Disclaimer: Be sure to get your BLS, it's good to have.

The BEST Part of Waking up

"So why are you here, Luna?"

"I just learned a new skill that I had to share," Luna replied. "In fact, I don't understand why it's not taught at Hogwarts."

"What is it?" Hermione sighed.

"CPR," Luna said.

"CP… like for heart attacks?"

"Uh huh."

"That actually is useful," Hermione agreed. "What else did you learn?"

"Mouth to mouth and the Heimlich manoeuvre," Luna replied. "But I was only able to read how to do it in a book."

"I'll teach you how to do it," Hermione volunteered. "Or at least the basics, my parents have always insisted that I be proficient in basic life support. I'm not qualified to teach, but I can show you a few tricks, maybe we can talk to my parents about getting something more formal later."

"Ok," Luna agreed. "Do you want me to show you what I learned?"

"Sure," Hermione said.

"Ok, get on your back so I can practice chest compressions." Luna walked up to the prone girl with a dreamy smile.

"Uh… less squeezing more compressions, you also need to put your hands together and move them towards the middle of my chest and off my breasts."

"Like this?"

"Close enough," Hermione agreed. "What do you do next?"

"Mouth to mouth," Luna said eagerly as she moved in.

"Mumph."

"What was that?"

"Less tongue," Hermione said dryly. She should have known that this was a mistake. "Why don't we move on to the Heimlich?"

"Ok," Luna agreed. She got behind Hermione and reached up.

"It's called the Heimlich and not the grope for a reason," Hermione said as she firmly moved Luna's hands down. "You need to move your hands lower and… .TOO LOW." Hermione took a firm hold of Luna's wrists and moved them up. "Right about here."

"Thank you Hermione," Luna said serenely. "The book was very confusing."

"I can tell, why don't we talk to my parents later to set up something that will let you get your card?"

"Ok."

"Might be a good idea to rope Harry into it, too."

IIIIIIIIII

"My people," Fudge said loudly. He was once again attempting to debate the young upstart Weasley. "You know me, you know that I've brought more gold to the wizarding world then any of my predecessors."

"More gold to your bank account you mean," Fred said loudly. "How do you explain this large stack of documents that was delivered to my new shop yesterday?"

"That would depend on what's in those documents," Fudge sneered. "And don't say it's evidence of my corruption because that's locked up in… I mean I'm not corrupt."

"Well," Fred said with a smile. "It's evidence of your corruption. I also have several other pieces of evidence, congratulations Minister. It looks like you're the most corrupt and incompetent Minister in history."

"Thank you I… wait a minute; Aurors, arrest that man."

"FRED for Minister," the Aurors cheered. "Fred, Fred, Fred."

"I said arrest him not cheer for him," Fudge screamed.

"Now George," Alicia said calmly.

"Right," George agreed and within seconds the WWW dark mark was floating above Fudge's head.

IIIIIIIIII

"Hello again, Mr. Snape," the undercover reporter said with a smile. "How are you doing?"

"Damn you," Snape said weakly.

"Just stopped by to tell you that Headmaster Dumbledore has finished being treated for what you did to him."

"Curse you."

"You should be proud, the other Healers say that the only person they've ever seen with more severe rectal trauma is you. Though I imagine poor Harry Potter might have given that record a run for its money if you ever managed to catch him."

"Potter," Snape gasped. "This is all his fault."

"Really?" The reporter asked. "And how do you figure that?"

"He…" Snape's face changed and a gleeful smile cracked through the yogurt crust that had built up over the last several sessions. "He touched me when I was a student, did horrible things to me in an empty classroom. His friends helped, those friends would be Remus Lupin and Sirius Black."

"Uh huh."

"Let me tell you more," Snape said eagerly.

The reporter walked out after Snape's story and ran into an actual Healer.

"Any progress?"

"He blames everything on James Potter," the reporter said. "And then told me some fantasy involving James Potter, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, and the Ravenclaw Quidditch team."

