Disclaimer: The only good politician is a politician that has no power over you or anything you care about . . . and is on fire.

The Magic Street

"Good morning Hermione," Luna said with a happy grin. "I'm wearing things that cover my naughty bits."

"Is that some of the lingerie we bought the other day?"

"Uh huh," Luna agreed. "Do you like it?"

"Good morning Luna," Harry said in an odd voice. "Nice outfit."

"Thank you Harry," Luna said modestly. "I'm glad you like it."

"I do . . . quite a bit," Harry said as he pulled Hermione close. "Could you wait outside for a bit? I have something I want to . . . discuss with Hermione."

"Ok," Luna agreed. She stepped out and made a beeline to the kitchen to make herself some popcorn. Returning to the sitting room, Luna made herself comfortable and cast a quick spell on the wall. "Oooh flexible, I can't wait for my turn."

IIIIIIIIII

"Dobby wants to report a crime," the little house elf said seriously.

"Oh?" Amelia asked, this was gonna be good.

"Dobby is thinking bad thoughts about Minnyster Weasel and Dobby must be punished with jail time."

"I'm afraid that it's not against the law to think bad thoughts," Amelia said dryly.

"Hmmmm." Dobby's eyes screwed up in concentration. "Dobby knows." He snapped his fingers and a pair of familiar undergarments appeared in his hands. "Dobby wants to know if Madamee Bonseses feels a draft?"

"How many days did you want again?"

"Dobby wants three," Dobby replied. "Dobby hears that they is filthy and Dobby wishes to clean them."

"You know you don't have to get arrested to clean them don't you?"

"Dobby doesn't?"

"Pay is five Galleons a week and . . ."

"Dobby must be paid?" The little elf cried in horror. "Dobby . . . Dobby agrees, but only if Dobby is allowed to do something else when he is in the cells."

"Whatever you want."

"Thankee Boneses." With that, the little elf disappeared with a pop.

"Why do I get all the weird ones?" Amelia lamented. "Ah well."

IIIIIIIIII

Tonks knocked on the door to Harry and Hermione's apartment and sighed in frustration. It wasn't that it was a bad date and the departmental regulations against dating one's colleagues were made to be ignored. It was . . . well, Tim had prior encounters with Dumbledore and Snape in the past and that was just disgusting.

"Yes?" Luna asked as she answered the door.

"Are Harry and Hermione here?"

"Uh huh," Luna agreed. "But they're a bit busy at the moment, would you like to wait until they're done?"

"Sure." Tonks followed the other girl to the couch. "Uh . . . quick question."

"Yeah?"

"Do you think you could teach me that spell to make the wall transparent?"

"I believe I could," Luna agreed. "Popcorn?"

"Thanks," Tonks said. "Would you teach me that spell later?"

"Sure."

"Wow . . . she sure is flexible for a non metamorphmagus."

"That's what I thought too," Luna said happily.

IIIIIIIIII

Dobby appeared in a filthy cell and looked down to find an emaciated figure at his feet.

"Dobby?" Lucius asked in disbelief. "Thank god you've come here to rescue me."

"Dobby didn't come here to rescue you," Dobby disagreed.

"Then . . . why?"

"You is Dobby's bitch now," the house elf said savagely. "Dobby traded his Galleons to nice Uncle Bubba."

"No," Lucius said in horror. "No . . . NOOOOOOOOOOO."

IIIIIIIIII

Tonks and Luna gave Harry a standing ovation when he walked into the sitting room and he gave them a bow in return.

"Enjoy the show?"

"Very much thank you," Luna agreed.

"Give me some skin," Tonks said, giving Harry another high five. "And thanks for throwing that silencing spell around your apartment."

"Threw another around yours," Harry said. "Does Hermione know that you know that spell?"

"Uh huh," Luna agreed. "I showed it to her not so long ago and she thought it was really neat."

"Good enough for me," Harry said with a shrug. "Any requests for breakfast?"

"Sausage?" Luna purred.

"Sure," Harry agreed.

"Wait," Luna said suddenly. "I promised Hermione . . . pancakes?"

"Pancakes it is," Harry said. "What brings you here Tonks?"

"Madame Bones sent me over," Tonks replied. "She was hoping that you could help with something."

"What's she need help with?"

"The boss was hoping you could get through the wards on this thing," Tonks said as she pulled out a leather satchel.

"I'll take a look at it after breakfast," Harry offered.

"Mmmmorning," she said with a smug grin directed to the other two girls.

"Hello Hermione," Tonks said.

"What are we having for breakfast?" Hermione asked.

"Pancakes," Harry replied.

