Disclaimer: Being a Dark Lord is lucrative, but it's not for everyone. Be sure that it's something you really want to do before taking the plunge, it's not a job you can resign from.

Knocked Up

Ron held Gretchen's hand as Hermione's mother worked on her teeth, cursing himself again for not noticing his minion's discomfort.

"Could I get that potion now, Healer Jamison?"

"Certainly, Dr. Granger," he agreed. "Here you are."

"How do I use it?"

"Just place a few drops on the tooth," he replied. "Yes, just like that."

"Thank you, Healer."

"Not at all, Doctor."

"There you are, dear," Jill said with a smile. "How are you feeling now?"

"Much better," Gretchen said. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, dear," Jill said with a smile.

"Could you two check the other girls to make sure that there's nothing wrong with them?" Ron asked.

"I have the remainder of the day free," Healer Jameson offered.

"And I pushed all my work onto my husband," Jill agreed.

"Thank you," Ron said simply. "Have the girls give you your payment before you go." With that, Ron took Gretchen into his arms and left the room.

"Me next," Elizabeth demanded. "The sooner I get checked, the sooner I can join master and Gretchen."

The other girls' eyes widened in shock and the scrambled to make a place for themselves in the line.

"So are all of the Dark Wizard Jeremy's followers girls?" Healer Jameson asked as he began casting diagnostic spells.

"All except Peter the Dark Enforcer of the North," Elizabeth agreed.

"Keep your mouth open," Jill commanded. "Unless you want to be here for a long time."

"I'm sorry," Elizabeth said quickly.

"Looking good here," Jill said. "I'm going to want all of you to come to my office for a cleaning later but everything looks good here."

"Hmmmm," Healer Jameson cast another spell. "Interesting."

IIIIIIIIII

"Wonder what this Cabinet does?" Harry muttered.

"Who cares, it doesn't go with my other furniture." Hermione dismissed the object as unimportant. "Slap a ward on it to prevent any mischief from happening and get to the next object."

"Were you planning to do anything besides go through those books?"

"No, why?"

"Just asking," Harry sighed. "And by the way, don't touch that next book."

"Why?"

"Because your hand will explode if you open it," Harry replied. "And I may be old fashioned, but I'd like my wife to have both hands."

"Oh?"

"Lots of things you can do with your hands that you can't do with a hook."

"Like what?" Hermione asked slyly.

"Like making me a sandwich," Harry replied.

"But you do all the cooking," Hermione protested.

"I know, that was what we like to call a hint."

IIIIIIIIII

"I'm what?" Elizabeth demanded.

"Pregnant," Jameson said. The man cast several more spells. "In fact… all of you are."

"All of us?" Jill asked hopefully.

"All of them rather."

"Pity," Jill sighed. "I had hoped that… no matter."

"I'm sure Master could help you," Elizabeth told the woman. "He's really good with that sort of thing."

"It should work," Healer Jameson offered. "And it wouldn't violate the law since you already know about magic."

"I… thank you, I'd like that very much. I do have one daughter already and I'd always planned to have more children, but it never seemed to take."

"Your daughter is magical isn't she?"

"She is, Healer, why do you ask?"

"Just wanted to make sure," Healer Jameson said. "As magic runs in families then I suspect that any other children you have will also be magical… assuming the father is the same."

"He will be," Jill said firmly. "Thank you, Elizabeth."

"No problem, Jill."

IIIIIIIIII

"And that's that," Hermione said with a satisfied grin. "The books are all sorted, catalogued and shelved."

"And I've got all the other stuff warded," Harry offered.

"All we have to do now is get some new shelves," Hermione continued. "I was always partial to mahogany."

"You were huh?"

"Yeah, with glass doors to keep off the dust."

"Really?"

"But that's something for later," she said firmly. "Right now we have work to do."

"Back to the Ministry then," Harry agreed. "Not sure why everyone seems to think it's so heavily warded."

"Let them have their illusions," Hermione said firmly. "It's not polite to point out all their flaws."

"Take too long."

"Uh huh." She kissed him on the cheek. "One more thing you need to do."

"What now?"

"Get a razor," Hermione said firmly. "Or learn a better shaving charm."

"Don't like my manly stubble?"

"It scratches."

"Quid pro quo?"

"Fine."

"Good, because that moustache of yours has been bothering me."

"You utter bastard," she said in shock.

"Not right for a bloke's girl to have better facial hair then he does," he added with a grin.

"Come back here," she giggled as she chased him around their apartment.