"What treatment were you planning to assign?"

"Aversion therapy," the reporter said after a moment of thought. "We let him tell his fantasies and apply a mild pain charm every time he starts to get aroused. With a bit of luck, he'll begin associating his deviant behaviour with unpleasantness."

"And it may also provide a legitimate use for the unforgivable curse," the Healer mused. "Good work."

IIIIIIIIII

"Come on, Neville," Daphne demanded as she dragged him towards her house. "Mum really wants to meet you."

"But I've never done the whole meet the parents thing," Neville protested. "What do I do?"

"Just introduce yourself and say hello," Daphne replied. "She'll love you."

"Are you sure? Maybe we could introduce you to my Gran first?"

"Maybe you could learn to sleep alone for a few days?" Daphne mused.

"Maybe your idea was the best one after all," Neville said in defeat.

"I knew you'd see it my way," Daphne said with a mellow grin. Mum was right, men were so easy to manipulate… so long as they didn't get a harem. "Mum, we're home . . . Mum?"

"There's a note on the table," Neville said helpfully.

Sorry I couldn't stay but something has come up and I'm afraid that I'll be away for exactly three hours and your father will be away for five.

-Your Mother

P.S.

Be sure he has a chance to make a good inspection of the painting on your bedroom ceiling.

"Come on, Neville," Daphne demanded.

Maybe meeting parents isn't so bad, Neville mused. Wonder why the other guys seem so afraid of it?

IIIIIIIIII

Dean was cursing to himself, he'd just gotten out of his therapist's office and he was mulling over wither he wanted to go back.

"That quack," he growled. "How dare he tell me that I just need to accept that it happened and move on? I like grapes not raisins damn it and I need to prove it, not accept what happened." He began looking around for an attractive and more importantly young girl.

"Hello Dean," Luna said. "Why are you screaming at nothing? Are you practicing for the nationals?"

"The… forget it," Dean dismissed the crazy girl's rambling. "Luna."

"Yes?"

"You're a girl right, always have been?"

"I think so," Luna agreed.

"And you're about my age? Never been an old crone?"

"I don't remember being an old crone," Luna said slowly. "Why?"

"Wanna go out on a date?" Dean asked quickly. "I'm a guy and you're not an old crone."

"I can't," Luna said gently. "I'm in a committed relationship with Harry and Hermione and it wouldn't be right to cheat on them with you."

"I understand… wait, Harry AND Hermione?"

"Uh huh," Luna agreed. "But don't tell anyone, we're trying to keep it quiet."

"Yeah," Dean agreed as he wandered off. "Lucky bastard, how'd he bag two girls and why can I only get an old crone?"

"I don't know, sonny."

The statement snapped Dean out of his daze and his eyes widened in horror when he realised where his wandering feet had taken him.

"Uh…" He's eyes darted around in hopes of finding a way out of the bridge club. "I gotta go now."

"Lock the door," Griselda Marchbanks commanded.

IIIIIIIIII

"Good morning, Luna," Hermione said without opening her eyes.

"Good morning, Hermione," Luna replied. "Harry have another rough night?"

"I dosed him with sleeping potion," Hermione replied. "Didn't want him waking up too early."

"I've heard that too much kinky sex can be too much sometimes," Luna sympathised. "Perhaps it was best that you took a little break."

"It's not… you're right, a little break."

"But if you're not using…"

"No," Hermione said firmly. "Just to satisfy my curiosity, are you wearing clothing?"

"Hmmmmm?" Luna gave herself a brief inspection. "I knew I forgot to do something this morning."

"Right, shouldn't you be getting home?"

"But I wanted to have breakfast with you," Luna said softly.

"Then will you go home?"

"I wanted to have breakfast with you and Harry," Luna said quickly.

"Fine, you can borrow one of my skirts."

"Ok."

