Disclaimer: There has been no speculation on what Harry is doing every time he goes to the shower and I want to make it clear that all he's doing is showering, nothing more nothing less.

Bits of Ribbon

"T… Honks," Gretchen said joyfully as the Auror came in. "So glad you could make it."

"So what's the party for?"

"Well, Peter… Kitty's boyfriend? You know, the Dark Enforcer of the North?"

"Yeah?"

"It's his party," Gretchen explained. "It's his birthday."

"Lot of those this time of year," Tonks observed. "So who else is coming?"

"Well, Tim of course. The rest of the Bunnies… maybe a few others, we'll just have to see who turns up."

"Who are they?" Tonks asked. "That pair in the all concealing outfits?"

"That's the Fox and the Hound," Gretchen replied. "Why?"

Tonks stormed away from the girl and up to the pair of thieves. "You know who I am?"

"We do Auror Tonks," the Fox replied. Happy that the cloth covering her mouth muffled and changed her voice.

"I could arrest you two you know," Tonks said with a frown.

"You could try," the Hound replied with an audible smirk.

"Why you." Tonks drew her wand and to the surprise of several watchers, nothing happened. "What'd you do?"

"Warded your wand," the Hound explained with an unseen grin.

The Fox's wand appeared in her hand and she pointed it at the tentacles approaching Harry with deadly intent. "You sure you want to do this?"

"It's ok Tim," Tonks said forcefully. "We don't want to do this here."

"Excellent choice Auror Tonks," the Hound said cheerfully. "We are only here for the celebration. No more, no less."

Tonks holstered her useless wand. "So the two of you are Harry and Hermione's enemies huh?"

"We aren't enemies of the Potter family," the Fox said quickly.

"More… friendly rivals. Without them life would not be worth living," the Hound said calmly. "The world would be ours and there would be no fun to be had."

"What's the point of owning everything," the Fox agreed.

"And that's why there are two of us," the Hound said. One of us for one of them to keep things even. A formula the Potters have agreed to keep."

"They did?"

"Why else would he find a girl of his own except out of jealousy of my lovely partner."

"Flatterer," the Fox said fondly. "But Potter could have done better then that frigid bitch."

"She's not that bad," the Hound protested. "She just needs the right person to… warm her up."

"Speak for yourself," the Fox said firmly. "I'm not too fond of the girl. Needs someone to remove that stick from her ass."

"You're not too fond of anyone who blackens your eye and fattens your lip," the Hound retorted. "Admit it, you got beaten completely and utterly."

"Not fair she didn't use magic," the Fox sniffed. "And things would have been much different if she hadn't blind sided me."

"Moving right along," Tonks interjected.

"Two Potters equals the Fox and the Hound. Three and you'd see another, one and you'd see less," the Hound explained. "Speaking of which, Potter does have that Lovegood girl now."

"Crazy as a loon," the Fox said. "But it does pose a problem to us."

"So?" Tonks asked dumbly.

"You wouldn't be looking for a part time job would you?" the Hound asked mildly. "The three of us could have a lot of fun."

"In and out… of the job," the Fox purred. "In and out… think about it."

"No thanks," Tonks stammered.

"Pity," the Fox sighed. "You could have been fun."

"Right," Tonks said oddly. This was surreal. "Um… is there any way I could persuade you not to rob my house?"

"Sure," the Hound said. "Since you asked nicely."

"It's the polite thing to do," the Fox agreed.

"Uh… right, so… read any good books lately?"

"Why yes," the Hound agreed. "There was that book you have in your bedside table. The second shelf?"

"Third," the Fox corrected.

"Yes third," the Hound corrected himself. "The one your father wrote… out of curiosity, does he know you have it?"

"I…" Tonks' eyes widened in shock.

"I liked this one romance novel I flipped through the other day," the Fox said. "I believe it was called 'And They Called it Puppy Love.' Pretty kinky stuff… any reason you had it hidden under your mattress?"

"No… I…"

"If you liked that one," the Fox continued. "I might have a couple more that would… tickle your fancy. I'll drop them by your apartment later."

"Uh… yeah… I… have you met my partner Tim?" Tonks said desperately. "He's the one with the tentacles."

"Pleased to meet you," the Fox said politely.

"Always a pleasure to meet one of the Ministry's finest," the Hound agreed.

Tim waved a polite tentacle and after assuring himself that the situation was not going to turn dangerous, excused himself so he could get back to mingling.

"Interesting chap," the Hound said idly.

"He is isn't he," the Fox agreed. "Polite too."

"Yeah," Tonks agreed. "If you'll excuse me. I've got an early day tomorrow and I really need to go home now."

"Don't forget your keys," the Hound said helpfully.

"And your wallet," the Fox agreed. "You seem to have misplaced them earlier."

"We thought it prudent to return them."

"Right… uh… thanks I guess."

Tonks left the party and quickly made her way back to her apartment. After entering it, she made a quick inspection to make sure that everything was were it should be and was a bit shocked to find nothing missing.

"Bastards," she said under her breath. She pulled out her wand and tried to cast a quick cleaning charm and was more then a bit surprised when nothing happened. "Definite Bastards," she agreed with herself. She reached down and retrieved her backup wand from the ankle holster and was more then a bit relieved to find that it still worked.

Before going to bed, Tonks made sure to cast every security and perimeter charm she knew. And thanks to the Auror Academy, she knew quite a number of them. Let's see the bloody Fox and the Hound wanker get through all that, she thought with satisfaction as she drifted off to sleep.

IIIIIIIIII

"Morning, Luna."

