It's in the blood,
It's in the blood.
I met my love before I was born.
He wanted love,
I taste of blood.
He bit my lip, and drank my war,
From years before, from years before.
From years before.
-AFI
Xanatos
It was worse seeing it in person. At least when he saw it on camera he could convince himself that, somehow, it wasn't happening. Watching it was very different. Seeing Obi-Wan's eyes close as he moved towards Gannen's touch, watching the smile on his lips right before the kiss…
It was unbearable.
The tips of Xanatos's hands tingled, and he wanted to destroy something. Smash it into debris. Maybe Gannen's skull. Maybe Obi-Wan's as well.
"Xanatos!" The familiar voice called, but it only made him want to rip out the boy's vocal chords.
The dark Jedi ducked into a random room. It was pitch black, but he didn't really notice. On the one hand, maybe Obi-Wan wouldn't know where he went. On the other, it'd be easier to scare him into leaving from that room.
Obi-Wan's steps slowed outside the chamber and he paused by the door, obviously debating with himself over whether he wanted to enter or not. After several moments he stepped into the room and was shrouded by shadows.
"I didn't mean for it to happen," he said in a whisper. He moved his hands in the darkness until he caught Xanatos's arm.
"But you allowed it to happen," Xanatos hissed.
"I don't even know why I followed you," Obi-Wan pondered hoarsely, though he held fast to Xanatos's arm. "I'll do what I want."
"How dare you let him touch you."
"You don't own me," Obi-Wan challenged.
With one swift motion Xanatos jerked his arm free and shoved Obi-Wan back. He hit the wall with a thud. The dark Jedi ran his hands first down Obi-Wan's cheeks, then rested on his neck.
The low thrum of Obi-Wan's artery beat beneath Xanatos's hands, and he could feel Obi-Wan's muscles tightening against his grip. The young Jedi clung to Xanatos's wrists, but didn't try to push him away.
"He will never love you like I do," Xanatos threatened in a whisper.
Obi-Wan only responded with a guttural sound, his windpipe crushed beneath the other man's grasp.
The clomp of heavy footsteps sounded foreign to Xanatos's ears. He immediately released his grip and Obi-Wan sucked in a shuddering breath. He coughed harshly and breathed again, a little less desperately but just as deeply.
"Obi-Wan?" Gannen's voice called into the darkness.
He can't see us; he has no idea what happened.
"Coming," Obi-Wan answered, and Xanatos tried not to notice the way his voice rasped.
No look, no glare, no threat, no response whatsoever. Obi-Wan did nothing, as if nothing had happened.
Xanatos stared at his hands, now shaking profusely.
I almost killed him.
I would have killed him, and what's worse – he would have let me kill him. And probably forgiven me for it, too.
What has happened to us?
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Obi-Wan
Gannen looked surprised when Obi-Wan shoved him against the wall and began kissing his throat.
"Obi-Wan-" Gannen started, but was silenced by his soon-to-be-lover's lips.
"Shut up," Obi-Wan ordered, only ceasing his attack for the moment.
Their lips moved desperately and they collapsed roughly on the floor, neither really knowing who moved first. They only stopped when something caught Obi-Wan's eye.
He glanced right where a cooling vent was positioned in the wall. When they hit the ground for an impossibly brief moment a tiny red light flashed, then was gone. Most people would have brushed it off as a trick of the light.
But Obi-Wan knew.
A holocam, he thought with bitter pleasure. Xanatos never did trust anyone. At least he'll see what I'm about to do. I hope that thing has excellent clarity.
"Are you alright?" Gannen asked, glancing where Obi-Wan was looking.
"I'm fine," Obi-Wan responded easily, reaching for the other man again.
Gannen pulled back slightly. "What happened to your neck?"
"Nothing," he snapped in anger he couldn't hide. Nothing. Nothing.
"It's bruising," Gannen said. "Are you sure you're alright?"
"I'm fine!" Obi-Wan shouted, pushing himself off the ground. "Why doesn't anyone listen to me?!"
"Obi-Wan…" Gannen said, watching him carefully.
Heat burned Obi-Wan's face and his eyes seared. He was angrier than he'd ever been, angry at everything. Angry at Xanatos for disappearing, at Gannen for caring about him, at Qui-Gon for sending him on this mission…
He slammed his fist against the duracrete wall, tearing his knuckles and leaving a bloody smear on the wall. He didn't feel his skin break, he was too focused on his cracking ribs as his heart exploded.
"I can't do any of this!" He shouted, though he didn't even know what he meant.
Gannen stared at him in shock as he stormed out of the room.
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Xanatos
His steps were heavy when he finally left the dark room to get some sleep. Fog painted a heavy layer on his mind and he couldn't think of much else.
The dark Jedi froze stock-still whem he entered his quarters.
"Obi-Wan."
The younger man was impassive and unreadable as he stood across the room, his gaze studying Xanatos.
And for the first time since he was four, Xanatos felt unsure of himself. Sweat formed on his palms and shame flooded through him when he saw the bruises on his former lover's neck.
"I wanted to talk to you," Obi-Wan said carefully. "About Gannen."
