Hello everyone, here is my newest update. I know, i'm getting faster. But the next one won't be in for another bagillion years because i am working up until sunday. I know, my life is poo. BUT yours isn't because here is the best chapter i think i have written yet. It makes me happy. Even though Bella isn't in it. Unless you count Edward thinking and talking about her every minute of the day. Which i do. so ignore what i just said...typed...wrote...ignore me.

Oh! i'm also currently communicating with a Beta, so this will probably be the last chapter that is so horribly mangled with grammar and spelling errors. Just try to push through it. For my sake. And sanity.

I don't own anything to do with Twilight. Stephanie Meyer owns everything. Including my soul. And the characters and plot. BUT not the dialouge in this one. All the OCC-ness is mine. bahahahah. my life is sad :(

Ah, music, the joy of my exsistance. For this: Listen to Speeding Cars by Imogen Heap. Again the emo angstyness about not wanting to grow up really fits. Or at least i make it fit. (ahah, that reminds me of doing jig-saws when i was young and hammering the peices into place when they wouldn't fit.) Now on with the story!

As always, Hayley.

I shook my head, trying to clear it of Bella's natural perfume that filled the car but it was difficult. I was become more and more accustomed to her scent so much that I could almost smell it without wanting to jump up and attack her. I opened a window, hoping that the fresh air would help. The cool air rushed over my face, filled with the smells of the wildlife that filled the forest I was rushing past. I was tempted to stop and follow the scent of a bear that had crossed my nose, but I told myself that I was going hunting with Emmett that weekend. I would get plenty of grizzlies up on Goat Rocks.

I was driving as fast as possible to get back to school. Of course Alice would know where I had been for the last two periods and that meant by extension Jasper would as well but with luck, and breaking the speed limit, Rosalie wouldn't have to know. I pressed my foot down on the gas pedal a little harder at the thought of Rosalie's reaction. Even her thoughts hadn't told me what was so wrong that made her hate Bella. Time. That's all they would need. Time. I kept thinking that as my knuckles turned whiter as my hands clenched the steering wheel.

Luck wasn't on my side this time. When I pulled into the parking lot everyone was waiting for me under the small shelter the roof provided. Rosalie had her arms crossed and was tapping her foot impatiently with Emmett's arms around her. He was whispering soothing words into her ear, trying to calm her down before she faced me. Jasper had an annoyed expression on his face but was holding hands with Alice who didn't seem fazed.

I pulled up to the curb to let them in. I gave Rosalie a weak smile in response to the fiery glare she gave me. Alice took the front seat, obviously attempting to keep Emmett and Rosalie together in case he needed to restrain her. Jasper wouldn't look at me through the soaking hair sticking to his forehead.

"Sorry I'm late," I said weakly. Rosalie's eyes stared daggers into my back as she opened her mouth to speak. Alice cut her off.

"That's okay. I'm sure it was important." She said, already knowing the exact reason why I was late. Bella is important. Don't try and tell yourself otherwise. I nodded and started the car; glad that Alice's comment seemed to shut everyone up. For a little while at least.

Rosalie sunk further back into her seat with her head resting on Emmett's big shoulder, furious thoughts raging around in her mind. I attempted to block them out but she seemed to be directing them right towards me, shouting them in my mind's ear. I grimaced at language that Esme would have scolded her for using. Instead of listening, I concentrated very hard on the dark road ahead of me, going almost twice as fast as the speed limit. I was extremely excited to get home where I would at least have some backup for Rosalie's assault. I silently begged that Carlisle was home and not working extra hours at the hospital.

The sky was dark with storm clouds when we finally pulled up to the house. I parked next to Carlisle's Mercedes in the garage, thankful he was home. Rosalie jumped out and slammed the door before I had even put the car in park. Emmett eyed me warily before following his wife into the house followed closely by Jasper. I looked at Alice, my eyes knowingly filled with guilt.

It's not your fault. You did the right thing; you couldn't just leave her there.

