"

"Afraid not," Ron said.

"Then what can I do for you?"

"Hermione," Ron said through the floo. "Remember that time I did my homework early?"

"Vaguely," Hermione agreed.

"Well I'm calling in the favour," Ron said.

"You are, huh?"

"Yeah," Ron agreed. "I need you to get me instructions on anti transport wards. I don't need Potter wards, just something quick to cast."

"Generic wards then?" Hermione asked. "You know they won't last long or be very good right?"

"I just need them to work for a little while."

"I'll talk to Harry," Hermione said after a few seconds. "See what he thinks before I send you anything."

"Thanks, Hermione."

"No problem," Hermione replied. "But what do you want these things for?"

"I'll tell you when we get back to school," Ron replied. "I'd rather not say it over the floo."

"Ok, did you need anything else?"

"That was it," Ron said. "Thanks, Hermione."

"Bye, Ron."

"So how are you going to contact the Fox and the Hound Master?" Elizabeth asked after the floo connection ended.

"I don't know," Ron admitted. "It's not like they're just going to walk in later and introduce themselves."

AN: The ongoing list of people that contributed to this fic without whom, it would not have been nearly as good . . . one might go so far as to say it would be quite bad: nonjon, Ed Becerra, ausfinbar, David Wangen, neil.reynolds, dogbertcarroll, hattenjc, the caitiff, AlanP, Lone Wolf, meteoricshipyards, Shawn Pickett, Morris Rague, luinlothana, Treck, Drake, Marneus Calgar, Goblin214, Chris LeBron, and everyone else on my yahoo group. They gave me scenes, ideas, and all sorts of other things. Tell me if I missed you so I can add to this list.