Xanatos nodded, not able to decipher what Obi-Wan could possibly have to say after their previous excursion that came very close to murder.
"I have grown very close to him," Obi-Wan continued to watch Xanatos. "Intimately close."
Anger replaced the uneasiness.
What does he want from me?
"I have to tell you about the first time he kissed me," Obi-Wan said firmly.
"Why?" the dark Jedi demanded, hate and rage burning in his eyes.
"Because it was the most important kiss of my life."
A chill ran through Xanatos's chest and his breathing stopped. A hard, scraping lump formed in his throat. The walls slid closer.
This can't be happening.
"Do you know what I felt when he kissed me?"
"I don't want to know," Xanatos managed to squeeze the words out in his normal, calm voice.
Even though, at that exact moment, he'd rather be dead in the acid pools of Telos.
"I felt absolutely nothing."
The words hung empty and meaningless in the air for a moment.
"Nothing," Obi-Wan repeated, a smile appearing on his face. The first true smile Xanatos had seen since Tarria. The smile held a thousand emotions that Xanatos wanted to put in a duracrete container and savor forever. But he knew he couldn't contain them. He was lucky to touch them.
The cold brick forming beneath his ribcage melted.
"I had tried to convince myself that what had occurred between you and I was seduction… lust even," Obi-Wan admitted. "And I was able to lie to myself so well that I was believing it. But when he kissed me he might as well have been shaking my hand. I'm sure it was a good kiss, but it was nothing compared to you. We were not the victims of mere lust. We're so much luckier than that. Than everyone."
Xanatos still couldn't speak. The lump no longer hurt, but it felt like it had expanded within his throat.
"I love you," Obi-Wan said, breathless from his speech. "You lie and deceive, you hate the people that I care about, but still I love you. I love your hidden empathy and I love your brilliance. I love the way you look when you sleep and the way your eyes shine when the light is on them. I want to erase the nightmares that I know you have, and I want to heal all your pain and anger. I don't care that you're obsessive and nearly psychotic, I love you anyway."
Obi-Wan didn't wait for Xanatos's response, but pulled him into a deep kiss. Xanatos wouldn't have been ale to speak anyway. He wasn't sure if he would ever talk again.
"I even love your tears," Obi-Wan smiled and ran a thumb underneath the other man's eye.
He hadn't even realized he was crying.
"I thought I had lost you forever," he spoke, fighting to keep his voice from breaking.
"Forever?" Obi-Wan wrapped his arms tightly around Xanatos. "You never really lost me in the first place. I was always with you, I just wouldn't admit it to myself."
"It can't be possible to be this happy."
"Just don't die again, okay?" Obi-Wan pleaded, looking up at Xanatos. "Promise me."
Xanatos smiled a little. "I won't die, not of my own accord anyway."
"And I won't let you die of anyone else's."
"Look at me," Xanatos ordered, and Obi-Wan made eye contact with him. Energy spun between their blue eyes.
"I'm sorry," Xanatos said firmly. "I'm sorry for everything I've ever done to you. For vanishing, for hurting you…" he trailed kisses along Obi-Wan's bruised neck. "I've been a fool."
"You don't have to apologize, I forgave you before."
Xanatos kissed his forehead. "I do need to apologize. Especially about letting you think I was dead." He pulled back and ran his hand down Obi-Wan's cheek. "I wanted to hurt you. I wanted you to ache for me like I did for you on Tarria."
Obi-Wan caught the hand and kissed Xanatos's knuckles. "I think that I would have gone with you."
Xanatos looked at him in surprise.
"If you had shown up at the temple and asked me to leave with you, I don't think I would have been able to say no. I would have gone."
Xanatos sighed. "Then I really was a fool."
"It doesn't matter now, the past is the past. We'll never make those mistakes again."
Longingly Xanatos pulled Obi-Wan into a kiss, aching for the friction of their bodies and the way the boy's sweat tasted. Obi-Wan clung to him tightly with the same need, a hunger that they had shared for over a year.
Everything was as it should be. Obi-Wan moaning in his arms and whispering in his ear, the fulfillment of repairing a broken thing. Scattered kisses burning with desire and a timeless dance. If there was ever a moment that Xanatos wanted to be suspended in, that was it.
He breathed in Obi-Wan's scent as they fell asleep.
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Xanatos reluctantly disentangled himself from Obi-Wan's warm embrace. The boy's arms fell, but he remained asleep. He wrinkled his nose in discontent for a moment, and then was slumbering again. Xanatos slid off the sleepcouch and ran his fingers along Obi-Wan's brow.
"I'm going to make many more mistakes, Obi-Wan," he said softly. "But they're for the best."
He had to call someone; and he could not have the boy disturbing that particular call.
"Phase one was successful," Xanatos said smoothly.
He paused as the other voice rasped its response.
"I already know my next step," Xanatos allowed himself a smile. "I'm going to kill his friends."
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A/N: Here's the new chappie! I haven't gotten any responses from the last one, but I really wanted to post the make-up chapter, so I thought what the heck. Anyway, this chapter has gone un-betaed, so I apologize for any errors I may have made. Please review!