Disclaimer: Previous ones apply. Lovely

Rating: Same

Nothing says "I'm married," like having a pair of cold feet hit you in the side first thing in the morning.

And, by now? Kuzco was pretty used to it- Alexandria's feet were very cold.

Kuzco moved slightly, then tried to sit up. Alexandria was curled up beside him, her head resting on his chest, her eyes closed tightly. There was a gentle half-smile on her face, and despite the feet, the rest of her felt warm, encased in silk. He sighed and looked up, then touched her cheek with a finger. There were matters of state to attend to, and the sun was high in the sky. He had to get up, comfortable as he was right now…

He rolled over on his side and surveyed the other half of the bed. Alexandria was now completely invisible, except for a tuft of dark hair sticking out from underneath their heavy damask blankets. "Alexandria?"

She didn't move.

Grumbling, Kuzo reached for the robe on the floor to his right, picking it up and shaking it out before yanking it on and vacating the warmth of their bed. Much as he wanted to sleep in, he had his duties. He glanced over at his sleeping wife. Sharing sleeping space with someone was definitely still weird…it had its benefits, though.

Kuzco squinted, inhaling the heady scent of the Egyptian incense that Alexandria always kept burning in her chambers. His own mega-awesome "bach pad," was all but deserted now- and he was actually considering closing it up, for obvious reasons…he glanced at the slender shape still under the blankets, and swallowed, in spite of himself. The tender feeling he had when he regarded her now was still so new to him…

He shook off the thought. Way to be a sap, Kuzco. "Alexandria!" he called. "Up and at 'em."

Nothing. Not even a groan.

Rolling his eyes, Kuzco approached the bed, pulling his robe close around him. In their past few weeks of marriage, he had learned much about his wife- including the fact that she was harder to wake than a corpse. Once, he'd actually brought a llama into the room and made it bray loudly. That had done the trick, much to his amusement- but he'd found a little…surprise from the llama underneath his throne the next day, courtesy of Alexandra.

Yeah, married life was swell.

He turned and looked for the pull cord used to signal the servants. Maybe Helena will have more luck with her.

"Honey?"

Hearing Alexandria's familiar high, slightly nasal tone, Kuzco turned in surprise. She was sitting up in bed, her thick, dark hair tumbling down on her bare shoulders. Her eyes looked hooded but alert.

"You're awake," Kuzco said in amazement.

She made a sound that was halfway between a grunt and a sigh.

"You're getting better at this, you know," Kuzco said, deadpan, leaning on the bedpost. "I mean, getting up in the morning and all…what a weird concept."

"Oh, shut up, honey." She pulled her blankets up to cover her bare skin, then squinted into the dim early-morning light of the room. "What time is it?"

"Time for you to get a sundial," Kuzco quipped. "And we have an audience with-"

"The people. I know." Alexandria rolled her eyes. "Whining pheasants again, probably. Honestly, Kuzco-"

"Goodbye, Alexandria…I'm ringing Helena on the way out." Now that Kuzco was in his wife's chambers more often than not, the servants only came when called. "I'm going to go and hustle up some grub."

Alexandria rolled out of bed, wrapping the coverlet modestly around her before standing up. "Honey?"

"Yes?"

"Give me a kiss before you go."

Oh. He grinned, a little crookedly, and complied.

After a moment, she pushed him away impatiently. "Honey, I said kiss, not touch- your hands aren't clean!"

"Alexandria?"

"Yes, honey?"

"I washed them, okay? Shut up and come here."

"All right."

Somewhere, elsewhere, a woman was preening before a mirror in the woods (not that it was doing any good.) She walked sedately in front of it, throwing an imaginary train over her shoulder, bowing and waving to an imaginary populace. "I will soon rule…"

She was interrupted by the arrival of a short, fat little manve. She glared at him. "Can't you knock?"

He stared at her. "This is the woods, Lady Yzma."

She took in her breath with a hiss. I won't be here for long…"is everything prepared?" she asked, snippily. "I never really had faith in you, Kuta. You always seemed far too loyal to Kuzco."

