楽しい 事 や悲しみ 事 など

Tanoshii koto ya kanashimi koto nado

Fun Things, Sad Things, and Such

By: Jaha Canon （ジャハカノン）

Disclaimer: I own none of these characters.

Hmm… no somewhat interesting observations before this chapter.

Review responses- to the exact same people… Why don't I get new reviewers?

Azure Rose- AND -you're- very psychic! Right after I wrote the previous chapter I had an idea to write an odd little extra that has a cookie theme. Then- viola! You give me a cookie! I'm impressed! I guess I'm going to have to dedicate that chapter to your psychic-ness.

KoumiL-I'm sorry, I didn't understand a word of what you said. I am very white… but I do appreciate your reviews and that fact that you enjoy my story. ;

Now to try to think of a good chapter name…

Chapter 7: 君は全然カイザーに成る。　光子郎の見方。

（You'll never be a Kaiser. Koushirou's POV)

-December 2000: Shortly after the doctor announced that Osamu had died-

The numb feeling was slowly fading away. Osamu-kun is really gone.

The Ichijouji parents just collected their younger, living son and left the hospital. The numb feeling was useful when Ken-kun was here. He was beyond reality and it almost felt like I was his only anchor to this world until Ryou-kun came.

Ryou-kun is still here and he had lost his usual cheerful disposition. His red eyes are now watching me because he knows that I am about to join him in grieving. Traveling from world to world had made Ryou-kun very perceptive… even when he is at his emotional worst.

My eyes finally fill with tears. My face almost feels like it's melting. I realize that I'm sobbing.

"Ry-Ryou-ku-kun…" I stutter, trying to pull myself together enough to talk. "It's my fault, I- I could ha-" I was interrupted by a sob.

"Could have what?" Ryou said, frowning. He's clearly such better at pulling himself together than I am.

"I- I knew it was going to ha-happen- I should have stopped him." I continued.

"And Ken-kun shouldn't have followed you, Osamu-kun never should have followed him, and I should have never gone off to another world. Koushirou-kun, we can tear ourselves apart blaming ourselves for things the rest of our lives and damage our friendship and other close relations- OR we can forgive ourselves, grieve together, and move on together when the time is right."

He's right but I still felt like I could have done something…

I involuntarily shuddered as I remembered Ken-kun. "Ken-kun blames himself more than anyone."

"That's why we need to take care of ourselves, so that someday we can help him catch up with us." Ryou-kun replied.

"I don't feel that way right now- but I know you're right. We shouldn't blame ourselves," I said.

I notice that I am still crying. But that's okay. It's part of the grieving process that I am now going through. Ryou-kun is going through that same process as I am and someday we'll help Ken-kun do the same.

I was in the middle of that thought when Ryou-kun stood from his seat and faced me.

"Well, then, let's go!" he said.

I had forgotten where I was. The hospital waiting room…? Right.

"Go… where..?" I asked.

"Well, we need to get you back to Odaiba so that you can change out of those clothes, then we're going to go to the supermarket." Ryou-kun explained.

"…why?" I asked weakly.

"Because you have blood on your clothes, Koushirou-kun." Ryou-kun said solemnly.

I, more or less, had realized this before. I hadn't really thought to change, actually.

…But that wasn't what I was asking about.

"Why the supermarket?"

"We're going to make dinner for the Ichijouji's. It's the least we can do to repay them for letting us practically live at their house." Ryou explained.

I was amazed by Ryou-kun. I would have never thought of that.

We lost a dear friend; THEY lost a beloved son and brother.

…And perhaps we can even forgive ourselves more if we do them a favor.

Nothing can ever EVER replace Osamu-kun, but no one wants to feel alone at times like these.

Ryou-kun snapped me out of my thoughts once again-

"Come on- let's get going before Ichijouji-kaasan even THINKS to pick up a frying pan."

I agreed and stood. We walked for a short while, until Ryou-kun saw that there were no witnesses and opened a portal.

One thing that I really always liked about the portals as that, somewhere within this nowhere land- I can think about a billion thoughts at once… no traffic, no confusion. For just a second- absolute clarity. It's like watching millions of television sets and being able to keep track of the events on each screen.

Someone who really knows me- the chosen child of knowledge- can guess what a wonderful feeling that is for me.

Only, this time I thought about Osamu-kun.

Osamu-kun- was never happy with anything he ever accomplished

Osamu-kun- thought he would have to take over the world in order to learn to like himself…

Osamu-kun- most likely the most insecure person that I will ever meet.

And I knew that. I encouraged him. I tried to get him to enjoy his life more.

It was all about Ken-kun's never ending amount of admirable kindness vs. his "pathetic lack" of what he truly considered "valuable traits". He could never hate his younger brother for having that kindness.

