Wilson was reading one of the many novels he had little time for normally. Partly it was because he now had unexpected time on his hands and little to fill it, but partly it was because he had to keep his mind focused on something else besides what was happening to him. In truth, he had not truly absorbed the terrible reality of his situation.
The sound of his door opening brought Wilson out of his book and back to reality. House walked into the room, unusually quietly, and his eyes found Wilson's. Tossing his book onto his bedside table forcefully, the bitterness flooding Wilson found its way into his voice.
"Glad you could make it," he said acidly.
Slowly House made his way to seat himself beside Wilson, but did not say anything.
"I assume you heard," Wilson went on, looking at his friend questioningly.
House nodded, trying to avoid his friend's eyes, but gradually the piercing blue found the deep brown. Those normally warm eyes, House noticed, were harder now, shadowed by some unreadable emotion.
"Are you going to say anything, because this is a good book and I'd just as soon get back to it," Wilson said, irritation plain in his voice.
"I-" House began, avoiding Wilson's eyes again, "I'm sorry." The words were spoken so softly Wilson hardly heard him. He did, however, hear the words but could hardly believe it.
"I must be hallucinating, did you just apologize to me?" Wilson said.
"Look for once I'm trying to be serious would you please let me?" House said, his usual petulant manner evident once again. Wilson, however, simply nodded.
Pausing for a moment to gather his thoughts, House spoke quietly but firmly.
"I made sure the lab let me know right away once your test results came back. I must have read thousands of lab reports since I became a doctor but none of them were like this one."
"You've seen cancer diagnoses before," Wilson said.
"This was different," House said, his voice rising.
"Why?" Wilson said, his voice challenging.
"You know why," House said, now looking back at Wilson once more.
"Hey, you wanted to talk, so talk," Wilson said, opening his hands as if to invite the conversation.
"It was different because it was you, damn it," House said, now rising in agitation.
Wilson said nothing, but watched his friend's back silently. This was a turning point for House, Wilson knew, and it would be a huge mistake to interrupt it now. House continued, staring at the wall opposite him.
"I'd never seen your name on one of those damn blue lab slips before and I never expected to see a cancer diagnosis next to it." House paused, looking up at the ceiling for a moment.
"It scared the crap out of me," he said softly.
"I think I know the feeling," Wilson said quietly.
"So I went home," House said simply. When he did not continue, Wilson spoke into the silence.
"And celebrated with your friends hydrocodone and Jack Daniels, no doubt."
House said nothing, but there was no need, both men knew the truth of Wilson's words.
"Look I, um, want to ask you something," Wilson said.
"Okay," House said, turning back and seating himself next to Wilson once again.
Wilson found his friend's eyes before he spoke; there was no room for evasion now.
"Can I count on you?"
House looked at Wilson, seemingly confused.
"What?"
"I know you're scared, and believe it or not, I know you care. It means a lot that you let me know that, after a fashion," he said, his lips curling into an ironic smile for a moment. Quickly he sobered, however.
"But House, this is happening to me. This is big, and it's bad, and I have to deal with it somehow. I can't worry that you're going to fall apart or OD again and have any fight left. So if you want to be in this, I need to know you can really be in it. If you can't, then I need to do this thing on my own."
House looked at his best friend for several long moments. House had not known what Wilson's reaction would be but he had not expected this. He was giving House a choice even if it meant losing support when he needed it most. Once again, he was looking out for House's best interests. Finally, completely, House made his decision.
"I'm in," he said, nodding.
"Good," Wilson said, nodding back, still looking into the blue eyes. As usual, they were looking at Wilson with the focus that made him so renowned as a doctor, but which Wilson knew could also uncover everything about him, no matter how much he might want it kept secret.
The familiarity of those eyes seemed to chip at the defenses Wilson had built within his mind. The weight of everything Wilson had learned, of what was before him, of his own mortality seemed to press upon him suddenly. Tears stung his eyes, and Wilson fought to keep them at bay, and now he was avoiding House's gaze. House was not exactly capable with the tears of others.
"Would you mind grabbing me some real, you know, non-hospital coffee?" Wilson asked, hoping that he could get at least a few minutes alone.
"What?" House said incredulously, "we're having the talk and you want me to make a Starbuck's run?" House had not noticed the change in Wilson yet.
"Damn it," Wilson said, his voice finally breaking, the tears finally falling.
House was caught completely off-guard. It seemed as if Wilson had been dealing with his situation with his usual strength and good humor. In actuality he had not been dealing with it at all and House was witnessing the aftermath. House watched as Wilson's face fell forward and he buried his face in his hands, his shoulders shaking slightly with his sobs.
House said nothing, but placed his hand on Wilson's shoulder. It was true that House was generally ill-equipped to deal with difficult emotion, but he was also extremely loyal to those he counted as true friends. It allowed him to access the compassion he had, but which he would normally ignore.
For several long minutes the two men sat, House allowing Wilson to vent the pain he had not allowed himself to until now. Finally Wilson spoke, wiping the last stray tears from his eyes.
"I'm sorry-" Wilson began, but House cut him off.
"Don't," House said vehemently, "don't do that. You don't have to be Super Doc right now. Damn, have you even let yourself deal with this thing before now?"
"Probably not," Wilson said, shaking his head and taking a steadying breath. "I…I'm scared, House. I've never been so scared before. I feel like there's this timetable to my life now. Like I should start counting down the months I have left."
"It's way too early for that, and you know it."
"I know, I mean the oncologist in me knows, but the other part can't stop thinking about all the things I haven't done yet. I've just started seeing Amber and-" Wilson trailed off, but he looked into House's eyes.
"House…I'm not even forty yet. I'm not ready-"
"I don't want to hear you say it," House said, his own fear now making its way into his voice. "You are going to fight this and you will come though it just fine."
Wilson smiled weakly.
"Maybe you're right, but you know as well as I do that that's an if. A huge if."
"Not if I have anything to do with it," House said with a bravado that he did not really feel.
"I forgot," Wilson said sardonically, "House the Almighty. Bad things happen, you've seen it over and over, so have I. We've seen kids lose parents, husbands lose wives, and it's never fair. What makes me so special?"
House said nothing. Wilson was never one to run from reality, and the truth was House couldn't deny what Wilson had said. It made the comforting friend role much more difficult, however, when the friend to be comforted was as wise as Wilson.
"You're right," House said finally, "people die, and sometimes despite everything we do. All I know is that you will fight this thing."
Wilson sighed.
"Yeah." Wilson said quietly.
"And," House said, "I also know that I'll help however I can."
Wilson looked at House. He knew that what House was really saying was that he wouldn't leave again. Wilson smiled. He wasn't alone in his fight and, no matter what happened, he finally knew that he had an ally.
A/N: OK, so my biggest fear is that I'm softening House too far, too fast, so if I am I'd like to know. I do love these two together, though, so I tend to sink my teeth into these scenes... : )