Disclaimer: Few things in this chapter were mentioned a few chapters ago, I love it when a plan comes together.

Hermione's Evil Plan of Linguistic Purity

"Yes?" Augusta Longbottom answered the door. "What can I do for you."

"Ma'am, my name is Healer Lucy Brown. I work in the Psychological wing. I'm sorry to call on you this late but it's important."

"Did something happen to my children?" Augusta asked with outward calm.

"Your . . . no, I'm not assigned to work with the Longbottoms."

"Then I am at a loss, what can I do for you Ms. Brown?"

"I was actually hoping to speak with your grandson Neville."

"I'm afraid that he's not here at the moment," Augusta said. "Perhaps I could pass a message along?"

"We . . . I would like him to brew an experimental potion for Snape," Lucy said slowly. "While we don't believe this could heal him, it could provide valuable insight on the workings of the human mind."

"I've heard of you Healer Brown," Augusta said sternly. "Top of your class at Beauxbatons, most promising apprentice in generations, and now assigned to be the chief healer to the most deranged man to curse our world in centuries."

"Yes . . . well . . ."

"I have a very good relationship with my grandson's girlfriend Ms. Brown," Augusta said with a smile. "And I am willing to use that influence on your behalf on one condition."

"What condition is that?" Lucy asked slowly.

"I would like you to take a look at my children's file," Augusta said. "And I am willing to pay a large percentage of the costs if you are willing to take a more active role in their treatment."

"You realise that there is very little that I can do that hasn't already done," Lucy said helplessly.

"Very little is what they're getting now," Augusta sighed. "I believe that at the very least you'd spend more time then Healer Michlan."

"Healer Michlan is a fine Healer who . . ."

"Glances at my children once a week on his way past their beds," Augusta interrupted. "He's concluded that there is nothing that he can do and no point wasting any more time on them. I believe you could be different, even if you can do nothing I believe that there is a chance that you can look at them with a new view point and may even be able to consider that it is true when you hear hoof beats, you should think of horses and not zebras but when horses don't fit the description, then consider zebras or even centaurs. And at the very least, your new view point and clinical tests may expose different ways of looking at a chronic problem that now no one thinks can be cured. You may just be the one who can cure this problem. All it may need is a fresh view point. Go into it with an open mind. Don't think anything is too outlandish, but think that what ever you consider even if foolish may just be worth consideration. And don't let Healer Michlan talk you out of something! Besides you might learn something that would help treat someone else in the future."

"I'll do it Ms. Longbottom," Lucy said slowly. "And I give you my word that I will do whatever I can for them."

"Thank you Ms. Brown."

"Please, call me Lucy."

IIIIIIIIII

Hermione woke up the next morning to find Luna curled up next to her on the bed. "Morning Luna," Hermione yawned. "Is that one of Harry's shirts?"

"You said I should cover up the naughty bits until after we get engaged," Luna reminded her.

"I didn't . . . close enough," she muttered the last part. "Thank you for being so considerate Luna."

"You're welcome Hermione."

"I'll be in the shower," Hermione announced.

"Are you awake Harry?" Luna asked. She placed her hand on his mouth and pinched his nose. "How about now?"

Harry reached up to remove the girl's hands. "You want something?"

"I wanted to know if you were awake," Luna explained. "And you didn't answer me so I decided to get your attention."

"Ah . . . no I wasn't awake Luna."

"You weren't?"

"Nope."

"Oh." She seemed to droop. "Well, tell me when you wake up. I've got a surprise for you."

"I'm awake now," Harry pointed out.

"You are?" She clapped her hands. "Oh goody."

"So what's the surprise?"

"The what?"

"Surprise."

"Oh right."

"Well?"

"I cooked breakfast," Luna said proudly. "I had my cousin teach me how to cook it."

"Thanks Luna," Harry said warmly.

"Sit at the table," Luna commanded. "Let me do everything."

"Ok," he agreed.

Luna skipped into the kitchen and returned with three plates and a handful of silverware. She placed one of the plates on the table and the others in her and Hermione's places respectively. After that she began setting the silverware.

"Oops," Luna lamented.

"What is it?"

