Chapter 18 – Sex Education With Captain Jack

"Awww, that's a baby!" Jack said rather obviously, pointing at the ultrasound picture on the plasma screen of the TARDIS Infirmary, currently displaying a new ultrasound image of a big headed baby curled up into a ball, sleeping.

"Really, Jack?" the Doctor said sarcastically, adjusting the image to colour so it was a little clearer. "I thought it was a lung."

"But…that's a mini-Doctor in there!" Jack ignored him, elated at the prospect of the baby girl. The Doctor took off the ultrasound plunger, wiping the gunk off of Rose's womb before running both of his hands over the swell firmly.

"Ooo…" he muttered, taking Rose's hands into his own and gently rubbing them where he had been.

"Wow!" she exclaimed, staring into his eyes. "I can feel her."

"Lemme feel?" Jack asked, moving over and placing his hands next onto Rose's skin. "Hmmm…" He felt around the bumps. "There's the head…a leg…another leg…an arm…another leg…another head…"

The Doctor sighed despairingly, taking Jack's hands off of Rose. "That's quite enough Jack," he said seriously, turning off the monitor.

"Bet she'll be pretty like you Rose," Jack flashed her a grin, giving her a quick squeeze of a friendly hug to which she returned. The Doctor packed away the ultrasound equipment away as he glanced at the clock on the Infirmary wall, set to the time of the planet they were currently residing on, Earth. It was two o'clock. The reception was at eight in the George – a pub near to Jackie's flat so they could all have a good time with the alcohol.

"Daddy!"

They all turned to see Rory suddenly by the Doctor's feet, clutching a toy dog (One of the broken electronic toys Jackie had left in her loft and given to Rory) in one hand, a screwdriver in the other.

"Look daddy! I fixed it!" he said with glee, pressing a button concealed on its belly and placing it on the floor. It was a very old toy, a simple dog which was supposed to walk along the ground at a painfully slow pace by moving feeble plastic back legs and front legs in accordance with each other. The instant Rory placed it on the floor it yapped a warped electronic bark and instantly started galloping around the ground in a frenzy, wonky legs meaning it travelled in a constant rapid circle.

After a few circles it stopped, and completely out of the blue did a back flip. Jack whooped and applauded at the sight. It did a few more circles and back flips before it suddenly stopped – and started to emit a low frequency buzzing noise.

The Doctor instantly knew what was coming. He launched over to Rory and grabbed him tightly, making sure he was shielded from the blast. He flashed a look over to Jack – who thankfully got the message and dealt with Rose.

Milliseconds later, the dog exploded.

The Doctor turned back with Rory in his arms, eyes resting on the black charred mess the dog had suddenly become.

"Almost there Rory," the Doctor said cheerfully.

"How did you know that was gonna explode?" Jack wanted to know, and the Doctor shrugged.

"I've been the cause of something like that too many times." For a brief moment Jack and Rose could imagine a five-year-old Doctor 'tweeking' with his toys only to result in several mild explosions. It was a wonder the TARDIS was still functioning.

"Sorry daddy," Rory said meekly into his shoulder. "I was bored."

"Yeah…" the Doctor began, then realised why Rory was bored. "Oh, wait…Rory, I'm so sorry, it completely slipped my mind…"

"What did you mess up this time?" Jack asked mildly as he let go of Rose, helping her onto her feet. The Doctor winced.

"I was supposed to teach him today…"

"What? Algebra?"

The Doctor shifted uncomfortably. "No, how to write."

Jack instantly looked aghast at the Doctor as though he'd just said a rude word. "He doesn't know how to write yet?"

"We've been a bit busy and-"

Jack cut him off, rolling his eyes at the Doctor's feeble excuse. "Give him to me. I'll have him readin' Shakespeare and workin' out Pythagoras by the end of the week."

The Doctor smiled thankfully at him, giving Rory a kiss on the forehead before holding him out to Jack.

"Sex education doesn't come until he's a little older Jack," the Doctor reminded him as Jack took the boy from him and hoisted his up in his arms.

"To the library!" Jack declared, and disappeared out the door. The Doctor looked back to Rose, giving her a flash of a grin.

"Doctor, I've been thinkin'…" she began as he moved towards her, pulling her gently onto two feet.

"Whoa, don't strain yourself." He grinned, still with his hands linked in hers. She hit him lightly on the arm, laughing.

"No, really. Don't you ever think about the future?"

The Doctor frowned for a moment, clicking his tongue in contemplation as thoughts rushed through his head.

"All the time. Think about the past and present too, gotta know your perspective. I mean, if I just landed here in this time I have to be thinking about what happened in the past that I should be aware of to lead to such an existence that I'm in at the present..."

Rose blinked.

"…Also, when you've just landed in the present you might have your mind a little in the future, say if I started talking about what a riot Queen Elizabeth's Coronation was – which incidentally, she begged me to walk her to the throne – and the year was 1952, everyone would be saying 'hey what're you on about?!' and then I'd get sectioned…again…"

She prodded him gently in the chest, trying to gain his attention once more.

"…Which come to think of it, was actually not my fault. I mean, I know I can seem a little eccentric at times but you should've seen my first body! I was completely paranoid! There were these two teachers Susan had and they got onto the TARDIS and I whacked my head on a bad landing so then I blamed them!"

"No, no, no, no Doctor, what I meant was…"

He smiled sheepishly, cutting over the top of her, "I know what you meant. And whatever you're thinking now, forget it."

"But how can I? One day I'll die and you'll be left with Rory and Jade."

"…Jade?" he repeated, bemused.

She sniffed. "I thought it was a good name."

He broadened his smile. "I like it too."

"But at any rate, they're both gonna grow up and I'm gonna grow old with them. Mum'll die first, at the rate she smokes probably before Rory can even get a drivin' license…then as Rachel…" – the Doctor rolled his eyes at the next new name – "…gets hers I'm gonna be dribbling and knitting scarves in a rocking wicker chair talking about cats…"

"Rose…" the Doctor began slowly, resting his hands on her shoulders and staring into her eyes enchantingly. "You're twenty – in sixteen years you will not be dribbling, knitting and talking about cats unless something is seriously wrong with you. Jack'll be the one doing all that, not you."

For some reason, Rose could imagine a bald Jack sitting in the TARDIS Console Room with his knitted woollen hat halfway through creation, moaning about the 'younger generation' as Rory grabbed a pair of tweezers and tried to yank the hair protruding from out of his ears. She stifled a giggle.

"Besides," he carried on, "what if I don't live as long as you do? I mean, I could get flattened by a bus tomorrow. Four times."

There was a momentary pause as Rose just stared at him blankly.

"Thanks for that," she muttered, trying to get the images out of her head. He gave a toothy grin.

"No problem. Let's just forget about it, right?"

"But how can I?"

He sighed and reached up, cupping her cheek fondly before she leant into him, head resting on his chest. He kissed her gently on the back on the neck.

"I'm just saying that you really shouldn't worry about stuff like that. It's all in the future for us, and for once I have no idea what's going to happen. Of course we're going to die, it's natural, but right now all we've got to worry about is Rory and Kerry."

Rose paused for a moment. "Ooo, Kerry's good."

"Ruby?"

"Oh that's even better…"

"Rover?"

Rose just stared.

A/N: Quick post, then gots to ruuuuuuuun! I am really not wanting to do this reception thing, I've got a bit after that amounts to a reception but I don't think I can do the reception itself, if it does get done it'll be like a paragraph of the comings and goings...