Title: Scalpels are my best friend.
Summary: After the disappointment of 4.11, Meredith can't take the heartache so she finds something else to do to feel relief. Meredith centered. MerDer Ending. Mer/Alex FRIENDSHIP
Note: So 2ND Chapter… yes my other fanfic is being abandoned for now but I'll update when I have an idea.
"Don't tell anyone" was all she can say, with that she got out of the hug, collected the post-op notes and walked out of the basement to the elevator.
Chapter 2
The next day was rare, she had a day off. The plan was to stay in bed all day but instead
she had another nightmare. Flashes of Derek then Alex. Pick me, choose me, love me. She's my wife. I'm in love with you, I've been in love with you forever. I don't know if I can keep trying to breathe for you. You don't trust anybody. You have to stop. I don't know if this is your first time or whatever this is going to be the last time you do this. She woke up, sweating like crazy. She rolled to her side to see her clock. 4:30am. Damn it! Stupid nightmares. What'll he do? Damn, Alex just had to walk through the basement. What if he tells? He wouldn't. but how will I stop? I don't have that kind of will power anymore… She gets up and goes to the washroom. She goes up to the sink and opens the cabinet. Takes out the scalpel and lifts up her already bandaged arm. Cuts the bandage off and starts a new trail, criss-cross on her mid-arm. I need more long sleeves, she thought, barely registering what she was doing to her arm. Blood runs down her arm. It's so beautiful. The red is just so… relaxing. She watched a little while longer, but then starts feeling a little queasy so she wraps her arm up and gets back in bed, completely forgetting the blood and bloody scalpel in the sink. That's all I needed to fall asleep. I'll be fine. I'm fine but I'm not okay. She drifts off to sleep.
She wakes up the next morning. Oh my god, I slept the whole day?! Wow.
At Seattle Grace
She walks into the hospital like a zombie, not knowing her surrounding s and not caring. She walked into the resident change room and saw Alex there.
"Hey" Alex says
She smiles weakly at him.
They change in silence. Not knowing what say after what happened in the basement. Finally, Meredith speaks up.
"Please, don't tell anyone"
"Don't worry Mer, your secrets safe with me"
"Thanks"
"…but on one condition."
Crap.
"You have to stop"
"I know"
"I know you know, but are you going too?"
"I…I don't know"
"Figure it out or else I will tell someone"
"Alex-" she was cut off
"No, Meredith, I'm not going to cover for you if you're going to continue. So decide are you done or do I have to tell someone. Promise me"
She hesitated. Damn.
"I…I promise" she still unsure. Alex can hear the uncertainty in her voice but he was going to take it.
"Good" he pulls her into a hug.
They both walked out of the change room in different directions. Meredith was still thinking when she came into a head on collision with someone. The person's papers flying everywhere.
"Oh my God! I'm so sorry" says the brunette woman
Meredith stands up and helps the other woman
"No, don't worry about it… it was my fault, I wasn't looking at where I was going" her bandage was sticking out a little but enough for the other woman to notice.
"Thanks" They both pick up all the papers off the floor. When they stand up Meredith sees her name tag. Rose.
"No problem" Meredith says then runs off in the other direction.
So, that was Meredith. The Meredith, the Meredith that Derek Sheperd was madly in love with. She's beautiful. Derek is stupid for letting her get away. I wonder what happened to her arm. I'll ask Derek. Our date last night was fun but I can tell he was distracted. He's not really my type. We decided at the end of our date that we're better off as friends.
Rose was walking through and working one some paper work when she thought of an idea. Of course, Derek still loves Meredith, Meredith still loves Derek. There is nothing that can push them together. I know all of Meredith's friends hate him, so they would not like my plan. But as a friend of Derek, I want him to be happy.
As Meredith walked around the hospital, already done telling her interns what to do, she had nothing to do. No surgeries. She found, what she thought was an empty on call room so when she went in the person inside was annoyed by the bright light.
"Can you shut the damn door!" the man shouted from the bed.
Meredith recognized that voice immediately.
"Oh…sorry…I was just… sorry" Derek heard that voice and was suddenly angrier.
"Yeah, so am I" he said coldly.
She was about to turn and leave but then anger hit her as well.
"What the hell is that suppose to mean?"
"Nothing Meredith just leave me alone"
"You know what!? No! I'm not going to leave you alone" she closes the door
"What" he looks up at her and sees the anger in her eyes burning through his.
"We are going to have to work together and be civilized, I'm willing to be the bigger person and be professional"
"Well, that's the first" he mutters but she heard him
She walks right up to his face, lifts her hand, slaps him hard and turns around out of the room.