Disclaimer: It is only through frequent and through inspections that you can be sure your significant other hasn't joined a Dark Lord. Do your part, to keep the world safe.

Landica Salarium

"I demand that you do something about this travesty," Fudge shrieked as he stormed into Madame Bones' office.

"About what, Minister?" She asked with a sigh.

"About what?" Fudge frowned and glared at Amelia Bones. "This Dark Wizard Jeremy. I want him caught."

"Oh?"

"Yes, 'oh'," Fudge snapped. "Now I'm not normally one to tell someone how to do their job." Bones managed to turn her snicker into a cough. "But I've heard a rumour that a member of a fine upstanding pureblood family may be a member of the Dark Wizard Jeremy's little group."

"Which one?" She asked mildly.

"The Greengrass girl, the one who's still at school, is a member. Undersecretary Umbridge overheard her talking about it. I want her arrested and locked up!"

"You do, huh?" Amelia sighed and shook her head. "Minister, I fear you may have been misled. I know for a fact, that young Mr Longbottom, Frank and Alice's son, is dating Miss Greengrass."

"Are you sure?"

"His grandmother told me herself," Amelia agreed. "She also tells me that she's seen the girl in her swim suit and that there wasn't a Dark Mark apparent."

"Well maybe she had it under her bathing suit," Fudge said quickly.

"I also had a talk with young Neville," Amelia continued. "He confirmed that she didn't have any dark marks anywhere on her body but promised to make periodic and very through examinations to ensure that one didn't appear when he wasn't looking. Looked eager to do it, too.

"Frank and Alice's son? Well, I suppose I must have been misinformed. After all, no Longbottom would have anything to do with the Dark or these depraved activities."

"As you say, Minister."

"Just to be sure, I want you to make him an Undercover Auxiliary Auror and assign him the task of keeping a close eye on the girl. We cannot be too careful when it comes to insuring the safety of the voter… I mean, public."

"I'll be sure to do just that, Minister."

"And pass on my compliments," Fudge continued. "Such dedication to the light should be recognised. Might be a good idea to put him in for some sort of award also."

"Of course, Minister," Amelia agreed. Augusta would be thrilled to learn that in the future, her grandson's dates would be at Ministry expense.

IIIIIIIIII

"This sucks," Gretchen muttered as she patrolled her master's lair. "I can't believe… who are you?" She demanded as she pointed her wand at Harry and demanded, "who are you?"

"Uh…" Harry and Hermione glanced at each other frightfully. Harry blurted out "Rocco!" at the same unfortunate moment Hermione answered for him, "Freddie!"

"Well, which is it?"

"Freddie!" Harry answered as Hermione firmly responded, "Rocco."

"Rocco Siffredi," Harry settled on, stopping Hermione from answering.

"Alright then," Gretchen accepted. She turned to Hermione, "So then who are you?"

"Jenna," Harry replied just as Hermione blurted out, "Jamie!"

They both realized what happened and quickly corrected themselves. "Jamie," Harry agreed while Hermione shrugged saying, "Jenna?"

"Jenna Jameson," Hermione said firmly.

"Oh for god's sake," Gretchen gave up wondering if leaving these peepers alone would earn her some… punishment from Master.

"The Fox," Hermione said with a nervous grin.

"And the Hound," Harry added uncertainly.

"You heard master wanted to speak with you?" Gretchen asked in shock. Maybe she could get a reward out of this then, now to figure out another way to get that punishment. "Wow, you two are good."

"We try," Harry said modestly.

"Please, come this way." Gretchen led the duo down the hall and to an ornate room. "Master will be with you shortly, if you need anything at all just tell one of the other girls and they'll get it for you."

Harry and Hermione shared a look and he shrugged at the question in her eyes, he had no idea what was happening either.

Gretchen hurried down the hall and into her master's chambers.

"What is it Gretchen?" Ron asked.

"The Fox and the Hound are here to meet you, Master," Gretchen replied.

"Tell them I'll be with them shortly," Ron said. "And have Peter North and Elizabeth join us at the meeting."

"Yes, Master," Gretchen agreed. "Did I please you master?"

"You did," Ron agreed. "Landica Salarium."

"Oooooooo." the girl's eyes rolled into the back of her head and she collapsed into Ron's waiting arms. "Oh Master, thank you."

"You did a good job, Gretchen," Ron said as he kissed the girl tenderly. "You deserved it."

