Disclaimer: Mi Mi Mikuru . . .

The Man Without Fear

Tonks knocked on the door to Harry and Hermione's apartment and waited patiently for someone to answer.

"Tonks?" Hermione asked as she opened the door. "What's up?"

"I had a little… altercation with the Fox and the Hound last night," Tonks replied. "And it's left my wand useless. I was hoping that you two could have a look at it."

"We're not wand repair, we do wards."

"The Hound said my wand trouble was due to a ward," Tonks explained.

"Have a seat," Hermione said after a moment of thought. "I'll go get Harry."

Tonks took a seat and waited for Hermione to return.

"Let's see that wand," Harry said as he entered the room.

"Here." Tonks handed it to him.

Harry examined the wand for a few seconds. "You say the Fox and the Hound did this?"

"Yeah," Tonks agreed. "I met them at a party last night." They both ignored Hermione's growl at the mention of the Fox.

"Interesting," Harry mused.

"Can you fix it?"

"I should be able to," Harry said slowly. "I may not be the Hound. But I'm probably one of the finest ward breakers in England."

"Why?"

"Gives me an idea on how I can improve my wards," Harry explained. "Conversely, the Fox and the Hound are probably some of the best warders in the country. What they did to your wand seems to support that idea anyway."

"It's not surprising that they'd be like you," Hermione interjected. "Your families have been fighting each other long enough that you've probably got quite a bit in common."

"I guess that makes sense," Tonks mused. "Could you put a ward on that yourself to prevent what happened last night from happening again?"

"I should be able to," Harry agreed. "But it'll mess with any magic recognition wards you might have up."

"I don't have any wards up," Tonks admitted. "I couldn't persuade you two to put some up for me could I?"

"Sure," Harry agreed. "You're an Auror. You need those wards, it's a safety issue."

"I can't afford much," Tonks said slowly. "How about… wait, you've warded this building fairly heavily haven't you?"

"Yeah why?"

"Are there any apartments open?" Tonks asked hopefully. "And if there are, do you think you could put in a good word for me with the land lord?"

"Pick one out that seems nice and its yours," Harry said absently. "Could you hand me a number fou… no five ward pick Hermione?"

"Here you are Harry. Giving you a bit of trouble?"

"More then a bit," he sighed.

"Wait," Tonks rebooted her mind. "You own this building?"

"Yeah," Harry agreed. "Number three hook." Harry did something they couldn't catch and pulled out his wand. "One advantage I have that the Fox and the Hound do not." He cast several spells. "Is magic, I'm not sure how long it would have taken me if I hadn't got enough to allow brute force."

"Thanks Harry," Tonks said happily. "How much do I owe you?"

"On the house," Harry replied. "I think I might have figured out enough to make my own version of that ward. Interesting."

"Um… Harry."

"What is it?" Harry asked.

"Look in the mirror," Hermione giggled. "Keep up your sight."

"Damn it," Harry cursed.

"What is it?"

"He's got the phrase 'second place is the first loser' written on his forehead," Hermione explained. "Written so it can only be seen with the sight. Looks like Harry wasn't quite as good at ward breaking as he thought he was."

"So… I was wondering, what exactly happened between you and the Fox anyway?"

"That bitch," Hermione growled. "What'd she say about me?"

"Um… the Hound mentioned that you gave her a black eye and a fat lip," Tonks replied quickly. "I was just wondering…"

"Really?" Hermione said in delight. "A black eye, too?"

"Yes well…"

"Dirty slut," Hermione said with a satisfied smile. "I sure showed her."

Tonks thought back to something Moody had mentioned once. 'Never mess with the guy in the corner having a quiet drink,' her imagination rasped. 'Like as not that bastard is the most deadly guy in the place.'

Hermione dragged herself out of her thoughts and turned back to Tonks. "I've been a bad hostess, would you like a slice of cake?"

"Sure," Tonks agreed. "Thanks."

Hermione walked into the kitchen and returned with a slice on a plate. "It's from Harry's birthday cake," she explained. "We had a small celebration earlier."

"Oh… that's right, sorry I missed it."

"It was just the three of us anyway," Hermione waved off Tonks' worries. "Harry prefers small parties anyway. He really doesn't like being the centre of attention."

"Good morning Auror Tonks," Luna announced herself.

"Luna?" Tonks spun around. "Where did you come from?"

"Well, mummy was feeling frisky one night so she dressed up in Auror robes and…"

"No," Tonks interrupted. "I mean, where were you a few minutes ago?"

"Oh… I was in the library. Did you know that muggles have discovered several magical species?"

"Really?" Tonks asked sceptically.

"Uh huh," Luna agreed. "Father is very excited about it."

"Oh."

"Here's your wand, Tonks," Harry said as he came back into the room. "Should be fine now."

"Thanks Harry," Tonks said warmly. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm late for work and I really have to be going."

"Use the floo if you like."

"Thanks." Tonks threw in a handful and flooed to the Ministry.

