Disclaimer: There's nothing wrong with being a manager at a fast food place, or even working at one. A job's a job and they all suck.

Chrome Trailer Hitch

"Come on Hound," Hermione whispered.

"Fine," Harry agreed. "I still think that you're going to regret this."

"Just help me find the damn safe," Hermione hissed. "Ok Hound?"

"My guess is it's behind the picture Fox," Harry sighed.

"No, that's where they keep their pet Lethifold, you really don't want to open that." Luna said softly. "And keep your voice down, you don't want them to catch us."

"Luna?" Hermione asked in shock.

"You know my name?" Luna said in delight. "Are you going to ravish me now?"

"No," Hermine said quickly.

"Then is it my turn to ravish you?"

"No."

"Awwww . . . wait, you sound awfully familiar. Do I know you?"

"Run Hound," Hermione screamed.

"Coming Fox," Harry sighed. "Goodbye Luna."

"Goodbye," Luna said cheerfully.

Harry caught up to Hermione outside the, the girl's chest was heaving in interesting ways and she was hiding behind a shrubbery.

"If you say I told you so then I'm going to glue my knees together," Hermione said sullenly.

"Perish the thought," Harry laughed. "Though it would be amusing to see you hop everywhere."

"Shut up Harry," Hermione sighed. "Guess it's plan 'b' then."

"What's that entail?"

"Ignoring the situation until I think of something else," Hermione replied. "Uh . . . how tired are you?"

"Why?"

"Cause the night is young and I have a bit of stress I'd like to burn off . . . please?"

"How can I say no to a request like that," Harry said cheerfully.

"Carry me?"

"Where? We're using a portkey."

"That'll land in our sitting room . . . carry me?" She begged.

"Come on you lazy witch," he said as he lifted her into his arms. "You know, I'm not sure why I put up with you sometimes."

"I'll show you in a couple minutes," she whispered into his ear with a wicked grin on her face. "Over and over again."

IIIIIIIIII

Draco got up with the sun and carefully put on his uniform. Today was the day, today he was going to drive out the lay about that called himself a branch manager and take the bastard's place.

"Have a seat Draco," Andromeda commanded. "It's time for breakfast."

"I can eat at work Aunt Andromeda," Draco said respectfully.

"And you can eat actual food here," Andromeda said firmly. "Now sit."

"Yes Aunt Andromeda," Draco agreed.

"So how were you planning to do it?"

"I'm sure I don't know what you mean Aunt Andromeda," Draco said innocently.

"Spare me the bad acting, well?"

"Let's just say that the Metropolitan Police have been informed that a certain person keeps large amounts of contraband in his office," Draco said with a grin.

"Does he?"

"I found more then enough in my . . . co-workers' lockers to confidently say yes to that question," Draco said proudly. "What do you think?"

"I think you should also file a claim of sexual harrasment," Andromeda said calmly. "Before the Police have a chance to arrive if possible."

"Why?"

"Draco . . . Darling, haven't you ever heard of killing two birds with the same stone?"

"Yes Aunt Andromeda," Draco agreed happily. "And thank you."

"It's what family is for dear, now run along. You don't want to be late for the show do you?"

"No Aunt Andromeda," Draco said quickly. "I don't want to be late."

IIIIIIIIII

Hermione awoke with a mouth full of hair and a warm body in her arms. "Luna?" Hermione asked sleepily. "What're you doing here, I thought you were in Spain?"

"Oh I was," Luna agreed. "But grammy and grampy were feeling frisky and it was a bit loud and . . . well . . ."

"Yes?" Hermine asked nervously.

"There's nothing like sleeping in your own bed," Luna finished with a happy smile. "Don't you agree Hermione?"

"Your own bed huh?" Hermione muttered.

"Uh huh."

"What time is it?"

"Almost five in the morning," Luna replied. "But I was going to sleep in a bit more if that's alright with you."

"Yeah," Hermione agreed sleepily. "Pleasant dreams Luna."

"Thank you Hermione." Luna cuddled up to the other girl. "I'm sure they will be."

IIIIIIIIII

"No . . . no," the manager screamed as the police dragged him away. "I'm innocent . . . innocent I tell you. None of it was mine, it wasn't mine."

"Shut up," one of the officers growled. "Scum like you makes me sick."

"Excellent," Draco rubbed his hands together in glee. Finally, finally he was in a position worthy of a Mal . . . Black.

"What should we do Draco?" One of the employees asked.

"That's Mr. Black to you," Draco barked. "Unless you want to end up like our former manager."

