A/N: I nearly scrapped this idea in the eagerness to get to the action, but it's a good way to pass some time so I can get to the wedding. It'll be a little bit, wedding'll happen...then POW! Action. Lots of it. And BTW, affiliates of the Doctor who would be concerned for his safety: Rose, Rory, Jackie, Howard, Mickey, Bob, Jack, UNIT, Torchwood ('Safety' is a bit debatable but they'd want him alive), Sarah-Jane, K9...who else? I was thinking MI6, in association with Harriet Jones perhaps. Is there anyone else present day Earth who would be concerned for him?

Yes, there is a point to that :P

Oh, I'd better say now, Torchwood is in this but there are no spoilers for it for the people who don't want 'em.

Chapter 7 – The Full Monty

"I've set two buttons on the TARDIS," the Doctor was saying, pushing so over hanging wires out of the way to point at a small red button, and a small green one set side by side. "This one…" – he pointed at the red one – "…will take you to the alien hospital, we did antenatal checks there, remember?"

Rose nodded as his hand moved over to the green button. "…This one'll bring you back home. They're totally reusable. Got it?"

She nodded again, affirmation. He smiled at her.

"Good. I'd better go check on Rory. It's 10:00am and he hasn't started running around screaming yet…"

Rose laughed, dropping into the Captain's chair and taking a 'Bride's Choice Monthly', absently flicking through.

"Rory, time to get up. It's ten already." The Doctor tapped cautiously on the door of the bedroom.

"I don't wanna get up," Rory's muffled voice replied. "I don't feel good."

"What's wrong?"

"My tummy hurts."

Paternal instincts suddenly made the Doctor alert to the child's discomfort, stepping through the bedroom door to see his son tucked up in bed, the Delorion still snoozing at his feet.

He walked forwards, taking a seat on the bed next to him and brushing back his hair fondly, resting the back of his hand on the boy's forehead.

"You're hot," the Doctor said worriedly, pulling back the covers to pick him up to take him to the Infirmary, throwing Bob off of the bed in the process. Bob barked, disgruntled, bounding out of the room as the Doctor picked up Rory in his arms and carried him out of the door to the Infirmary.

"Rose, he's got this rash on his chest now."

"Hmm?" Rose asked vaguely, flicking absently through a wedding catalogue, trying to decide what design would suit her best.

"He says it's itchy," the Doctor continued, well aware Rose was infact not paying any attention to him whatsoever, not out of not caring, but more out of just general unawareness.

"Hmm?" Rose flicked to the next page, determining the figure defining tight white dress would not be the best option whilst she was five months pregnant. Did they do maternity dresses? They might. She'd have to ask.

"I gave him some lotion, though."

"Hmm?" She flicked to the male section and scanned down the page, trying not to snigger at the thought of the Doctor in a lavender-blue suit with a frilly white shirt and red bow tie pledging his vows of love to her. She would just die laughing.

"I think he's starting to get some spots in the rash," he carried on, now just talking because he had nothing else to do. He leant to the controls of the TARDIS Console, flicking a few buttons to change the temperature. It was getting a little hot.

"Hmm?" Rory in a white suit and turquoise bow tie – geez, the pair of them would look like curtains…

And then the penny dropped as her brain took in what the Doctor had said – everything finally sliding into place.

"What?!" she gasped, launching onto her feet and flinging the catalogue on the captains chair in the place she was sitting only two seconds ago.

He looked up from the console, startled.

"Huh?"

"What did you say about Rory?!"

He stammered for the answer, suddenly nervous for no apparent reason. "I…he…he's got this itchy rash and I think spots are coming up."

She raised a hand, pointing towards the TARDIS doorway as she spoke in a low, frightening, extremely commanding voice:

"Get out."

He blinked, staring at her set face. She wasn't joking. "What?"

"GET, OUT," she repeated firmly, louder than before. He still didn't move.

"Rose?"

"GET OUT OF HERE!" she almost screamed, gesturing frantically with her pointing hand towards the TARDIS doors. "GET OUT! NOW!"

He was almost scared by this pregnant human woman, whom had seemed completely harmless barely thirty seconds minutes ago. He took a tentative step forward, reaching out with a hesitant hand towards her.

"Rose?!" he was more shocked than angry, jumping back a few paces as she screamed at him in fury:

"Don't touch me! Go, go now! GET OUT NOW!"

He turned, and fled.

He was shaking like a leaf as he reached up for the doorbell to Jackie's flat, his mind conflicting emotions in a blur of complete madness. Had Rose just left him? What the hell had he done wrong? Did she think he'd hurt Rory or something?

His hand had barely left the doorbell from its depression before the door suddenly flew open, a blur of a hand reaching out and grabbing his shirt before yanking him in – hard. Jackie was nattering on the phone, leading him roughly into the sitting room, apparently Mo had left. Oh Rassilon. She was going to give him a giant lecture on upsetting her daughter and a slap and he still didn't know what the hell he'd done wrong.