"And blouses," Hermione said quickly.

"Awwww."

"Did you have some comment you wanted to make?" Hermione rather thought that she was becoming good at handling Luna.

"It's just that, well… they're a little too tight in the chest area."

"What?" Hermione's eyes shot open and she gave the smaller girl a critical inspection. "We're about the same size, in fact I think I've got a bit of an edge."

"But there isn't any room to keep my…"

"You'll just have to accept the fact that you can't have everything the way you want it unless you wear your own clothes."

"Ok," Luna chirped. Hermione watched carefully as Luna dressed and began setting the table. "Were you planning to wake Harry or should we cook for ourselves?"

"I can't cook," Hermione said bluntly. "Wake up, Harry."

"What now?" Harry groaned.

"I need you to make breakfast," Hermione replied. "Ok?"

"Fibe mrr mnts."

"Maybe you gave him too much sleeping potion?" Luna suggested.

"Or maybe he's lazy," Hermione muttered. "We'll have to make our own breakfast."

"Or I could come back in a few hours after the sun comes out," Luna suggested.

"After the… it's three in the bloody morning."

"Early to bed and early to rise," Luna said piously.

"I should never have lent you that book," Hermione growled. "Come back no earlier then nine."

"Goodnight, Hermione."

"Goodnight, Luna," Hermione said as she pulled her covers up and went to sleep.

Luna clapped her hands together as she watched them sleep. Oh this was ever so much fun, though she had to admit that the fun level would rise dramatically if they weren't such prudes. No matter, she'd deal with that later.

IIIIIIIIII

"Oh god," Remus said in disgust.

"What is it, hon?" Narcissa asked. She was dressed in one of his shirts and making breakfast.

"More on Snape," Remus said with a sick look on his face. "Says here he had fantasies about me and the other Marauders cornering him in an empty classroom and… I can't say it."

"Always knew there was something about him," she said as she leaned over his shoulder. "Also explains why he spent so much time around Lucius."

"You don't think that?"

"He didn't touch me after I had Draco," Narcissa said calmly. "What do you think?"

IIIIIIIIII

"Success," Harry cheered. "I knew I could do it."

"You got the Fidelius problem licked?"

"Maybe," Harry allowed. "I'd like you to take a look over what I've got cobbled together. No, I think I figured out a way around our other problem."

"Luna?"

"Luna," Harry agreed. "Should keep her from coming into the apartment unless she's wearing clothes."

"Let me see that," Hermione demanded. "You have a small mistake here."

Harry studied the parchment for a few seconds. "Yeah, but I think it'll still work."

"Can't open the door unless you are clothed providing the people inside are clothed."

"Conversely, if the people are nude so must you be."

"We've got her now," Hermione giggled. "No more waking up to find a naked Luna."

Harry just muttered something about the best part of waking up as he finished casting the ward.

"What was that?" Hermione asked sharply.

"Ward's up," Harry said. "I think we've everything taken care of."

"I think we have," Hermione agreed.

AN: Man, I've still got a lot of these things to polish up and post before I catch up. This fic wasn't going to last this long, it was going to be ten chapters on the outside but nooooo I had to write more then that. The ongoing list of people that contributed to this fic without whom, it would not have been nearly as good . . . one might go so far as to say it would be quite bad: nonjon, Ed Becerra, ausfinbar, David Wangen, neil.reynolds, dogbertcarroll, hattenjc, the caitiff, AlanP, Lone Wolf, meteoricshipyards, Shawn Pickett, Morris Rague, luinlothana, Treck, Drake, moshehim, Marneus Calgar, Goblin214, Chris LeBron, and everyone else on my yahoo group. They gave me scenes, ideas, and all sorts of other things. Tell me if I missed you so I can add to this list. Another thanks goes to meteoricshipyards who wrote the majority of the continuing adventures of the tentacle monster. Anything I wrote on that sub plot was fairly minor so kudos.