Zero
Hey guys1 Sorry this one is a little later than usual, I've been away in gay old Paree so didn't have time to write it until tonight! Hope you enjoy it! As you may have guessed, if you have read my others, this is a Martha central one on how she feels after the death of Owen. And by the way, I'll be releasing each chapter after the official espied is shown, not the one on BBC 3!
Happy reading!
I do not own Doctor Who, Torchwood etc. If I did, it would probably be the Jack and Ianto show so just as well!
.X.
Zero.
A number.
A circle.
A definite.
An end.
How could anything that seemed to be going so right go so horribly wrong?
It had been raining that day. It was still raining. Though to be fair to the weather, it was still the same night. Only it didn't feel like it. The last few hours felt like a life time away.
It was the same feeling she had felt when she'd taken her first trip with the Doctor. Technically she'd only been gone a few hours but in that short time, she'd become someone else, grown up, done more travelling than anyone in her high school had ever dreamed of.
If a week was a long time in politics, then a minute was a life time in time travel and aliens.
Martha was back in the Hub now, with the rest of the team. She was sat on the sofa, coffee clasped in her hands. There was no one else near her.
Zero
Sure, they were around. But not around her. She was the outsider. They might even blame her.
Owen was dead. Really dead.
After he shot had been fired, they had rushed back to the Hub. Then he'd been on the operating table. And then Martha had heard her own voice pronouncing him deceased. Only it hadn't seemed like her voice at all. The rest of the team seemed…she didn't know how they seemed. But the next thing she had known, she was on the sofa. She didn't know how she got there, any more than she knew how the coffee had ended up in her hand.
She was defiantly the outsider.
Zero
This had been reinforced by the rest of the team's movements. Gwen and Toshiko had been in the board room, before together they had headed down to watch the body, still fresh on the autopsy table.
Jack was in his office. So was Ianto. Perhaps they had their own type of comforting going on. Somehow just the thought of Gwen and Tosh, Jack and Ianto made Martha feel hollow. Like this was a circle. And she was disconnected.
Sometimes it was easier to deal with lose when you'd known the person. You could know how to act. You where hurt, let down, confused, angry and everything else that you could imagine and many more you couldn't.
But you didn't sit here, wondering why you where here, wondering what you should feel for someone who you don't really know, someone who saved your life and someone you suspect it may be slightly your fault that they are dead.
Zero
Maybe not even the Doctor would know what to do, Martha thought. Her coffee was now cold but no one came to make her a new cup. No one came at all. They were all grieving in their own way, for a friends, a colleague, an ex lover, a possible lover.
She was grieving too.
She was grieving for being part of that broken circle, she was disconnected. Even Jack, Jack who she'd saved the world with, kind, cold, loving and hating Jack was more connected to these people than to her. Just like the doctor had been more connected to Rose.
It's said that tragedy brings people together. And it was. It was bringing the team more together maybe than they had ever been, even if they didn't know it. But it was also tearing her further apart from them. She couldn't share in their grief. She didn't deserve to All she could grieve for was a new acquaintance, a possible friend. Not the same as what they were going thought.
It was late now. Jack was meant to take her out for dinner. They still had the reservation. She was hungry. Maybe she should go back to the hotel room, get something to eat? Maybe she should head to the restaurant. Alone. Anyplace but here. Anyplace, even a lonely restaurant. Anywhere but a place she knew she didn't belong.
And with that, Martha gathered her belongings, left Jack a note she knew that he'd never read and slipped out the door and into the oppressive cold winds of the Cardiff Bay. But after coming out the Hub, she'd never felt so free in her life.
Anywhere was better than a place where she was zero.
Hope that was ok!
Love you all
Jyra
x