The third and final side to the story! Obviously going to be substantially shorter as Sasuke is only actually concious for the last part.

Part 3: And They Say I have Anger Issues

Rating: T (Violence, language, ect.)

Warnings: (Standard warnings apply. Slightly OOC Sasuke, because, well, you try writing something humorous from Sasuke's point of view and keep it in Character. If you can, I'll give you a cookie.)

You know that feeling you get when you wake up in a strange place and you have no idea where you are? See, I didn't.

At least until today. And let me tell you, out of all the faces to wake up to, Naruto's was not the one I would have chosen. I think I would have preferred Sakura.

...She was here too, wasn't she? Well, hell...

I closed my eyes and groaned. Tell me this is a nightmare. This is a nightmare right? I opened my eyes again to check. Nope. He's still there. Not a nightmare.

"You did it, teme" He's still calling me bastard? I know they say that some people never change, but seriously. Hey, wait. I did do it, didn't I? I'm assuming I did anyway. The last thing I remember was Itachi hitting the ground looking pretty dead. Yeah, not going to lie, I was feeling pretty pleased with myself before I...

...aw hell...I hit the ground too, didn't I?

Well don't look at me like that. I may have been far superior, but Itachi was no wuss. No, I am superior, don't give me that. Shut up. Nobody asked you.

"Hn. Yeah." Nice to see you too, dobe. As soon as I can move again, remind me to wipe that cheerful smirk right off your face. It's far too early for that. I am an Uchiha, I'm just not equipped to handle that level of happy. Wait a second. I can move? ...the hell? I may be far superior, but those injuries that I sustained during my last fight should have had me laid up for a week at least. So somebody care to tell me where they've gone off to? I'm poking at my arms, my torso, anything that's exposed wondering why the hell I wasn't even scratched anywhere.

That's it! I've got it! I'm dead. I have to be. It's a perfectly rational explanation for why I am completely unscathed.

Plus, when you wake up with Naruto's face over yours, you know that you must be in some deep circle of hell.

They're both looking at me with expressions that are really familiar to me. Naruto's giving me the "have you gone stupid?" look, and Sakura's giving me the look that just screams "I'm not amused. You can stop what you're doing at any time now". I wonder why these expressions seem so familiar to me. Oh right. I used to give them the same expressions.

You know...irony sure can be a bitch sometimes.

"Sakura healed you, idiot. You would probably be dead if she hadn't come along. Pretty lucky, huh?" Ahahahahaha, oh that's funny. That's hillarious. Really, you can't see it, but I'm laughing inside. For a second there I thought you just insinuated that she was useful for something.

Besides, I am dead. In case you morons have missed that fract.

"Sa..ku..ra?" No, really, it's rich. It really is. Next thing you're going to say is that you carried me off over your shoulder onto the sunset while she was having wild fantasies about me and my pansy replacement passionately making out on the floor.

Okay dobe, I got the joke, so why aren't you laughing with me?

...Naruto?

Oh God. You're serious.

"You...healed me?" For the first time since I've woken up, I look at her. No, I mean I really looked at her. Oh yes, I see that smile in your sparkling- er- perfectly plain green eyes, but I know it's just a facade. So go ahead, start with the tears. Go ahead. It's okay. I'm in an usually non-rancid mood right now so I'll tell you what. You can even crawl in my lap if you want.

I had planned to take a break in between the avenging and the reviving, but I suppose I can end the hiatus if you want to pour out your heart to me right now.

...Any time now, Sakura.

Why are you still smiling at me? Commense with the hugging and the crying.

...Sakura?

I looked her in the eyes again. Well, I guess I should show her some sort of appreciation. Maybe then she'd pounce. Wait a second. Somebody want to tell me why all of the sudden I'm so keen on my former team mate jumping into my lap? Maybe there's a brain injury that she hasn't been able to treat. That must be it. So while you're in my lap you can take a look at my head. Oh come on, are you really going to make me say it?

So it seems.

"Sakura...thank you."

You know, in a moment like this I know I should be thinking something along the lines of "what the hell did I do to deserve this?" but as my back suddenly made contact with the wall behind me, all that I could think was " who are you and what have you done with Sakura?!"

No, wait. Sakura's always had anger management issues. But seriously?

Then came the pain. Oh and there was lots of it. Lots and lots of pain.

Naruto's got this real funny look on his face. I've seen his "what the hell just happened" face before, but I looks like this time he's just absolutely speechless. Sakura, you made Naruto shut up. You must teach me this technique.

"You're welcome, Idiot." I hear her say as I watch her walk out the door. Oh that's so not what you're actually thinking. Don't you give me that. What did I ever really do to you?

Well...there was the whole calling you annoying thing...and there was me calling you useless. And there was the time where I punched you and left you alone on that bench after saying Thank yo-...

Oh.

Great. All I need now is that pansy replacement of mine to make some sort of joke about my pe-

No. I will not go there. I'm suspicious of this guy as it is.

"You okay, bastard?!" Oh yeah, I'm fine. I just thought the room needed another walk-through window, that's all. "She didn't go all out, but she railed you pretty hard!"

"Hn. I deserved that." Hey, at least I'm honest. Wait, did you just tell me she went easy on me? What do you mean she just went easy on me? She knocked me through the wall for God's sake!

Holy shit. Sakura, I have a new question for you.

Have my babies?

Oh no. That look, on Naruto's face. He's about to...

"WHAAAAAAAAAT?!"

...yell.

"I don't EVER want to hear that I'm the weird one on this team again!"

Duly noted, dobe. But you're about to be the single one. Heh.

Fin. See, I figure since Sasuke never talks, he's just got to have a lot going on in his head instead.

And seriously- only Sasuke would think it sexy to be put through a wall.

Thanks for reading! :D