Disclaimer: I don't steal and do not intend to. My parents raised me right, capish?

Rating: PG, still. It's Disney, after all.

Dawn alighted with vivacious beauty over Kuzco's kingdom. Outside, everything was serene and beautiful. Merchants were unloading their goods to set up for market, children were washing and dressing for their lessons, and women were baking the morning bread. The air was scented with both the smells of the baking and the merchant's flowers.

This scenery was wasted on most of the residents of the palace, however.

Kuzco and Alexandria were in a meeting.

"Now, your highness," Kuta, AKA The Thing That Wouldn't Shut Up, was speaking. "The two of you must reach an amicable agreement before Kimsata's residents arrive. They will not give backing to a country when the reigning monarchs aren't in agreement!"

"I'm not talking to her!"

"Honey, you're not intellectually astute enough to converse with a roach!"

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me, honey. Or are you deaf as well as dumb?"

"Actually, I was surprised you have such a huge vocabulary….. Haven't had that morning drink yet, have you?"

"Why, you little….."

"Enough!!" Kuta's voice broke through their tirade, all formal protocol forgotten. He rubbed his temples agitatedly. "It's only been five minutes!"

"So? She started it."

"That's not true, honey! He-"

Kuta squeezed his eyes shut, contemplating the best way to end this ordeal. Stepping in front of a llama cart going at full speed was sounding pretty good right about then. "Five years until retirement," he muttered through gritted teeth. Then he took a deep breath and began again. "Your highnesses," he forced out, "I don't think that such behavior is seemly for-"

Blessedly, the door banged open, interrupting the trio. It was Anya. "Master Kuta, your Highness Emperor Kuzco, Your Highness Empress Alexandria, Pacha has arrived. Shall I bring him in?"

"Please," Kuta said, not even waiting for Kuzco and Alexandria's imperial permission, and pouring himself a cup of brandy from the nearby decanter. "Bring it in now."

She disappeared and then reappeared at the door with a poncho-clad Pacha in tow. When he saw Kuzco, his face broke out into a good-natured grin.

"Pacha! Man, am I glad to see you!" Kuzco jumped out of his chair and hugged him with all his might. "Take me away from here! Please!"

"Lord, yes. Take him away. Please!" drawled Alexandria.

Kuzco turned a furious eye upon his wife. "Hush up!"

"Make me!"

"Don't tempt me, lady!"

"Okay, okay, okayoakyoaky!" Pacha broke in, raising his hands to the sky.  "Time out!" he sat down on the divan, opposite the royal couple. He turned to Kuta.

"You handle this. I'm going to get another brandy."

Pacha stared at him. Another brandy? "What seems to be the problem here?"

The two eyed each other. Total silence.

Then, they exploded in a tirade of screaming that made Pacha clamp his hands over his ears. He turned to Kuta, who was now drinking the brandy straight out of the bottle.

"HOW LONG HAVE THEY BEEN LIKE THIS?" (yelling over them)

"OH, ONLY SINCE AFTER THE WEDDING RECEPTION!!"

"OKAY. GUYS! QUIET!!"

"- and that's final!" they both yelled, then fell silent.

"Look, Emperor, Empress," he said. "I know you haven't been getting along, but this bickering really should stop. You're not children, and you have a kingdom to rule, together."

Kuzco snorted.

Pacha sighed. "Master Kuta, may I see Kuzco alone?"

"Certainly," Kuta said through his last mouthful of brandy. And if you'll excuse me, I have to go and make out my will. I have no reason to think I'll make it through to the end of the day." He bowed formally and walked stiffly from the room.

Pacha nodded at Kuzco, and the two exited into the powder room. Kuzco plopped himself down on a fluffy blue stool, and Pacha leaned on the washbasin. "Now, Emperor-"

"I know what you're going to say, Pacha, and I can't do it. She's impossible!"

"But, Emperor-"

"You try living with her." Kuzco buried his chin in his hands, depressed. "It's horrible! No living soul could be so selfish, so spoiled….."

"Except maybe you?" Pacha said dryly.

Kuzco gave him a sharp look, but he continued anyway. "Kuzco, the Empress is unhappy. She's away from all the people and things she was used to, and she's your age as well. Just imagine how you would feel…..."