The wrinkles in Kuta's face settled into a map of creases when he smiled. "And you underestimated me, you old hag," he said.

Her eyebrows went up, but he continued to speak, ignoring her gaping mouth. "The army is ready," he said coolly, "and disguised ad peasants who want to see the Emperor. When the doors open for his public audience, they will storm the castle, killing both him and his bride, then the staff. We will lead the army from the rear, and take the thrones as soon as possible."

Yzma just eyed him for a moment. "And to think, I put up with that imbecile Kronk when you were in the palace the entire time," she muttered reflexively.

Kuta smiled. "Genius is always easily hidden- especially when your Emperor's a fool." He paused. "Ready your army, Yzma. Today is our day." My day. All I need is your army, foolish woman. For when I win...I will finish you as well.

After a very late breakfast, Kuzco and Alexandria headed for their throne room.. Kuzco was thinking hard, for once. He wanted to plan something for Alexandria and himself- a trip away, maybe. They really had never taken a formal royal wedding trip…and now he wanted one.

Alexandria was wary when she first heard the idea. "Honey…we have to go outside to do that."

"Um, yeah."

"Outside, honey. There are insects outside. And the sun. And fresh air." She studied her nails, then took out her ever-present file and began to buff them. "No can do."

Unbelievable. Kuzco was about to open his mouth when Kuta appeared, looking his usual self- a little soft, a little eager to please. "Your Highnesses!" he said, startling both of them. He was smiling widely. "I cannot tell you how it thrills me to see the two of you in such a felicitous state of marriage, and-"

"Honey, tone down the smile. Those teeth…" shaking her head, Alexandria patted his arm and moved forward to where the servants would lift her up. "I can recommend somebody."

Kuta toned down his smile a fraction and turned to Kuzco. "Long live the Emperor," he fawned.

"Thanks, Kuta," Kuzco said, nodding. The old servant had been in his stead so long…

Alexandria had the same thought, apparently. "He's nice, for a member of the lower class," she said, nodding. "You should reward him somewhat. Give him weekends off or something."

"Alexandria?"

"Yes, honey?"

"All servants already have a couple days to themselves a week."

Alexandria's mouth dropped open, and Kuzco patted her on the back and shook his head. "It'll be okay." He headed up to his throne.

Alexandria followed him to her own seat, still gaping in disbelief as she sat down and crossed her legs. "Honey, no wonder nothing gets done around here!"

Kuzco waved Kuta over. "Are we ready to begin?"

"Yes, your highness." Kuta bowed his way out of the throne room, and Kuzco turned to Alexandria. "Alexandria. Want to go over the throne room ground rules with me?"

Alexandria rolled her eyes. "No."

"Alexandria…"

"Oh, all right." Alexandria scowled and folded her slender legs underneath her in one graceful movement.

"Rule number one."

Looking bored, Alexandria signaled the servant standing behind them, who poured her a glass of wine. "No laughing when people say their problems," she answered, mimicking his serious tone. "Chances are, they aren't lying, joking or telling you a funny story."

"Very good. Second?"

"Do not laugh at ugly peasants."

"Third?

"Do not throw tomatoes at ugly peasants."

"Fourth."

"Do not make fun of Kuta. It's not his fault he's fat, or short, or a servant." (Kuta's face had twitched slightly at this one.)

"Fifth?"

"Servants are almost people, too."

"Sixth and final."

"Vodka does not a ruler make."

Kuzco nodded, approvingly. "I think she's got it," he confided to a server.

The man nodded. "She's got it!"

"By God, she's got it!"

As Kuzco and the server exchanged high-fives, Alexandria rolled her eyes and swung her feet up. "Here comes that short, fat servant of yours that I'm not allowed to laugh at anymore, honey."

Kuzco sat up. Sure enough, Kuta was bowing his way into the throne room. "My right-hand man," he greeted him.