I nodded miserably. "She just…she looked so helpless." I tried to convey the emotions and turmoil I was feeling through my expression. Alice seemed to get it.

"I know you feel guilty about letting this girl…Bella, into your life without our…" she paused, looking for the right word, "permission but you shouldn't. You aren't being selfish, you like her and you are doing something about it. That shouldn't constitute our family being angry or you beating yourself up over it."

I took a deep breath and smiled in thanks. We had a weird bond, but she seemed to be the person I was closest to, even if I had known her for less time then anyone else.

"Thank you, Alice. But I am still worried about Rosalie…"

"Don't. She has no right to talk anyway. She brought Emmett into the family without anyone's permission so she has no right to talk. Besides, The family will get over it…eventually." She tapped the side of her head and gave me a knowing wink. "Esme, Carlisle and I are already on your side and Emmett and Jasper aren't far behind. Rosalie will calm down. Just give it time." She put her hand on my shoulder in an attempt to comfort me before exiting gracefully thought the door.

I sat in the car for several seconds, thinking about how I would start the conversation with my family. Well, more like argument.

EDWARD, WE ARE WAITING!

I winced as Rosalie's 'voice' pierced my head. I could just imagine her tapping her foot, arms crossed, standing in the front hall. I sighed and got out of the car, defeated.

At first I tried to walk to the house at a normal speed, but Rosalie's 'voice' kept screaming at me to hurry up. Eventually my anger flared and I ran into the house, nearly taking the door off its hinges as I slammed it.

"What, Rosalie?" I kept my jaw squared and teeth clenched, trying to keep my temper from blazing. Rosalie glared at me.

"I want an explanation." Her eyes scrutinized mine, searching for weakness. "We want an explanation," she corrected herself. Her voice was just as controlled as mine, but her thoughts of tearing me apart gave her away.

"Who is we?" I asked coolly, trying to call her bluff.

"All of us. Don't we deserve to know why we had to wait in the freezing rain? Don't we deserve to know why some little stupid human girl has come before your family on your list of priorities?" She was shouting by the end, alerting the others that it was time to control the situation. Rosalie didn't move as Alice brushed past her, walking to my side of the hall.

She's glowering at me, isn't she?

I gave Alice a quick nod, confirming her suspicions. She just rolled her eyes before turning to face Rosalie. Emmett and Jasper were in no-mans land between us, obviously ready to restrain us in case a fight broke out. Carlisle and Esme stood next to them, looking nervously at the two of us.

"She…she's not. She fainted in Biology. She just needed a ride home." I suddenly felt extremely worn out. I didn't want to fight. I just wanted to…sleep. I wanted to curl up in a ball on a bed and feel the escape that drifting into your subconscious provided.

"And how would you know she fainted? You weren't supposed to be in Biology." She hissed at me. I looked over to Jasper and Emmett for help but they held a curious look in their eyes as well.

"I was in my car. I… I heard Newton thinking about her, and I saw her lying on the sidewalk. I…I thought she was…dead." I closed my eyes at the thought of it, remembering the mental picture I had conjured up earlier that day.

"And what is that to you?" She hissed again. I was about to answer when Alice interrupted me.

"No, Rosalie. What is it to you?" Her eyes flashed in anger. "So you had to wait in the rain? Your hair will survive. Edward obviously feels something for this girl and it is none of your business what he does about it. You have Emmett, I have Jasper, and Carlisle has Esme. Who does Edward have, Rosalie?" I felt pangs of loneliness as she pointed out what I already knew. Was it that obvious, that I felt so alone? "Can't you let anyone else be happy without being so selfish?"

A snarl ripped from Rosalie's throat. "What do you have…?" She began.

"Rosalie…I think that you should just…Calm down." Emmett told her, going over to her side and putting his hand around her waist. "Alice is right." He said, staring down at her. She looked into his eyes in disgust, which quickly turned to fury.

