Disclaimer: It doesn't pay to anger someone that can assume your appearance.

Chicken Soup

"What are you doing Luna?"

"Getting some ice for Harry," Luna replied.

"He have a headache or a fever?" Hermione asked in concern.

"I don't know," Luna said with a shrug. "He just asked me to bring him some."

"Oh . . . well, my soup's done."

"I'll make sure he eats a bowl of it," Luna agreed.

"And make sure he doesn't get dehydrated," Hermione added. "Well . . . I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Ok Hermione."

Hermione took one last look at Harry through the open bedroom door before she stepped into the hall. "Oh . . . hello Tonks."

"How's Harry?"

"Sick," Hermione sighed. "And he's being stubborn about it too. We had to beg him to stay in bed, dummy thinks he's fine."

"What are you planning to do to Shacklebolt?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Hermione said primly.

"We can't let him get away with treating Harry like that," Tonks explained. "And Harry's too mild mannered to get his own revenge."

"What did you have in mind?"

"Well . . ."

IIIIIIIIII

"Wormtongue!"

"Wormtail," the rat faced man muttered as the former Dark Lord entered the room.

"When was the last time we. . . . What are you doing?"

"The Magic Soduko."

"What is that?"

"You have to put one each of these runes in each line, column, and each of these three by three boxes."

"And the circled boxes?"

"You put those runes over here, and they usually spell something funny."

"Stop wasting time! I was asking when was the last time we tried to assassinate the Dark Lord Jeremy?"

Pettigrew closed the paper, pretended to give his Lord his full attention, and answered, "It's been several weeks, I think."

"Give me that!" Voldemort grabbed the paper and read the front page. "Perfect! Send a group of Death Eaters to Dark Lord Jeremy's place this Friday around six. Have them hide until Jeremy returns and kill him!"

"Returns from where?"

"Crucio! Don't ever question me, Wormtongue!"

"Wormtail," Pettigrew muttered as Voldemort left the room. He looked at the paper and saw the headlines.

"Dark Bunnies let slip time and location of next Dark Rave. " The article went on to tell how the Dark Lord Jeremy's parties had become extremely popular with young witches and wizards.

IIIIIIIIII

"Hey big boy," Kingsley said with an exaggerated pout. "Up for some fun?"

"Uh . . ." the man looked at the Auror, the man took in the fact that the Auror was wearing a skirt and halter top, the man tried very hard not to vomit. "No."

"Why not, don't you think I'm pretty?"

"I . . . am . . . uh . . . I think I hear my mother coming."

"Pity," Shack said to the retreating man. "I'd have rocked your world."

"Uh . . . hey Shack."

"Auror Rose."

"Prostitution sting?"

"Just trying to make a bit of cash on the side," Kingsley replied. "And don't get any ideas, this is my corner bitch."

"Are you calling me a whore?"

"If the shoe fits," Shacklebolt said with an upturned nose. "I saw that photo spread you did for 'Naughty Witch' you dirty slut."

"Someone took pictures of me in the shower," Rose protested.

"Whatever . . . skank."

IIIIIIIIII

"That bastard," Healer Brown growled. "Orderly."

"Yes ma'am?"

"Give that man an enema and another and another until he learns not to call a lady that word."

"Right away Healer," the orderly agreed. "Yogurt?"

"Hot sauce," Healer Brown said after a moment of thought. "Captain Jack's Insane Sauce if you can find it."

"Will do."

IIIIIIIIII

"Uh . . . you got a minute boss?"

"Come in Auror Tonks," Amelia replied. "My door is always open."

"Thanks boss."

"Well?"

"Um . . . you remember how I told you about Hermione's special night that got interrupted?"

"What about it?"

"She tried again after he got home," Tonks said. "They had a very romantic dinner and she took him back to the bedroom and asked him to wait while she got changed in the bathroom."

"Go on."

"She came out and he was asleep," Tonks said with a wince. "She's really unhappy about that."

"And blames Auror Shacklebolt," Amelia stated. "I understand."

"There's more boss."

"Do I want to know?"

"Harry came down with the flu," Tonks said. "And Hermione is afraid to leave him alone, even asked me to watch him later."

"What does Mr. Potter think about this?"

"I'm told that he doesn't think it's a big deal and that it took both her and Luna to convince him to stay in bed."

"Poor boy, having two girls waiting on him hand and foot."

"Yeah," Tonks agreed with a smile. "But the fact remains that his cold is another thing Hermione is blaming on Shack."

