Disclaimer: Well, it took sixty four chapters but here it is.

Love is in The Air, Every Time I Look Around

"I'll stay here," Dean said stubbornly. "I'm not going near her."

"What?" Ginny asked. "Why?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Dean muttered.

"Fine," Ginny growled. "I'll do it myself." Ginny walked up to the old woman behind the counter and fixed her with a glare.

"May I help you?" The old woman asked.

"Something occurred to me," Ginny said to the old lady. "I wanted some information and since I'm sure you don't want to have your hand fed into a meat grinder, why don't you tell me everything you know about the Fox and the Hound?"

"Isn't that precious," the old woman cackled. "You're trying to threaten me. Listen honey, I've danced with the best. You've got potential but you've got a long way to go before you're ready to try intimidating me."

"Oh . . . um . . . anything you want in trade then?"

"That boy you came in with." The old woman licked her lips. "Is that Dean Thomas?"

"Yeah," Ginny agreed slowly. "Why?"

"Perhaps we can work something out," the old woman suggested. "I'll tell you everything I know about the Fox and the Hound and I'll pass on anything I learn in the future."

"In return?"

"You send Dean in to . . . entertain me every now and again," the old woman said with a leer. "Well?"

"I don't know . . ." Ginny shot a guilty look at her sidekick, hoping to make the old woman believe that she was reluctant to pimp the boy out. "I'm not sure I could do that to him."

"I'll throw in fifty Galleons a session," the old woman offered.

"One hundred," Ginny said quickly.

"Seventy five," the old woman countered.

"Deal," Ginny agreed. "Pleasure doing business with you."

"Likewise."

IIIIIIIIII

Harry walked up to Hermione and looked over her shoulder at her work. "Ready?"

"Just about," Hermione replied. "Just have to work out a couple more spells and it'll be finished."

"Finish soon," Harry said. "We still have to visit your parents."

"Done," Hermione said with a satisfied smile. "Let's go."

IIIIIIIIII

"Remus, Draco, why don't you to get acquainted while I have the kitchen staff prepare us some drinks?" Narcissa said, smiling at both Draco and Remus. Remus smiled, a bit nervously, while Draco grinned in a malicious way. Narcissa raised an eyebrow, but was sure Remus could take care of himself, and so she turned and walked into the kitchen.

The two men began to glare at each other. "Enjoying my mother, beast?" Draco sneered. Remus sighed and prayed for strength.

"Draco, I know you may have trouble understanding this, but I do care deeply for your mother. We were friends once, and I want to be friends again."

"Just so you can get into her dress, is that it?" Draco growled. Remus growled back, secretly impressed that Draco wasn't cowering as he'd originally thought he would.

"No Draco. I care for her. Which seems to have at last given us something in common," Remus observed mildly. Draco glowered a bit harder.

"If Mum hadn't removed all the silver from this room you'd be dead," he growled. "Keep that in mind, werewolf."

'Oh, this is going to be a fun dinner,' Remus thought with a sigh.

IIIIIIIIII

Hermione knocked on the door and waited for her parents to open the door. "Hello mum."

"Where's Harry?" Her mother asked.

"He's just checking your wards," Hermione replied. "And I think he might be adding a few more."

"Oh . . . come in dear," Jill ushered the girl in and sat her down. "How are you doing?"

"Fine mum," Hermione said nervously. There was something odd going on and she wasn't sure she liked it. "Everything ok with you?"

"Everything is wonderful dear." She jumped up at a knock on the door and opened it to admit Harry. "Now that everyone is here, we can start dinner."

"What . . . what did you want to talk about mum?" Hermione asked nervously.

"Well . . . you know how you've always wanted a little brother or sister?"

"You mean?" Hermione asked hopefully.

"Yes dear," Jill agreed.

"Oh mum," Hermione squealed. "That's wonderful."

"I was rather pleased with the news," Phil agreed. "Glad you're so enthusiastic about it."

"Of course I'm enthusiastic," Hermione said quickly. "And with magic available, it won't even matter that you're a bit old."

"Old are we?"

"Just a bit," Hermione agreed.

