Disclaimer: I still do not own this.

Rating: G for this chapter.

"Honey?"

Kuzco heard the now- familiar voice at his door. He rolled over on his divan, burying his face in the cushions, ignoring the call.

"Kuzco? Let me in."

Kuzco still ignored the knock.  All of a sudden, he heard a key turn in the lock and looked up just in time to see Alexandria cross the room. Kuzco quickly grabbed a wool scarf from the ground and wrapped it around his face, Arabian-style. He glared at her. "How'd you get in here?"

"I'm the empress. I can get in anywhere." She approached the bed, looking almost………. contrite. "You weren't at dinner."

Kuzco grunted, increasing the glare.

"Oh, c'mon, honey, it was a just a harmless little joke!"

"You mean, sick, underhanded, vicious, cruel…….." Kuzco stared at his wife, eyes narrowed. "So is that what you're here to do? Apologize?"

"Apologize?" Alexandria shivered at the thought. "Honey, you make it sound like I did something BAD. Besides, your face doesn't look THAT awful. The ink will come off in a week or so."

"Yes, it does- and no, it won't."

"Let me see. I might actually be able to take it off with this lemon juice. Then I'll say I'm sorry." She waved a vial full of clear yellow liquid at him to prove the validity of her statement, then came up and perched on the edge of the mattress.

"No way! Are you kidding me?"

"Pleeeaaasssseeee???" She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and stuck out her lower lip. "I promise I'll apologize. Scout's honor!"

Kuzco stared at her and didn't see even a hint of a smirk on her face, and he DID want to get the ink off somehow, so he slowly unwound the muffler and sat up straight, squeezing his eyes shut so he wouldn't have to see his reflection in the opposite mirror. There was total silence for a full minute. He opened his eyes.

Alexandria was staring at him with her eyes wide open, her lips trembling. Jeez, Kuzco thought. She isn't going to CRY from remorse, is she? "Look, Alexandria-" he began.

"Oh. My. Lord," Alexandria said, slowly and distinctly. She reached out with her fingers and carefully touched his face.

Then she broke into an explosive fit of laughter, falling off the bed and onto the floor.  "OhmyLord! Your FACE!!"

"WHAT?" Kuzco yelled over her peals of laughter. "What happened to the apology?"

"Good heavens, honey," Alexandria said, gasping for breath, "I was just trying to get you to take off that silly scarf so I could see if your face looked REALLY as bad as I thought it did. It looks worse!" She doubled over on the floor, holding her stomach and still laughing.

Furious at being had so easily, Kuzco could only sputter. "B-but……..you said 'scout's honor!'"

"Well now, honey, you have to be a scout to be held to that promise, dotcha?"  Cracking up at her own wit, she got to her feet and left, wiping her eyes as she did so. "Good LORD!" she said to the guards in the hallway as she stumbled out the door. "Did you see his FACE? Oh……….my……….It's……….it's……………"

Kuzco could hear her laughing all the way down the hall. He narrowed his eyes, cast off the scarf, and headed for his main chambers. "Forget the face," he muttered through clenched teeth. This was WAR. Alexandria was a pro, he had to give her that- but she hadn't even seen one page of his book of tricks.

"Let the games begin," he muttered, a smile crossing his face. He hadn't had so worthy an opponent in a long time. This might actually turn out to be fun. "Guards? Oh, GUARDS???"

******************************************

"MEOW!"

"Shut up and sleep, puss!"

Yzma glared up at the burly stableman who had just unceremoniously dumped her into a manger full of stale hay.  She was tempted to leap up and scratch his eyes out, then spit on them for good measure, but she managed to restrain herself. If she planned to regain her true form without detection, it would not do well to draw attention to the fact that the new barn cat was actually Yzma.

Yzma grouchily turned around and curled up into a ball, trying to get accustomed to the scratchy feel of the hay. Now she nearly- not quite, but nearly- regretted trying to usurp Kuzco's throne. Being a cat was disgusting! She had to deal with raw fish (straight from the sea, still flopping, SO not sushi), hairballs, and the worst- cleaning herself with ugh………. her TONGUE. Plus, there was an enormous yellow tomcat that was apparently enamored with her. She'd nearly ripped him to shreds the night before, but the attack only seemed to encourage him further. At least she wouldn't have to worry about his attentions tonight. Yzma smiled, remembering how she'd knocked him into the llama trough. It would take him at least six hours to get the llama-slobber smell out of his fur- that is, IF he hadn't drowned.

"So, didja hear?" the stableman was talking to someone else now. Yzma opened her eyes and saw his companion, a tall, muscular, well-built young man, who looked to be in his late twenties. She squinted, for once grateful for being a cat- her night vision had sharpened considerably.

"No," she breathed. It couldn't be- but it was. "KRONK??!!??"