"Yes Mr. Black," the pimple faced teen agreed.

"Now then," Draco began. "I want everything cleaned before the customers start to arrive. The former manager may have tolerated the fact that none of you cretins knows how to wash their hands after using the water closet . . . frankly, I'm amazed that any of you knew what such a thing was for rather then befouling the corner like so many of your fellows. He may have tolerated it, but you may rest assured that I will not. Fifty lashes to the first one to ignore my instructions and ten for the slowest . . . move." Draco watched in satisfaction as the rats scurried to carry out his will, this was living, this was what he'd been born to do . . . a pox on the so called Dork Lord and a pox the Malfoy family. Draco was a Black, a family that was meant to rule from the shadows and follow none.

IIIIIIIIII

Hermione awoke to the smell of breakfast cooking. After several unsuccessful attempts to untangle herself from Luna's grasping arms, she finally gave up and woke the other girl.

"Wake up Luna," Hermione commanded.

"Mmmm?"

"Or let me go," Hermione said. "I don't care, breakfast is almost ready and I'm hungry."

"M'ok," the groggy girl agreed. "Help me up?"

"Come on Luna." Hermione dragged Luna to the table and seated her. "Thank you for breakfast Harry."

"It's either that or live on spaghetti and chicken soup," Harry said with a smirk. "Still can't understand how the two of you can sleep in so long."

"Not all of us had your upbringing Harry."

"Thank god for that," Harry agreed with a laugh. "Little enough room in my cupboard as it was. Can't imagine how cramped it would have been if I had company . . . course, it might have been nice to have a bit of help with the chores once and a while."

"Harry," Hermione said sadly.

"You could have always used magic to enlarge it so there'd be room for all of us," Luna suggested. "That way you'd have help and space."

"Should have though of that," Harry said as he snapped his fingers.

"Don't worry," Luna said cheerfully. "I was here to think of it so you didn't have to . . . do you think we should add that to our next column Hermione?"

"I think we should focus on practical defense until after the troubles have been laid to rest," Hermione replied.

"Do you think we could add a simple ward then?" Luna asked. "Not many people can afford to get new wards and a simple do it yourself ward could be a wonderful thing to have."

"How are we going to bundle it so that teenage girls will read and learn it?"

"We could take Harry's shirt off and write it on his chest," Luna mused. "And then we could take a picture and put that in the magazine, that way they'll memorize every bit of it."

"That could work," Hermione agreed.

"Not gonna happen," Harry interjected. "Try again."

"Well . . . if you could throw up a quick proximity ward then it would cut down on the number of times you get interrupted by Professors when you're enjoying a bit of personal time," Luna said with a wink. "If you know what I mean."

"Why don't we work out the spellwork now and figure out the why's later?" Hermione suggested. "It's too bad all the wards require active magic."

"It's too bad the Ministry only tracks muggle born students," Harry added. "So why don't you put in one of the quick and dirty wards we worked out for the wands? Wouldn't be too hard to modify it to prevent other people from using your wand . . . just be sure to mention that they need to remove it before going on summer holiday or it would . . . no it could interfere with the charms that the Ministry uses to monitor underage magic use. Be a shame if the little darlings had the opportunity to practice and defend themselves wouldn't it?"

"Thank you Harry," Luna said happily. "That should work."

"Yes it should," Hermione agreed. "What's our deadline Luna?"

"We've got lot's of time," Luna assured her friend.

"In that case there's an errand I have to run," Hermione said. "I have to go pick up a few things."

"Me too," Luna said in surprise. "Where do you have to go?"

"Downstairs, you?"

"Down the street," Luna replied. "Looks like you have the shower to yourself Harry."

"Looks like," Harry agreed.

Luna cleared the table with a couple flicks of her wand. "Let's go Hermione," Luna said cheerfully. The two girls walked out of the apartment and down the stairs. "I'll hurry back," Luna promised.

"Take your time Luna," Hermione replied in a dead pan. She watched as Luna bounced down the street past a number of confused early shoppers before turning to walk into her downstairs tenant.

"Morning Hermione," Angelina greeted her friend. "How are you doing today?"

"Wonderful," Hermione replied. "I was wondering if I could pick up a few things."

"Like what?"

"Anything that causes nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, and night terrors." Hermione said cheerfully. "Any other side effects that can be added would be icing on the cake so far as I'm concerned . . . no overtly magical effects, just good ol'fashioned pain and discomfort."

"I could also add in headaches, runny noses, trench foot, a bladder infection, hemorrhoids, athletes foot, and anal seepage fairly easily." Angelina mused, "what do you want it for?"