"So the muggle books are useful then?" Harry asked.

"Oh yes," Luna agreed. "But I'm a bit sceptical of some of the creatures they have."

"Like what?"

"The wingless fly," Luna said immediately. "How does it fly if it doesn't have wings?"

Hermione's nose scrunched up as she thought about it. "Um… if it's what I'm thinking of, it doesn't fly Luna."

"Then why is it called a fly?" Luna challenged.

"I don't know Luna," Hermione said with happy grin. "Why don't you check the book?"

"It didn't say," Luna said regretfully. "Lucky, I have a number of other books to check and I hope to find the answer in one of them."

"A number of… how many books did you get Harry?" Hermione demanded.

"I forget," Harry said smugly. "You'll have to look for yourself."

"Come on Luna," Hermione said excitedly.

IIIIIIIIII

"You're late," Amelia said as Tonks tried to sneak into the bullpen. "My office."

"Yes boss," Tonks sighed.

Amelia followed the young Auror and closed the door behind them. "Well?"

"I went to a party hosted by the Dark Lord Jeremy last night."

"I'm aware of that," Amelia said coldly. "What I'm not aware of is why that made you late."

"I ran into the Fox and the Hound at the party."

"Oh?"

"The Hound did something to my wand," Tonks explained. "So it wouldn't channel magic. I stopped by Harry and Hermione's apartment to get it fixed."

"They can fix wands now?"

"They could break the ward the Hound put on it," Tonks corrected. "Harry still needs to practice that though."

"Why?"

"The Hound booby trapped his ward, Harry didn't get hurt but…"

"I see, very good Auror Tonks. You did exactly the right thing considering the circumstances and you will not have any sort of reprimand entered into your record."

"Thank you Madame Bones."

"I apologize for snapping at you when you came in," Amelia continued. "It was uncalled for and I should have gotten all the facts before I did anything. Remember that for the day you might have this chair."

"Yes boss," Tonks said brightly. "I will."

IIIIIIIIII

"You've come to let me out then?" Fudge demanded as the door to his cell opened. "About time really. I knew you lot would come crawling back to me after a bit of time under that idiot Weasley."

"Don't you dare talk about the Minister like that," one of the guards growled. "Scum like you isn't fit to shine his boots."

"You mean you aren't here to tell me I'm being reinstated as Minister of Magic?" Fudge asked dumbly.

"We're here to move you to another cell," the guard said with a sadistic smirk. "While this one gets cleaned."

"But I…" The guard silenced the former Minister with a cuff to the face and Fudge seethed silently as they dragged him to the other cell. They would pay when he got his power back, he promised himself. They would pay.

"Now play nice with your new friends," the guard laughed as they pushed Fudge into the cell. "So… time for another lunch break you think?"

"Two hours should do it," the other guard agreed.

"Who's there?" Fudge asked nervously. "Lucius… is that you?"

"Cornelius?" Lucius asked in shock. "What are you doing here? And why in the bleeding hell haven't you gotten me out?"

"Well I…"

"Look what we have here boys?" Uncle Bubba said loudly. "A brand new fish… looks like it's your lucky day bitch," he turned to address Lucius. "You get a break while we break your little friend here."

"Lucius you gotta help me," Fudge screamed as the large men surrounded him.

Lucius didn't even look back over his shoulder as he scampered out of the area and the thought of helping Fudge didn't even occur to him as he found a corner to hide in. Fudge was no longer useful, what would have been the point?

IIIIIIIIII

"Look at all these books," Hermione gasped. "Harry must have bought every one in the store for us."

"He is considerate like that," Luna agreed. "And he bought new shelves to put them on and organised everything."

"Oh my," Hermione moaned. "Luna get Harry now."

"But…" Luna hesitated she really wanted to deal with this herself. "Ok."

"Ohhhh." Hermione rubbed her hands together as she waited for Harry to arrive.

"Here he is," Luna returned. "Have fun."

"What's this all about?" Harry asked.

"Oh kiss me now Harry," Hermione gasped as she embraced her friend.

Luna waited patiently until Hermione came up for air and pulled Harry into an embrace of her own.

"Hey," Hermione protested.

"You're first," Luna said after she had released Harry. "But I get to be next."

"I never ag mumph." Hermione cut off.

IIIIIIIIII

"What are you girls playing?" Ron asked with a confused frown.

"Strip chess," Gretchen replied. "If you loose a piece, you have to put on an article of clothing."

"And if you take one you get to take one off," Elizabeth said.

"What happens when you win?"

"Well… check mate, hah." Gretchen crowed. "You get to stand up and walk over to master." Gretchen walked over to Ron. "Bend over and look at him from between your ankles and say… ahem, does this give you any ideas master?"

"Why yes," Ron said with a lusty grin. "Yes it does."

IIIIIIIIII

Dean walked down Knockturn Alley with a blank look on his face. Nothing seemed to interest him, nothing seemed to disturb him, he just kept pacing up and down the street like he was waiting for something to happen.