What he said was rarely what he meant.

There were times he would suddenly drop his mask and speak truthfully to me- the person he considered to be his best friend.

It was never pleasant things I heard from Osamu those few times. This only happened three times now.

I used to pretend that I wasn't the only one who Osamu-kun confided in this way. I wanted to believe that I wasn't the only one who had an idea of the person under the cool exterior.

When I go to his funeral- I know that when I listen to people talk about him, I am going to be proved wrong.

I am standing at the doorway of my apartment now. My mind had returned to its normal pace and the exhilaration of having a super computer of a brain ended once again. I recalled the thoughts that raced through my head at the speed of light as I got out my key and opened the door.

"Tadaima… (I'm home…)" I called. I was surprised how weak my voice sounded.

My mother peeked around the kitchen corner to greet me, but instead asked "WHAT HAPPENED?" after getting one look at me.

It's impossible to tell your mother of all people, biological or not, such horrible news without renewing anguish and breaking into hysterical tears.

That's just the way mothers are, I suppose.

Ryou-kun smiled weakly and motioned for my mother to sit at the table with him, opening up the passage for me to go straight to my room.

I needed to shower. I decided that Ryou-kun would without a doubt understand, but I would still be quick about it. We had to hurry over to the Ichijouji residence.

In the kitchen, I knew that my mother was learning what happened to Osamu-kun.

Osamu-kun- I never understood why he never thought he was good enough for anything. I never understood why every time he was open and honest, he ended up apologizing to me.

You don't owe me an apology Osamu-kun, I never thought you did. Yes, I have been angry with you. You -did- have a tendency to say extreme things more often that not. BUT I always knew that you didn't mean it and I never wanted you to hate yourself because of those times.

I told him that- two times. I didn't get a chance to tell him a third time. That time was the last he'll ever feel of that pain… I hope.

It's time to get to the supermarket. I quickly finished up in the shower, dressed, and came out into the kitchen.

My mother looked at me with concerned, sad eyes. I didn't want to see that expression on her face.

"Koushirou, I am sorry about what happened to Osamu-kun," she said after gently clearing her throat. I nodded numbly in response. "Ryou-kun told me that you two are going to cook for the Ichijouji family, and I think that's a good idea." She said the last part with a hint of pride in her voice. "Take care of yourself."

I found myself smiling faintly. The tug at my cheeks feels foreign right now but it comforted me a little that it was there.

Next thing I know it, Ryou-kun is dragging me out the door and to the supermarket.

I wonder if Osamu-kun really wanted to die right then…I wondered shuddering once again.

Just then, I remembered myself talking to Osamu-kun in our very last conversation as if -I knew- for a fact that he was going to survive. Was he trying to say goodbye to me? All those times he never said good-bye on a day-to-day basis- was he going to change his ways for that very last time?

Was I keeping him from saying what he wanted to say?

So many questions.

But now I have to think about Yakisoba. Ryou-kun's choice of dinners. He knows that Ken-kun likes yakisoba and he's pretty sure both of the parents like it too.

He also knows that he is really good at making yakisoba.

I want this meal we make for the Ichijouji family to be very good. Deserving of their (including Osamu-kun's) never-ending kindness when we visited their house and able to help each and every one of us start to heal ourselves from… all of this.

We get to the Ichijouji house and Ken-kun is the first to greet us. A kind smile was spread across his features, but he was still notably sad. Much to my surprise, he handed me a familiar yellow laptop.

"You forgot this at the park," Ken-kun explained, "I remembered and went back for it. I know it's important to you because it has all of the Digital World information on it."

"…Thank you…" I said, completely astonished.

Ryou-kun said nothing about how uncharacteristic it was of me to leave behind my laptop like he would've if it were a normal day. We both noted half-heartedly that Ken-kun knows about the Digital World at this time, but it wasn't quite as hopeful as it was before because we knew at this time that it was only a matter of time before he would forget again.

I wonder how much longer Ken-kun will be around… I wondered, but I'll do my best to help him, Osamu-kun.

Ryou-kun and I, then, proceeded into the kitchen to start making dinner.

Chapter 5-End

It was difficult to try to keep up the point of view. I thought it would be easier because I keep wanted to slip into Koushirou's POV when writing this story.

Ah well. There might be some careless errors in this chapter- for some reason my brain right now is having a hard time communicating what it's saying to exactly what I am typing. I'll go over this before I post it. ()

Sigh Jaha Canon is in love with her portrayal of Ryou in this chapter…

Jaha Canon talks about herself in third person.

I'll stop now.

(I'm wondering if I should actually do a chapter of the dinner. What do you think?)

じゃあ～　またね！

Jaa Matane!