"You're taking his side?" She snarled quietly, eyes closed.

"Rosalie, I'm not taking anyone's side," he explained quietly, refusing to let go of her waist as she struggled a little to get free. "Edward need to figure this out for himself. Without criticism from us."

"Fine." She was about to run up the stairs when wave after wave of calm floated over all of us. Rosalie relaxed her stance involuntarily. I looked over at Jasper, thanking him with my eyes. He nodded in return. Esme stepped forward, between Rosalie and I.

"Edward. What are you planning to do? I ask only because I don't want to see you or this gir…Bella, get hurt." Rosalie began to protest before a look from Carlisle silenced her.

"I don't know. I want…I want so badly to…be near her." I said, embarrassed for having to admit this to my entire family. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jasper straining with the emotional overload. I scolded myself inwardly and got control of my emotions. "I do like her, but I know I can't betray this family. But I think…" I stopped and cast my eyes down at my feet. I felt Alice's hand on my shoulder.

"You love her." She finished my thoughts. I nodded and looked up at everyone staring at me in the room. Alice, Jasper and Emmett looked at me, unsurprised. Rosalie refused to meet my eyes and Carlisle just nodded. Esme stared at me in amazement.

Suddenly a wide grin broke out over her face. She took me into her arms in a motherly embrace. If she could have cried, she would have.

"Finally. I've been so worried about you," she said into my ear. She pulled back, her face suddenly a bit more stern. "What are you going to do?"

"I've been feeding more, so I don't hurt her accidentally." I said, confused by the question. I started to continue before Esme's tinkling laugh cut me off. I stared at her in confusion. I had realized that Rosalie had left the room, upset with me. Jasper was also missing, probably trying to escape from the rush of emotions coming from me.

"I mean how are you going to…court her?" She asked, using terms I would understand. My eyes widened in realization. I would have been red had I any blood in my body.

" I-I…I don't know." I spluttered. Emmett was suppressing laughter. I glared at him. "How should I…court…her?" I asked, struggling with that one word. She laughed again, this time it was coupled with Emmett's booming laughter.

"You ask her on a date," she snorted. "You should be able to figure it out from there." She gave me one last hug before leaving the room, eyeing Carlisle meaningfully. Emmett was still there, his shoulders shaking with laughter as he leaned against the wall. Alice was still beside me, her eyes sparking with excitement, or she was evilly planning something. Probably our wedding, I thought cynically. She looked up at me, smiled and skipped off, probably trying to find Jasper and comfort him from his latest emotional battle.

Carlisle began to approach me, a cautious look in his eyes. I sighed, I knew what was coming and I didn't even have to look in his thoughts.

"Edward," he began, "are you sure that it is safe enough for Bella. You don't have full control over your thirst with normal humans, and if her blood is a strong as you say it is…" he trailed off, leaving the rest to imagination. She could be in danger.

My brow furrowed. I knew the risks, or I thought I did. "I'll be careful." I promised, determined. Carlisle gave me another look of concern before glancing over at Emmett. We'll talk when you get back. I realized it wasn't an option. I nodded my head in defeat. He gave me another look of concern before turning his back to me and walking up the stairs.

Emmett crossed the hall in two strides and slapped me on the back. I smiled up at him wryly. "So, you ready for this trip?" I asked. He laughed in return.

"I've already packed up the car," he grinned. I couldn't help but smile back at his eagerness. He ran out to the car and got into the driver's seat of his monstrous Jeep. I quickly got into the passenger seat and buckled up. I may be a vampire and therefore indestructible, but getting launched though a windshield is not fun.

It wasn't long before we were out of Forks and on the long ride to Goat Rocks Wilderness. We had been sitting in silence for the good part of the drive and it was starting to make me uncomfortable.

"Just say it Emmett." I said, finally irritated.

"Say what?"

"What you think of me."

"You're insane," he said matter-of-factly. I sighed and nodded.

"I guess I deserve that."

