Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters except for the ones that I created like Mercedes and Audrey.
CHAPTER 23-HEALING DREAMS
She didn't have a clue where she was. She had heard one of the members of the new watchers council droll on and on about something that seemed to explain this. But for the life of her she couldn't quite remember what it was that they said. Cursing herself for her short attention span Faith shook her head and gently pushed open a door that suddenly appeared in front of her. She looked around and only saw what appeared to be a completely empty bar. She laughed at her misfortune and then turned to leave.
"Leaving so soon Faith," An eerily familiar voice said softly with an almost amused tone to it as Faith whirled back around to face Wesley sitting at the bar, a drink in his hands.
"Wesley, what are you doing here, where are we," Faith exclaimed with a confused, but somewhat relieved tone to her voice, as she walked back into the bar and stopped just in front of Wesley.
"You tell me, this is your dream," Wesley replied with a relaxed shrug of his shoulders before he emptied the shot glass in one gulp and set it loudly back down on the bar.
"I'm…dreaming," Faith stuttered out with a surprised and confused look on her face as she scrunched her face up a bit and looked first at Wesley and then back around the bar.
"Didn't we already cover this," Wesley replied with an almost bored tone to his voice as Faith had turned enough so that her back was to him.
"But…I don't understand, the fight," Faith declared with an anxious glint in her eyes as she lowered her gaze and half turned back to look at Wesley over her shoulder.
"Got pretty nasty didn't it," Wesley shot back with a sly grin on his face before he got up, walked around behind the bar and refilled his shot glass.
"That's an understatement," Faith joked back with a forced grin on her face as she tried to make light of the subject but found it hard.
"Why do you suppose that was," Wesley asked with an impish smirk on his face, one that Faith wanted nothing more than to smack off, before he downed the second shot.
"You were being a prick," Faith offered up with a weak smile of sarcasm on her face as she hopped up onto one of the barstools and leaned forward a bit.
"No…I think it was because I struck a nerve," Wesley started to say back with a very calm but yet serious expression on his face as he set the shot glass back down onto the top of the bar and stared right at Faith.
"I don't know what you're," Faith cut in sharply with an unhappy pout on her face as she folded her arms across her chest and looked away.
"I think you do, underneath all of that cold and icy exterior of yours Faith is a child that never go to grow up, a girl that never got to dream, you keep your heart locked up tighter than Fort Knox, the only problem with that is of course that when someone special comes along," Wesley stated with a relaxed smile on his face as he took out a few more shot glasses from underneath the bar and filled them, all the while Faith tried to stay looking away but in the end had to admit defeat and turned fully back towards him.
"Someone special like you," Faith mumbled softly with an innocent and completely honest look in her eyes, as her usual sarcastic tone was nowhere to be found
"Possibly, but whatever way you look at this, you're still blaming yourself for what happened," Wesley replied with a shrug of his shoulders before he picked up one of the shot glasses and started to hand it to Faith.
"Shouldn't I be, I tortured you Wesley, for over an hour, I liked it, what kind of a person does something like that and likes it…I'll tell you, a monster…I am a monster, I don't deserve," Faith muttered back with a very self loathing expression on her face as she dipped her chin down a bit towards her chest and stared straight at the shot glass as she took it from him, silently wondering if it were possible to drown in that small amount of liquid.
"Stop right there, you don't get to make that call, you don't get to say what you are, you might think that you're a monster but believe me you're not, far from it," Wesley shot back with a very firm and determined tone to his voice and look in his eyes as he laid a hand directly over the shot glass and enveloped Faith's hand with his own, getting her to at least look up.
"Oh, and then just what am I then," Faith asked with a nervous and scared look on her face as she made hesitant eye contact with Wesley.
"A woman that needs to let go of her past, of course it was wrong of you to torture me, but you weren't the only one that screwed up that night, if I had been a better watcher to you it never would have happened, I failed you Faith," Wesley started to reply with a sincere look in his eyes as he reached out and pushed Faith's chin back up enough so that she was forced to look him in the eye.
"Heh, now who's blaming themselves for something that was out of their control," Faith chuckled at first as a tear came to her eye before she pulled back, downed the shot glass and grinned.
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"Something about this stinks Xander, Kristine was fine when we were in the room with her…except of course being hooked up to all of those machines, then she's dead, Kennedy admits to an affair, and Robin shows up out of the blue claiming to just be back to offer his support," Buffy grumbled out softly with an overwhelmed and overworked frown on her face as she and Xander strolled calmly down the sidewalk in the early morning sun.