IIIIIIIIII

"Hey new guy," Uncle Bubba began. "Aren't you the one that bagged an Auror?"

"Yeah, only wish I'd have had a chance to spend a bit of alone time with the bitch before I got arrested. Why?"

"Just wanted to make sure I didn't go after the wrong guy," Uncle Bubba replied as he smashed in the man's face. "Nothing personal, you just angered the wrong family." That said, the brutish man rolled up his sleeves and went to work.

IIIIIIIIII

The young couple couldn't keep their hands off each other as they staggered back to their apartment from Hermione's parents house.

"Just let me put out the note," Hermione giggled. "And you put up the wards ok?"

"Hurry," he growled.

"Right," she agreed. Hermione stepped out for a minute and then ran back in after she'd posted her note. "Ok Harry."

The air seemed to crackle as the wards became active. "Now," Harry said with a lecherous grin. "Where were we?"

"Not yet," Hermione said quickly. "I want to go change into something first. Wait for me in the bedroom?"

"Ok."

"Don't fall asleep this time," she said with an impish grin as she darted past him into the loo.

"It was only the one time," he protested to the empty room.

IIIIIIIIII

In her bedroom several miles away, Luna Lovegood frowned as the connection to her monitoring devices snapped and then smiled as she realised the likely reason. It was about time, she was beginning to fear that her turn would never arrive.

IIIIIIIIII

Draco yawned, feeling more rested than usual. He got out of his bed and walked downstairs, smacking his lips.

'Why do I taste sleeping draught?' He absently wondered as he entered the kitchen.

"Morning Draco," Remus said pleasantly. Draco nodded as he grabbed some eggs and bacon from the oven.

"Morning," he mumbled. Narcissa kissed her son on his forehead.

"Good morning Draco," she said happily. Draco yawned . . . he blinked.

His mother was dressed in a man's shirt. Not his father's, he'd only wear silk. The werewolf was dressed in a bathrobe at the table. His mother had a dreamy expression on her face.

Draco dropped his breakfast plate, curled into a fetal position and began muttering "There's no place like home, there's no place like home..."

Remus raised an eyebrow. Narcissa sighed. "Probably shouldn't have drugged him last night. Maybe he wouldn't be so shocked now?"

"I think hearing . . . us, would have been far more traumatizing," Remus coughed.

"Care to find out?" Narcissa asked with a sultry grin.

"Here in front of him?"

"I was going to suggest that we retire to anther room, but I suppose he's old enough to leave if it bothers him."

"Aieeeeeee," Draco screamed as he fled the room.

"That was just cruel," Remus laughed.

"True," Narcissa agreed. "But that's the joy of parenthood."

"Traumatizing your children?" Remus ventured.

IIIIIIIIII

"Mum, can I talk with you for a minute?" Ginny asked nervously.

"What is it dear?"

"Well . . . I was wondering . . ."

"Yes?"

"Is it wrong for a costumed vigilante to rent their sidekick to lonely old women for information and profit?"

"That depends," Molly said slowly. "Are you doing it just for the money or is justice served?"

"I'm mostly doing it for the information mum," Ginny said quickly. "The money is just a nice bonus."

"And your sidekick is making these women less lonely?"

"Yes mum."

"Then I'm sure it's fine dear," Molly said with a smile. "Now why don't you run along and have fun?"

"Ok mum," Ginny agreed. She'd heard that there was a new broom on the market and she figured it was high time she found out how much it cost. Poor Dean would be awfully busy for the next few days . . . in the interests of justice of course.

IIIIIIIIII

Tonks buried her head under her pillow as she did everything she could to muffle the noise coming from up the hall.

"Had to forget to put up the bloody charms tonight didn't they?" She groaned to herself. "Had to do it when I have to get up the next morning didn't they?" She sighed. "Bloody wards."

IIIIIIIIII

"Orderly," Healer Brown called out.

"Yes Healer Brown?"

"That man still needs to learn that some words aren't acceptable ways to address a lady," Lucy growled. "So I want you to give him another hot sauce enema and another and another until you think he realises what he did was not acceptable."

"Yes Healer."

