Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, locations, etc. of Final Fantasy VIII; they belong only to their rightful owner, and it is not me.
Squall settled down for the night and tightly wrapped his blanket around him. He could still sense his girlfriend's warmth and scent just from closing his eyes and inhaling deeply. It was soothing; much like what he imagined the presence of a mother would bring – warmth and security.
He closed his eyes again, "As if I know what it feels like..." he scoffed inwardly.
Thinking the rest of his thoughts were about to dissolve away once he retired for sleep, it startled him when his mind started spontaneously forming images; without his intention.
"Raine... Are you gonna marry Uncle Laguna?"
"A guy like that? He was carried in here crying like a baby, and I was the one who had to take care of him... His crude way of speaking... I don't know if his aspirations as a journalist... Every time I try to have a serious conversation, he avoids it... I can't stand his snoring and he talks in his sleep..."
"...Yoo don't like him?"
"...I feel the same way as you, Ellone."
Squall sat up on his bed and rubbed his forehead, hoping it would somehow erase the images. Ellone's power to send him back in time allowed him to recall, albeit unwillingly, what he experienced in those episodes. He had had such a wonderful night with Rinoa that he didn't want something like this to ruin the rest of it. He questioned why the past kept creeping behind him every time he found a new form of happiness with his love and friends. It was almost as if the shadowy past was crawling around somewhere in the recesses of his mind and waiting for the opportune moment to pounce onto his vulnerable state.
That's why he had to make himself invincible to the heart-moving presences of other people. If he could surround himself with a wall of coldness, then perhaps people would be unable to reach him and make him feel weak. Then the past would stop trying to catch up with him and make his world darker.
Suddenly he felt a painful, but familiar, sensation course throughout his body. There was the ringing in his ears and the feeling of wanting to collapse into a deep sleep. With the last of his waking strength, he called out to Ellone; before plunging into darkness.
The commander found himself lying on the floor of Laguna's house in Winhill. It was obvious that he was back in the past, given the walls and floors were clean and not as rundown as they were in the present day. He staggered to his feet using his hands as support, discovering that they looked rather transparent; as well as emitting a strange glow.
Something at the corner of the room caught his eye and he paced towards it. He closely examined the object on the table. It was a photo frame with a picture of Laguna and Raine. Laguna was dressed in a black suit while Raine wore a sophisticated, yet simple, white gown. Obviously, it was a wedding photo. And by the looks of it, it was pretty recent.
Slowly, he trudged up the stairs and entered the door at the end of the hallway, shielding his eyes from the light that flooded in from the windows. When his vision finally adjusted, he found Raine sitting by the window in a rocking chair, holding a young baby who beared much resemblance to the commander himself.
"...Mother?" he exclaimed in confusion.
Raine's eyes lightened and she turned her head in his direction, her eyes piercing directly into Squall's. He saw how her eyes were very similar to his. For a moment, he thought that she had heard his voice. However, after inspecting the rest of the room, she turned her attention back to the sleeping infant in her arms. There was no one else in the room with her; except for Squall – the baby and the young man she was unable to see.
"Ah, Squall," she softly cooed, "You're absolutely adorable. I hope your father comes back soon to see you. He'll be so happy." She ran her fingertips gently on the top of his head and stroked the small amount of hair there.
The present-day Squall slowly approached the mother and baby until he stood at her side. He peered down at the younger version of him and narrowed his eyes with sorrow. He glanced at the beaming woman, "So this is my mother," he mused, feeling a lone tear run down his cheek as he peered at the serene smile gracing her motherly features.
Being here, standing beside her made him realise all the things he had missed out on for the majority of his life. He had a mother who genuinely cared about him and loved him from the second he was born. It made him feel terribly regretful that all these precious moments were taken from him; everything was beyond his control.
"Squall Leonhart," Raine said softly, "I love you."
Without warning, the room was enveloped in darkness. As he turned to gaze at his mother one last time, he found that the darkness had already taken her away. But he heard the cry of the baby and his heart wrenched in misery. He was all alone, once more.
He woke up in a cold sweat, heart pounding rapidly and breaths quick and uneven. The dream, no the episode, had left him feeling slightly disoriented. He had just been with his mother, standing right next to her; so close that he could have reached to touch her, if he had been able to. However, to his dismay, the scene had dispersed just as quickly as it had formed.