"Can I help?"

"Sure," Harry agreed with a shrug.

IIIIIIIIII

"You called Minister Weasley?" Amelia asked formally.

"Just thought I'd let you know that the Persian Embassy is claiming that one of their couriers lost their diplomatic pouch," Fred replied. "Refresh my memory, they're the ones that have been giving sanctuary to a group of Death Eaters from the last dust up aren't they?"

"I believe they are Minister."

"Well . . . guess it's not our problem if their man can't do his job," Fred said with a grin. "Did you know that they had the audacity to accuse us of having something to do with the . . ."

"Unfortunate way their things were misplaced?" Amelia suggested.

"Exactly," Fred agreed. "Oh and Amelia."

"Yes Fred?"

"Next time tell me about it," Fred suggested. "It was a great prank, promote anyone that needs to be promoted."

"I'll take care of it Fred," Amelia agreed with a grin. "And you're still not thinking like a real politician, if you don't know about it then you can throw me to the wolves if something goes wrong to protect your career."

"Hang my career," Fred laughed. "Didn't want it anyway. If I ever get to be the kind of person that would throw you or anyone else to the wolves to protect myself then I want you to toss me in a cell next to Fudge's. That's what we like to call an order Madame Bones."

"Yes Minister."

IIIIIIIIII

"I should be able to get into this," Harry said after examining the satchel. "Lots of traps on it."

"Some nasty ones too," Hermione agreed. "Yuck. Whoever warded this thing wasn't a very nice person."

"Through though," Harry mused. "Though they did make a couple large mistakes."

"Seems like a pretty good job to me," Hermione replied.

"Tonks," Harry raised his voice. "Would I be correct if I said that whoever charmed this would rather destroy whatever is inside rather then let it fall into someone else's hands?"

"I think so," Tonks said slowly. "Why?"

"Cause most of the traps are targeted at people opening it, almost none of them are designed to destroy the cargo. Shouldn't be much trouble to disable the ones that are."

"So the only risk is to you then?" Hermione asked in an odd voice.

"Looks like it," Harry agreed. "Pass me the number four hook."

"Here." Hermione watched with a frown as Harry worked on the ward.

"Number five pick . . . four hook . . . three . . . no two blade," Harry sighed. "And it looks like . . ." A ball of flame erupted from the top of the satchel and hit Harry directly in the chest.

Luna and Tonks watched while Harry ripped off his robe and Hermione hit him with a stream of water from her wand to put out the residual flames from the tripped ward.

Tonks stared at the soaked young man in his boxers glistening wetly. "I'd really love to..."

Luna interrupted, "Tie him to a bed and get out a bowl of chocolate sauce and strawberries while wearing a catholic schoolgirl outfit and pretend he's the naughty headmaster you caught peeping and has to be punished by you and your bisexual roomate?"

Tonks stared at Luna. "Yeah."

Luna nodded. "Well despite having our mind wiped and being sent through time we are still Me, of course we'd think of that."

"I'm just going to take Harry to the other room to check for damage," Hermione offered. She hustled Harry out of the room and cast a quick privacy charm around the bedroom. "What happened?"

"Afraid Harry Potter still isn't quite as good as the Hound," Harry said with a fake frown. "It's a good thing I managed to reduce it enough so that it wasn't life threatening or able to cause any damage to whatever it is that Madame Bones wants to look at."

"Just . . . just don't do that again," Hermione begged. "My heart stopped when you got hit."

"I'll see what I can do," Harry replied. "Come over here."

IIIIIIIIII

"Popcorn?"

"Thank you," Luna said happily. "Shouldn't you be taking that back to Madame Bones?"

"Selfish?"

"Curious," Luna replied. "I wouldn't want to get fired."

"She told me to wait here and that she'd pick it up," Tonks replied. "It just isn't the same without the sound."

"I know," Luna agreed. "Do we still have that birthmark on the inside of our right thigh?"

"What birth mark? I mean . . ."

"This one silly," Luna replied, hiking up her skirt to show Tonks.

"I don't have a mark there," Tonks said a trifle smugly.

"Must have gotten it removed then," Luna mused. "Or perhaps we used out powers after we became a metamorphmagus?"

"I'm not you from the . . ." Tonks paused. "There's someone at the door."

"It's Director Bones," Luna said helpfully, refusing to tear her eyes off the scene in front of her.

"Damn." Tonks sprang to her feet and ran to the door. "Morning boss."

"Uh . . . how." Amelia was staring at the scene on the wall. "Energetic."

"And flexible," Luna added proudly.

"Which one of you cast that spell?"