It was indeed her former assistant, that ever-present little rat-like squirrel perched on his shoulder. He was wielding an enormous basket of what appeared to be kitchen food scraps. Breakfast, Yzma thought with a shudder. Her fur prickled up in rage. Incompetent fool! It was HIS fault she was here right now, the dim-witted, lily-livered, idiotic little- why, she ought to leap on him and just-

Yzma's mental ranting was interrupted when she picked up a very interesting piece of conversation. "Yeah, he's actually married," Kronk was confiding to the stableman. "Yeah, hard to believe, isn't it? His wife? Well, the empress is pretty enough. She seems a bit confused, though. I mean, she keeps seeing some imaginary guy named Kuta. And most people don't think she's that smart. I like her, though. She complimented me on my spinach puffs."

"Riighhntt," the stableman said, clearly skeptical. "So, are they-"

Their conversation faded into the background as Yzma began to think. "So Kuzco's married," she said to herself. She had every intention of regaining her true form and ascending the throne sooner than later, but………..a WIFE could greatly complicate things. And if the imperial hussy began producing brats, that could thwart her plans altogether. She wrinkled her brow (do cats have brows?) in intense concentration. This would take some thought.

Actually…………she thought, didn't Kronk say that she isn't 'that smart?' Anyone who looks dumb to Kronk must have nothing but a pulse. And……….she LIKED HIS SPINACH PUFFS. That in itself, Yzma decided, was enough to prove the woman's idiocy. She had a feeling that this empress, whoever she was, would be easily manipulated (her kind of gal!) and therefore, instrumental to Kuzco's undoing.

That is, if Yzma could get to her.  She settled into her bed, seething.

"…………here to get a cat for the Empress, actually. I didn't give her a wedding present, and I felt kind of bad, so I decided to get her a pet, since she doesn't have one. She had to leave all of hers in Greece because they wouldn't be able to survive the journey. Cats are the cleanest, right?"

WHAT was Kronk saying? Yzma leaped to her feet, cocking her ears.

"They are, and I have just the cat for you," said the stableman, confidently. "His name is Chuza, and he's really sweet. Perfect cat for a lady. Plus, he's housebroken. Let me show you where the barn cats sleep."

Yzma leapt to her feet. What a providential opportunity! Except………..she turned and saw little Chuza, a kitten of four months who had been looking for a home since his mother had been run over by a llama cart. He was a calico cat with one black ear, and huge, green eyes. Disgustingly cute, and twice as sweet. He had already woken up from the noise of the men approaching and was blinking sleepily in their direction.

Yzma nearly coughed up a hairball. The little brat! she thought, furiously. "He sleeps right over here," she heard the stableman saying. Chuza had already gotten up on wobbly little legs and was heading for the direction of the two men.

"Not in THIS life, rodent!" hissed Yzma. She leapt forward and gave Chuza a smack with her paw that sent him rolling into an enormous haystack. It'll take him months to get out, she thought with satisfaction, trying to hold back her smirk. She almost felt like herself again.

The two men were almost to their destination now. Yzma sprang forward to greet them, then retreated in a panic.  Kronk knew what she looked like, she remembered. And so did Kuzco! AND the guards at the palace were instructed to shoot on sight any cat that looked like her if they saw her trying to enter.

Yzma had almost accepted defeat for the night when she saw an enormous coalbin sitting by the haystack in which the unfortunate Chuza was now stuck. Without thinking twice, she leaped in the coalbin and rolled over, then leapt to the floor, now a white-and-black spotted cat. She ran up to the men, (Easy, Yzma-girl, easy!) praying she wasn't recognized. The stableman stepped over her in his quest to find Chuza, but Yzma's prey was Kronk. She went over to him, batting her eyes and moving round his ankles. "Meow?"

"Well, hello there." Kronk lifted her up to face level, and it took the full extent of Yzma's self-control not to scratch his face to shreds . Instead, she purred. "Aren't you sweet." Kronk lifted her up to his shoulder, stroking her back, and she kept her claws retracted with incredible effort. Bucky was on his shoulder as well, and his beady little animal eyes widened with shock when he saw her.

So he recognizes me! Yzma thought, grimly, watching the squirrel open his mouth in an attempt to warn Kronk. Well, too bad for him.

Her forelock struck out with incredible power, and she knocked Bucky clean off his perch and into the straw on the ground. He attempted to scramble to his feet and back to Kronk, but she showed him her claws and indicated her sharp teeth- then plastered a syrupy-sweet look on her face as Kronk looked at her again.

"Stableman, I think I found my cat," Kronk said, tucking Yzma under his arm and not seeing Bucky, who had retreated into the shadows after Yzma gave him another frightening grimace.

"Good," said the stableman. "I can't find Chuza. Can't imagine where he's got to."

He looked at Yzma  critically, and she held her breath. "Must be a new cat," he muttered. "Anyway, man, have a good one!" he waved bye-bye to Kronk as they exited.

Yzma could barely keep her face straight as they bypassed the guards and entered the palace, heading for the Empress' chambers. She was baaaaccccckkkk!!!

More coming SOON- that IS, if you review! Later!