Tiredly, he rested his elbows on his knees and clutched at his hair in frustration. The clock read 5AM. It was still too early to get up. But he knew that he wouldn't be able to fall back asleep any time soon.
"Sis must have been doing this..." the realisation dawned upon him, "I have to go find her."
He exited his room in search of the guest's quarters which weren't too far away. After finding her door in the semi-darkness, he knocked on it softly but loud enough for the occupant to hear it. Soon enough, the sound of shuffling footsteps could be heard and the door opened, revealing Ellone. Her tidy hair and wide eyes indicated that she definitely had not been asleep.
"Squall!" she cried in alarm, perhaps a bit too loudly. She lowered her voice, "You look like a mess! What's wrong? Come in, come in!"
When they finally settled down, the commander was the first to speak, "Why did you do that, sis?"
She pretended not to know, which was very much unlike her, "What do you-"
"Don't say you didn't do it," Squall muttered, almost like a threat, his eyes glaring at the carpet, "I know what it was." He hadn't realised until now that his teeth were gritted and his hands were balled into tight fists.
Ellone gently placed her hand on his shoulder and gave it a tight squeeze, "I'm sorry. I should have asked you first. It's my fault..."
"He put you up to it, didn't he?" his voice darkening at the thought of his so-called father scheming and using Ellone to get to him.
She gasped, "No! Squall, it's nothing like that. Uncle Laguna doesn't have anything to do with it. It was all me," she paused to what his reaction would be. When it seemed like he was waiting for her to continue, she did so, "I just wanted to help. Seeing you and him fighting like this upsets me. I thought that if I could show you what it was like, you would understand Uncle-"
"You sound like you're on his side," he interrupted in an accusatory manner, feeling a little angry at himself for putting Ellone in this situation. He knew her intentions were well. But anything that had to do with the president of Esthar never sat well with the likes of Squall.
Although he could not see, he could feel her eyes glaring at his sitting form; full of hurt, shock and frustration. She inhaled slowly and seemed to mentally count backwards from ten, "I'm not on anyone's side," she replied calmly, "I just don't like this."
His shoulders slumped, "...I'm sorry," he apologised, "I'm not angry at you... it's just..." his voice trailing off, unsure of how to put his emotions into words.
"I understand," she replied, "Here, I'll make us some tea and we can talk about it some more, all right?"
All Squall could do was nod in defeat.
"Thanks, sis," he said to her as they headed towards the door. They had spent the past hour or so talking about his mother. He had recalled what he witnessed in the episode while Ellone reminisced about the things Raine used to do for them. The talk had left him feeling slightly nostalgic and not as bitter as he initially was. He was beginning to admit that his mother might have been someone that genuinely and unconditionally loved him.
Ellone opened the door for him and stood in the doorway as he began to make his way back to his room, "Remember, if you ever need to talk to me again, just let me know."
Squall turned to nod at her but when he turned around, he found Rinoa standing nearby. For a split second, her eyes darted between her still-dishevelled boyfriend and his 'Sis' and her mind processed the scene before her, including the final words exchanged. Her face contorted to an expression of confusion but then her face broke into a smile as she greeted the two properly.
"Good morning, Squall! Good morning, Ellone!" she said cheerfully, despite her inner feelings contradicting her countenance.
Ellone smiled back, obviously unaware of the micro-expressions from the young sorceress, "Good morning, Rinoa. You're certainly up early."
She nodded vigorously in reply, "Yes, I came to find Squall but I couldn't find him in his room. I thought he had already went to work so I was about to search his office. But, it looks like I found him now. Running away from me now are you, Squall?"
Only the most experienced detectors would be able to perceive the slightest tinge of bitterness in her last sentence behind her broad smile. Unfortunately, that expert happened to be her boyfriend. He suddenly felt a feeling of dread upon him and realised that the situation probably looked slightly odd to her. After all, he decided, it was his fault, why couldn't he just confront Ellone a bit later in the day? Why couldn't he have just gone to his girlfriend's room if he was in such need for comfort? He began to regret his previous actions as he saw the smallest hint of pain in her eyes.