IIIIIIIIII

"Master?"

"What is it, Elizabeth?" Ron asked.

"We're pregnant," the girl blurted.

"Both of you?"

"All of us, Master," Gretchen said with a weak smile.

"I see… well, nothing to do but to call mum."

"You're not angry, Master?" Elizabeth asked hopefully.

"Why would I be angry?" Ron demanded. "S'my fault for not thinking of this before, always wanted a big family and now I have a chance to get one."

"Can I be the one to tell mother?" Gretchen begged.

"If you like," Ron agreed.

Gretchen bounced out of the room and towards the nearest fireplace.

"You're really ok with this, Master?" Elizabeth persisted.

"I'm really ok with this," Ron assured the girl. "As a Weasley, I always expected to have a big family. Just never thought it would be this big."

IIIIIIIIII

Harry and Hermione ghosted across the roof of the Ministry building towards the roof access that they'd turned into their private entrance.

"Ready, Fox?" Harry whispered.

"Ready, Hound," Hermione agreed. "Any new wards or charms?"

"Not even one," Harry replied. "Not sure we should be doing anything this early."

"It'll be fine," Hermione waved off his concerns. "Be a perfect time to leave that note on Madame Bones' desk too."

"Well…yeah, I suppose." The crept through the halls and made their way to the Department Public of Records. A quick search revealed what they'd been searching for.

"Here they are, Hound!"

"Good, Fox. Let's take 'em and go."

"Wait. I don't think so."

"Why not?"

Hermione pulled out a pen and made a few quick changes. "Look at that."

"Is that enough?"

"I would guess the Ministry would jump at any chance to invalidate this."

"It's a bit suspicious, but Let's give it a try."

They made their way out of the building as silently as they had come in with only a brief stop at the Director of Magical Law Enforcement's office before they left."

IIIIIIIIII

"Hello son."

"Dad?" Ron asked in shock. "What are you doing here?"

"Your mother insisted I come to meet all my daughters-in-law."

"Oh."

"Knocked 'em all up huh?"

"Yeah," Ron agreed. "Not sure how I managed to impregnate all of them at the same time."

"It's not surprising," Arthur said with a smile. "Seeing as how you used the family version of the dark mark on your minions."

"What's that have to do with anything?" Ron demanded.

"Well… among other things it increases fertility. It is a family charm after all."

"Guess that makes sense… where's mum?"

"Last I saw her she was hugging your girls and muttering something about hundreds of grandbabies."

"Oh… I should have suspected that."

"So how were you planning to support all of them?"

"Dad, I'm a Dark Lord. Do you have any idea how well that pays?"

"That good huh?"

"It's kind of strange," Ron said. "The girls give me their loyalty and their families give me a tithe, and all they ask for is a dental plan and some health coverage."

"Tell me more," Arthur said slowly. "How does one become a Dark Lord?"

"Dad?"

"Just curious son," Arthur said quickly. "To start with, your mother would kill me if I started building my own harem."

IIIIIIIIII

Harry and Hermione returned to their apartment and began getting ready for bed.

"So how'd the Luna wards work today?" Harry asked as he took off his shirt.

"Didn't get a chance to find out," Hermione replied. "She was dressed when she showed up."

"Maybe she's sick?"

"Nah, she just wanted to make a request." Hermione said. "And was a bit more serious then she normally is."

"Ah, what was the request?"

"I'd rather not say."

"Ok, good night, Hermione."

"Give me my blankets, Harry."

"You've got all the blankets you're going to get Hermione."

"Fine." She snuggled up closer to her friend. "Now we both have all the blankets we need."

"Good night, Hermione."

"Good night, Harry." They were both sound asleep a few minutes later and that was how Luna found them a few hours later when she arrived.

AN: The ongoing list of people that contributed to this fic without whom, it would not have been nearly as good . . . one might go so far as to say it would be quite bad: nonjon, Ed Becerra, ausfinbar, David Wangen, neil.reynolds, dogbertcarroll, hattenjc, the caitiff, AlanP, Lone Wolf, meteoricshipyards, Shawn Pickett, Morris Rague, luinlothana, Treck, Drake, moshehim, Arthur Hansen, Marneus Calgar, Goblin214, Chris LeBron, and everyone else on my yahoo group. They gave me scenes, ideas, and all sorts of other things. Tell me if I missed you so I can add to this list. Another thanks goes to meteoricshipyards who wrote the majority of the continuing adventures of the tentacle monster. Anything I wrote on that sub plot was fairly minor so kudos.