Title: Scalpels are my best friend.

Summary: After the disappointment of 4.11, Meredith can't take the heartache so she finds something else to do to feel relief.

Note: Sorry for the lack of updates but I'm pretty busy. So enjoy what I give P

I still don't own Grey's Anatomy but if I did I'd hire all of the fanfiction writers and create episodes from their stories!

Derek went to take a look and wished he didn't because what he saw were perfect straight lines up and down her wrist.

"Oh my God."

There was a silence. A long, awkward, painful and maybe the most uncomfortable silence in the history of the world type of silence.

In this silence, they had already cleared Meredith up medically. The seizures were not a concern; the [medical would heal by itself. There main concern was those slits down her wrist.

Bailey was the first to speak up.

"You three better speak up to what we're looking at right now."

"I have no idea. She hasn't spoken to me." Izzie whispered on the verge of tears.

Alex and Cristina stayed quiet.

Derek had already left and went straight into an on-call room to vent.

In Meredith's room

"Well, I heard Steven's story, now what about the two of you?" she said sternly looking at both Alex and Cristina.

Just then George and Lexie barge into the room.

"What happened?!" They say in union.

"She was in an accident but that's not what I'm concerned about right at this moment."

"Will she be okay? How did this happen? She's going to live right? Because I really just started to know her and I don't want her to die-" Lexie's ramble was cut off by Bailey.

"Shh! Hush Grey, you sound just like her rambling before you know anything. And to answer what I heard in your ramble of words, she's okay medically but mentally I'm not so sure."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about those cuts that are up and down her left arm."

"Cuts?" George said confused and hurt at the same time.

"Yes, do you know what they are?"

George came around to Meredith's left side, as did Lexie, and saw bloody stitched up cuts.

Lexie gasped, covered her mouth and leaned into George. George stepped back as soon as he saw it and held Lexie with his eyes shut.

"Yang, Karev, I hope you both found your tongues because you two are the only one's who know what happened."

"Alex I can't she's my person." Cristina whispered, pleading.

Alex had never seen Cristina so reluctant in not doing something so he gave in.

"Okay." He whispered back while he gave her a pat on the back.

She nodded.

"Well, one of you better speak up now or I will have to-" Bailey demanded

"She's been cutting herself"

"Yeah, I think we've accomplished that Dr. Karev but would you have any thought to why?"

"I haven't actually talked to her about why. All I know is that she's really depressed."

"Hell that is the understatement of the year, after all, this girl has gone through so much and this is how she decides to cope. She is a grown woman, she's not a teenager! This is no way, NO way to cope. And it doesn't look like this is her first time."

Cristina was curious by this remark,

"How can you tell?"

"I'm a doctor, I've seen plenty of teenagers, ain't none of them can do it this good."

"None of that matters!" Izzie screamed.

Everyone stared at her in shock.

"Meredith's been hurting herself and all you guys are talking about is that, she may have had experience with this before!? Why aren't you talking about… hmm… I don't know maybe an idea of why! Or how we can stop her?! Save her even! That's our role, we are doctors! We save lives not talk about them! Save them. And right now, Meredith needs someone to save her before it's too late."

With that said, she stormed out of the room.

There was yet another silence.

"Yang, I want you to run a history on Dr. Grey."

"Why would it be relevant?"

"It can help find a reason why now go!"

Cristina almost ran out of the room.

"George and Grey are you two capable of handling this because I can't have any other interns. Lord knows this girl deserves her privacy."

They both nodded.

"Okay, you two will keep an eye on her and make sure no one and I mean no one comes to this room unless I said they could. Understood?"

"Yes Dr. Bailey."

"Karev, I want you to page the Chief and Dr. Sheperd."

"Dr. Bailey, why the hell would we need Sheperd!? She's not in need of a neurosurgeon! He doesn't deserve to see her!"

"Dr. Karev, I know that he hasn't been Meredith's favorite person but she would have wanted him here."

"No, I refuse to."

"Alex" she said in a softer tone.

"…I know he hurt her but he loves her and she loves him. I'm not going to make these fools suffer separately. She needs him as much as she'll deny it. And he needs her too."

"You know she started cutting when he broke her."

"What are you talking about?"

"Yeah, he broke her again because he kissed a nurse while she was trying to get ready for him. So he breaks her heart into a million pieces and gets to watch her suffer? No, she's my friend; I'm not paging that bastard."

"That doesn't change anything now go. And that's an order."

Alex grunted but left the room and paged the Chief and Sheperd.

In the on-call room

Derek lay on the bed to what seemed like centuries.

Why would she do that to herself? He thought to himself.

His tears ran freely down his cheeks, he didn't even bother to wipe them.

Then the door opened and closed in a fast motion.

Derek couldn't find the words to tell whoever to get out so he stayed silent while the unknown person walked to the bed across from him.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

He heard and recognized it was Rose.

He sniffed and wiped his tears away before replying, trying to compose himself.

"What?"

"About Meredith. I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

Derek stayed quiet but he was angry. His jaw and his fists were clenched. He couldn't see in the dark but he knew his knuckles were turning white.

"How? How could you know what you know and not say anything?"