"Edward…Think about it. This girl…" I shot him a glare. "Fine, Bella, her scent was so strong for you, it ran you out of the state. And now you're talking about dating her. You do realize that involves touching? Hand holding…Kissing…S…"

"Yes, Yes, I know!" I said, really unwilling for him to finish that thought. He huffed at my sensitivity.

"All I'm saying is this is going to be incredibly difficult for you. But if she…sorry…Bella, is worth it, then go for it. I haven't seen you happy in a long time, bro."

"Thanks Emmett." I smiled at him, thinking about what he said. "Has this ever happened to you?" I asked, suddenly curious.

"What? The love. Have you met Rose?" He asked me playfully. I grinned; sometimes he could be very obtuse.

"No, Emmett. The…attraction of someone's blood." I saw Emmett shift uncomfortably.

"Yes. Twice." He answered reluctantly.

"And…?" I asked. I saw his expression and my face fell. "You fed on them, didn't you?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"Yes. It was a long time ago. I was only a couple years old and I couldn't resist. The first one, he just smelt above average and I was very young. I couldn't stop myself and by the time I realized it was wrong, he was dead."

"And the second one?"

He smiled grimly. "Her scent made my head spin. I was older then, but not as experienced as I am now. Again, I couldn't help myself. I lured her away from her family. It was the sweetest blood I had ever tasted." He added, angry with himself.

"Her family?" I asked sharply. He looked at me, his eyes overflowing with sorrow.

Sh-She was only nine…I couldn't help it. It's our nature Edward.

I nodded, accepting this. I had a worse track record than Emmett would ever have. Ten years of feeding on humans, and I remembered ever scream.

We drove the rest of the night, making it to our campsite just as the sun was peaking through the few clouds that still covered the sky. The storm from the day before had blown over granting us with a clear weekend. It was the reason why Emmett and I had chosen this weekend to get away; otherwise we would have been inside all day.

Emmett looked over at me and grinned, his eyes dark with hunger and anticipation. He parked the jeep at the beginning of the trail and jumped out of the car, bursting with excitement. Grizzlies were Emmett's favorite and he couldn't wait to get his hands on them. I suspected it had something to do with the way he had almost been killed but Emmett had always blocked that part of his thoughts from me and I felt no need to intrude on his privacy.

I jumped out of the jeep as well and headed to the back to get our bags. They weren't filled with food like most hikers packs were, but with clothes and books (well, books for me). We wouldn't have brought any equipment but on the off chance that a camper did run into us, we wanted our ruse to be as convincing as possible. Emmett grabbed the tent and sleeping bag pack out of the trunk with one hand.

"Lets get going," he said with a grin the size of his face. I smiled in return and nodded, eager to let the fresh air clear my head of the thoughts floating around in it.

We started up the long trail, making sure we were out of site of the trail head, filled with other cars, before we went off the path deep into the forest.

"Ready?" He asked, loading up all the packs on his back. Together they probably weighed over seventy pounds, but he probably didn't feel a thing.

"Yes." I answered, excited to get running. He glanced over at me before he took off, running at top speed, swerving and winding through the trees. I laughed before quickly following, catching up to him easily.

"Is that all you got?" I asked before putting out another burst of speed, leaving him behind. I heard a growl behind me as he tried to catch up. That just made me laugh harder.

When we finally got to the campsite we would pretend to use, I dumped off the tent pack I had taken from Emmett. He objected at first but I told him I would get there before him so I might as well set up camp while he had to catch up. He had growled when I said that but grudgingly agreed.

I quickly set up the four person green tent in a relatively flat area and sat down on a log to wait for Emmett. It was about ten in the morning on Friday. Only three and a half days till I saw Bella. Only three and a half days to find a way to ask her on a…date.

He emerged out of the forest only seconds later, a puzzled look on his face. He set the packs down carefully – knowing I would kill him if he damaged any of my original books – and sat down next to me. I eyed him carefully, trying to read his thoughts. He wouldn't give up anything useful, just repeating Rosalie over in his mind in an attempt to block me out.