"A group of muggles," Hermione said with a grin. "Very bad evil muggles who must be punished to show them the error of their wicked ways."

"I'll have something ready for you in a few hours," Angelina said with a shrug. It wasn't her place to judge, and it wasn't her place to alert Magical Law Enforcement either . . . well, not pertaining to things sold at the shop anyway. "Have a nice day."

"You too Angelina."

IIIIIIIIII

The admin looked down at the paperwork with a frown. It was time to stop the drain on his hospital's resources, time to get rid of that dead weight to make room for more profitable patients.

Grabbing his quill, he wrote several notations in the file. It really was for the best, he told himself. The . . . patient would be out of the wizarding world and if anyone got hurt, well they were only muggles right? It wasn't like they were important, there were gads of them. Who'd miss a few of them. Besides, with Sn . . . the patient gone, there might be enough left over funds to give a nice bonus to the important staff after all. Damn Healers and their self righteousness anyway, without money the hospital wouldn't run. It was only fair that the people who kept the money flowing were appropriately compensated . . . wasn't it?

IIIIIIIIII

Harry watched as Hermione attempted to sneak a large brown paper bag into the apartment.

"None of that's for me is it?"

"Eep."

"You bought several things downstairs," Harry said to the shell shocked girl. "None of it is for me is it?"

"I'm sure that I don't know what you're talking about," Hermione said in what was supposed to be an innocent tone. "And even if I did I'm not about to buy pranks to use on you . . . or Luna."

"Ok," He agreed. "Have fun then."

"You're not going to ask what I got this stuff for?"

"What stuff?" Harry asked. "I thought you didn't buy any pranks."

"Thank you Harry," Hermione said softly. After stowing the items, Hermione returned to the sitting room and made herself comfortable on Harry's lap. "So . . . what do you wanna do today?"

"Are you trying to convince me to help you use those things you didn't buy on those telemarketers?"

"Of course not," Hermione cooed. She rested her head on his shoulder. "What makes you think that?"

"Well . . ." Harry cut off as the door opened to admit Luna.

"What in the hell is Luna doing?" Hermione mumbled to herself, the afore mentioned girl had just walked past holding a length of garden hose in one hand and a golf ball in the other.

"How am I supposed to know?" Harry asked mildly. "Go ask her if it means so much to you."

"Could you do it Harry?"

"Suppose I could," Harry agreed. "But if I do then you'll never learn to do that sort of thing on your own."

"Please Harry Please."

"Do it yourself you lazy witch."

"Pleeease," she begged as her hand came up to undo a few buttons. "I really don't feel up to dealing with Luna right now. Not after what happened last night."

"I'm busy."

"Doing what?" She challenged.

"Not asking Luna what she's doing."

"Haaaarrrrry." Her shirt came off, "I'll make it worth your while."

"Fine," He groaned. "But it had better be really worth my while." Harry got up and walked into the other room for a few minutes. When he returned, he grabbed Hermione by the hand and began walking towards their bedroom. "Hurry up."

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"Well what was she doing?"

"She said she was practicing," Harry replied.

"Practicing . . . Luna stop that," Hermione called over her shoulder.

"Awwww."

AN: The ongoing list of people that contributed to this fic without whom, it would not have been nearly as good . . . one might go so far as to say it would be quite bad: nonjon, Ed Becerra, ausfinbar, David Wangen, neil.reynolds, Ben Russell-Gough, dogbertcarroll, hattenjc, the caitiff, AlanP, Lone Wolf, meteoricshipyards, Shawn Pickett, Morris Rague, luinlothana, Treck, Drake, David Brown, Moshehim, Arthur Hansen, Marneus Calgar, Goblin214, Chris LeBron, khadon99, Shawn Pickett, tekobaka, Freddie, Musings of Apathy, ubereng, Brian Arcis, Shalon Wood, D.J. Thorens, Fenris, Pelel, peterson9803, Andrew Joshua Talon, shinji the good sharer, and everyone on my yahoo group. They gave me scenes, ideas, and all sorts of other things. Tell me if I missed you so I can add to this list. Another thanks goes to meteoricshipyards who wrote the majority of the continuing adventures of the tentacle monster as well as several others. Anything I wrote on that sub plot was fairly minor so kudos. And still another goes to neil.reynolds who wrote a large number of scenes. Yet another goes to The Resident who was good enough to do a bit of editing and caught several of my mistakes. Still more go to Andrew Joshua Talon who wrote much (most) of the subplot with Narcissa, Remus, and Draco.