Author Note:

I'm sorry that it's been so long between updates. Life has kind of gotten in the way of this world and I apologize. Thanks for the reviews, as always. I promise that I know what I'm doing. I think there's about five more chapters to go, so enjoy the countdown.

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As I'm writing this, you're sitting on my couch, half asleep and watching The Office on DVD. You're all slouched down and rumpled and I think that I've heard you grunt a few times. It's so adorable that I could just about eat you alive. You're also leaving me in about twelve hours.

I really don't want you to go. I want to tie you down or tear up your ticket or something and demand that you stay here with me.

And yet, I know that us being apart is my fault. I know that if was brave enough and if was honest with you about everything that we would be together. I know that tomorrow when you leave you'll have a million questions and I also know that I will not have a million answers. I will probably have none.

I know that you have probably heard a million "it's not you, it's me" speeches, but this one is real. You need to trust me.

No matter how much you doubt it, please know that I love you. No matter how much my actions seem to disagree with that statement, I really do. I love you more than I ever thought I could love someone again. I need you to trust me.

With all of my heart,

Sharpay

The whole letter was about six pages, but said about the same thing over and over again. It tried to explain what had happened at the airport, but it completely failed.

Because seriously, I don't know what to do with that.

Everything was fine. We were saying goodbye at the airport and I launched into my well-prepared "this isn't goodbye, it's just see you later" and then she placed a finger on my lips and told me to stop.

She pressed an envelope into my hands and told me that it would explain everything. She then drew me into a long, luxiourious kiss – which I enjoyed thoroughly. However, I could feel her crying after a few minutes and she pulled back.

I'll never forget that moment as long as I live.

She looked me square in the face and said, "No, Troy. It is goodbye. It has to be. I love you, this letter explains everything."

And then she walked away and got back in the car before I could even react. I went through the motions of getting my boarding pass and checking in and getting on the plane – all the while knowing that my soul was dying.

I tried to journal and there just weren't any words. I tried to cry, but I felt too numb. So, instead, I put on my headphones and blared angry music as loud as I could.

What the hell?

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"I'm sorry, you did what?"

"I broke up with him," I whispered through my tears.

"And you did that why?"

"I'm…"

Dinah sighed and took a sip of her tea. "Girl, you best not finish that sentence with 'I don't know' or 'I'm not sure'."

This is why I called Dinah. She wasn't going to let me hide.

"And, baby, you know that I'm perfectly content to sit in silence until you feel like being honest."

Of course she was.

For the next half hour, I sat curled up on my couch, quietly crying into a pillow and Dinah busied herself cleaning my apartment and rearranging my bookshelf and other such things until I could finally talk.

"I was married once."

I heard a crash in the other room followed by an "excuse me?"

I sat up and rearranged my self. "The last year that I lived in London. No one knows."

Dinah came and sat next to me on the couch, "No one knows like not even Ryan?"

"No, he's the only one," I said. "It wasn't the greatest situation."

"Okay."

I took a deep breath, "His name was Nigel and I loved him. I loved him a lot. We, uh, we met at a fundraiser and I fell for him so quickly. He was my first a lot of things but he was definitely the first man who promised me forever and I believed him."

"That's hard not to believe, baby," Dinah soothed me.

"So we got married. I'm leaving a lot of stuff out, of course, but I promise you that I really did love him. And my love for him was as real as my love for Troy."

"So you do love Troy?"

"Dinah, I gotta finish this story before you can even begin to understand that one."

"Fine."

"It all started about a month after we got married, I guess. He got really angry one night and he started to… he started to…"

"No ma'am," Dinah interrupted. "He did not hit you."

I started to cry softly again and grinned through my tears. "When six months had passed, I had three broken ribs, a broken collarbone and a shattered vertebrae from when he threw me down the stairs."

"Oh, baby girl…"

"So, Ryan flew over and got me out of the house and our family lawyer got me a quick divorce and a restraining order and I took about a month off at Oxfam and holed up in New York with Ry and Em."

"Holy hell, Shar."

"Yeah, and then after my month off, I transferred to India. Mom and Dad paid a lot of money to seal my records and make sure that no one would ever find out and that he would never find me."

"Seriously, holy hell."

"Yeah," I nodded.

"So what does this mean for you and Troy?"

"I don't know."

"Goodness gracious, Sharpay! Does he know?"

"No, you're the first person that I've told since it happened," I replied.

"Can I…"

"Can you what?"

"Can I venture a guess as to what is going on in that pretty blonde nappy head of yours?"

I glared at her and rolled my eyes. "By all means."

"I think you freaked. I think that Troy started making the same promises that the asshole from London made and you freaked."

I didn't respond.

Mostly because she was right.

"I'm assuming that this is why you wouldn't promise him to move to San Diego, that you needed an out and that's bush league, Sharpay. You're better than that."

"Really? You really think that I'm better than that? I'm thirty-three years old and I'm single and I'm alone. You really think that I haven't done a whole hell of a lot in my life to make sure that I've stayed that way?"

"Oh please, child," Dinah sighed. "You are over the moon in love with Troy Bolton and you don't you dare tell me otherwise. If you are sitting here alone then of course it's your own fault because that boy offered you the world. And you're a damn fool to be hiding behind the excuse that an asshole broke your heart a long time ago. If you've got trust issues, it's not Troy's fault and you shouldn't be taking it out on him."

I glared at her for a few seconds and she glared right back.

Finally, I sighed. "You're right."

"I know."

My only reaction to that statement was to giggle and so I let myself laugh for a few moments. Until I found myself wrapped in her arms. One of the things that I loved about Dinah was her ability to be both my big sister and my mother all at the same time, with a splash of friend thrown in for good measure.

"Baby girl, you've got to sort yourself out. If he's worth the risk, like you say he is, then you've got some decisions to make."

"I know."

"Does he even know that your contract is up in January?"

"No."

She lightly smacked me upside the head. "Girl, what am I going to do with you?"

I sighed, "Well, right now, you're going to fix me dinner, because that's what you promised to do."

She laughed. "It's a macaroni and cheese day, isn't it?"

"Yeah, but no citrus fanta."

She nodded and made her way to the kitchen. "Why don't you pop in one of your Disney movies and wallow a little. You did just dump the boy that could make all of your dreams come true, after all. You deserve a little bit of wallowing."

I smiled sadly and made my selection. As the opening strains of Beauty and the Beast resounded in my living room, I could feel the tears returning to my eyes.

I suppose that it's the flight or flight instinct that's bred so deep within us. I'm normally a fighter and until Nigel, fight would have been my natural inclination in every situation. However, I will regret not running from him every day for the rest of my life. There's a metal pin in my spine and I have a fake rib – that's how bad he beat me. Every time it rains or if I breathe too deeply, I can feel him. The first time that I had sex after him… my whole body was screaming with the reminder that I had trusted someone and that that had failed me. I was not going to make the same mistake again.

Every logical bone in my body told me that Troy was not Nigel and that he was worth the risk. And yet… I just couldn't bring myself to make that leap. So I wrote him a letter and put him a plane and sent him out of my life.

It would be wonderful to take that job in San Diego. As much as I can see myself staying here for longer, I've always known that I wasn't going to work for Oxfam forever. Maybe it is time.

And yet, there is so much need here.

And can I really base my major life decisions on a boy?

It's two totally different things and two totally different thought processes that are amounting to the same decision.

It was making my head and my heart hurt.

So for right now, I was just going to concentrate on the fact that I may have made the biggest mistake that I've made in a long time and I'm going to wallow. I'm going to wallow with my mac and cheese and my Disney movies and my friend Dinah. And I'm going to cry.