"Good morning, Hermione."

"If I open my eyes," Hermione began. "Am I going to find that you're wearing clothes?"

"Yes, you are."

"What for the purposes of this conversation constitute your clothes?"

"Some ribbon and a bow," Luna replied. "It is Harry's birthday after all and I want to give him a very happy birthday."

"No."

"But you could help," Luna whined. "I brought another outfit for you."

"No."

"What about for your birthday?"

"No."

"What about for my birthday? Can I do something similar for my birthday?"

"N…"

"But only if I do it with my betrothed," Luna interrupted. "Would it be ok then?"

"I guess."

"Promise?"

"I promise," Hermione said. She couldn't help but feel that she'd just made a terrible mistake, but still it wasn't like they were going to ask Luna to marry them… was it?

"Shall I steal one of Harry's shirts and wear that instead?"

"I think that would be a good idea Luna," Hermione said dryly.

IIIIIIIIII

Tonks woke up the next morning to find three new books on her bedside table. Two romance novels, and a book on security charms bearing a notation that stated it contained charms that were much better then anything they'd noticed the night before. It was of course unsigned.

"That's it," she muttered to herself. "I have got to go see Harry and Hermione right bleeding now."

IIIIIIIIII

"Thanks girls," Harry said with a grateful smile. "This has been the best birthday I ever had."

"You're welcome, Harry," Luna said brightly.

"Yeah," Hermione agreed. "I mumph." She cut off when Luna pulled her into an embrace and passionately kissed her.

"Birthday kisses," Luna explained after she released Hermione. "Your turn Harry."

"I mumph."

"Luna…" Hermione stopped herself. All things considered, Luna was being quite restrained… for her. "My turn."

"Ok Hermione," Luna agreed. She sighed when the other two shared a tentative kiss, they really were such late bloomers.

"Thanks Hermione," Harry said with a blush.

"No problem Harry," she said with one of her own.

"Time for birthday spanks," Luna said eagerly. She ran over and draped herself across Harry's lap. "Ok, I'm ready."

"We're the ones that are supposed to spank him Luna," Hermione sighed. "Not the other way around."

"Why would he get spanked on his birthday?" Luna demanded. "I must say that you're really not thinking this through."

"That's just the way it is."

"My way seems so much more enjoyable," Luna persisted. "But you may do as you like when I've had my spanking… well aren't you going to start?" She looked up at Harry with half lidded eyes. "I've been a very bad girl."

"We had an agreement Luna," Hermione growled.

"I'm sorry Hermione," Luna said with as much remorse as she could pretend to muster. "That's right." She got up, smoothed out her dress and pulled Hermione across Harry's lap. Luna reached down and pulled up the hem of Hermione's skirt. "Ok Harry, she's ready."

"Let me up Luna," Hermione demanded. "No one is spanking anyone today."

"Not even a little?"

"Not even a little," Hermione confirmed.

"Oh poo."

"Excuse me," Harry got up and walked stiffly towards the bedroom.

"Where are you going?"

"Gotta take a quick shower," Harry replied over his shoulder.

Hermione eyed Luna suspiciously when the blonde got up and walked into their kitchen. "What are you doing Luna?'

"Making some popcorn," Luna replied.

"Oh…" Hermione shrugged, that wasn't so bad. Luna returned a few minutes later and walked past Hermione and into the bedroom.

"So that's her game," Hermione said to herself. She got up and followed the girl into the bedroom to prevent her from joining Harry in the shower.

Much to her surprise, Hermione found Luna sitting on the foot of the bed staring intently at one of the walls. "Luna what are you… how did you make the wall transparent? Can . . . can he see us too?"

"Charm I found in one of your books," Luna replied. "And it's one way only, I haven't figured out how to make it two way yet."

"Oh." In shock, Hermione stumbled towards the bed and took a seat beside Luna.

"Popcorn?"

"We shouldn't be doing this," Hermione moaned guiltily.

"So I should cancel the spell then?"

"I didn't say that," Hermione said as she gazed at the scene of Harry… 'bathing.' "I just said we shouldn't be doing it."

"He wouldn't have to take so many 'showers' if you'd be a bit 'nicer' to him," Luna said absently. "We could both go in there right now and help him with that problem… it'd be fun."

"No Luna."

"Or you could go in there alone," Luna persisted. "I'd even leave if you wanted me to."

"I'm… I'm working on something Luna."

"Ok then," Luna agreed. "Mmmm."

"Yeah."

AN: The ongoing list of people that contributed to this fic without whom, it would not have been nearly as good . . . one might go so far as to say it would be quite bad: nonjon, Ed Becerra, ausfinbar, David Wangen, neil.reynolds, dogbertcarroll, hattenjc, the caitiff, AlanP, Lone Wolf, meteoricshipyards, Shawn Pickett, Morris Rague, luinlothana, Treck, Drake, David Brown, Moshehim, Arthur Hansen, Marneus Calgar, Goblin214, Chris LeBron, khadon99, Shawn Pickett, tekobaka, Freddie, Musings of Apathy, Brian Arcis, Fenris, Pelel, and everyone else on my yahoo group. They gave me scenes, ideas, and all sorts of other things. Tell me if I missed you so I can add to this list. Another thanks goes to meteoricshipyards who wrote the majority of the continuing adventures of the tentacle monster as well as several others. Anything I wrote on that sub plot was fairly minor so kudos. And still another goes to neil.reynolds who wrote a large number of scenes. Yet another goes to The Resident who was good enough to do a bit of editing and caught several of my mistakes.