"And be sure to dump at least five gallons of soap down that dirty mouth of his."

"At least five gallons," the Orderly repeated. "Understood Healer."

IIIIIIIIII

"Oh master," Gretchen said with a pout.

"What is it Gretchen?"

"I've been a very naughty witch," she moaned. "Punish me?"

"What have you done now?" He demanded.

"I lied about being a naughty witch," she replied. "And I think I should be soundly spanked . . . please?"

"Fine," Ron agreed. "Now bend over my lap."

"Yay, thank you master."

"Um . . ." Elizabeth watched enviously as her friend got her 'punishment.' "I've been a wicked witch too master."

"What did you do?"

"I didn't stop Gretchen when I had a chance," she said with crocodile tears. "Punish me?"

"Fine," Ron sighed. "Get over here."

"Thank you master."

IIIIIIIIII

Tears leaked out of the corners of his eyes as Lucius contemplated just what he'd lost. His wife was nothing that couldn't be replaced, he'd been thinking of informing the Dark Lord that she was a traitor to the cause for months and had already selected the Greengrass girl as the next Mrs. Malfoy. No, the things he missed, the things he cried for were much more important. His fortune, his house, his library of male cosmetic spells. These were all things that could not be easily replaced.

"What have I done to deserve this," Lucius lamented. "What?"

"Shut up bitch," Uncle Bubba growled. "Mike here gave me a pack of cigs and a bottle of toilet wine to rent you for the week. You better treat him right or I'll cut out your tongue."

"Curse you god," Lucius sobbed.

IIIIIIIIII

Narcissa slinked into Remus's flat wearing a Hogwarts uniform about two sizes too small around the chest. "Oh Professor Remus," Narcissa purred. "Isn't there anything I can do to raise my marks a bit?"

"Narcissa?" Remus choked. "But . . . I thought you weren't coming over tonight? Something about a conversation with Draco?"

"I promised Draco that I wouldn't ask you over to the house tonight," Narcissa explained. "I never said anything about inviting myself over to your flat, he really needs to learn to pay attention to the details."

"Oh . . . well Ms. Malfoy," he said with a sinister leer. "I can think of one thing you can do to rase those marks of yours."

"Oh thank you Professor," she gasped. "What do you want me to do?"

"Just come over here," he growled. "And I'll show you."

IIIIIIIIII

Far away and safe in his bed, Draco felt a sudden chill go up his spine. He felt a great disturbance in the force, as if that damn wolf had some how managed to trick mum into coming over to his flat and then taking advantage of her. But that was impossible, mum was safe and ALONE in her bed . . . wasn't she?

IIIIIIIIII

"Arg," Tonks growled. "Don't they ever quit? Bloody hell, give it a rest will you?" She was honestly happy with the young couple and a bit jealous that she didn't have a relationship of her own . . . and somewhat annoyed that she couldn't' shake the strange feeling that everyone was getting laid except for her damn it.

AN: The ongoing list of people that contributed to this fic without whom, it would not have been nearly as good . . . one might go so far as to say it would be quite bad: nonjon, Ed Becerra, ausfinbar, David Wangen, neil.reynolds, Ben Russell-Gough, dogbertcarroll, hattenjc, the caitiff, AlanP, Lone Wolf, meteoricshipyards, Shawn Pickett, Morris Rague, luinlothana, Treck, Drake, David Brown, Moshehim, Arthur Hansen, Marneus Calgar, Goblin214, Chris LeBron, khadon99, Shawn Pickett, tekobaka, Freddie, Musings of Apathy, Brian Arcis, Fenris, Pelel, Andrew Joshua Talon, shinji the good sharer, and everyone on my yahoo group. They gave me scenes, ideas, and all sorts of other things. Tell me if I missed you so I can add to this list. Another thanks goes to meteoricshipyards who wrote the majority of the continuing adventures of the tentacle monster as well as several others. Anything I wrote on that sub plot was fairly minor so kudos. And still another goes to neil.reynolds who wrote a large number of scenes. Yet another goes to The Resident who was good enough to do a bit of editing and caught several of my mistakes.