"I dropped a fork," Luna replied. "I'll get it." She turned away and bent down to pick it up, revealing that she wasn't wearing anything under Harry's shirt. "Got it." Luna straightened. "I can be so careless sometimes. I'm sorry you didn't get that fork Harry but don't worry, it'll come to you if you wait."

"That's between you and Hermione Luna, I'm not going to get involved." Harry noticed with amusement that there wasn't a piece missing from any of the places.

"I know," Luna said with a pout. "She'd be hurt if you did anything without her." With a wink, Luna returned to the kitchen.

Hermione joined him a few minutes later and shot Harry a confused look.

"Luna made breakfast for us," Harry explained.

As if she was summoned, Luna walked in with a large platter and set it on the table. "Bon appitete."

"Spagetti?" Hermione exclaimed in surprise.

"It's all I know how to cook that doesn't tast like bogmolly slime," Luna explained cheerfully.

"I didn't mean anything bad by it Luna," Hermione said quickly. "I was just commenting."

"Ok Hermione," Luna said happily. "Try it."

"Tastes great Luna," Hermione said.

"Yeah," Harry agreed.

"I'm so glad you both like it," Luna said. The girl placed one end of a noodle in her mouth and slurped the entire mass on her plate into her mouth and down her throat. "I'm very good at sucking things," she explained to the gaping couple. "You just have to learn to relax the muscles in your throat."

"That's very . . . interesting Luna," Hermione choked out.

"Isn't it though," Harry agreed with a speculative smile on his face.

"Harry?"

"Just being agreeable," Harry said with a smile. "Was there some other meaning there that went over my head?"

"Of course not Harry," Hermione sighed. "I'm just being . . . paranoid. I'm sorry."

"Just another of the adorable little flaws you possess," Luna chirped. Is how gullible you can be, Luna left unsaid.

"Thank you Luna," Hermione said with a fake smile.

"You're welcome."

"That was sarcasm," Hermione groaned.

"It was?"

"It was."

"Are you sure," Luna persisted. "Because it sounded sincere to me."

"I'm positive," Hermione agreed.

"Was that sarcasm?"

"Forget it Luna," Hermione said in defeat.

"But if I forget 'it' then it will become more difficult to speak," Luna protested. "You wouldn't want that would you?"

"Huh?"

"I'd have to use phrases like 'that thing' and even then that wouldn't be nearly as useful as 'it' don't you see Hermione, you're severely restricting my linguistic flexibility with your request. I do realise that over use of one word or phrase is a trap that every writer must endeavor to avoid, but I really think you're taking the whole thing too far."

"Huh?"

"And then what happens if I should happen to hear 'it?' Am I then to forget it again? But I'd have forgotten 'it' so how would I know to forget 'it?' Will you periodically order me to forget 'it' in the vain hope to keep me from remembering 'it?' Or . . . or is that what you've been doing?" Luna finished with a suspicious look directed at Hermione.

"I haven't been forcing you to forget the word 'it' Luna," Hermione sighed.

"Is that true Harry?"

"This must have been the frist time she tried it," Harry said solemnly. "Don't worry, I won't let her evil plan to force you to forget the word 'it' succeed."

"Thank you Harry," Luna purred. "I knew I could count on you to protect me from Hermione's mad ideas of linguistic purity."

"I told you I'm not . . . you know what, forget it."

"She did it again," Luna gasped.

"And she must be punished," Harry agreed as he rose from his seat. "If you'll excuse us Luna," he said as he grabbed a squealing Hermione and threw her over his shoulder. "I have work to do."

"My hero," Luna sighed. "Punish her good Harry." Luna cleared the table and washed the dishes with a couple flicks of her wand, then she gathered up her morning bowl of popcorn and took her seat at the couch. "I didn't realise Hermione liked being spanked so much," she mused to herself. "I'll have to remember that."

IIIIIIIIII

"You really think this new regime of potions will work Healer Brown?"

"I think it's worth giving it a try," Lucy replied.

The administrator sighed. "It'll have to be custom made."

"I've already got someone who's willing to brew it," Lucy said quickly. "And someone else who's willing to pay half the materials costs."

"Then I guess it's a done deal," he sighed. "Regardless of the amount of research you've been able to do, Snape is starting to become a major expense . . ."

"We can't just let someone as sick as he is go," Lucy protested.

"No . . . no I suppose we can't," the admin agreed reluctantly. But if the man were to escape . . . well, that was different now wasn't it?