He had a little flashback, remembering that he had said something similar to Meredith when he found out about Burke's tremors.

"No, no that is not how this works. How could you know what you know, or suspect it and not even tell me?"

"You cleared him for surgery, Derek. How did you not know? You can't be angry with me. She's my best friend, and right or wrong, she..."

"What?"

"She was there when you weren't."

He turned around to face her. Glided her chin with his thumb and kissed her.

Even when they fought they'd find happiness after but not anymore. Now, they're broken up and Meredith is cutting her self. How did we get here? Why did things have to change for the worst? He thought to himself completely forgetting about Rose's presence.

"I promised her, that I wouldn't say anything. Plus you guys were broken up-"

"No, that is not a reason. She was hurting herself! I had every right to know!"

"Derek, you've upset her and got her suspended. Why would I tell you? Do you really think that if I was to tell anyone, that "anyone" would be you? By the way you've been acting; you'd be that last person for me to tell."

Derek stayed quiet knowing she was telling the truth.

"Yeah, that's what I thought."

Rose made her exit and left Derek to think.

Derek was in deep thought and then his pager started to beep.

It was to Meredith's room.

I… I cant handle this. How can I see her when… she…no I can't.

That's what his head was saying but his heart sang a whole different tune.

What are you still doing here in your self-pity? Get up and go to Meredith she needs you more than ever. You can save her.

He decided to listen to his heart.

He got up and ran to Meredith's room.

When he got there, he saw everyone who needed to be there, including the Chief.

The Chief was mid-sentence when he had arrived.

"What?"

"As I was saying, Meredith has been down this road before. She was thirteen. There had been an incident where her mother had found her in the bathtub with both were wrists slit multiple times."

Derek winced wanting to leave and believe that it was a made up story. That this was all a nightmare and he'd wake up beside a "bright and shiny" Meredith.

"… She was diagnosed with manic depression."

"Do you think it came back Sir?" Cristina questioned.

"That is the most probable reason Yang, but we'll have to wait 'till she wakes up."

"Why was I paged?" Derek said.

"Why wouldn't you be paged?" Bailey responded as he stared him up and down. He was a mess. His hair was in all directions. His eyes were red and puffy. He looked as bad as Meredith did.

"Why are you going to leave her again?" Cristina said coldly.

"Yang, you're out of line."

"No, I think I'm right on it. Why is he here? He's probably going to break her again."

"I love her." Was all Derek could say.

"Yeah well you have a hell of a way of showing it."

Derek had enough. It was bad enough that the love of his life is suffering but he was not going to take fighting with a resident.

"You know what!? I don't have to prove anything to you! I love her! And I will always be there for here! I may not be perfect but I do the best that I can to show her how much I love her! And if you cant accept that, then that's too bad because you're going to be seeing a lot of me with Meredith for the rest of our lives because we're meant to be together no matter what happens! She is the love of my life!"

Cristina stared at him. Actually speechless, she has never seen Derek this mad.

"Now that we have that settled, what are we going to do?"

"I think we need to find her a therapist. We can call the one she had before but he's all the way in Boston."

While the Chief discussed what they would do about Meredith, none of them had really noticed she was starting to wake up and heard everything from Derek's outburst to the Chief finding a therapist.

When they were done discussing, they all left the room. Izzie forced Cristina into apologizing to Derek.

"Okay, I'm sorry for being such a bitch to you. I know you love her, but if you ever hurt her again, I'm killing you and make it look like an accident."

"Deal."

Cristina nodded her head and walked away.

"Listen, Cristina is hardcore but me, I'm more soft so I won't threaten you."

"Thanks I appreciate that."

"But I am going to make you feel guilty just for now."

"Okay, fine."

"She was trying. Actually trying to get ready to be with you before all this drama and you two breaking up."

Derek was stunned. "Really?"

"Yeah, she was making Cristina read psyche books and started talking to Lexie then you broke her heart. Now, she's broken. We've fixed her before but this… She's fallen way to far for us to reach. She needs you Derek. She'll deny it but she needs you more than anything so please, just save her before…"

"It's too late." He responded sadly.

"Yeah."

Derek left Izzie and went inside Meredith's room.

Meredith heard the door open and pretended to be asleep but she forgot about the tears that streamed down her face.

When Derek walked into the room, he saw Meredith, tears down her cheeks and he felt heart broken. He knew she was awake but he decided to let her pretend and sat down beside her. He took her hand and held it while he talked.

"Meredith, I'm so sorry if I've made you do this. It's like you've slipped right through my fingers. Please Meredith, for my own sanity, don't kill yourself. I know I don't have any right to ask you that but I… can't… I …won't be able to forgive myself if you ever die. I love you with all my heart. Just choose to live with me. I promise to give you happily ever after. "

Meredith had more tears streaming down her face and couldn't stop them.

Derek looked up at her and found grey eyes meet his.

She felt so guilty. I can't believe how much pain I'm causing.

"I... can't...I'm sorry." She said between tears.

Derek didn't know how to reply so he just held her but she pushed him away.

"Get out please!" she screamed.

So Meredith's mad. I wonder why. Review Please and I will try and update again.