"What is it Emmett?" I asked wearily, knowing I was probably going to regret asking.

"I have a question. But you have to promise not to freak out and pull an Edward."

I glared at him for using my name as an equivalent for 'freaking out' but nodded, agreeing to the terms.

"Okay, say Bella agrees to go on a date with you. You become her boyfriend after a month or so…what are you planning on doing then? Are you just going to dump her when collage comes around?"

I thought carefully about this. I had been thinking the same thing. "That seems like the best option. Of course, if she would beg for me to around for longer, I wouldn't be able to object. I'd be with her as long she wanted."

"Even if she still wanted you when she was old." He asked, eyeing me skeptically.

"Yes." I said. "You don't understand what I feel for her. It's like I need to be around her."

Emmett nodded thoughtfully. "Okay, fair enough. But, say you are around her for that amount of time. How do you think she's going to feel with that…frustration?"

"What frustration?" I asked, confused.

"Edward, if I say this, you can't freak out." He told me in a warning tone.

"Okay." I replied, now cautious.

Edward," he said with a sigh. "She is a teenage girl in the twenty first century, if you are ever her boyfriend, she is going to be expecting sex – something you can't give her. How are you going to explain that?"

I suddenly felt sick. There was a lump in my throat that wouldn't go away. I swallowed. "I haven't worked that out yet."

"I don't want you to get obsessive about it, like you normally do, it was just a question." He said, not wanting to push me any further. I sat in silence for several moments, not trusting my voice. Suddenly, Emmett slapped his knees and jumped up.

"That's it. No more moping. I'm hungry." He said with a fierce grin. I couldn't help but smile back; Emmett always knew how to distract me. I jumped up as well.

"If you find a mountain lion…" I trailed off suggestively. Emmett's laugh filled the entire valley.

"I'll tell you," he grinned. "And if you find a grizzly?"

"You'll be the first to know." He bumped my fist with his and set of in a northern direction. I followed, sniffing the air for anything interesting.

Hey Edward…guess what I found…?

I quickly turned to the left and followed my brothers 'voice'. I nearly leapt for joy when I passed him and crossed the scent of the animal whose blood I loved so much. It was only a matter of seconds before I could see the animal, lounging under the shade of a large fir tree. The remains of a deer were sitting, half eaten beside it. I smiled grimly as I set up for the attack.

Crouching low I edged forward, making no sound on the soft leaf laden forest floor. The cougar put it's head up as it sniffed the air, sensing danger. It's too late now, I thought gravely. He leaped to his all fours and went into an attack stance identical to mine. I jumped into the clearing when it was in the midst of the change in position. A feral snarl ripped from its jaw sending all wildlife within hearing distance running. I growled in response, louder and untamed, the puma's eyes shifted around the clearing, looking for a way to escape.

That's when I attacked. I tackled it, sending us both flying into a tree. It's claws scraped at my back ripping my shirt to shreds but leaving my marble skin untouched. The moment its back collided with the tree, I heard a sickening snap as its spine cracked in two. Putting it out of its misery, I bent my head down to the mangled body of the defeated mountain lion. I heard a small whimper coming out of its mouth as my teeth sunk through its skin like butter, releasing the wave of blood into my mouth. I drank greedily, not realizing how thirsty I was, until every last drop was consumed.

I stood up straight and walked away, leaving it'd distorted body behind me. Before I got to the edge of the clearing, I picked up on another scent, another mountain lion. More than one, actually. Three. That was strange; they usually traveled by themselves or with mates. I looked around because the scent was so incredibly strong. My eyes settled on the deer corpse. I walked over to it, hoping I wouldn't find what I expected.

As I approached, three tiny heads poked their way up from the other side. One of the cubs had a scrap of meat in its jaws, looking at me curiously. I felt my stomach wrench then drop. I felt suddenly sick as I looked at the six blue eyes staring at me inquisitively.