"If you were forced to marry someone you've never even met? Yeah, I can understand how that feels." Kuzco raked a hand through his hair.  "Customs suck."

Pacha was inclined to chuckle, but he couldn't- the matter was much too serious. "Look. Why don't you two find something you both enjoy to do, and do it together?"

"Pacha. We can't even eat in the same room without attempted homicide."

Pacha gave him a severe look. "One of you is going to have to be the bigger person, Emperor. And I think that someone is you."

"Why me?" Kuzco whined. "She ruins everything! I've lost my freedom, my bachelor status, my chariot……and she's lost-"

"Her home, her friends, her family, and her kingdom," Pacha said quietly. "Think about it, Kuzco. At least you're still in a place you can call home."

Kuzco opened his mouth to retort, but swallowed his words, obviously thinking about what his friend had just said.

"Did you ever ask her about where she came from? Or who her parents were?"

Kuzco shook his head. God, he hated having a conscience.

"Then how can you be sure she's totally evil, if you don't even know her?"

Kuzco scowled, the furrows in his forehead deep and pronounced, staring at his feet. "I hate you," he muttered.

Pacha smiled.

"All right, all right, I'll go and talk to her. Don't look all smiley like I'm your kid or something."

"Atta boy!" Pacha gave him a firm pat on the back, followed up by a friendly punch. Kuzco gave him the hand. "No touchie!"

"Sorry."

Both men exited the room. Alexandria was seated where they had left her, now working on her toenails. Pacha gave him a little nudge in her direction, and Kuzco whirled around, fixing him with the end all glare to end all end - all glares.

"GO!" Pacha mouthed.

"I AM!" Kuzco hissed silently. Pacha would pay for this. "Um, Alexandria?"

Startled, she nearly upset her polish bottle, but recovered aptly. "Yes, honey?"

"It would do me great pleasure if you'd accompany me on a shopping trip today. We can tour the markets and see the city. It will take up an apt amount of time until our meeting with the Kimsata delegation." There. A little stiff maybe, but that was the best he could do, under the circumstances.

"Shopping, honey?"

"Yes." Oh, Pacha was going to pay for this….. Kuzco braced himself for the sarcasm, but to his surprise…..

"Sure, honey. What time do you want to leave?"

Kuzco felt his mouth open in shock. "I……."

"Twelve it is." Alexandria gathered up her robes and swept out of the room. "I'll see you then."

Still in a state of shock, Kuzco whirled around, only to face Pacha, whose smug grin was taking up most of his face. "Y'know, I can re-issue orders for Kuzcotopia to be built," he said crossly.

Pacha managed to wipe the grin off of his face, but he looked overjoyed. "This is fantastic, Emperor! You'll get along just fine."

"Yeah. That's exactly what Ceaser said about the Triumvirate, and look at what happened to them. You've done your evil work. Now begone!" Kuzco strode dramatically from the room.

Pacha just shook his head and laughed.

******************************************************************

"Oh, my Lord."

"Oh, my Lord."

"Oh, my Lord."

Kuzco turned to Alexandria, slightly peeved, but she was staring out through the gauze-lined curtains of the royal carriage at the bustling midmorning crowd that had gathered in the marketplace. Her eyes were wide, and she exclaimed at every little thing she saw.

"Haven't you ever been to a market before?" Kuzco asked, his natural curiosity overriding his natural dislike of talking to her.

"Oh my Lord."

"I'll take that as a no."
 Kuzco raised his hand and called out to the llama driver when they reached a series of booths. "Stop here."

Alexandria started when the carriage stopped, her eyes growing huge. "Honey, we're being robbed!"

Kuzco rolled his eyes. "I told him to stop. We're getting out here."

"You must be out of what little mind you have. It can't be safe! I mean, people have walked on this road in dusty sandals! There's dirt on it!"

Be the bigger person…be the bigger person….Sighing, Kuzco held out his arms. "Come on. I'll carry you."

"You?" she scoffed. But at least she conceded to sticking her head out of the side of the carriage. "Why not a guard?"

