I am terribly sorry about this extremely late update. And a big thank you to all those who have stuck around waiting for it, I really appreciate it. Expect more quicker updates because I am on holidays!
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, locations, etc. of Final Fantasy VIII; they belong only to their rightful owner, and it is not me.
Laguna again, it's always about Laguna. I hate him. I resent him for everything that he's put me through. I resent him because Rinoa is seeing me like this… Damn him.
Squall sat on his bed, his back against the wall, legs drawn up to his body. He folded his arms across his bent knees and rested his head, hoping it could in some way drown out reality. So he wouldn't go insane.
So he wouldn't lose her.
The knock at the door startled him. He wasn't expecting anyone to see him at the moment. In the cafeteria, he had displayed a fury that no one had seen before. It was a dangerous emotion, not to be taken lightly. Yet who was at the door, asking for a possible death wish? Who would possibly want to risk their life to see him?
"Squall," spoke a female voice, muffled behind the door.
Of course, Rinoa would.
After drawing himself together the best he could, he headed to the door and opened it. Blue eyes met brown. Frown met timid smile. A man in pieces met a woman who held herself together in order to help him. And he let her in.
He wasn't angry anymore. His feelings had settled to something more of a depressed and miserable nature. Too weary to feel the rage he felt when he had stormed out on his friends. Really, he was sorry for his behaviour. Sorry that she had to see him like this, when they were meant to be taking romantic walks and having candlelit dinners. Perhaps that was exaggerating, he thought. However he knew that he wasn't meant to be torturing her like this with his own problems.
Yet she smiles as if everything is okay.
It wasn't until he realised that the room was silent, that he discovered his hand was still on the doorknob. Rinoa had already entered and was waiting for him. Wearily, he closed and locked it before turning to join her.
He stood in front of her, gazing down at her. She was close enough so that he could reach out to her and hold her in his arms; but he didn't move. He was afraid.
Maybe she came here to say goodbye, to say, "I'm sorry, Squall. You're just too fucked up in the head for me. I'd prefer someone that didn't cry over mummy-daddy problems like a baby. I need someone who isn't burdened with guilt or anything like that…"
She attempted a small smile, "Hey," her voice soft, "Are you okay?" her eyes showed a kindness matching her words.
He nodded, not sure what he was meant to say.
Then she will say, "I came to pity you… so you'll think that someone actually cares for you when in fact no one does."
"I came to keep you company," she tried to explain, "I'm worried about you."
He responded with another nod, his eyes were downcast and his body slumped unhappily. He felt like one horrible mess and it was even worse because Rinoa was the one that came to clean him up.
And then next, she will tell me, "Actually, I'm really sick of the way you keep overreacting to these situations. Grow up, will you? I can't always be there to pick you up when you feel like crap. You're all alone."
Slowly she crept towards him and placed her hand on his cheek, which surprised him momentarily. She wanted to make his pain go away. It was tormenting to see the one she admired suffer, "Tell me what's on your mind. Tell me what I should do to help you."
He closed his eyes, enjoying the feel of her hand. His pessimistic thoughts were collecting again but he ignored them the best he could. Truly he knew that she hadn't come here to leave. She was fulfilling the very thing he wanted…
Just stay close to me.
Squall withdrew her hand and held it in his own. His mind was swimming with too many thoughts that he could no longer hold on to; too many incoherent thoughts to interpret. He focused on the person in front of him, his girlfriend. Gently he copied the move that she had made earlier on his cheek. She sighed and closed her eyes, her head slightly tilting into his palm.
"…You're not my girlfriend," he told her, "It's an insult to call you that. After everything that's happened… you're far more than just a girlfriend."
Her eyes opened and she stared at him in silence, in awe of his sweet words. She wondered where the sudden confession had come from, but figured that he must have been thinking about it for a while. But all thoughts were erased as she saw the way he moistened his lips and moved towards her own. Immediately, her eyes closed and her heart fluttered with anticipation.
When their lips met, Squall felt as if everything was right in the world. Nothing mattered anymore except that he was with who he wanted to be with. He was with her, kissing her. It was a simple kiss, with no groping or fancy moves that he had heard a certain friend boast about. Simple, yet bursting with all the emotions that he associated with her.
"Rinoa," he whispered, resting his forehead on hers after the kiss ended, "…I think I'm falling in love with you."
Squall returned shortly to the cafeteria after Rinoa confronted him in his dormitory. His friends, especially Selphie, looked apprehensive as he approached the table he previously abandoned. Rinoa was at his side, holding onto his hand and she nodded secretly at everybody to point out that the crisis had been averted. Everyone seemed to let out a breath they had been holding since the commander had left.