IIIIIIIIII

"Is anyone there?" Minerva's voice came out of the floo.

"Is anyone where?" Luna replied. "Here or there? Because if it's there then I would assume that you're there . . . of course that would be here for you so then here would be there but that would make there here and we're back where we started which is either here or there."

"Hello Ms. Lovegood," Minerva sighed. "How are you doing today?"

"I'm still a bit confused by the here there paradox," Luna replied happily. "How are you doing?"

"I feel the beginnings of a headache," the old Professor said. "Would you mind telling Harry and Hermione that I wish to speak with them?" Her eyes widened and she quickly added, "and if not please tell them that I wish to speak with them."

"Ok," Luna agreed. "Is that all Professor?"

"For now, have a good day Ms. Lovegood."

"Possibly."

"Who was that?" Hermione came into the room to find Luna closing the heavy vault type doors in front of the fireplace.

"Professor McGonagall," Luna said. "She asked me to tell you that she wishes to speak with you."

"Thanks Luna."

"And I wanted to tell you that I won't be here tonight and possibly not tomorrow," Luna continued. "But I forgot to."

"Forgot to what?"

"Tell you that I won't be here later tonight and possibly not tomorrow either," Luna said. "Thank you for reminding me Hermione."

"When are you leaving?"

"Later this afternoon," Luna said. "So I'll be at my house until I leave, the address is Lovegood Shack."

"Ok Luna."

"Can I have a goodbye hug?" Luna asked hopefully.

"Alright," Hermione agreed.

Luna sank into the other girl's embrace with a wicked look on her face. "Can I have a goodbye kiss too?"

"Not today Luna."

"Then how about a goodbye fu . . ."

"Not a chance Luna."

". . . dge? Candy is dandy after all," Luna finished. "No?"

"That isn't what you were going to say and you know it," Hermione accused.

"I'm not sure what you mean Hermione."

"Of course you're not."

IIIIIIIIII

"Madame Bones?"

"What is it?" Amelia demanded.

"There's someone here to see you," her secretary said. "Says her name is Shinobu and that you've been expecting her?"

"Send her in," Amelia said quickly.

A small Japanese girl in a school uniform walked in and took a seat in front of Amelia's desk. "Forgive my lateness, I'm afraid I was delayed by another tentacle monster . . . one not nearly as polite as your employee."

"Not a problem," Amelia said quickly. "Have you had a chance to look at the file our healers sent over?"

"I have," the sailor suited specialist agreed. "And while I can't be sure without examining 'him' in person, I believe that the tentacle he lost should grow back within a decade or two."

"Alright," she sighed. "I'll have someone escort you to his current residence."

"Thank you," the magical girl said as she rose to her feet.

IIIIIIIIII

After Luna had left, Hermione walked to the floo, opened the blast doors, and called her favorite Professor.

"Mrs. Potter?" Minerva answered the floo. "Thank you for calling me."

"What is it Professor?"

"Albus has another 'breakthrough' to share with you and Harry," Minerva sighed. "I think he may have finally finished that little project of his."

"Can it wait?" Hermione sighed. "School starts in a bit less then a week."

"I'd prefer it not wait," Minerva said apologetically. "Albus is still under the impression that . . ."

"Yes of course," Hermione agreed. "I'll talk to Harry."

"Thank you Hermione," Minerva said with a grateful smile.

"Harry," Hermione called out.

"What is it?"

"Professor McGonagall would like us to meet with Dumbledore," Hermione replied. "He's got something he wants to share with us."

"Ok." He walked into the room. "Ladies first."

"Thank you Harry."

IIIIIIIIII

"Making any progress with the Longbottoms Healer Brown?" The orderly asked. "They saved my life in the last war and it tears me to see them like this."

"Maybe," Lucy sighed. "Maybe . . . if we used pleasure to counter the memory of pain?" She mused. "But where would I find a pleasure spell as powerful as one of the unforgivables?"

"That's the rub isn't it," he agreed. "Too bad you can't just have the Dark Lord Jeremy come in ta do it for you."

"Wait . . . why can't I?"

"Because . . . because he's a Dark Lord," the orderly said in shock. "I mean . . ."