"Because if we take a guard, the crowd'll recognize us in a minute. We'll get mobbed. And on that note….." He pulled his "disguise" over his head- the poncho that Chicha had made for him. He handed a thick wool veil to his wife. "Here. Put this on."

Alexandria tentatively reached out and touched the fabric with a fingertip, then jumped back in fear. "Honey, that fabric scares me!"

"It's wool."

"So is that what they call it?" Alexandria pulled the cloak on, and it easily covered her from head to toe. "Oh…..fine," Crossly, Alexandria put her arms around his neck and allowed him to pick her up, and the carriage rolled away. To Kuzco's surprise, she was actually quite light, and he moved easily over the cobblestones with her still in his arms. "If I break out in a rash, I'll have you executed. So. What peasant function are we attending?"

Kuzco ignored her sarcasm. "The market's a lot of fun. I haven't been here for years. When I was a kid, I used to disguise myself and come down here for days at a time…."

Alexandria looked bored with his story, not to mention the whole trip itself. "Mmmhmm."

Finally fed up, Kuzco stopped short in the middle of the road. "Look, Alexandria," he said, frustrated. "You can't be carried the whole time. Why can't you just relax and try to enjoy yourself? Quit whining for once."

Alexandria looked shocked for a minute; then her expression turned to one of injured dignity. "Of course I can walk, honey, if that is your wish. You needn't shout."

Feeling slightly guilty, Kuzco allowed her to disentangle herself from his grip and straighten her toga, pointedly lifting it above the ground. She began walking without a second word to her husband, nose in the air.

Groaning inwardly, Kuzco hurried after her. So much for Pacha's advice- they were ALREADY arguing. This was going to be a long afternoon. "Alexandria…"

The empress was much faster than he'd anticipated and had stopped short in front of a merchant's house, gaping in amazement. When he reached her, she grabbed his arm, their previous argument apparently forgotten. "Honey, what is that?" she whispered, eyes enormous.

Kuzco looked past her pointing finger to a huge tub, filled with scrubbing stones and steaming water, where hearty village women were scrubbing clothes, beating them across the rocks, then wringing them out.

"That is a laundrymat, Alexandria," he said, pleased to import some knowledge to her. She still looked amazed by the proceedings. "People come here to wash their clothes. Then…." He glanced furtively around, and lowered his voice to a whisper. "Then they reuse them."

Alexandria gasped and grabbed her heart. "Oh, my!"

Kuzco nodded. "I couldn't believe it when I saw it for the first time, either."

"I think I need to sit down." Alexandria did so and managed to close her still-gaping mouth. "Why, commonplace people are just plain clever," she breathed.

Kuzco nodded in agreement. "If you think that was something, just wait till you see the bakery."

"Let's go!" Alexandria leapt to her feet, pulling Kuzco up with her. "This is fun!"

The royal couple ran amok in the marketplace, visiting every booth. Alexandria made a point of visiting every jewelry booth, and by the end of their trip was decked out in enough cheap baubles to be mistaken for a gypsy. Kuzco found a chariot to replace the one that Alexandria had destroyed, and they visited dress shops to see if they could find replacements for Alexandria's gowns.

That, however, turned out to be a mistake.

"Honey, these fabrics……!"

When the empress became convinced that she saw a bolt of cotton moving towards her, ready to attack, Kuzco knew it was time to vacate that store. He made a mental note to order Grecian and Egyptian fabrics for her.

The royal couple lunched standing up by a small booth that sold- of all things- fried dormouse. Kuzco was surprised when Alexandria ate two lunch specials- apparently, dormouse was a delicacy in Greece. 

It was late afternoon before they returned to the palace. Kuta met them at the door. "Your Majesties! The delegation……"

"Has arrived from Kimsata. Yeah, we know." Kuzco rolled his eyes. "Look. We've both got to bathe and get dressed, so keep them busy. Take them on a garden tour or something. Come on, Alexandria-" and the two retired to their respective rooms to dress for dinner.

Kuzco was dressed in a record thirty minutes, then went and knocked on his wife's dressing room door. Her maid Helena opened the door. "Madame, it is the Emperor Kuzco," she reported.

