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The Darkish Mark

Tonks said her goodbyes to Harry and Hermione and a Luna who was still going on about meeting herself from the future. If you didn't think too much about what she said, Luna wasn't so bad, and Harry and Hermione, despite the rumours that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named had Harry high on his hit list, made a very nice couple. She almost growled in the back of her throat. She wasn't jealous. Not really.

Oh, hell, yes she was jealous. Not of Hermione; not really. She liked Harry, why not? He was a good kid and she was happy that he and Hermione were happy together. No, she was jealous that they had a good relationship going, and she didn't.

Remus, after a particularly bad transformation had broken off with her again. This happened every few months, and Tonks was getting sick of it. Unlike the other times she didn't call Remus the next week. If he wanted this relationship to work he would have to put some effort into it.

Meanwhile, she had to go on patrol. She made her way to the Dark Lord Jeremy's hideout.

"Oh, hello To… Honks!" Gretchen said, when she answered the door. "Are you here to join?" Looking at Tonk's red Auror robes, she got a concerned look. "Or are you here to cause trouble?"

"No, I just need to get my friend. We have to get to work."

"Oh, he didn't mention a job."

"New schedule. He probably doesn't know. Is he in?"

"Oh, yes. Come on in. He's become very popular with the girls."

"He, er, has?"

"Oh, yes. After a hard day's work those tentacles can get even the worst knots out of your muscles. And with all those tentacles, he can do all your limbs and back at the same time. Minako and Sumiko insist that the tentacles can be useful for other things too, if you know what I mean, but really! No offense, but he is a tentacle monster!"

"Yes, er, I don't want to think about that. What's that noise?"

"He has some prisoners."

"He what?"

"Seems someone tried to slip in through the sewers the other day, so he locked them in some of the cells. It doesn't matter to us. We did check, and they didn't want to join us in our revel the other night. They were having their own party." She shuddered. "Not that I'm prejudiced or anything, but that's not my scene. So we left them down here. Besides, you've rented the whole dungeon, not just the room Tim is living in and it's none of our business what he does down there."

"Tim?"

"Well some girls tried calling him T.M. for Tentacle Monster but he didn't like that nickname, then Mistress Kathy put an "I" in it, and he seems to like Tim. So it's been Tim ever since. And in return he's let Mistress Kathy play with his prisoners."

"Oh. I think that's something I don't want to know about, either."

They got to "Tim's" room, and Tonks looked at the Tentacle Monster.

"I hear you have some prisoners. Do you want to tell me something?"

It shook it's, er, not quite head, but equivalent.

"Well, we don't have time for that. You wanted fieldwork, so they made you my partner. So I suppose you go on patrols with me. Here, put this on. I had to guess at the size. And the placement for the arms. And eyes. But Madam Malkin said she could make adjustments."

She politely turned her back as the Tentacle, er, Tim got dressed.

"You know," Gretchen said, "I feel safer knowing that we have an Auror living in our basement. Have fun at work!" she giggled as she flounced away.

"Tim, if I ever giggle and flounce, knock me down. Let's see. Yes, you just can't beat robes by Madam Malkin. You look good.

"Now if you don't like this next bit you have no one to blame but yourself. Welcome to foot patrol - four hours of nodding to the people, watching the folks we probably should be arresting disappearing as we approach, and sore feet. And afterwards! Paperwork! Let's go."

IIIIIIIIII

"What progress are you making in the Dark Wizard Jeremy case?" Fudge demanded as he stormed into Madame Bones' office for his after lunch temper tantrum.

"We have undercover Aurors placed in his organization gathering information," Amelia said calmly. "Any more information would jeopardize their covers and their lives." She saw no reason to admit that the Dark Bunnies were well aware of her people's professions and hadn't said anything out of politeness. Or that her people were rather… lax in maintaining their cover. The Dark Bunnies and their master had never shown themselves to be violent after all.

"You can trust me," Fudge whined. "I'm the Minister."

"And our security consultants have noted several holes in the wards," Amelia said with a yawn. "And my men have found several dozen monitoring charms and devices."

"Why wasn't I told?" Fudge screamed, the new topic swaying his interest away from the previous topic.

"You were," Amelia said flatly. "I sent you several memos about it."

"Gurgkl." Fudge turned purple and stormed out of the office.

"See you tomorrow," Amelia said to herself. She glanced at the clock and her eyes widened in pleased surprise. "Hmmm, he left early today. What am I going to do with the rest of my time today?"

IIIIIIIIII

"Good day, Aurors. Busy day?"

"No. Seems like all the criminals took the day off, Mr. Fortescue."

"Ah, Auror, what may seem like a boring day for you is a day without problems for us. Can I get you anything?"