"Luna did," Tonks replied.

"Do you think you could take the time to come down to the department to teach my Aurors?" Amelia asked mildly. "And don't be coy, I've known your father long enough to be very tired of that little word trap."

"Ok," Luna agreed.

"Well? I'd be more then happy to make it worth your while."

"I'll think about it," Luna said after a moment of thought. "It's not a family spell but it is an origonal."

"Thank you. Did Harry manage to get the package open?" Amelia asked.

"Yeah," Tonks agreed. "But he still needs a bit of practice with ward breaking."

"Oh?"

"Tripped a ward and got hit by . . . something. Scared the hell out of Hermione and she's just showing him how worried she was."

"I see . . . please pass my congratulations along after they've finished," Amelia commanded. "And take the remainder of the day off."

"Thanks boss."

IIIIIIIIII

"Still having trouble dear?"

"It'll come," Marta said defensively. "The Doctors say there's nothing wrong with me or Richard but . . ."

"But you need to take a walk down the magic street," her friend interrupted. "It's how Mark and I got pregnant."

"The magic Street?"

"I read about it in one of the tabloids," she admitted with a blush. "You take a walk down Charing Cross and take a right down one of the alleys until you come before an old house with an obscene door knocker."

"Then what?"

"Assuming nothing has happened by the time you reach the house, wait five minutes . . . maybe give Richard a little kiss."

"And?"

"Trust me, Mark and I have done it a dozen times in the last week and we've had something happen every time."

"But you're already pregnant?"

"Doesn't mean . . . just try it yourself, you'll understand why we can't stop doing it."

AN: Fairly sure I stole the line about being Dobby's bitch, not sure where I stole it from though.

AN02: The ongoing list of people that contributed to this fic without whom, it would not have been nearly as good . . . one might go so far as to say it would be quite bad: nonjon, Ed Becerra, ausfinbar, David Wangen, neil.reynolds, Ben Russell-Gough, dogbertcarroll, hattenjc, the caitiff, AlanP, Lone Wolf, meteoricshipyards, Shawn Pickett, Morris Rague, luinlothana, Treck, Drake, David Brown, Moshehim, Arthur Hansen, Marneus Calgar, Goblin214, Chris LeBron, khadon99, Shawn Pickett, tekobaka, Freddie, Musings of Apathy, Brian Arcis, Shalon Wood, Fenris, Pelel, peterson9803, Andrew Joshua Talon, shinji the good sharer, and everyone on my yahoo group. They gave me scenes, ideas, and all sorts of other things. Tell me if I missed you so I can add to this list. Another thanks goes to meteoricshipyards who wrote the majority of the continuing adventures of the tentacle monster as well as several others. Anything I wrote on that sub plot was fairly minor so kudos. And still another goes to neil.reynolds who wrote a large number of scenes. Yet another goes to The Resident who was good enough to do a bit of editing and caught several of my mistakes. Still more go to Andrew Joshua Talon who wrote much (most) of the subplot with Narcissa, Remus, and Draco.

Omake by migele

"Good enough for me," Harry said with a shrug. "Any requests for breakfast?"

"Sausage?" Luna purred.

"Sure," Harry agreed.

"Wait," Luna said suddenly.

"Good idea, I haven't had decent sausage in a long time" Tonks agreed.

Harry ignored that Luna seemed to be disturbed for some reason and watched Hermione slowly get up. "Guess it'll be both Pancakes and sausage this time. Blueberry with cream this time Luna?"

The blonde thought for a moment, "I think it's strawberry time."

"Then strawberry it is."

IIIIIIIIII

Hermione walked out of the shower and heard ... something disturbing.

"Your sausage is just perfect Harry." Tonks moaned.

"I want it next Harry." You could actually hear the plea in Luna's voice.

"Luna next, okay."

"Where's Hermione? I thought she would have already joined us, this is way toooooo goood to miss."

Hermione frowned, while she knew that is wasn't like that she wondered what it was this time. While she wondered about Luna at times she trusted Tonks ... didn't tonks always complain about the lack of good men?

When she entered she she Tonks eagerly eating and moaning over the plate of sausage and eggs, Luna was bouncing in her seat as Harry was preparing her plate.

"Strawberries?"

"No, Blueberries this time, we are out of strawberries." Harry responded while smiling at his wife, ignoring the sounds that Tonks was making.

"Hermione." Tonks cooed. "Mind if I join you, I'll even agree to split the bills."

"Ah my future self has seen the light." Luna nodded.

"I'm ignoring that." Hermione decided. "Now where are my pancakes? I worked up an appetite."