IIIIIIIIII

Auror Kingsley Shacklebolt was not having a good day. It had started when he was awoken by a stream of mysterious liquid hitting his forehead and he was most unhappy to find that the source was a hound with his leg lifted while a fox watched and snickered. After several unsuccessful attempts to remove the floating Dark Mark, he finally gave up and made his way to the office to be greeted by an unhappy Amelia Bones.

"My office, NOW."

"Yes chief," he agreed with a sigh.

"Sit down Auror Shacklebolt," Madame Bones said with a weary look on her face. "Perhaps you could explain why you were seen in Knockturn Alley earlier today wearing a skirt and halter top?"

"No I can't Madame Bones."

"Then maybe you could let me in on why several wizards have filed complaints against you for offering to do them . . . favors for money."

"I'm afraid I don't know the answer to that one either Madame Bones."

"Would you like me to tell you?"

"Yes Madame Bones."

"You were seen doing that because Auror Tonks owes Mrs. Potter several favors," Amelia said. "Not to mention the fact that Auror Tonks is quite fond of Mr. Potter. I'm told that along with her mother, she's the closest thing to family he's got."

"I didn't know he was out there the whole time chief," Kingsley protested.

"As team leader, it was your job to know." Amelia said coldly. "Damn it Shack, he's not even out of school yet."

"And the boys tell me that he didn't complain once," Kingsley said quickly. "Offer him a slot at the academy and he'll make Moody look like Fudge."

"Be that as it may, I still suggest that you apologize to Mr. Potter."

"Of course."

"And I believe that it would be in your best interests to make sure that Mrs. Potter hears and accepts it, lest I find myself in a situation where I am forced to arrest one of my senior Aurors for prostitution . . . be sure to take care of it before they press starts making 'Madame' jokes about me."

"I will chief."

"One more thing."

"Yes?"

"Were you aware that you had the word 'moron' written on your forehead?"

"I was not."

"Be sure to clean that off, it doesn't give you the professional image that I want my Aurors to have."

IIIIIIIIII

Hermione returned to her apartment with a happy smile on her face, that would teach that bastard not to mess with her Harry. She opened the door and stopped.

"The bloody wards," Hermione said in disgust. "What would . . . she promised . . . they had better not be . . ." Hermione quickly stripped and stormed into her bedroom.

"Hermione," Harry greeted her. Reaching down, he adjusted the bag of ice he had resting on his pelvis.

"Why aren't you wearing any clothes Hermione?" Luna asked. "Is it finally time for the kin . . ."

"No Luna," Hermione said. "I'm not wearing any clothes because somebody forgot to take down a certain ward."

"You're the ones that won't let me do anything," Harry said mildly.

"You're the one who's sitting in here with a naked Luna," Hermione retorted.

"You're the one that stripped me and let her give me a sponge bath while I was asleep."

"You're the one who . . . blast."

"I win," Harry said smugly.

"Now can we have the kin . . ."

"No Luna," Hermione snapped. "And get some clothes on."

"Ok." The blond sniffed a few times.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you Luna," Hermione sighed.

"Can I have a hug?"

"Sure," Hermione agreed.

Harry watched as the two naked girls embraced with wide eyes.

"Hermione?"

"Yes Luna?"

"I want a kiss too," Luna purred.

"I mumph."

A silly grin bloomed on Harry's face as the ice swiftly turned to steam, life was good and getting better.

AN: Short chapter, but that's a great ending point. The ongoing list of people that contributed to this fic without whom, it would not have been nearly as good . . . one might go so far as to say it would be quite bad: nonjon, Ed Becerra, ausfinbar, David Wangen, neil.reynolds, dogbertcarroll, hattenjc, the caitiff, AlanP, Lone Wolf, meteoricshipyards, Shawn Pickett, Morris Rague, luinlothana, Treck, Drake, David Brown, Moshehim, Arthur Hansen, Marneus Calgar, Goblin214, Chris LeBron, khadon99, Shawn Pickett, tekobaka, Freddie, Musings of Apathy, Brian Arcis, Fenris, Pelel, and everyone else on my yahoo group. They gave me scenes, ideas, and all sorts of other things. Tell me if I missed you so I can add to this list. Another thanks goes to meteoricshipyards who wrote the majority of the continuing adventures of the tentacle monster as well as several others. Anything I wrote on that sub plot was fairly minor so kudos. And still another goes to neil.reynolds who wrote a large number of scenes. Yet another goes to The Resident who was good enough to do a bit of editing and caught several of my mistakes.