"Give me all your money kid," a thug with a drawn wand demanded. "Now."

"No," Dean said with the beginnings of a grin on his face. "Come and take it."

"Maybe you don't understand," the thug said slowly. "If you don't give me your money now, I'm going to kill you. Now give me the bloody money."

"Go to hell," Dean said cheerfully. "You don't have the guts. Come on, I dare you to kill me. Do it… or are you a coward."

"What's wrong with you kid?"

"Do it," Dean demanded. "Come on you bloody wanker, do it."

"It's your lucky day kid," the thug said nervously. "I'm feeling generous and…"

Dean took a step forward and grabbed the man by his robes. "Look here, I'm a reasonable man. But if you don't do something right bleeding now, I'm going to get a bit cranky… you wouldn't want that to happen now would you?"

"Here," the man said nervously. "Take my money."

"I don't want that," Dean ignored the bag in the man's hands. "Now are you going to do something, or do we have a problem?"

"Oh god I'm so sorry I tried to rob you," the man sobbed. "Just don't hurt me."

"You're pathetic," Dean sneered. "Now tell me, where might I find someone with a pair of balls? Someone that has the guts to carry out a threat?"

"Pub down the street," he gasped. "You'll find what you want there."

"Thanks," Dean said. He dropped the mugger and walked down the street and into the bar. "I'm told," he said loudly as he entered. "That this bar is filled with weak little bastards, anyone contest that?"

"I do," a large man stood. "I don't think you autta talk like that in here."

"I wouldn't do that mate," the bartender said nervously. "Do you know who that is?"

"Should I?"

"You read today's Prophet?"

"No why?"

"There's a copy on the table behind you, look at the front page."

The large man picked up the paper and paled when he saw the pictures on the front. "Look mister, I don't want no trouble."

"Come on you bastards," Dean demanded. "Isn't any of you man enough to face me?"

"I think the bar you want is down the way," the bartender said fearfully. "Red door, black exterior."

"Thanks," Dean sighed.

After Dean was gone, one of the other patrons picked up the paper to see what the fuss was and nearly vomited. There on the cover, was Dean and Mrs. Longbottom's bridge club in an undulating mass of nakedness. Suddenly he understood, any man brave enough to face that… well, who knows what he might be capable of?

Meanwhile, Dean had made his way down the street and to the pub with the red door. "Anyone here ready to take me?" He asked as he entered the room. "Oh god no." In front of him, several elderly women put down their drinks and smiled.

"Lock the door," the bartender cackled. "So nice of you to join us."

"No… no…. NOOOOOOO."

AN: The ongoing list of people that contributed to this fic without whom, it would not have been nearly as good . . . one might go so far as to say it would be quite bad: nonjon, Ed Becerra, ausfinbar, David Wangen, neil.reynolds, dogbertcarroll, hattenjc, the caitiff, AlanP, Lone Wolf, meteoricshipyards, Shawn Pickett, Morris Rague, luinlothana, Treck, Drake, David Brown, Moshehim, Arthur Hansen, Marneus Calgar, Goblin214, Chris LeBron, khadon99, Shawn Pickett, tekobaka, Freddie, Musings of Apathy, Brian Arcis, Fenris, Pelel, and everyone else on my yahoo group. They gave me scenes, ideas, and all sorts of other things. Tell me if I missed you so I can add to this list. Another thanks goes to meteoricshipyards who wrote the majority of the continuing adventures of the tentacle monster as well as several others. Anything I wrote on that sub plot was fairly minor so kudos. And still another goes to neil.reynolds who wrote a large number of scenes. Yet another goes to The Resident who was good enough to do a bit of editing and caught several of my mistakes.

-Omake- by xzood

"You!" Voldemort shouted to Unnamed Death Eater No. 13 and
pouted "Why does the Dark Lord Jeremy get all the Dark Bunnies and I
have none? Recruit me some Dark Bunnies!"
A few minutes later, the Unnamed Death Eater No. 13 sulked in dark
corners of Knockturn Alley in the middle of the night. How could he
fulfil his masters wishes? He shuddered from the thought of failing
his master. He would be punished, maybe even sent after the Dark
Wizard Jeremy. Just when he was loosing hope to find anyone in this
godforsaken place, a lone figure limped and waddled slowly towards
Diagon Alley. He draw his wand and commanded "STOP! I'm here on
orders of the Dark Lord Voldemort. He tasked me to find him some Dark
Bunnies so he can stuff them with his dark load. You won't happen to
know where I might find some?"
"Yes, just promise to kill me after I tell you." The Death Eater
nodded.
"Ok. There's a bar down the Way, red door, black exterior. Just say
you want to recruit some Dark Bunnies for the Dark Lord. Now do your
part" said a totally exhausted and broken Dean Thomas.
"Petrifficus Totalus! Bwahahahahaaaaa"