Kuta smiled, barely hiding the predatory flash in his eyes. "My lord!"

"Trot in the populace."

He nodded and gestured towards the door, wiping beads of sweat from his forehead with a handkerchief soaked in scented water. My time has come…

After struggling with his wife over their shared bowl of grapes, Kuzco glanced at him. He's sweating like a stuck pig…ye gods, you'd think he was used to this by now.

The first man walked in, looking apprehensive- and walking very clumsily, since he had a short spear concealed under his robe. He just stood there for a moment, staring at the two rulers.

Kuzco waited for a beat before raising n eyebrow- and a glance at Alexandria showed that she was doing the same thing. "Can I…help you?"

He glanced down. "Sire, I…"

"Much as I would like to see you stand in front of me and stutter," Kuzco said, "I have work to do- and I assume you do, too."

The man leaned over as if to bow, and Kuzco chose that instant to lean over and select a grape from his bowl of fruit. In an instant, he felt something whistle by his ear- and looked up. The spear was sticking out of the back of the throne, where his head had been a second ago. He blinked, then looked at the "peasant," who gave him a sheepish grin. Alexandria was still working on her nails.

"My Lord the Emperor-" he began.

Just then, Kuta burst in through the doors. "Attack!"

Before Kuzco even had a chance to fathom what was going on, the air was suddenly full of flying arrows and spears. Kuzco ducked behind his throne. "Alexandria!" he yelled.

Oh, crap. Not again.

Then, suddenly, she was beside him, under his arm, very quiet. "I'm here, honey- what's going on?"

"I don't know…" Kuzco heard voices and knew that they were closing in. "We're going to have to jump. Jump down and run. We're under attack."

"Excuse me?"

"Jump!"

Alexandria jumped.

Kuzco started, then dove after her, hugging the pillars that supported his throne and sliding down. Alexandria was already on the ground, staring at her side. Kuzco's throat closed when he saw an…arrow shaft. He swallowed. Was she hit? "Alexandria-"

Wordlessly, she pulled it out and stared at it. The arrow had penetrated the thin muslin of her gown, but somehow missed her. When she spoke, her voice was shaky. "Honey-"

"Alexandria…" Kuzco's voice was trembling as well, and he struggled to steady it. He tilted his head, listening to the battle around him- his guards were intervening, now. "Alexandria, there isn't much time. We have to get out of here." He felt a cool, alien-like presence taking over his body, talking calmly, giving orders as if he was under attack in his own palace every day. Well actually…it sort of does happen a lot. "I know a way out-" they leaned against the wall as another slew of arrows went by- "but you have to trust me…okay?"

She nodded; her answer was to slide her hand in his.

Kuzco glanced around the corner, heart pounding. I wonder what…and was that Kuta I saw, leading the pack? What is it with me and bad advisors, anyway? He briefly wondered about Kronk and Anya, but shook off the thought. They're on their own- that is, if they weren't in on this. It's not like Kronk can't be easily persuaded. He took a deep breath. It's on you now, Kuzco. You can do this.

He glanced out. Now's as good a time as any.Flying arrows, flying spears (was that a piece of fruit?) and yup- more flying arrows"Let's go!"

"Honey?"

"What?" Kuzco answered, a little irritably. "I'm kind of trying to save our lives here, Alexandria."

"We could use the trapdoor under your throne."

"What trapdoor?"

"The cleverly contrived one that the author put merely for this purpose underneath your throne."

"Alexandria," Kuzco said, and his voice was patient. "I have lived in this palace since birth. I know every square inch of this throne room. I spy on my guards in this place. And may I assure you-"

he ducked an arrow- "that there is no trap door under my throne, nor anywhere else in this. And furthermore, this is really not the time for your hallucinat-"

"Bye, honey!" He saw Alexandria's head suddenly disappear…through the floor. Through an open…trap door.

"How did you-!" he sputtered. "Who- it's impossible-"

Finally, he shrugged. Whatever. It works. He leaped through the open door after her, closing his eyes tight.