"You're thinking that his showing up is part of something bigger," Xander replied with an impatient frown on his face as he stepped to the side a bit just long enough to sidestep a lamppost.
"I know that he lied to us about where he was and why he's back, now we just have to figure out who brought him back and why," Buffy answered back with a concerned and serious frown on her face as the two stopped at the corner and waited for an opportunity to cross.
"All the while still solving the mystery of who attacked Miss Johansson and then killed her at the hospital, no rest for the wicked…only yeah…we're not wicked," Xander said with a less than enthusiastic grin on his face as the opportunity finally arose and they crossed the street.
"Speaking of which, did you see where Dawn slipped off to, I haven't seen her since she got that phone call," Buffy asked with a worried and confused frown on her face as she turned and lightly perused the store window with her eyes.
"Yeah, I haven't seen Willow since then either, you think they know something that we don't," Xander replied with a stumped expression on his face before he stopped walking and tapped Buffy on the shoulder.
"I'd say that it's a pretty good bet," A sarcastic voice stated from behind them before they turned around to face a fashionably dressed Gwen.
"Oh really, and you are," Buffy replied with an unimpressed and combative scowl on her face as she instinctively stepped in front of Xander.
"I'm afraid that introductions are going to have to wait for another time, do you know where Angel is or not, and don't bother wasting my time trying to trick me into telling you why I'm looking for him or anything like that, I'm not a naïve slayer little girl that believes whatever her boyfriend tells her," Gwen replied sharply with a bored and equally combative scowl on her face as she started to tug off one of her gloves. After getting l.i.s.a. her life had become a whole lot easier, though every once in a while she'd remove the small gadget and have some fun. Now was such a time.
"Of course not, we wouldn't dream of trying to lie to you, would we Buffy," Xander stated with an almost mocking smirk on his face before he grinned proudly and nodded to Buffy.
"Of course not Xander, but for the record I don't have a clue where Angel is, and if I did I sure as hell wouldn't tell you," Buffy replied with a serious and impatient scowl on her face before her frown turned upside down and turned into a proud and confidant smile.
"That's what I thought that you'd say, I think that you should rethink that idea before things get messy, I'm not a patient woman," Gwen replied with an almost bored tone to her voice before she finished tugging off her left glove and then delighted in the looks of shock and surprise on Buffy and Xander's faces when she arched a few jolts of electricity in between her fingertips.
"Okay…now that's not right," Xander stuttered out with a scared edge to his voice as he frantically looked to Buffy.
"Easy, we won't get anything out of them if you fry them, sorry about my friend here, she tends to be a little high strung," Kate interjected with a nervous look on her face as she hurried up to the trio and glared over at Gwen.
"What are you doing here, I was doing fine on my own," Gwen grumbled out sharply under her breath with an angry scowl on her face as she leaned in close to Kate.
"Okay people…remember me, I'm not going to tell either of you anything about Angel until I know why you want to find him, who are you," Buffy declared with a very determined look on her face and tone to her voice as she readied herself for a fight, but not what happened next.
"His son," Connor admitted without the slightest hint of emotion in his voice as he stepped out of one of the shops that Buffy had just glanced at, leaving both Xander and Buffy gasping in disbelief and confusion.
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"Any change," Nina asked softly with a tired look on her face as she slowly approached Spike as he stayed still near the door to the room that Wesley had been given after getting some treatment.
"That's a big negative pet, he's been out cold since we brought him in here, doctor's got him pumped so full of drugs that it wouldn't matter if he was awake, he wouldn't make any sense," Spike answered softly with a nervous shrug of his shoulders before at the end he lifted his head up to lock gazes with Nina.
"So what do we do now, the Immortal found us at the safe house, it's not going to take him very long to find us here, and Wesley and Faith are in no condition to go anywhere, and won't be for days…weeks," Nina exclaimed with an overwhelmed and scared look on her face as she bit her bottom lip and steadied herself against tearing up.
"Got that part covered, Red's working her mojo, anyone that enters their rooms forgets what they look like the moment that they leave, that should last for a while, hopefully at least long enough for all of this to be over, then they'll have all the time that they need to heal," Spike said back with a well hidden nervous tone to his voice as he nodded his head down towards the end of the hallway where Willow and Dawn were quietly talking about something.
"I hope you're right, but I'm just afraid that we won't be safe anywhere, at least not until the Immortal is dead," Nina replied with a scared and skittish look on her face as she began to walk back and forth in front of Spike, trying to stay calm.