"Yep, he's here," Jackie was saying, pushing him forcedly into the middle of the room. "I dunno, I'll check." She looked up at him, eyes completely serious as she spoke her next words plainly and confidently to him:

"Doctor, strip."

He stared at her. "…What?!"

"Strip!" Jackie demanded more loudly, moving forward menacingly with her hand raised.

"Okay, okay!" he gasped, truly worried as he whipped off his jacket and tie, followed by his shirt – until he was standing half naked in the middle of Jackie Tyler's sitting room. Out of all the people to be raped by, it was going to be his mother-in-law?

"Kneel down," she commanded again and he obliged, clasping his hands together behind his neck as if he were being arrested, lowering himself onto his knees. Okay. So now she was going to torture him for hurting her daughter.

"I'm checking his head now," Jackie was saying down the phone, and he felt fingers run through his hair, parting it every now and then like she was looking for nits. Well, she wasn't going to find any.

She stopped checking through his hair and instead cupped his chin, bringing his head up to look intently over his face.

"Nothing so far," Jackie said down the line, gesturing for him to stand up again. "Trying to check his chest now, so much bloody hair…"

"Hey!" he cried indignantly. Jackie shushed him, moving around behind him. He turned to turn and confront her, but Jackie clamped a firm hand down on his shoulder.

"For God's sake Doctor, can't you stay put for one minute?" she asked finely, finally backing away from him and moving back over to the hallway.

"Well maybe if someone cares to tell me what's actually going on I wouldn't feel the need to turn around and throttle the answer out of you," he answered curtly.

"Doctor, sit down sweetheart and for God's sake get your shirt back on before you cause a fan girl stampede."

"What?"

"I said get your shirt back on and we'll talk. Are you deaf or summat?"

Hastily, he grabbed his shirt and slid his arms up the sleeves, murmuring death threats to the human race as he did so. He finally dropped onto the sofa fully clothed as Jackie finished the phone call, hanging up.

"Okay Doctor, Rory's ill," she said as she turned back to him, arms folded. He sighed, rolling his eyes.

"Yeah I noticed, thanks."

"He has a human illness."

"You really should receive a prize for stating the blatantly obvious, Jackie."

"He has Chickenpox."

Now the Doctor's ears really did prick up. "Chicken what?"

"Chickenpox."

He raised an eyebrow. "Y'know, last time I checked the calendar Jackie, it wasn't April the first."

"Nope, I'm serious, Doctor. Rory has Chickenpox."

His eyebrow rose further. "I get the 'pox' thing, but what the hell has it got to do with chickens?"

"Nothin'."

His eyebrow was almost off his head now. "Enlighten me please, Jackie. I feel I may suffocate from my own curiosity."

"Good, then we might be able to get some bloody peace 'round 'ere," Jackie muttered under her breath, before raising her voice to continue, "if you've never 'ad it before or 'ad any injections then if you get it now it could be serious."

He was shaking his head at her, lips pursed. "I'm not gonna catch a lousy human illness."

"Your son caught it," Jackie pointed out correctly.

"Yeah well, part human, gotta allow for some error. He's more human than I am."

"But there's still a chance you can catch it, which is why you've gotta stay away from Rose, 'im and the TARDIS for a couple of weeks until 'e's better."

"How contagious is it?"

"Highly."

The Doctor frowned. "I've already touched him with this chicken thing though. There's a chance I've already got it. But I can't scan myself unless I'm in the TARDIS. How long does it take for the onset of the symptoms?"

"Under two weeks, I think."

"And symptoms would be?"

"Umm…" she thought hard, back to when Rose had had the illness at least fifteen years ago. "First you'll get grouchy – probably won't see the difference there –" She ignored his glare. "-Then you'll get a rash, probably with a fever and a headache. Then you'll get these really itchy spots, which will crust over into pus-filled blisters and then fade over a few more weeks."

"Sounds jolly," the Doctor said sarcastically.

"Plus, if you get this disease there's a chance you won't be 'ealthy in time for the weddin'."

"I don't like that look you're giving me, Jackie."

"The spare bed's made up," she said, ignoring his comment. "Don't make a mess and don't go near the TARDIS – then we'll get on just fine."

Oh, this was great.

He was now flatmates with his mother-in-law.

A/N: I can actually give you THIS:

Chapter 8 - Beechams and a Lot of Herbal Tea

"My blossoming Rose, stained deep red with my own body's blood, bleeding for…"

He sighed, staring down at the words on the page as he realised it was starting to vaguely turn in a horror novel.

"My blossoming Rose, a glowing red ruby in the heart of a sun – rare and virtuous, beautiful and true."

"Well, aren't you the romantic one," Jackie Tyler's voice came loudly out of apparently nowhere, slightly startling him. "It's meant to be vows, y'know, not your last words."

First time THAT'S happened for a while! I'm AHEAD a chapter? That's just...AGH!

Clearing up Lector Manor as we speak and I want that cowboy one done tonight. I'm very bad and keeping up :D