"He's a Dark Lord but he still seems like a decent sort," Lucy said with a grin. "Thanks for the inspiration orderly."

"No problem Healer Brown," the orderly replied.

IIIIIIIIII

"What did you want to talk with us about Headmaster?" Harry asked.

"I've . . . I've finally finished all the work on the Lemon Drops and the compulsion charms to insure that they're consumed," Dumbledore sighed. "We just need to find a way to get everything . . . shame about Severus going insane like that . . . I . . ." Dumbledore sighed again.

"What is it sir?"

"I . . . I . . . I am so sorry Harry," Dumbledore sobbed. "So very sorry."

"About what sir?" Harry shared a worried look with Hermione.

"Tom . . . I believe that Tom did a very foolish thing in his pursuit of immortality," Dumbledore said sadly. "It appears that . . . I believe that he split his soul into several pieces and then placed those pieces into several items."

"The diary?" Harry ventured.

"Yes," Dumbledore said with a slow nod.

"Like the russian folk tale?" Hermione asked.

"If it is the one I am thinking of, yes."

"Then what's the problem?" Harry asked. "We find these things that he put his soul into and destroy the rest of them."

"If only it were that easy," Dumbledore said with tears flowing down his face. "Harry . . . your connection . . ."

"You mean?"

"Yes, Harry will have to die."

"There isn't any way to use magic to get it out?" Hermione demanded shrilly. "Isn't there a family that has the spells to do it?"

"There was, but I'm afraid that they no longer exist. Harry . . . unless you can find a way to learn the Teufelhex family spells," Dumbledore said slowly. "Then I am afraid that the only way we can remove the soul fragment from your body is to . . . I'm so sorry Harry. But it's the only way to destroy him for good."

"Tell us more about the Teufelhex family," Hermione demanded coldly. "Where could we find them?"

"You couldn't, as I said they no longer exist." Dumbledore said sadly. "The last one was Grindelwald's chief enforcer and she disappeared towards the end of the war. As loyal as she was, the only reason I can see that she was not at his side would be her death. I'm so sorry Harry."

"Wait," Hermione said with an odd look on her face. "Did you say Grindelwald's chief enforcer?"

"Yes, why?"

"I need to use your floo," Hermione pushed past the old man and grabbed a handful of floo powder.

IIIIIIIIII

"What are you doing kelp?"

"I'm waiting for Hermione to call me on the floo father," Luna replied. "She should be calling any minute now."

"Does this have anything to do with why you've chosen to visit my parents in Spain toadstool?"

"Perhaps father," Luna agreed. "It all depends on how good Hermione's memory is."

"I thought you said she had a good memory maze."

"I thought I might have said that too father."

"Might you have?"

"I might have?"

"You might?"

"Maybe?"

"Possibly?"

"I . . . that must be her now, I'm afraid I'm going to have to cut this game short father."

"Well . . . alright rubber tree."

"Hello Hermione," Luna said as Hermione's head appeared. "Was there something you needed?"

AN: The ongoing list of people that contributed to this fic without whom, it would not have been nearly as good . . . one might go so far as to say it would be quite bad: nonjon, Ed Becerra, ausfinbar, David Wangen, neil.reynolds, Ben Russell-Gough, dogbertcarroll, hattenjc, the caitiff, AlanP, Lone Wolf, meteoricshipyards, Shawn Pickett, Morris Rague, luinlothana, Treck, Drake, David Brown, Moshehim, Arthur Hansen, Marneus Calgar, Goblin214, Chris LeBron, khadon99, Shawn Pickett, tekobaka, Freddie, Musings of Apathy, ubereng, Brian Arcis, Shalon Wood, Fenris, Pelel, peterson9803, Andrew Joshua Talon, shinji the good sharer, and everyone on my yahoo group. They gave me scenes, ideas, and all sorts of other things. Tell me if I missed you so I can add to this list. Another thanks goes to meteoricshipyards who wrote the majority of the continuing adventures of the tentacle monster as well as several others. Anything I wrote on that sub plot was fairly minor so kudos. And still another goes to neil.reynolds who wrote a large number of scenes. Yet another goes to The Resident who was good enough to do a bit of editing and caught several of my mistakes. Still more go to Andrew Joshua Talon who wrote much (most) of the subplot with Narcissa, Remus, and Draco.