They don't know you like I do
They don't see the good inside you
They don't lie with you in bed and join you when you're
dreaming
They don't see your softer side
Who'll be there to turn your light on?
Who will try to wash away the stain that love has left us?
-Darren Hayes
Xanatos
The needle slid easily beneath the boy's skin, a tiny silver line beneath the tan skin; he didn't even stir at the prick. The syringe emptied its bluish contents quickly.
It was hard to lie to Obi-Wan.
But necessary, he reminded himself. He needs to be out of the Jedi Order's clutches. I'm doing this for him.
No matter what he might say in the next few days, he wants to be with me, I know he does.
Obi-Wan was insightful, and empathetic to the point of it being a hindrance. But, in some ways, he was still very young.
He won't understand, Xanatos thought with an air of vainglory. He won't understand why they need to die.
But they have too.
It wasn't really Siri and Bant, they were too insignificant for Xanatos to take any real interest in. This was about Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon, and tricking the latter into believing his Padawan perished while aboard the Abductor. Siri and Bant were just annoying casualties who were unlucky enough to get involved, and two more fatalistic pawns to lie on Qui-Gon's conscience.
They weren't the only ones, far from it. By the time Xanatos and Obi-Wan reached Coruscant everyone on the Abductor would be dead.
It's a shame really, Xanatos thought. It was a profitable business while it lasted.
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Obi-Wan
There were no nightmares; he couldn't remember the last time that had happened.
He awoke in Xanatos's embrace; his head nestled on the older man's chest and his arms around his waist. The soft beating of his lover's heart was the most comforting sound he'd ever heard. The prisoners, their families, they didn't matter anymore. Nothing mattered but what they had.
Obi-Wan sighed and lifted his chin to look at Xanatos. The other man ran one hand up and down Obi-Wan's spine, making him shiver.
"You're awake."
"And you?" Obi-Wan asked. "How long have you been awake?"
Xanatos smiled. "Not long."
Something occurred to Obi-Wan and he groaned. "And how late in the day is it?"
"Siri and Bant?" Xanatos asked.
Obi-Wan climbed out of the sleepcouch. "They'll want to know where I've been, and I can't exactly tell them that."
"Then tell them you were with Gannen."
"Gannen?" Obi-Wan asked disbelievingly. "All night?"
"You could say that the two of you were drinking tea and talking about your feelings, or whatever it is you do," Xanatos waved his hand dismissively. "Either way you're safe, I doubt that they'd go to him to verify your story."
Obi-Wan started pulling on his clothes. "I suppose that's what I'll do then, but I hate to lie to them. It doesn't seem right."
But my time with Xanatos isn't wrong either; every cell in my body screams that it's the most natural thing in the world. It's the same feeling that comes with being a Jedi. How do I choose between the two things that matter the most to me?
The young Jedi pulled his boots on. "I'll come see you later."
Xanatos shook his head bitterly. "Stop for a moment."
"What's wrong?" Obi-Wan turned to look at the dark Jedi.
"What happens now?" Xanatos stared past Obi-Wan at the wall. "I know my intentions, but what are yours? Is it to be Tarria again? Your commitment to the Order more important than your own feelings?"
Those are very good questions.
Obi-Wan knew what he wanted. He wanted Xanatos, but he didn't want to lose everything that he'd worked so hard for. And where would a life with Xanatos lead?
"And what about you?" Obi-Wan asked. "If I said that I would leave the Abductor with you, and leave everyone and everything I know behind, what changes would you make in your life? What kind of a man would you be?"
"It's just business Obi-Wan," Xanatos responded. "People sometimes get hurt, but is there really such a thing as an innocent person?"
Obi-Wan cast his eyes to the ground. "I'll come see you later," he repeated. "For now I have to go."
He turned and walked out the door.
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Bant
He's lying to me.
She wasn't sure what gave her companion away, but she knew that his story was a fake. Obi-Wan had been her best friend for a long time, and his nature was like her nature. His heart beat in tune with hers, and she understood him.
So why he felt he had to lie to her now she did not know.
"Gannen," Siri said flatly. "Did he tell you anything? Reveal anything important to our case?"
Obi-Wan shook his head. "The most important thing we need to find out is the fourth benefactor. We need to know who is sponsoring this organization, and only Xanatos knows that."
"So what was the point of spending the night with Gannen?" Siri demanded.
Obi-Wan didn't answer.
She lifted her arms in frustration, then touched her forehead, trying to calm herself. "We've accomplished nothing while here. Our masters have found nothing. How are we supposed to stop Cad'ara?"
"We'll find a way," Obi-Wan said, though he didn't sound convinced himself.
"I hope so," Siri said, her voice surprisingly soft. "If not, then a lot of people may suffer because we failed."
Guilt crossed Obi-Wan's face, tormenting Bant even more.
What does he know about all of this? What is he hiding?
Xanatos. It has something to do with Xanatos, I'm sure of it.