"I don't remember that charm master, is it new?"

"I thought you girls might like a bit of variation," Ron said modestly. "You guys deserve whatever I can do for you."

IIIIIIIIII

"You did what?" Angelina demanded.

"Agreed to work with the Dark Wizard Jeremy to attack a Death Eater hide out," Fred repeated.

"Are you nuts?" Angelina took several deep breaths. "Look, he's a Dark Lord. You can't trust him."

"Actually-"

"-he's our brother-"

"-not sure which one. Don't think it's Percy."

"It is possible though."

"Probably Ron, they've got the same name."

"I still say it's Bill, a veela is the perfect girlfriend for the Dark Lord of perversion."

"But you know how possessive they're supposed to be, no way Fleur would let him have a harem as big as the Dark Wizard Jeremy."

"No way she'd let him have a harem period," Angelina said firmly. "And no way Katie or me would even let you think about it."

"Never dream of it, Darling," Fred said quickly.

"Not even when we were looking through the family spells that require several people," George agreed.

"So why do you think the Dark Wizard Jeremy is Ron?" Angelina sighed, her mother had told her to go after Harry. He was rich, famous, and a great guy all around. But noooo, she had to date one of the terrible twins.

"He uses the family spells," Fred explained. "He's got to be related."

"And that posing pouch isn't very covering so we know he's a natural red head," George added. "And mum's been smug about something and giggling."

"Keeps muttering something about hundreds of grandchildren, too."

"Creepy," Angelina said despite herself.

"Yeah."

"So your brother is a Dark Lord with a massive harem," Angelina said slowly. "Never would have pegged him as a Dark Lord that would build a massive harem. Always figured he'd be a mid-level Ministry department head like your dad."

"I thought he'd be arrested for stalking the Cannons," George said.

"Man whore," Fred said.

"Man whore?" Angelina said dryly.

"The odds were good and I stood to make a lot on a very modest bet," Fred defended himself. "I know it was a long shot but I was close wasn't I?"

IIIIIIIIII

"Thank you for meeting with me," Ron said as he swept through the room. "As you may know, I've got a job I need your help with."

"What's the job?"

"Death Eaters attacked my hide out," Ron explained. "Granted they were all killed by the tentacle monster before they had a chance to cause any trouble, but this is still not something that I can just ignore."

"So what do you plan to do?"

"Elizabeth," Ron said.

"My name is the Dark Bunny Elizabeth," she began. "Before master captured me and broke me to his will, I was a Death Eater. As a Death Eater, I was able to learn the location of one of the major training areas."

"Gretchen."

"My name is the Dark Bunny Gretchen," she began. "We plan to put down anti-transport wards and surround the building with anti-mobility measures of an undetermined nature. After we have them sealed in, master is going to cast several spells that will eventually incapacitate the enemy forces."

"And I need you to break their wards so I can do it," Ron said. "Are you up to it?"

"Why not," Harry said after a glance at Hermione. "We're always up for a bit of Death Eater destruction."

"One more thing," Ron said nervously. Harry and Hermione could never know that he was working with their sworn enemies. "There's a Fidelius charm over the entire place."

"And you want us to break it," Hermione said with a nod.

"If possible," Ron agreed. "I think I can still effect them if it remains up, but I'm not sure."

"We'll see what we can do," Harry said. "So if you'll excuse us."

"Of course," Ron agreed. "Thank you for meeting with me. Gretchen, show them to the door."

"Yes, Master," the girl agreed. "This way."

"So how do you like being a Dark Bunny?" Hermione asked as they walked to the door.

"It's wonderful," Gretchen enthused. "Master treats us well and values us as people."

"Different then the other chap then?" Harry asked.

"He doesn't care about his followers at all," Gretchen said disdainfully. "In fact, I think most of the reason Master wants to go after the Death Eaters is because he's angry that they might have hurt one of us."

"Interesting," Harry muttered. "Shall we go home, Fox?"

"I think we shall, Hound," Hermione agreed. And with that, the two of them were gone.

"Wow," Gretchen said with an impressed nod. "I guess there's a reason that they're the greatest thieves in the world."

"She's gone," Hermione whispered. "And I don't see anyone else around."

"I'm dropping the ward."

"Good thing you found that ward that bent light around an area," Hermione said.

"Now we just need to find a way to scale it up and make it self-sustaining," Harry said.

