Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor will I ever. Even if you did decide to sue me, I'm not so sure you'd enjoy the few bucks I may have in my wallet
AN: This is my first attempt at any sort of fan fiction, so please leave reviews. Especially constructive criticism. That would be very helpful indeed. On with the story!
Puberty? Since When?
It was a cool day, the birds were chirping and singing their old songs and the trees were swaying in tune with the slight breeze. It was a nice day for everyone...except Naruto. These past months were not too great for him. He was rejected by Sakura again, not surprisingly, but it was something else that made this day worse for him, something concerning, not his team or the villagers, but himself.
His body has recently been acting strangely, and he had no idea why. So he asked Sakura if she had been feeling weird too, which she had replied with a straightforward no and left to chase Sasuke around a bit more. So he turned and asked Kakashi about it, who was sitting on a tree branch and reading the book that made him a pervert, which he had replied with a shrug and a smile, which Naruto thought was just because of the books pervertedness.
So he came to his last choice; Sasuke. He yelled out his name, not without annoying him in the process, and he replied with a grunt and a turned back. Naruto, being ever so blunt and stupid, shouted out to Sasuke not to disrespect a soon to be hokage and threw a kunai at his unprotected back, which led to a fight between the two, ending with a punch to the face and a kick to the groin. Then Sakura, being the faithful fan girl she is, came and punched Naruto into the ground and berated him for hurting Sasuke.
All that didn't even come close to what happened to him later that evening while they were rescuing some women's bunnies. While they had a lunch break, they had about half of the bunnies to go and Naruto was complaining about the women and why she would have fifty bunnies, when Sasuke suddenly put his hand on one of Sakura's breasts. To say this surprised her is an understatement. She immediately fainted with a content sigh, and Sasuke pulled back his hand and held it as if it was being controlled by a monster.
Naruto went over to Sakura and and started to give her CPR, which she thought was being given by Sasuke, and she kissed him back. That started a full fledged make out, Sakura moaning softly in Naruto's mouth and Naruto adding tongue and tucking his hands into her hair. This was probably Naruto's best moment of his life, until Sakura finally opened her eyes and saw what Naruto was doing, or what she was doing to Naruto, and reacted with a not so pleasant response. Lets just say Naruto had to get severe treatment to his body and couldn't walk for a month. To top it off, Sakura was avoiding him at all costs, Sasuke was laughing at Naruto whenever he saw him, and Kakashi was asking him where he got such great kissing skills.
Then his original body problems started to kick in. Whenever a nurse came in, he felt something pushing against his pants, and he started to undress that women in his mind. He knew he needed to ask Jiraiya about this, he would probably know what to do. Which is where we find our problem ridden hero right now, at Jiraiya's little hut deep in the forest.
"Yo, Ero-Sennin, open the door! It's Naruto."
"Yeah, what do you want, brat? I'm kind of busy." Replied an annoyed Jiraiya from inside the shack.
"Let me in and I'll tell you, it's urgent!" Naruto replied back with equal annoyance. There was a small conversation that conspired that seemed to consist of Jiraiya and a few female voices, and then the door opened to reveal a half naked Jiraiya, who seemed a bit out of breath from activities Naruto would never understand at his age. Ero-Sennin then preceded to push Naruto out of the way, close the door, pull Naruto up to his height and whisper in a menacing voice,
"This better be good brat, or you'll never move for the rest of your life."
"It is, I swear! Just let me go!" Replied Naruto with fear laced quite clearly in his voice. He had never seen Jiraiya so pissed off before, and with such an intimidating stare you can't blame him for squirming a bit, even if he is the over confident Naruto.
"Listen, I need your opinion on a very important matter." Naruto stopped with a cautious glance at Jiraiya to make sure his legs weren't really going to be rendered useless to him any time soon. He cleared his throat and started again,
"I need your thoughts on a problem that seems to appear whenever I see a girl that looks...well...is good looking. The thing between my legs gets-"
"Whoa whoa whoa, stop right there kid. Now I'm pretty sure I know what you're getting at here. You feel...how can I say this...almost fluttery inside? Like your heart is pounding or whatever those love experts call it?" Jiraiya cut off Naruto with a look of laughter on his face at the obliviousness of his pupil.
"Um, no, not really. Well, when I see Sakura I kind of feel that way, but not when I see anyone else. It feels more like my...what did they call that thing in the academy...oh right! My penis starts-"
"Okay, again kid, just stop. You seriously need to learn how to speak with another human being about such personal matters. What your going through is most likely puberty."
"Puberty? Whats that?" Naruto replied with childish innocence.
"It's when your hormones start to develop and you grow hair on places I'd rather not speak about to you, and you start to feel...hard down there. Now, your a young mind kid, so I'd rather nurture you until I can really reveal the ways of a man, but as it has already started to effect you, I may as well give you the talk. Now, when a boy like you goes through puberty, your penis starts to-"
"Ah crap, I need to ask Tsunade about the potential mission that involves Sasuke. Speak to you later, Ero-Sennin!" Naruto cut off curtly, already running atop the trees to the general direction of the hokage tower.
"Huh? What, hey! Get back here you little runt! I wasn't done talking!"
Naruto only replied a hand above his head as he dissapeared under the tree line.
"Damn kids these days. No respect for their elders." Jiraiya grumbled with disappointment that he wasn't able to bring Naruto closer to the ways of the pervert.
"Oh well, that just means more time with the ladies."
Naruto arrived before the hokage's room, and was currently yelling at the anbu guards to let him in or he'd swear that when he became hokage, they would be demoted to scratching his back and fetching him food and water whenever he desired.
Tsunade was in the room trying to get some sleep when she heard a loud bang and a yell that sounded like a voice she knew all to well.
"Why is Naruto here so late? Damn brat doesn't know any manners, making loud noises at this time of day. When I see him I swear I'll punch his nose in." Tsunade mumbled as she looked up from her desk and glared at the door that leads out of the room into the hallway, where Naruto was supposedly causing the lound noises. She got up and sleepily walked towards the door (not before putting a sake bottle on her desk, as she knew she would need it soon), opening it with a quick turn of her wrist.
The door opened, and Tsunade peeked through, looked down, and what she saw would scar her for the rest of her life. She had found a bunch of Narutos pinning down naked anbu, with their clothes lying on a heap near the door, the anbu yelling at the blonde that he's a crazy bastard and to give them back their clothes, and all the Narutos laughing maniacally at their queer little victory.
She then preceded to kick Naruto's ass through the wall, yelling after him that if she ever saw him causing a ruckus like that again, that she would beat the sorry excuse for a life out of him and make sure his body is dumped in a garbage bin next to the cliff showing the hokages faces.
Naruto made sure to keep far away from Tsunade after that.
AN: I know this chapter isn't very long, so bear with me. Im kind of a lazy guy, so don't expect fast updates. Remember to leave a review! If you don't, I'll just feel like I'm writing to myself, and we all know that that's no fun. Also, dont fear, I might drone away from the main storyline sometimes because, well, thats just what I always seem to do, but I will try to get back on track whenever that may happen.