Obi-Wan, why don't you trust me anymore?
"When do we contact our masters again?" Obi-Was asked.
"Tomorrow," Siri answered. "Maybe by then we'll have something good to report."
Obi-Wan nodded in response, but he didn't seem to relish the idea of speaking to them.
"Is there something wrong?" Siri asked him.
He smiled weakly. "Everything is wrong, but what can we do?"
Siri gaped at him in shock as he walked out of their quarters.
Bant studied the floor hard, her head swimming. How was she to focus on helping her friend and overcoming Cad'ara at the same time?
"What now?" Siri asked. There was a lost look in the other girl's eyes, and Bant wondered if she too realized that they had lost their companion.
Bant took a deep breath, for once in her life taking the lead. "There is a buyer coming in today, so let's see how this situation is handled, shall we?"
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Qui-Gon
His last conversation with Obi-Wan had been distressing, to say the least.
The boy was calm – apathetic, almost. Too calm for Obi-Wan, and too calm for the situation. Something was off.
Xanatos did something.
Qui-Gon was absolutely sure of it. Obi-Wan wouldn't be able to handle seeing Xanatos again. He was still so fragile from Tarria, how was he to deal with Xanatos's re-entrance into his life?
What did Xanatos want? That was probably Qui-Gon's most haunting question. Did Xanatos intend to hurt Obi-Wan? Use him again to get to Qui-Gon?
"I can't just sit here," Qui-Gon said aloud. He was alone in the cabin of the masters' ship staring out the window into the bleak expanse of space.
I have to go to Obi-Wan, but how do I do that without blowing his cover and putting him in even more danger?
He stood, resolved to find away.
"It doesn't matter how; I can't leave him alone."
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Varn
He hated his life.
Growing up, from the outside he looked like a spoiled, privileged youth that had no reason to complain.
But from the outside the Jedi looked pious and Xanatos seemed like a nice guy.
The humiliation Varn suffered, the indignity and shame at his father's hand and sharp tongue might have destroyed a normal person.
Varn didn't think of himself as normal. He didn't, he refused, to think himself "average" or "mediocre", he refused to accept the names his father had called him before and after the beatings.
He did everything for that man. Every good mark, every award, was for him.
And Varn never heard a word of praise, because his father refused to love a son who wasn't force sensitive like himself. He refused to acknowledge his talentless spawn.
But Varn would show him otherwise. In some ways, he already had. That stupid old man thought he was worthless for so many years.
He wasn't worthless when his father struck him that last time and Varn responded with a still-blade knife from the doyen's own barbaric collection. He wasn't worthless when the police showed up and he was standing in a pool of his father's blood laughing.
The young murderer most certainly wasn't worthless when a representative of Sanga the Hutt got him out of prison to strike a deal with him. He worked his way up to the position he now called his own after he lost everything.
And yet he could still hear the old man's taunts.
Which is why he hated Xanatos. Xanatos was everything that his father wanted in a son.
Xanatos was everything the old, dead bastard used to be. He had the airs; the mocking smirks and taunts, the disguised insults and cunning that no one could win against. He turned Varn back into that terrified teenage boy.
Varn hated Xanatos.
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Obi-Wan
I can't let Cad'ara win.
He nearly ran down the hallway towards Xanatos's quarters. Obi-Wan didn't know why it hadn't occurred to him before. They needed knowledge on Cad'ara's secret benefactor, and who had that knowledge?
Xanatos, only Xanatos.
The optimistic side of Obi-Wan kept repeating that Xanatos would help him. He would tell Obi-Wan because he loved him. But Xanatos was also arrogant, and had lied to the young Jedi before. 'For his own good', of course. The dark Jedi would only tell Obi-Wan if it suited him. He was too capricious for anything else, and inside Obi-Wan knew this.
If Xanatos didn't reveal the fourth owner then Obi-Wan would never be able to forgive him. He would help his master and friends one last time before leaving, or he wouldn't leave at all.
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Xanatos
It was disgustingly easy.
A lesser man would have felt guilty; these children were weak, inexperienced, and not very bright. Other people wouldn't take advantage of their downfalls, or they would pity them for their shortcomings. But Xanatos just couldn't bring himself to feel pathos for anyone, let alone two stupid Jedi girls.
He exited their empty quarters casually, and then fell into an easy, casual pace once outside. No one would suspect him, and even if they did how could they stop him?
At least one of the girls would be dead within the next 24 hours. The next would follow shortly after.
Maybe someday I'll have a real challenge.
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A/N: I'm am SOOOO sorry that this chapter took so long to get out! Really I am! I'm working as a camp counselor this summer (that's right, they're letting me take care of children) and I am with kids for 22 hours a day. Except on Thursdays, then I'm only with them for 21. I can't exactly write slash in front of 10-year-olds, that just crosses some invisible line. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this and I'll try to get the next chapter up more quickly. Please review!