The couple waved goodbye to Ellone and headed back to the commander's room. Rinoa waited for her boyfriend to shower and get ready for the morning. She sat on his bed and gazed around the room uncomfortably. It wasn't so much the fact that he had spent the early hours of the morning in his Sis's room, it was the fact that he still could not open up to her. In a few months time, it would be their first year together as boyfriend and girlfriend. However, as the young sorceress tightened her grip on his bed sheets, she began to wonder just how much did she know about the orphan boy who lost his parents in the most tragic of circumstances. She pondered what she knew about Squall and what she didn't know about him; and found the latter far exceeded the former. It was saddening when she thought of it that way.
'What is it like to be Squall?' seemed to be the prominent question for her. She wasn't like the rest of the gang because she hadn't grown up in the orphanage with them. For a while, she had parents who looked after her when she was a child and a mother she could remember. But, what of Squall? He could barely remember either of his parents and he had spent most of his time alone, in his little shell.
But there was a similarity between them now. Both Caraway and Laguna were still alive, but their relations to their children were practically non-existent. The first because she broke free of the chains and joined the resistance. The second because he never knew his father existed, and he was still resentful of his 'abandonment'.
The bathroom door opened and Squall stepped out, rubbing his hair vigorously with a white towel. He eyed her carefully and contemplated whether or not to approach her about the whole 'spending the morning with Sis' issue. On the one hand, he didn't want her having second thoughts about his fidelity (he and Ellone were almost siblings, for Hyne's sake). On the other hand though, he didn't want to make it seem like a big deal. Perhaps, he thought optimistically, Rinoa didn't think there was anything strange going on and that to bring up the topic would only upset her; insinuating that she was as green as a ticked-off Caterchipiller.
And for some reason, blurting out something along the lines of, "Honey, I'm not sleeping with my sister," probably wouldn't be taken well with anyone, let alone the young woman. No, he finally concluded, best not to talk about it. It was cowardly, yes. But it would save the awkwardness, he rationalised. Confrontation was never his initiative. That was just how he was.
Breakfast was quiet as the gang sat in the cafeteria. It was clear that there was some tension in the air between the star couple. Squall ignored the oddity and when he was finally locked inside his office, he decided that since Rinoa didn't say a word to him, everything was perfectly fine; as if to soothe the dissonance he felt.
Little did he know that his judgements were hindering his relationship; or perhaps, he didn't want to believe there was any causal effect in his actions?
"Rin, is everything okay?" Quistis asked with concern during their lunch break. They were sitting in the cafeteria again in a corner, just the two of them. The instructor's maturity and insight made it possible for her to observe the slightest change in people's moods and emotions. And she had noticed it this morning at breakfast; the way the pair refused to look each other in the eye, and the sullen faces.
She paused shortly and then nodded in reply, "Yeah, everything is fine... but..."
The blonde knew the 'but' was an underlying request to elaborate on the subject, "But...?" she encouraged.
Rinoa didn't want to tell her the Ellone incident although she could trust her friend with her own life, "It's just," she hesitated, "Squall, he's..."
"What is Squall doing?"
The brunette chuckled sheepishly, "More like, what isn't he doing."
Quistis listened to her friend's concerns, primarily the fact that she was worried that her boyfriend was starting to shut her out again. 'Sure', the sorceress had reasoned, 'Squall will always be Squall. But even if he's opened up this much in the past few months, there's still a gap between us and it will become larger if this issue worsens'.
"I'm worried about you and Squall too, Rin," she replied afterwards, "I think the Laguna subject is eating away at him but he won't let anyone in on his pain. Except perhaps Ellone..."
Rinoa was astonished the mature woman had managed to throw Sis into the conversation even though there had been no mention of her.
"But you know, and this is my own opinion," Quistis continued, "As much as it's good that Squall has someone to rely on, I think you deserve some attention as well. If you're his girlfriend, he should share this with you too. Do you ever listen carefully to what he says?"
The younger woman thought for a moment, slightly bewildered, "...I'd like to think that I do."
Quistis smiled at the confused answer, "Of course you do, Rin," she reassured, "But you know, I've noticed other times, there's something more. Sometimes what he's trying to tell you isn't only the thing coming out of his mouth. Do you get what I mean?"
"Yes, I think so" Rinoa recalled the night of their dinner, how she realised she had been overlooking his inner feelings, "Yes, it makes sense. Thanks for your advice, Quisty. I will do my best."
The blonde nodded and smiled again, "Glad I could help. I hope it works out," she glanced at her watch, "But anyway, I have to get going now. I have a class."
"That's okay. I was planning to head with Selphie to Trabia. I'll see you later, have fun!"