"Honey, who on earth is that?"

"Your husband, my lady."

"My what?"

Kuzco rolled his eyes and pushed open the door. "Alexandria, I know you're- arrrgghhh!" he covered his eyes. "Why didn't you say you weren't dressed yet?"

Alexandria fingered the powders on her vanity, seemingly unconcerned, in spite of her maids' fluttered attempts to cover her with a robe. "Why did you barge in my room?"

"That's not the issue…." Kuzco decided to give up the argument. "Anyway," he said, averting his eyes, "we have to be down there in twenty minutes. I'm supposed to walk in with you."

"All right……Helena, which rouge? The red or the peach….?"

"You will…..behave tonight, won't you?"

"Yes, of course honey," Alexandria said carelessly. "Just tell that steward of yours to keep my wine goblet full- none of that sissy stuff, either- and I should be fine…..I think we'll go with the peach, Helena……"

"Why doesn't that reassure me more?" muttered Kuzco, but he decided to take her at her word. "I'll see you later. And I'll definitely knock next time."

She wiggled her fingers at him in farewell.

                                                ******************************************************

"Yes….very good…….yes indeed…..very good…….now turn for me, boys!"

Yzma stood on the top of the box in the center of the training arena, surveying the soldiers that now marched obediently in front of her, going through their paces. They were all tall, heavily muscled, and though a bit long in the tooth, broad-shouldered and fleet-footed.

Who knew that a pack of trained guard dogs would transform into such fine men?

After Yzma had broken loose from the clutches of the fearsome palace "guards," it had been easy to sneak into her lab and remix a potion to turn herself human again. When back to natural form, she felt to good that she'd even managed to develop a transforming formula to turn animals into humans. Buying a pack of trained guard dogs had been easy, and so had enhancing her formula with a bit of muscle developer. So now….she had her soldiers.

Already trained to be vicious, fear nothing, and attack at command.

(Their eating habits left much to be desired, though. How much raw meat could they eat without getting sick?)

Yzma had been working with them daily- on learning to walk on two legs, on obeying basic battle commands, on wielding and using weapons, her passionate desire for revenge on Kuzco pushing her forward.

Yzma had her army.

And soon, she would have her revenge.

                                                ******************************************************

"ANNOUNCING THE ARRIVAL OF THEIR MAJESTIES EMPEROR KUZCO OF PERU AND HIS CONSORT AND EMPERESS, FORMER PRINCESS ALEXANDRIA OF GREECE!"

Kuzco winced slightly at the sound of Kuta's extraordinarily loud voice boomed directly into his ear as he sedately entered the banquet hall, Alexandra on his arm. They paused and waited as a row of very fat diplomats stood and bowed. These must be the men from Kimsata.

Kuzco and Alexandria slowly made their way down the steps and across the marble floor of the hall, nodding graciously to each Kimsatian representative as they passed them. Kuzco caught their reflection in one of the mirrors in the hall and was actually startled. Why, we look like a….real emperor and empress, he thought. They were dressed in matching robes of a deep purple hue, fastened with intricately carved gold and pearl belts and shoulder pins, the royal crowns on their heads. Kuzco was walking with all the pride of a seasoned ruler, though his face betrayed his youth, and in spite of all her nonsense, Alexandria always moved with a cool, reserved elegance common only to royal blood.

Together, they looked pretty darn good.

Boosted by this revelation, Kuzco gravely walked to the ornately upholstered royal couch at the head of the long banquet table. He helped his wife onto it, carefully tucking her robes underneath her, and reclined himself, indicating with a hand that his guests should sit, seeing the Kimsatian king to a couch on the other side. They did so, and almost instantly, music began to play, and the room was filled with delicious smells, as servers began to circulate the dining hall with laden trays. 

The meal began with a course of leek soup and freshly boiled duck eggs, and as the food went down, conversation began to flow. Kuta had wisely chosen a small yet elegant setting for the banquet, making the environment casual enough for conversation yet formal enough for a royal dinner. Kronk was specifically asked to cook for the occasion (though, ominously, his spinach puffs were left off the menu at the emperor's request) and he truly outdid himself, moving through the diners with grace and ease, serving delicacies that had never been heard of. The guests marveled at his dishes, and Kuzco was asked more than once if he'd be willing to release his chef to Kimsata.