"A couple of cones, please. My partner wants a grasshopper ripple, and I want a honey."

"Here you go, officers. Don't get them mixed up."

"Thanks." They started back down the street for what seemed like the 40th time, when Kojac stopped to chat.

"Hey, Tonks. Poker at my place tonight."

"Great! Usual crowd?"

"Yea. Except Columbo. He can't make it."

"Just as long as Madagan is there. I want to win back some of my money from him."

Kojac laughed. "You and me, both."

"Since there's an extra seat, mind if my new partner comes?"

Kojac eyed her partner for a moment. "You're new, aren't you." It shook it's, er, whatever.

"He's been working in the dungeons for years. They just decided recently to give him a chance with us grunts."

"You're lucky, you know. Usually it's when we can't hack the street that they send us to guard the dungeons. Never heard of anyone getting back on the street after that. After the dungeons it's a desk job. Between you and me, I'm not looking forward to that!

"But that's still a long way off. Sure, come on over. I'm willing to win money from anyone."

Tonks took Kojac aside. "Just one thing. Tim doesn't understand metaphors and he doesn't understand expletives. You don't want to go around saying things like "Crap!" to him, let alone some of the other stuff. It's not that he's a prude, it's just his nature."

Kojac nodded. "I'll pass the word. We'll just have to act like McGonagall's in the room. I think we can handle it. And let's face it, some of the guys' language could use a bit of tuning down."

He waved at them both, "See you at 8."

Tonks and "Tim" continued their patrol, but Tonks started noticing something wrong with her partner.

"OK, give. What's the problem?"

Tim turned out the pockets on his new red robes.

"Oh, no money for poker. I can spot you for tonight. Just make sure you pay me back by the end of the month; I'll need it for the rent." They walked a few more steps down the street before Tonks had a flash of inspiration. "Or you could start charging those girls for all those massages you've been giving them," she said with a grin. "They're all rich purebloods so it's not like they aren't able to afford it."

IIIIIIIIII

"This is the Dark Bunny Gretchen," she answered the floo with a confused look on her face. "What can I do for you?"

"This is Fred, could you put Ron on?"

"Master is busy right now," she said nervously. "Could I take a message?"

"Tell him that Fred and George have finished their work," Fred said. "Well, the preliminary work anyway. But we're going to need more information and from the looks of things, we're going to be there when you attack."

"This isn't going to hurt your election campaign is it?"

"I don't think so," Fred replied. "My campaign manager and my bodyguards don't think so anyway."

"Good, most of the girls are going to vote for you and we don't want our candidate to get knocked out for some technical reason. You know Fudge and his cronies are just looking for an excuse to keep you from running."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"Was there anything else you needed?"

"Could you recommend a good place to get a custom designed dark mark?" Fred said to the shocked girl. "Not one of those tattoos, the floaty thingy."

"You want your own symbol of terror?" Gretchen wasn't sure what to do in this situation.

"Something like that," Fred agreed. "Angelina … my campaign manager thinks it'll be a good thing to put up every time I defeat Fudge in a debate. And George wants to put it up along side yours when we thrash the Death Bastards. We're not going to bother covering up our involvement; we're going to flaunt it. Let the press chew on that."

"I suppose…" Gretchen was in a bind; Master wouldn't mind so much that she interrupted his daily work out but the other girls … Gretchen shuddered in horror. It must be ok, she told herself. That's Master's brother. "We do our work through Colin and Dennis."

"Wait the camera brothers? Harry's stalkers?"

"Sounds like them."

"And they're making custom dark marks?"

"Just the one so far I think."

"Thank you Gretchen, be sure to tell Ron that I said you were a big help."

"Thank you, Minister."

"Not yet."

"Give it a few weeks," Gretchen said as she closed the connection.

"You heard?" Fred asked.

"Yes, sir," the bodyguard replied. "Would you like us to contact the brothers for you, sir?"

"Find out where they are, if it isn't too much trouble," Fred said after a moment of thought. "I'll meet them myself. Sending Aurors to make the initial offer might be a good way to drive down the price, but I doubt it's a good way to start what I hope will be a lasting relationship."

"As you say, Minister," he agreed with a smile.

"Not yet."

"Give it a few weeks."

IIIIIIIIII

"So, Frank, how's the Tentacle Monster?" the Auror asked.

Frank grinned slightly and shook his head. "You know how I was helping him to get his confidence back? How he wasn't sure about the dating scene?"

"Yeah, can't blame him for that. It's a frigging rat race."

"Well, it seems he's taken to it like a fish to water. He went out on a date with four girls at once last night. All of them were absolutely beautiful! " Frank frowned slightly. "Though, to tell the truth, I'm a bit worried, he only got dumped 2 weeks ago and they did say they were really only using him for sex."