"And then what, we do this and there's going to be an awful lot of pissed of people wanting our heads, hate to break it to ya pet, but knowing our luck it'll only get harder after this," Spike said back with a somber and almost wickedly sarcastic grin on his face as he shook his head and tried not to laugh at the look of fear that washed across Nina's face.
"How do you do it Spike, how do you keep fighting when you know that no matter what you do, how much you accomplish, in the end it doesn't mean a damn thing," Nina asked softly with an almost heartbroken look in her eyes
"Beats me pet, but what else is there, lay down and give up…sorry, ain't gonna happen, not in this lifetime," Spike answered with a calmer but yet still a bit joking tone to his voice as he pushed off of the wall and stood up straight, apparently trying to cheer Nina up a bit.
"Stop it Spike, you're just as worried about them as we are," Dawn grumbled with an unhappy and scared look on her face, though she was trying to appear sarcastically humorous.
"No I'm not," Spike mumbled back softly with a grim frown on his face before he couldn't help but soften his look when Dawn grinned up at him.
"Has anyone seen Mercedes," Willow asked with a reserved expression on her face, so much so that Spike was secretly wondering if she wasn't planning something.
"Not since they got attacked why, you're not planning on skinning her are you," Spike replied with at first a slight shrug of his shoulders before he fully turned to Willow and looked straight at her.
"Of course not, I just have to know…why," Willow began to say back with a powerful look in her eyes before her countenance softened and she looked lost and alone.
"Why what," Nina asked softly with a confused look on her face as she uncrossed her arms and walked up beside Spike just as Willow spoke.
"Why her, why Kennedy…was it all just a joke, something that they thought would be funny, I have to know before I can make any decisions," Willow answered with a serious but unsure look on her face before she glanced down at the ground and slid her hands into her back pockets.
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"Come on Faith, tell me, what's really bothering you," Wesley asked with a bored smirk on his face as he set out several more shot glasses on top of the bar and began to slowly fill them.
"Nothing…though it'll be you pretty soon if you don't stop asking me so many questions," Faith grouched back with an unhappy scowl on her face in between emptying a couple more shot glasses.
"Sorry luv…but I can't do that, like I said, this is your dream, I'm just here to guide you through it," Wesley replied with an impish grin on his face before he finished filling the shot glasses and then set the bottle down beside them.
"Right, well then why don't you just guide me out of it so that I can wake up and snap that sorry son of a bitch's neck that stabbed me," Faith grumbled back with an impatient scowl on her face as she gritted her teeth with her mouth closed at how frustrating this dream was becoming.
"That wouldn't be a good idea I'm afraid," Wesley said back with an honest look on his face as he walked back around the bar and walked towards Faith. "You're not a monster, evil only begets evil, you kill him and you will have lost everything that you've worked so hard to achieve these past few years," Wesley added with a sincere look of concern on his face as he slid up onto the barstool next to Faith.
"You don't get it do you, I am a monster, no amount of your bullshit is going to change that, nothing can ever change that, I am a monster and deserve what I get," Faith snapped back sharply before she whirled her head away and downed a couple more shot glasses.
"You haven't even begun to get what you deserve," Wesley started to say with an eerie tone to his voice as he reached over and grabbed a hold of Faith's wrist, his touch almost searing her skin on contact.
"Hey, let go of me," Faith exclaimed with a surprised and angry scowl on her face as she snapped her head back around to glare at Wesley. Her heart nearly stopped when she looked into his eyes. Somehow, someway, they were exactly the same as they had been that night in Los Angeles, the night where she had almost lost herself to the darkness within her.
"Not until you face the truth Faith," Wesley replied with an almost delighted smile on his face and tone to his voice before he tightened his grip on her arm and the pain only increased, causing her to shout in pain.
"What truth," Faith snapped back sharply, now fully pissed off and ready for anything as long as got Wesley to let go of her arm, before trying to wrench it free to no avail.
"That you're not a monster, that you should stop blaming yourself for every bad thing that's happened in your life, you didn't get your mother hooked on alcohol and drugs, you didn't get your first watcher killed, it's not your fault that you tortured me," Wesley started to state clearly back with a steadily growing tenor to his voice as he kept tightening his grip before Faith snapped when he got to the part about his torture.
"Shut up, you bastard, I hate you," Faith screamed out at the top of her lungs as she snapped, before turning the tables on Wesley and slamming her shoulder into his chest, knocking them both to the floor, though he kept his vice like grip on her wrist.