As he sat, Selphie lifted her head and was the first to speak, "I'm sorry, Squall. I didn't know. I didn't think something like this would happen while Irvine and I were away. I didn't mean to upset you."
He shook his head and replied, "No, you didn't know. Don't apologise." Then he tried to give a reassuring smile which he figured looked fake but he didn't want his comrades to think that his unhappiness was their fault.
They did see that his smile was forced but decided to let it go. There was no point in probing into his personal life; he had already been through enough.
After breakfast, Squall found himself at his office, ready to commence another day of boring paperwork. Once again, Cid was nowhere to be found, possibly wiped off the face of the planet. It was this fact which irritated the commander to no end as he slumped in his desk chair, grumbling at the mass pile of documents. He believed that all the work given to him wasn't solely his; some of Cid's work was bound to be in his heap too.
He settled in for the next three hours with a single folder and was then interrupted by desperate poundings on his door. Zell rushed in without bothering to wait for an answer. Unfortunately, he looked more agitated than usual, "Squall! You gotta come quickly to the Training Centre. We got three T-Rexaurs running around and they're totally out of control. Quistis can't handle them by herself!"
Without hesitation, he grabbed for his gunblade and sprinted to the elevator, Zell following right behind him. The elevator felt as if it was going slower than usual as it travelled to the bottom floor. When the doors slid open, Seifer stood in front of them with a smirk across his face.
"What's with the look, Chicken…" he wasn't able to finish his insult because the two men darted past him without acknowledgement.
However, Squall yelled as he ran off, "If you've got your gunblade on you, get yourself to the Training Centre now!"
He hesitated, for no one was meant to order the Great Seifer, but he eventually got over it and drew out his weapon, following the pair to the urgent situation.
"Quistis!" cried Zell, upon discovering the instructor had been knocked out cold by the ferocious monsters.
Xu was also there, attempting to shield the terrified junior classmen from the T-Rexaurs. However she looked exhausted and was likely to be seriously injured from fending off the beasts.
The commander readied himself and ran directly into battle, not caring about the consequences. He began by blasting all three monsters with Blizzaga spells in order to draw then away from the children. It worked, but he became their primary target; if not, lunch. They angrily charged towards him, salivating mouths wide open, ready to attack and Squall kept them away for a moment while he waited for backup.
Quistis was thrown a Phoenix Down by Seifer and then Xu assisted everyone in getting out of the area. Meanwhile, the three men battled on, finally killing the T-Rexaurs and thus ensuring the safety of all cadets and injured instructors.
Zell ushered everybody out of the Training Centre, excluding the SeeDs and Seifer. Squall hid a wince of pain as best he could. He knew he was bleeding but he knew he had to stay strong for everyone else, "Is everyone all right?" he questioned.
Xu helped a pale Quistis to his feet. Seifer, who was right beside them, also lent them a hand. "We're fine, thank you so much," said Xu.
"What the hell happened here?" asked Seifer as the group trudged slowly towards the infirmary.
"They all just appeared at once…" the blonde instructor replied meekly, "They were more worked up than usual. I don't understand why…"
The commander waved his hand, signalling for her not to continue, "Rest first, Quis. We'll find out what happened when you've fully recovered."
Rinoa paced back and forth in the hallway leading to her boyfriend's room. She had heard what had happened and supposed that Squall was mostly likely to go back to his room rather than drop into the Infirmary for his injuries. The appearance of him walking towards her confirmed her prediction.
She immediately dashed to his side, "Squall, are you hurt? I knew you'd come here. Why didn't you just go to the Infirmary?"
"I'm fine," he gave a meek smile and went to open his door.
"No, you're bleeding," she pointed out, "That is not fine." She saw his torn white T-shirt and cuts where the T-Rexaur had clawed at him.
Once they entered the room, Rinoa instantly got the first-aid kit and ordered him to sit on the bed. He took off his black jacket and she rolled up the bottom of his T-shirt so that she could see the wound better. Luckily it wasn't too deep so she easily cleaned his wound and bandaged it.
Squall attempted to look away and ignore the sensations he felt as her fingertips ran over his skin. This wasn't the first time he felt this way when she was with him. He shook his head and closed his eyes. "Stupid Irvine…" he mentally cursed the sharpshooter for his dirty jokes. But her presence was all too much and he caught himself staring at her. Once she was done, she glanced up with a smile and a curious "hmm?"
"Thank you," he kissed her forehead and smiled back.
There were some things he'd rather her not know just yet.
Squall never contacts Laguna as the months pass. But he spends more time with Rinoa and feels himself changing once more. But what happens when he gets an unexpected visit from the last person he wants to see? Find out in the next chapter of Learning to Live: "Unexpected."