"Emperor Kuzco."

Kuzco nearly choked on a piece of the meat course (tender chunks of sautéed rabbit, topped with a delicate honey-spice sauce) and turned to the King of Kimsata, was now speaking to him. All evening, he'd left most of the political talk to his advisors, a trick he'd learned over the years after he was forced by chance to become a fourteen-year-old emperor. "Um, yes?"

"You seem rather young to rule." The bearded, oily-whiskered king of Kimsata, Urui, leaned over to Kuzco's couch in a manner that was much too familiar. "How old are you?"

What presumption, Kuzco thought. "I'd have to kill you if I told you that," he said, deadpan.

The man laughed without humor. "You should know," he said coolly, that I am the man who decides whether or not a treaty is presented to you or not." He paused for effect. "I am no fool, Emperor."

"I don't think you are a fool, but what's my opinion compared to that of everybody else?"

The king ignored Kuzco's sarcasm.  "How old are you?"

Kuzco glared at him. "Old enough. And that's "how old are you, 'sire' to you, bud."

"Your highness," the man said, smooth as oil, "it was not in my intention to insult you. I merely needed to know because of the treaty."

"Please, keep talking. I always yawn when I'm interested."

Once again, the king ignored Kuzco's barb. "It's about your wife, sire."

"My…..oh, Alexandria. My wife." Kuzco glanced next to him, where Alexandria was reclining, carrying on a conversation with a couple of other men and sipping from her goblet. "Yeah, I guess she is……what about her?"

"She seems rather young as well." His eyes raked over her reclining form. "Although- I must say- she is very lovely. You have exceptional taste, son."  

Son? What nerve…..Kuzco moved closer to Alexandria on the couch. She was a pain, but……he really didn't like the way Urui was leering at her. "What's your point?"

Urui instantly turned businesslike. "You can't be older than seventeen or eighteen, and your wife looks around the same age. Is there any potential of your having a heir in the near future?"

"I beg your pardon?" was this guy really serious?

"I cannot present a treaty to a country in which the monarchs are not in……agreement, let us say."

Kuzco was about to explode, but reason cleared his head. "I….you….." he stammered. Then he had an idea. "Us not being in agreement? I don't think you have to worry about that, Urui." Glancing over at Alexandria, who was draining her cup, he leaned over and whispered in her ear. "Don't move, don't scream……"and casually rested his hand on her left hip, beginning to stroke it gently, flashing his best "I've got it going on" smile at Urui. He waited with dread for her reaction, but to his surprise, she didn't say anything- just widened her eyes and stiffened slightly. I need to distract her quickly……"Kronk!" he hollered. "The empress needs more liquor. Quickly!"

Kronk trotted over accordingly. "Red or white wine, Madam?"

"Just pour."

 Apparently, Kuzco's ruse had worked- Urui's eyes were now fixed on his hand. "So….." he said, "can I present the treaty?"

"That would be great." Kuzco replied.

He could barely keep the grin off his face.

                                                **************************************************

"We DID it!"

Kuzco and Alexandria were walking down the hall to their chambers after the dinner, both thoroughly exhausted. "I know," Alexandria said, calmly. "A moment's notice when you plan to feel me up will be nice in the future, however."

"Sorry about that." Kuzco shrugged. "It worked, though, didn't it?"

"Yes. We make a decent team."

The words hung in the air for a moment, as words sometimes do, and the two reached their rooms in silence. Kuzco opened Alexandria's door for her, politely. "So….you wanna go out tomorrow to celebrate? I can take you to that bakery and prove for once and for all that bread doesn't grow on trees."

Alexandria rolled her eyes. "Honey, I've never heard anything as ridiculous as your story that bread is made from ground wheat. I'll come along, though."

"Okay. See you tomorrow."

"Good night, Kuzco."

It wasn't until Kuzco was tucked into his bed and falling asleep that he realized she'd finally called him by his actual name.

Update upcoming soon- I'm on break and back on the story. REVIEW!!! PLEASE!!!