"Yeah," Hermione agreed. They made their way home and got down to the business of figuring out how to complete their commissioned job.

"So we've got to find a way around a Fidelius," Harry sighed. "Any ideas?"

"We do know the general area where it is," Hermione mused. "Do you think we could set up some sort of parasitic ward, one that sucked up all the magic in the area?"

"Maybe," Harry said slowly. "Something to look into anyway."

"I can't believe we're helping a Dark Lord," Hermione said with a laugh.

"Yeah," Harry agreed. "Ron can never find out about this.

IIIIIIIIII

"What are you doing, Albus?" Minerva was puzzled by the scene before her. The Headmaster was sitting at his desk surrounded by alchemical equipment and opaque jars.

"Minerva," he greeted her with a nod. "I'm afraid I can't go into details, but I'm working on a project that could help us win the war."

"Secret mission then?"

"I'm sorry Minerva but that's the way things are, I don't want to imply that I don't trust you."

"But what I don't know, I can't tell. Very well Albus, are you too busy to approve these new hires?"

"I'm afraid so," he said with unconcealed regret. "And I am sorry to dump this in your lap, but this project is just too important. I trust your judgement and I will sign off on whatever recommendation you choose to make."

"I appreciate the trust you're showing me, Albus," Minerva said firmly. "And I promise that I will not let you down, don't spare this another thought."

"I knew I could count on you, Minerva," he said. "Now, if you will excuse me, I'm afraid that I can't spare any more time."

"Of course, good day, Albus."

"Good day, Minerva."

Minerva rose from her desk and walked out of the Headmaster's office. As she left, she noticed Dumbledore absently reach into one of the opaque jars for a lemon drop.

"Tangy with just a hint of sweetness," he muttered as he began recording his observations.

Minerva closed the door and allowed herself to smile, for the first time she was willing to allow herself the luxury of believing that everything would be alright.

"Well?"

"I think he may be recovering," Minerva replied. "What a wonderful plan you came up with, Poppy."

"You did as much work on this as I did and you know it, Minerva," Poppy said with an impish grin. "So you really think he's recovering?"

"I can only hope," Minerva agreed. "Have your contacts been able to get any more news on that vile man?"

"They have," Poppy said with a disgusted expression. "And they were also good enough to allow me to make a few suggestions of my own."

"Oh?"

IIIIIIIIII

"Drink up Snivvy," the orderly said as he forced the man's mouth open to administer another potion. "This will make you feel much better."

"Argl," Snape choked. "What have you done to me?"

"Just a little suggestion made by the school nurse at Hogwarts," the orderly said.

"Tasted like a laxative potion and a purging potion," Snape said with a frown. "What were they?"

"A laxative potion and a purging potion," the orderly said with a smile. "We'll have you expelling fluid from both ends in a few minutes. That'll be fun now won't it, Snivvy."

"Don't call me Snivvy you… blarg." Snape began vomiting on himself. "Damn you… blarg."

"Hmmm, that laxative should have kicked in by now."

"Arrrrg." Snape screamed as he soiled himself. "Blarg."

"There it is."

"Damn you, ahhhh, blarg."

IIIIIIIIII

"Yup," Poppy agreed. "A few suggestions of my own."

"Mind if I make a few?" Minerva asked hopefully. "I know I'm not a Healer, but…"

"But everything that might help should be suggested," Poppy said firmly. "He is a very sick man."

"Have you thought about using leeches?" Minerva said with a sadistic smile. "Or just traditional blood draws?"

"Excellent suggestion, Minerva," Poppy said with a grin. "I shall see to it. Have you had any other news on Harry and Hermione?"

"Rumour has it that they are getting rather adventurous," Minerva said with a sly smile. "Costumes, that sort of thing."

"Just like Lily and James," Poppy sighed.

AN: The ongoing list of people that contributed to this fic without whom, it would not have been nearly as good . . . one might go so far as to say it would be quite bad: nonjon, Ed Becerra, ausfinbar, David Wangen, neil.reynolds, dogbertcarroll, hattenjc, the caitiff, AlanP, Lone Wolf, meteoricshipyards, Shawn Pickett, Morris Rague, luinlothana, Treck, Drake, Marneus Calgar, Goblin214, Chris LeBron, and everyone else on my yahoo group. They gave me scenes, ideas, and all sorts of other things. Tell me if I missed you so I can add to this list.