Edward! Emmett's mind interrupted my thoughts. Where are you man? I just got like a twelve foot grizzly! You gotta see this!

I nodded to no one and started to back away, unable to look away from the blue eyes. My thoughts shifted to Emmett's story about the nine year old in the Jeep. I stopped and went towards them. One of them caught my scent and started to growl pathetically. The others soon followed suit and were all snarling at me. I ignored them and approached the carcass they were using as a shield.

I bent down and stuck my hand out. One of them had stopped snarling long enough to see I meant it no harm. He inched forward and sniffed my hand cautiously. I lifted it carefully and pet his little head. I looked at where the others were but was surprised that I couldn't see them. I peered around the deer but couldn't seem to find them. The other little cougar was having a fun time playing with my finger, unaware that its siblings had just abandoned it. I felt a pang of guilt. Together they might have survived but this little one all on it's own would never live past the weekend.

I made a quick decision and picked it up in my hands and started to speed off towards where Emmett was. The little cat began mewing in fright, I pet it's head to comfort it. I could soon see Emmett standing triumphantly above his prize, the low sun casting shadows over the bear.

He looked up at me when he could sense my presence. "Oh good," he snorted. "You brought a snack."

I glared at him. "I killed its mother and scared the other two off. How could I leave it alone out there?"

"Harsh. But there is a easy answer to your question."

"What?"

"Simple. Walk away." He laughed, I didn't. He glanced over. "So are you going to keep it?"

"No, of course not, don't be ridiculous. I just couldn't leave it." I said, absentmindedly stroking the cats head. I heard a mew of contentment. Emmett snorted.

"So you're going to take care of it for the weekend and then leave it on Sunday?"

I shrugged, ignoring the question. I hadn't decided what I was going to do. "How was your grizzly?"

Emmett's face broke into a genuine smile. "Great. He got me twice, though." He turned around so I could see the ripped clothing. I glanced down at the similar state of mine. We both laughed. The cat looked up, confused.

"So, what are you going to call it?" Emmett approached cautiously, his hand outstretched. The cat hissed when he got too close. He pulled his hand back quickly.

"I'm not going to call it anything. I don't want to get attached." I said, playing with the cat's feet.

"Yeah, we wouldn't want that, would we?" He snorted. I glared at him.

"Are you coming back to the camp site or what?" I asked, glancing at the quickly darkening sky.

"No, I'm still hungry. I'll meet you back there in a few hours. We can discuss this…" he waved his hand at the cat, "…situation later." I nodded and watched, as he took off at full speed in the opposite direction. I couldn't help but hear his thoughts of me being a psycho.

I ran to the campsite, my hands still caressing the cat's soft fur, enjoying the warmth that its skin provided. When I got to the tent, it was nearly black and I had brought no flashlight to read with. Even with heightened vampire senses, it would have been too dark to see.

I groaned as I lay down on the sleeping bag, just wanting to relax. The cat curled up on my stomach, mewing contently as my hand ran through its thick fur. I closed my eyes and waited for the never coming sleep.

My thoughts drifted from the cat in my hands to the story that Emmett had told me in the car. Through his thoughts I had seen a perfect, round angelic face with curly blond ringlets surrounding it. The sky blue eyes were wide in shock against the child's face.

Suddenly the curly blond turned a dark brunette and the rounded face became heart shaped. The features aged and the lips grew fuller, chin more prominent. Lastly the shocking blue of the little girls eyes turned to the deep chocolate brown I had come to know. Looking in those eyes I could no longer see Emmett's bloodthirsty face, but my own, starved from desire.

'Bella', I thought painfully.

The cougar represents something, i just don't know what yet. I didn't think it was in Edwards nature to leave it behind all on its own. I'm thinking he is sympathizing with the mountain lion, but i could just be crazy...yeah...thats probably it... Anywhoo, Have a happy new years, i probably won't update till after

As always R&R
Hayley