"Maybe a nice rebound relationship is all he needs."

"Maybe, like I said. Just don't want him to get hurt again."

IIIIIIIIII

"May I help you all?" An older woman answered the door and looked over the group with a frown.

"We were hoping to speak to Colin or Dennis," Fred explained. "If they're here."

"What about?"

"We're some of his friends from school," George replied. "And we had a proposition we'd like to give them."

"A business proposition or the other kind?"

"Business."

"Then come right in," she said with a smile. "I'm baking cookies, does anyone want some?"

They all agreed that yes, they wanted cookies. And they were directed into Colin and Dennis's work area."

"Fred, George."

"Angelina … group of Aurors?"

"From the dignitary protection unit," the Auror clarified.

"So what can we do for you all?" Colin asked with a smile.

"We hear that you've been making custom dark marks," Fred said with a smile. "And we were hoping that you could design one for us."

"You want a dark mark?" Dennis asked in shock.

"Yep."

"We can do that," Colin said.

"We were also hoping that we could market more of them through the shop," George offered.

"We'll have to think about that," Dennis said.

"What sort of dark mark would you like?"

"I was hoping for something simple," Angelina said. "At least to start out with."

"You'll want a more traditional sort of dark mark then," Dennis stated. .

"I was thinking something along the lines of three flaming 'Ws' superimposed on each other."

"Could work," Colin said slowly. "Mind if we spice it up a bit? You'll be able to cast it in that way or in one of the… uh, spiced up versions."

"They'd love something like that," Angelina said before the twins had a chance to reply. "How about we start simple and add something new after each casting."

"Any ideas for a sound track?"

"None."

"Ok then, how about if we do it like…"

IIIIIIIIII

"You were what?" Narcissa asked flatly.

"Sort of dating your niece," Remus admitted. "It was nothing serous and I never let it go too far, but I still feel bad about the whole thing."

"Why didn't you tell me this before?"

"We were off again," Remus said. "And I was hoping to make it permanent this time."

"Why?" Narcissa hissed. "Isn't she good enough for you?"

"Too good," Remus broke. "And too young. You are too, come to think about it. What am I? A bloody werewolf that's what. A bloody werewolf that's never done more then kiss a girl, a bloody werewolf. Do you know what that means? It means that I'm a dangerous dark creature. I can't be trusted around children and let's not mention what'll happen if I lose control during … you know."

"That's what this is all about?"

"What else could it be about?" Remus screamed. "My poverty? My lack of gainful employment? How about the possibility that I could get rounded up and stuck into a camp tomorrow because of some damned Ministry decree. I like being around you, Narcissa, you're a good friend. The fact is that I spend nights thinking about what it could have been like, what it could be like if I hadn't gotten this damned bite…"

"Remus be silent," she said sharply. "Stop feeling sorry for yourself for five bloody minutes and listen. This isn't all about you; it's about me, too. And my niece Dora. We are adults, as adults we can make our own decisions about these things."

"No you can't," Remus said sadly. "The counsellors told me that this might happen."

"Wait, what counsellors?"

"The Ministry counsellors that Decree Number fifteen dash twenty, Section A, Paragraph 2. You know, I wasn't too sure about it at first. But they've been really helpful over the last few years."

"Tell me more about these counsellors," Narcissa asked with false calm. "I want to know everything about these sessions you go to."

IIIIIIIIII

"Harry, you gotta take a look at this."

"What is it?"

"An add in today's Prophet."

Aspiring Dark Lord?

Legendary Thief?

Just want something that will make you the life of the party?

Then it's time you had your own personalized Dark Mark.

Several sizes and colours…

Available in motional or traditional…

Cool sound effects…

Theme songs…

"What the hell?" Harry muttered.

"I must admit, I never thought they'd get further then being arrested for stalking you and stealing your underwear."

"I'd assumed they already had."

"Yeah. But you know what we've got to do now?"

"Steal my underwear back?"

"No, get a dark mark of our own."

AN: The ongoing list of people that contributed to this fic without whom, it would not have been nearly as good . . . one might go so far as to say it would be quite bad: nonjon, Ed Becerra, ausfinbar, David Wangen, neil.reynolds, dogbertcarroll, hattenjc, the caitiff, AlanP, Lone Wolf, meteoricshipyards, Shawn Pickett, Morris Rague, luinlothana, Treck, Drake, moshehim, Marneus Calgar, Goblin214, Chris LeBron, and everyone else on my yahoo group. They gave me scenes, ideas, and all sorts of other things. Tell me if I missed you so I can add to this list. Another thanks goes to meteoricshipyards who wrote the majority of the continuing adventures of the tentacle monster. Anything I wrote on that sub plot was fairly minor so kudos.