"No you don't," Wesley managed to get out before Faith snarled in anger and clenched her free hand tightly into a fist.
"Yes I do," Faith shouted back at him at the top of her lungs before she hit him, first once and then again, each time repeating the phrase and increasing the strength of the hit as she went.
"No," Wesley garbled out with a blood-covered face before the next hit from Faith broke his jaw.
"I'm evil, a monster," Faith continued to shriek in between each and every punch, though by now tears were beginning to slide down her cheeks. She just kept punching and punching as hard as she could until she felt that she had no strength left. When she noticed that he had sometime earlier let go of her wrist she stopped and actually took a look down. Her stomach convulsed at the sight, during the attack she had not only broken his jaw but had also crushed his face and skull in. Where once his face had stood was now only a blood mass of bone and flesh.
"Oh god," Faith sputtered out as she scrambled back in horror and jolted upright to her feet. "No," She mumbled softly with a terrified beyond belief feeling in the pit of her stomach as her heart painfully broke into a million pieces in her chest. She pulled her gaze away from what had been Wesley's face and to her hand, and much to her shock and horror found it covered in blood and brains. Words failed her at that moment but her stomach did act, sending a jet stream of bile up her throat. She had just enough time to turn away and heave herself up onto the bar before she wretched everything out behind the bar until there was nothing left and she was dry heaving until her entire body hurt. Nearly throwing up again at the stench and taste of the bile on her lips and in her mouth Faith slid back off of the bar and onto the ground with a loud thud.
Curling up into a ball she finally let the tears flow, sobbing so hard that her chest and eyes hurt from the tears. Sprinkled in between the tears and the sobs were softly apologizes to everyone that she had ever wronged, and especially to Wesley. Her final apology came to God, even though she really didn't believe in him she begged him to end her suffering and just kill her and send her to hell and be done with her. He apparently had other ideas. She was just about to continue when she felt a hand on her back. She stopped rigidly almost the split second that the hand touched her back. Hazarding a glance out she had to wipe her eyes to clear them of the tears before she found herself staring back at a calm and happy looking Wesley.
"Congratulations Faith, you did it," Wesley said with a very proud smile on his face as he began to softly rub a small area on Faith's back with his thumb.
"What the…no, you're," Faith mumbled out with a frantically confused and terrified look on her face as she stared back at him before turning and looking back to where his body had been. But much to her surprise Wesley's body was gone and no trace of any blood could be seen. "What," Faith weakly mumbled out as she turned her head back towards Wesley and let a couple more tears fall.
"You just proved that you're not a monster Faith, you're not evil, a monster…a truly evil person, would not have reacted how you did, a monster would not have felt guilt, would not have felt remorse for what they did, enough remorse and guilt that they wanted to die, you were willing to be damned for eternity, you knew that you had failed and were openly admitting it, that's why you're not a monster, you're no saint…few are, but you're certainly not a monster, and now you can stop hating yourself and move forward, nine months," Wesley answered her feverish ramblings with a soft and proud smile on his face as he helped her back up to a seated position before he leaned in close, kissed her once on the forehead, and then disappeared. Faith only had a moment or two to wonder what he had meant before everything went black. Almost a fraction of a second later brilliant light filled Faith's vision as she blinked her eyes opened, gasped deeply, and sat up in bed, scaring shitless the nurse's stationed at her bedside after the surgery.
END OF CHAPTER 23
Author's Notes: Thanks again to everyone for reading and hopefully we can break my high review mark set by Future Imperfect, which I will continue if a bunch of people want me to, though I first have to finish some of my smaller stories. As always reviews are appreciated. I wrote the bit with Faith and Wesley in a bar seeing to me as how it'd be the logical place for them to talk and when Faith was last stabbed she had some pretty vivid dreams with Buffy in them that hinted at things to come, like with Dawn coming and all of that. The dream that she's having now with Wesley will foreshadow some things as well, though they won't be explained for some time. As for Faith throwing up and the bit at the end with her reaction I took the reasoning off of an old episode of Star Trek DS9, where Miles had killed a guy while being held prisoner somewhere and after he got rescued and got back to the station he thought he was a monster and was about to kill himself before Julian used the logic that Wesley uses with Faith to keep him from going through with it. Seemed to be appropriate here. And for the record yeah I'm a trekkie…though not an obsessive one, I know only a few of the actors names and don't have a clue about episode titles or things of that nature, I basically just watch the shows when they're on. Once again thanks for reading and feel free to read and review any or all of my other stories, even if you don't like the stories, it's always fun to get reviews.